World of Crowns

03

NOTE: Please be aware of the chapters point of view.

“Don’t you think you are playing too much already?”

Her voice echoes throughout the whole room. I look around the room only to see her coming from the front door with her cello case on her hand. She looks struggling with the weight of the instrument she is really good at. I teared my eyes from her to look at the symbols on my music sheet once again.

“Isn't that too heavy for you to walk around while holding it?” I asked.

I heard her close the door. Her heavy footsteps can be heard clearly as I am the only one left in this room and no one else. “Well… I heard a familiar piece being played and then I happened to know someone who can play it so perfectly. I had to come and check if it was really him.” She answers.

I gave her a short glance as I saw that beautiful, small smile that always calms me down. It was enough to take me away from what I wanted to run away from. “Is your practice done?” She nodded simply, taking a seat on the empty chair a meter away from me. She keeps her eyes on me like she enjoys watching what I am doing. “Do you want to go home now?”

When I looked up to look at her, I met her eyes staring deeply at me. Her face shows curiosity and she looks like she enjoys observing every little detail I have and do. She suddenly lay her cello case on the floor, opening it up to take out her cello. I raised a brow while watching her do it before she looked at me and forming a knowing smile on her lips.

“How about one play?” She suggested as I narrow my eyes on her.

“What song?”

Instead of answering me, she played the familiar piece. A piece that I won’t forget playing was the first song that we shared while I was playing my violin and she is playing her cello while being accompanied by another instrument. A Thousand Years.

No one is making any sounds. The beautiful and harmonic sounds of our violin and cello is enough to fill the whole room just like when we manage to fill the whole reception of her sister’s wedding with only our instruments. It was the first time we met but she showed no bother about my quiet personality. She was the one who first approached me and complemented how I played. I didn’t plan on staying in the party and talking to her for long because I just wanted to get away from the crowded noise but she made me want to stay.

“You still sounded amazing even though it has been a year,” She complimented just like what she did before.

“I could say the same to you.” I only said as the smile on her face forms. It made me feel relieved and comfortable just like every single time. My eyes went to the slightly cloudy skies as a sigh escaped my lips. I look at her as she places back her cello carefully to the case. “Let’s go home?”

She nodded simply as I fixed my things before going. I put on my backpack while holding my violin case with my left hand and her cello case strap hanging on my right shoulder. We quietly walked in the hallway of Elite International High School where the only remaining students now are the ones who attend their club meetings and special classes.

I can see her family car parked in front of the school building. Her driver is already waiting out the car as we approach him. I handed him the cello case carefully as he put it in the back seat with so much care. I turned to this girl beside me after giving her driver a nod as he entered the driver seat.

“You will drive on your own today, right?” She asked me as I nod.

“I need to go somewhere before going home.” I simply said. Instead of saying anything, she stared at me once again. I think it has been her habit of doing it. I can tell by her eyes that she has things on her mind but she just won’t say it.

“It’s tomorrow, right?” She remembered. I immediately avoided her eyes before nodding. A second later, I felt her hand reached for mine as she held it tightly making me look at her. She looks at me worriedly just like she did last year. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Of course she would know that is where I am going today.

A small smile formed from my lips as I shook my head in return. “No need. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Just call me if you need me.” She said, bringing herself into me. She wrapped her hands on my waist as she gave me a warm and comforting hug.

“I always need you though. Does that mean I have to call you every time?” I felt her slap me on my back that made me chuckle softly. My hand went up to her hair and caressed the back of her head gently. “I’ll be fine Layla. Don’t worry too much.”

“If you say so… what can I do?” She gave up that made me smile. She let go and hopped in her car as I watched it drive away.

I silently walked myself towards my parked car and drove to the place I usually go to whenever I have so many things in my mind. The place I usually run to so I can say whatever I am thinking even though I wouldn’t hear any response anyway. I find it more comfortable to open up in that place instead of doing it to a person even though it is Layla. She has her own worries and I know even though I won’t tell her, she already knows whether I have a problem or not.

“It’s already the time of the year?” The florist asked me as I nodded. I didn’t need to say anything because she already knows what I am here for. I am her regular customer already. Whenever my friends would want to buy a flower for someone, I always take them here so she is really familiar to me now.

It didn’t take her long to prepare the basket of purple hyacinth that I usually order. I gave her my p*****t and proceeded to go to that quiet place. It didn’t take me long to drive there maybe because my mind is flying and has been full of everything that can happen to me since it’s that time again.

I parked my car in front of the familiar stone building that I always visited four times a year. I heave a sigh before entering the building as I saw the familiar tombstone with the name of the person that I have always been sorry for. The heavy feeling inside me has always been the same no matter how many years have passed already.

Arnold Ettan Vergara

January 16, 2000 - August 25, 2009

“Aren’t you tired of laying there?” I asked him like a crazy guy.

I placed the basket of flowers I always buy for him in front of his tombstone before sitting just a meter away. I stared at his tombstone before my eyes went to the flower. Hyacinth, sorrow and forgiveness. It is what I have always been feeling towards him since that night.

I have always wanted to ask for his forgiveness because he wouldn’t be in that tomb if it wasn’t for me. He wouldn’t be out of this world at such a young age if it wasn’t for me. No matter how I was told by a psychologist when I was young and our relatives that it wasn’t my fault, I just can’t seem to let go because it keeps bothering me.

I thought visiting him on the anniversary of his death would lessen my pain and I wouldn’t blame myself anymore. But it’s the opposite. It made me much more of a horrible person every time I see his name carve on that tombstone. He doesn’t deserve to be in there. We were just kids back then but we had to experience such unfortunate things that ruin both of our lives… mostly his. He lost his present and most especially his future that I am sure of would be bright if he is here beside me.

Maybe hearing him say ‘I forgive you’ will be the only one that can take away my pain but… that would be impossible. It will never be possible as long as he is laying inside that tomb with his bone as the only remains inside the casket and his soul up above the sky where he is resting peacefully now.

It’s just ironic. I am supposed to be happy because at least now, he is in peace but… I just can’t. The way of him leaving this world is not how things should have been. I always imagined that what if he is still here? Will I be my usual quiet self who almost wants to isolate himself from the world? Will I be able to live even without an earphone being my most valuable thing and the music as my way of coping up from this world and distracting myself from remembering that horrible night that caused my sufferings? Will things be easier if he is still around?

“Is it so peaceful in there now?” I questioned while looking at his name. He was my most favorite person… and they took him away from me.

I stayed there for an hour while talking about usual things. One thing that I can always assure of, I wasn’t in my usual quiet state whenever I go and visit him. Even though I know that I will never be able to receive an answer from him, it makes me feel at peace at some point that he is the person I share my problems with. There is not really much of a difference with opening to someone who is not alive anymore. It’s almost just like opening up with a quiet alive person who chooses to just listen instead of talking.

“Are they home?” I asked manang while looking around.

“Your mom is in the garden.” She said pointing at the backyard. I just glanced at it before looking at her again when she asked. “Have you eaten already? Do you want me to prepare the food for you already?”

“You’re home?” I heard that familiar feminine voice that I have always wanted to avoid. I simply nodded and walked passed by her before taking a glass of water for me to drink. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Instead, she just watches me. “Did you go to your brother already without us?”

“Yes.” I simply answered.

It’s not that I am really angry at her but I blame her. She was really the reason why everything happened. Why I lost the person who I like the most. It was her who urged those people to take the person I have never wanted to lose in my life.

“Manang, please prepare our dinner. We will eat now.” She told manang as the latter nodded.

“No need.” I told her before turning to manang. “Can you please just bring my dinner to my room? I need to do some homeworks so I can’t stay here. Thank you.”

I simply gave my mother a simple nod before turning around. Excuse. It is what I have been doing since the day I am already capable of thinking properly and blaming myself for that night. Up until I was 10, I always had my dinner in my room already whenever I got home from school and I always used my homework as my excuse. It was hard to avoid them at first because I don’t have any places to run to during the weekend but when I was 16 and they gifted me a unit, I turned it into a hang out place and stayed there throughout the whole weekend just so I wouldn’t be at the same table as them. It’s just hard to be at the same table as them while thinking that one should be still with us.

After changing my clothes and eating my dinner, I went to my balcony and sat at the chair there. The skies are already dark and there are countless stars around. It was peaceful… until I heard that loud sound. It was as if a building collapsed because of how loud it was.

I covered my ears as the sound immediately ate me up. I don’t like it. The loud cries and shaking voice. The adults yelling and gun sounds. It is all in my head. I screamed so hard as I remember that night… that horrible night.

“Kuya… w-who are they?” I asked my brother in a shaky voice. My tears are streaming down my cheeks as I try so hard to eat up my whimpers just like what my brother told me so.

“Will… look at me,” He told me as I looked up to him with my teary and scared eyes. “Don’t cry and don’t be scared because kuya is here. Those guys… don’t do anything that will make them mad because they are not good guys.”

“T-they are not like k-kuya?” I asked again. I can see in his eyes that he is scared too but he remained strong unlike me who is vulnerable.

“They are not s-so… don’t do something that will make them mad, okay? We have to follow what they want if you want to get out of here safely, okay? Do you trust kuya?”

He continuously said words that were able to calm me down. The six year old me was able to be less scared because of my brother. I was able to stop crying because he told me stories that I enjoy and even laugh quietly at. He became my safety blanket and pillow as he let me lay my head on his lap while he sat down on the floor and let me use her jacket as my blanket to make me warm enough.

I thought once I woke up, I would be back in my room where we usually play. I thought we would be back in our house where we ran back and forth laughing so hard because he would chase me as if he is a tiger and I am deer who is his food. I thought I would be woken up by mommy and tell me that I am just dreaming… but I wasn’t.

“Where are you taking him?” I heard my brother ask when I suddenly felt a pair of arms, lifting me up from the floor.

My eyes shot open and scream immediately escaped my lips when I saw the scary guy who shouted at me earlier while I was crying. He is holding a gun that is the same one as one of my toys with his one hand.

“f*****g hell! You are so loud you f*****g bastard!” The guy told me as I run towards my brother when he loosen his hold on me.

“Kuya!” I called.

“Will!” Kuya called running towards me. I saw his eyes went behind me as he turned to look back at me with his eyes wide now and showed horror. “Will! No! Will!”

The next thing I knew, someone pulled me and the loud sound of the gun was heard across the whole room. I was on the floor when I opened my eyes and the guy was looking down at us. Suddenly a sound of a siren was heard outside the building as the guy immediately ran away from the room.

There was a body above me so I tried my best to remove him from there. My eyes widened when I realized that it was kuya Ettan.

“Kuya… kuya!” I shake his body but he is not responding. His eyes are closed and looks like he was in a deep sleep. When I removed my hand from his body, I suddenly saw a red stain in my head. Suddenly a pool of blood started to create on the side of my brother where he was laying.

“Kuya Ettan! Wake up… please wake up!” I said in between cries. No one is coming despite the siren sounds outside.

Suddenly a continuous gunshot sound filled the whole building that made me scream. My hands on each side of my ears as I cover them while leaning towards my brother’s body, trying to hide myself. I repeatedly call for my brother’s name but he is not responding. I kept yelling and yelling until someone entered the room where we were.

My screams did not stop even when someone was holding me already. The shotgun sounds are still heard around the whole area and it’s starting to make me crazy. My eyes were just on my brother who is being surrounded by a guy in a black outfit who has a safety vest on his body. The blood is still there while he remains unresponsive. A couple more seconds and the next thing I knew, everything is already black. That night… is when I lost my brother… and it was my fault.

“Kuya Ettan!” I yelled as I sat up on my bed immediately with wide eyes and tears streaming down my face. My breathing is heavy as my chest keeps rising up and down rapidly. I can feel myself shaking and release shaky sounds because of what just happened. It appeared again.

“Will, son,” I heard that familiar feminine voice from last night. When I look at my side, my worried parents are looking at me in worry. My mother has tears in her eyes as she looks at me while dad is looking at me with so much pain. Mom pulled me for a hug and caressed my back to calm me down. “You are okay, honey. You are okay.” she repeatedly said.

I’m not… and I never would be anymore.

I pushed my mother as gently as I could. She looks at me in confusion before I hop off the bed on the other side. “Please get out. I need some space on my own.”

She was about to complain when I saw dad stopped her. They left my room as I went to my restroom to wash off my face. It will always haunt me no matter how many have passed. It will always be stuck in my head as if it will continue to keep bothering me until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m William Owen Vergara and that… that was my story. Many would always ask me why I am so immersed with music and would always see me wearing my earphones even if I am not alone. They would ask why I keep myself in a quiet room while playing with my instrument instead of interacting. All of that was because of that night… and that sound.

Ever since that night I developed a fear of loud sounds, misophonia. Whenever I hear loud and unclear sounds, it would always take me back to that night I always wanted to forget but couldn’t. No matter how many psychologists I attended with, it still haunts me like my own shadow that won’t ever disappear because it is with me already.

That night… it wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for my parent’s works, especifically my mother. Both of them are licensed lawyers. My father is currently an attorney general while my mother is already a retired criminal lawyer. Those guys who kidnapped me and my brother while we were just playing in the mall are the people who were once my mother’s client that she failed to defend. In return to that failure, they kidnapped us and blackmailed my mother using our lives. They manage to get their failure since… my brother is not with us anymore.

It is solely the reason why I am not in good terms with my mother now. I blame her for those countless nights that I had to suffer for that night. I blame her because that night never left me alone. I blamed her because I lost my brother… because of her former job. I tried my best to not to but I just can’t forget that because she was a criminal lawyer, my life was at risk and my brother is gone. We were the ones who had to face the consequences because she chose to have that kind of job.

It is also the reason why I choose to isolate myself from people. Since my mother was a big shot criminal lawyer back then, that night was put on the news and it is viewed by many people. I remember how I used to have to bear with so many eyes looking at me or people asking me how am I that it leads me to learn how to shut my eyes and act like I don’t care about what they say anymore. I cannot bear being in the crowd that is why the day of Layla’s sister’s wedding, when I was in the urge of getting out of the reception room then she talked to me, there was a sudden urge of feeling that I can calm down because she didn’t question me things and just acted natural instead of seeing me as someone who experience that tragic night.

“What the hell happened to you?” I questioned when Asher and Liam entered my unit with the latter’s pants all wet. My brows furrowed in confusion as I walked to the cabinet to take out one pair of pants for him to wear.

“The waiter at the coffee shop spilled the water on my pants… that’s what happened,” Liam frustratingly says as I shake my head in response.

“That waiter is lucky because this guy is distracted. If he isn’t, then you would definitely receive a phone call from me for back up because this guy won’t just sit back.” Asher says which earned him a smack on the head by his best friend.

It really is unbelievable how both of them manage to get along. One is carefree while the other one is cold. These two are the only guys who can really enter this unit of mine and treat it as if their usual hang out place already. They would come whenever they want as if they own the place but I don’t really care as long as they won’t bother me and my silence. And most especially, no loud sounds.

“You are really lucky because you don’t need to attend any tutors. The other kids who had lawyer parents had to attend tutors because their parents said so.” Asher pointed out.

I stopped cleaning my violin and looked at him. “Then should I be grateful because that night happened?” I questioned which caught him off guard.

“T-that’s not what I mean bro… chill,” He said awkwardly, which made me shake my head in return.

With my father being the current attorney general and my mother being once a known criminal lawyer, many people expect that I will be taking the same path as my parents… but I won’t. After that night, I started hating lawyers. And because of that incident, they decided to let me do whatever I want as well. I am capable of deciding for my own future now despite living in this kind of competitive world of business and responsibilities.

“Did Asher cause another scene?” Layla says while looking at the crowd outside the school building when I went inside to supposedly follow Liam.

I looked behind her only to see him going to his locker. He seemed calm but not really calm. I know him long enough to tell that his brother’s appearance bothers him in two different perspectives.

“He is innocent. Someone is causing that scene.” I said while looking back to the crowd again.

“Someone? It’s either it’s a new student or someone is involved in a big issue,” She pointed out, which made me smile a little. That’s the only option, everytime. “Which is it between those two?”

“The first one… but it’s not just a regular new student,” I looked at her before my eyes went back to Liam again. I saw in my peripheral vision that she followed the direction of my eyes. “It’s Liam’s brother.”