Awakening Book 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"I guess" Colton s distracted, not fully believing even if he seems like he s agreeing. I know him better than that and the worry in his eyes betrays that this isn t an answer for him fully. I did think he was a little quiet when we woke up and he made love to me this morning, rather than crazy morning s*x. He seemed subdued before we came to breakfast, overly touchy feely and attentive. I thought he was tired, having one of his calmer days of reflection that sometimes happens. I never knew he was harboring all this and picking apart the meaning.

Since starting to get visions he s found it both a blessing and a curse and often frustrated with the cryptic confusion they can cause. They are hard to separate from dreams sometimes that have no meaning and he has started over questioning every single night terror he has. His powers are growing, but he feels like instead of harnessing them, they re getting more chaotic and invasive, and most definitely more frequent in recent months.

He s learning to heal with his touch too, much like Sierra can. He can close wounds, cure minor sickness, not that he s had any Guinea pigs to try for more. Wolves are all too good at healing themselves and the children don t often have anything serious. He s spent time in the medic room practicing on cuts and bruises, childhood viruses, to see what he can do under Sierras gentle hand, and he s pretty great at a blue glowing wave of healing perfection. The worst he has had was the odd broken bone from a clumsy fall of a pup.

"Maybe it was just a dream, and not a vision." I point out but Colton frowns heavily.

"I never used to dream at all…ever. Not even as a kid. They only started after I unbound my gifts." He shrugs in irritation and slumps back down in his seat and picks up his fork absentmindedly. I know he s told me this before, but it still silences me, and I stare at my food with a little defeat. I don t know what else to say to put his mind at ease.

"Maybe Alora s right though, it might be that by binding your gifts, I bound your natural ability to dream and work through your problems in the sleep state. Which is normal for all people and now you can do it. Maybe this is nothing more than Alora symbolizing your whole world, your people, our home, me, your responsibility, this land, and you feel responsible for it all. That in your disconnected state it was somehow highlighting you feel overwhelmed with the huge responsibility and maybe feel that one little taking your eye off the ball will result in your striking down your heart…your world. Which she was in your dream. Dreams don t have to be more than that, even visions sometimes." Sierra must sense his confusion too and her soft smile and confident expression seem to bring him some peace.

"Yeah, my gifts aren t exactly stable, or clear cut. I dream sporadically and nothing ever makes sense. I thought it would be more like seeing a movie and knowing exactly what to do." He sighs, leaning my way and sliding his palm onto my thigh as I instinctively take his hand.

"If only. Sometimes they do come at you and with perfect clarity, tell a story. Most of the time, they re a mess of figuring it out and second guessing what it s meant to be saying. When I was pregnant with you I kept seeing a white dove, carrying a leaf….. multiple times. Never once clicked that it was symbolic of a new life and a new path, with the purest of love. My son." Sierra glows at that and for a moment it hurts. To know she was denied a decade of that child s life and now, she s stuck here in a mateless bond with no hope of ever being able to produce another child.

Even in her circumstances it s forbidden for her to find another mate and it wouldn t exactly kill the bond she has to Juan. Even if she despises everything he has done, she still cries for the way her heart bleeds at the separation of her bond. It s partly why she s driven to sadness and isolation to try and work through and understand her own internal conflict. You can both love and hate someone at the same time.

"Maybe you re right and I m overthinking it. I just need to pull us all together and focus on one day at a time. I would never hurt you, Lorey, not like that. I know I wouldn t, so it can t be real, or a future vision. It has to be symbolic, and we ll figure it out." Colton seems calmer now, relaxed, and he sighs it out, picking up his pancake with a half-smile as I lean in and kiss him on the cheek softly.

"I know you never would." I nuzzle against him for a second as he slides his arm around me, instead of hand holding, and gives me a hug to assure me that he s the one person in the world who would never do anything in life to hurt me in any kind of way ever again. He loves me and this is something insignificant.

"Alpha, Luna, Rema, I m sorry to disrupt your breakfast but I must have words with my Alpha." Radar stands at the open door to our breakfast room, eyes on his feet like always whenever he s in the presence of Sierra. Even though her being changed to Rema, or Mother of the Alpha, and no longer Luna, he has never broken the habit. As Delta to Colton, he has authority to look even his alpha in the eye so I always find it weird he can t break this respectful mannerism for her. I guess knowing he has always had affections for her is partly why. I think he s too shy to look Sierra in the face.

"I m coming." Colton gets up quickly, hitting my temple with a kiss before sliding out of his seat and discarding his half-eaten breakfast. He passes behind his mother and kisses her on top of the head as he goes. This is normal for our life. He takes care of everything and is always ready to jump to attention should issues arise. No time of the day is out of bounds except our quiet time before bed.

We have an understanding that he takes care of the security, the military side, the continual running s, and I take care of the people s everyday needs. Education, food, love, community. I prefer it to tactical meetings and the ever rounding up of sentinel patrols to keep our land safe. I help with patrols when he joins them but other than that, the security is not part of what I focus on.

Sierra watches Radar from the corner of her eye, sitting a little straighter and pastes on a warm smile before turning towards him fully. Not that he will see it, with his eyes fixed firmly on the marble floor and I wish he would just make contact at least once in her lifetime. She obviously likes him.

"You look well. I like your new haircut." She smiles somewhat coyly, and Radar stiffens. A hint of pink flush blushes over his cheek bones and it only seems to push his nose further down towards his feet.

"Thank you, Rema Santo." Radar is curt, a little too quick with his response while his cheekbones color further as he turns with an almost relieved exhale when Colton passes him with a pat on the shoulder to tell him to move.

They leave with him pulling the door closed behind them so we can eat in peace and not even a glance in our direction as they disappear between the crack. I glance to her crestfallen face as she goes back to her food, not the first time I ve seen the slight disappointment in her brief interactions with her ex-guard, and this time I can t hold my tongue.

"You like him, don t you?" I smile encouragingly as Sierra s face flames crimson, and she drops her fork with clumsy fingers.

"I ..umm, am grateful…he was my Ummm. No, I can t. I mean, no, I do…of course, I do. He s truly awesome as a male, wolf, guard, type, sort of guy, um young man. Not that young, I mean almost my age young, Ughhh………. I owe him my life. It s just…. He s very….. aloof. For a guy who used to shadow me and make me feel safe." Her blushing goes all the way to her roots, and I grin wider. Knowing that fumbling awkward self-war only too well. Breathless, tongue tied, fidgeting insanely with her plate and fork and unable to look me in the eye at all. The little warm spread through my heart tells me I hit the nail on the head.

"So, that s a yes then? …. He s never mated up. No lovers, no girlfriends. Totally single. I think he s maybe just shy and you intimidate him." I shrug, not even going to pretend she doesn t like him. For months now she acts like this nervous virgin type whenever he shows up, and he is hopelessly stiff, curt, unable to formulate any kind of conversation at all and leaves as quickly as he can. I already know Radar likes her and it wouldn t be wholly awful to see the Rema have even some happiness. Even if neither physically acted it out, just became friends or something. Maybe she wouldn t be so sad.

"My bond to that……… I can t do anything, with any male. There s no point leading on anyone, with no chance of a future. Radar deserves a nice femme with no complications. He s loyal, sweet, stable, and completely efficient in terms of protection. I would still have him as my guard should I ever leave this house." She turns away and stares out of the window listlessly, a little crestfallen, eyes misting with emotion, but it only sparks a little twinkle in my mind.

"I think as Luna, I believe my Mother-in-law, the Rema of this pack, needs her own guards still. Even if it s to sit out in the sun and play cards. I m sure Radar wouldn t object to picking up where he left off a decade ago."

"Don t. I know you mean well, but Juan will never let me go, and this bond will only make everyone miserable if I allow myself to get close to another in any kind of way." The defeat in her tone silences me and I know this is futile. Six months of life here, three of those seeing her well enough to interact in the pack and she still chooses to be solitary, separate, and push away all other relationships outside of Colton and I. Sierra is punishing herself for things she couldn t stop and letting herself wither away in this room at the top of the west wing. I exhale in defeat and sadness for her. My heart aching that she of all people deserves happiness and the fates have abandoned her.

Juan can go jump in a lake for all I care. In the last months we have had little communication with the mountain at all. There has been an occasional hemorrhage of runways head this way to find sanctuary within our walls and we know Juan is only biding his time while he figures out what to do about us. We don t give him opportunity. We never stray outside our land and focus on just living our lives.

Maybe it s because of that he s stayed away and left us be, because maybe he thinks the prophecy was wrong and the only rising I m about to do has already been done. In creating our small homestead pack and our new life away from the shadow of our mountain. He s focused on rallying his army to get ready for the vampires and war and we seem to have fallen off his radar for the time being. I haven t forgotten though. My family perished at his hands, and I won t let that grudge ever die. One day we will have our moment.

I pull my mind back to the here and now. Realizing Sierra has stood up and wandered to her balcony window to gaze out as the rain begins to fall and dims down the bright sun which woke us this morning. It s soft today, overcast now with threats of a rainy day and a little colder, but pleasant. Perfect weather for staying inside and working on some of the details for the schoolhouse.

"Do you really think Colton s dream is just his eternal stress finding a way to vent?" I ask her, knowing that she would never lie to me, especially not while alone like this. Sierra and I have built a bond these past months, almost like mother and daughter in a way. I never knew how much I needed it until Sierra woke up so many months ago and showed me what it was like to have a mom again.

"The mind is a complex and often frustrating tool and being a seer is not always what it s cracked up to be." There s distance in her tone and I frown at her response.

"Do you ever regret the path you took based on your own visions?" I ve always wondered but never felt it appropriate to ask. She sacrificed so much for my life, and I wonder if she had it to do over would she choose to not see the truth and live in blissful ignorance with her mate and son instead of losing ten years of their lives.She stops for a moment, still as a statue and I can see her mind turning over as she really thinks through my question. Her emotions stabilize and her mood brightens to an almost steel like calm.

"No. I can t say I do. I regret leaving my child to cope alone for so long, but he wouldn t be the man he is now, he wouldn t have the happiness he found in you if I hadn t. I would rather live a lonely existence of truth, without that monster as my mate, than ignorance and fake happiness and the demise of these people. Nothing about our bond was true…. It was orchestrated from the second he laid eyes on me. I don t regret what I did, only that I didn t do it better and that I left myself no way to be the one to put a knife in that monster s heart." She turns boldly, a hint of fierce in her eye and I nod, knowing her one desire in life is to see Juan fall.

Adoring this woman who means so much to me now, in my life, I can t believe I spent my entire existence oblivious to her importance for so long. I knew she means every word and it s not the first time she has uttered a wish to be the ending blow to her mate. She has told Colton many times that if she hadn t bound us together for eternity, she would march to that mountain and Juan and end herself for good. A true Luna, putting her people before her own life.

"One day. We ll find a way to free us all. Maybe with magic…. Maybe the fates will figure it out for us. I feel like this isn t over by a long shot." I interject to draw her away from thinking about that dark shadow on her heart.

"Maybe…. If I could still see the future, that would help, but since I woke up it seems my son is the only one seeing visions now. I feel like my magic is waning the stronger he gets, and I don t know if it s meant to. I don t know what that means." Her words trail off quietly as she introverts thoughtfully and I gasp at her words, my eyes widening, and I get up to go to her with a sickening lurch in my belly.

"Have you told Colton?" This is news to me, the first she has ever mentioned her loss of gift. This is a major thing.

"No. I will, I just didn t want to worry him that something is wrong. Maybe it s a natural decline of my gifts as my offspring rises. I can t say I ever remember if my mother s did, but then maybe daughters are different." She sighs and shrugs it away as unimportant, but I can t shift the niggles.

"Do you think maybe it s not that at all, and your sadness, your discontent is somehow marring the gifts? You have so much of a changed life since you woke up. It s normal to experience mental backlash at everyone you lost, that s changed." I have heard that emotional state can weaken any kind of supernatural gift and it s a strong possibility.

"Perhaps… maybe. I guess time will tell."

I m deflated by her tone, but I don t want to dwell on things that seem to upset her. I know she can still use her magic for the time being and I hope we figure it out before she does lose what she has. Sierra s magic is a gift that should be treasured. It saved us from so much and it would be wrong on all levels to see her lose it.

"Are you really not worried about the witches in the woods?" I ask derailing our conversation and heading back to what brought us up here so bright and early this morning. I know to Colton she said she wasn t, as long as we stay in the boundaries, but my gut says she isn t being entirely honest.

"No, and yet… yes. Witches are a whole other breed, and in my time asleep, I don t know what changes there have been in the world. There are so many forbidden forms of dark magic that most avoided. I can t say I know they still do. We should be ever more aware and play it safe, more so than before." She looks me deadpan in the eye and I nod, a sinking wariness hitting my gut and for the first time since our life began here, I begin to feel afraid.