The devil She-wolf

Ledgers and letters

*Frannie*

After making the last needed notation in the ledger, I blow softly on the ink to hasten its drying. The numbers are astonishing. Having been in Jack Moondancer’s employ for ten years now… and his partner for five… I should be accustomed to how much money men fritter away on games of chance.

“The house always wins in the end, Frannie,” Jack told me when I initially question his wisdom in opening a gambling establishment. “And the end is all that matters.”

With a sigh, I set aside my gold-nibbed pen… a gift from Jack, who enjoys fine things and knows I’ll never spend so senselessly on myself… and carefully close the book so as not to smear the ink. Jack likes everything neat and tidy. But then, so do I. I’m fairly certain it’s because we grew up in squalor.

My office is sparsely decorated. The desk, a couple of chairs, a couch where I sometimes take a quick rest, and shelves that house the ledgers providing a history of the establishment.

It’s almost two in the morning. Although I’m tired, the late hours work well for me. Working on the accounts at night leaves me free to see to the children’s home I plan to open soon. The furniture is scheduled to arrive early next week. Now all I need is to hire employees. But that’s a task for tomorrow. For tonight, I have a few more matters to attend to before I can retire.

Opening the ledger with member accounts, I begin making notations regarding whose memberships are coming due. When my lower back begins to ache, I straighten, yawn, and stretch…

A large figure looms in the doorway.

With a self-conscious laugh, I assume a more decorous position.

“Don’t let me stop you from relaxing,” Jay says as he takes a step into the room. His brown jacket isn’t fancy, but it suits his unassuming demeanor. His dark brown hair is thick, his eyes green. From appearances, he seems non-threatening and in many ways simple. In truth, I consider him far cleverer and more dangerous than any of us.

“I was simply taking a moment before I studied the customer accounts,” I say.

“You do keep odd hours.”

“No more odd than you. Are you working now?”

He gives a half shrug, “Jack had asked me to check on some personal matters for him regarding this inheritance he’s come into. I was just reporting what I found. Thought while I was here that I’d stop by to see how you were doing.”

“I’m doing well, Jay.”

Nodding, he sticks his hands in his coat pockets, then takes them out. “Has anyone been bothering you?”

That’s an odd question.

“Were you thinking of someone in particular?” I ask.

“No, simply curious.” He takes a step forward, and then as though concerned that he might frighten me, he takes a step back. “I just wanted you to know that I’m available if you need anything.”

I give him a soft smile, “I may need some help rounding up orphans when the time comes.”

“That goes without saying. I’ve been keeping a list of boys going into prison, when they’ll be getting out. The younger ones, the ones who can be turned around, I’ll be picking up. I’ll bring them to you.”

I give him another soft smile. “That means everything to me, Jay. The furniture should arrive next week. Will you be free to help?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you. I’m feeling a tad guilty that on the streets are children who need a home, and I have the means to provide one, but I’m still arranging matters.”

There is something in his eyes I can’t quite read as he looks at me, “It’s a lot you’re taking on, Frannie.”

“But it’s something I want to do… terribly. I’ve thought about it for so long, planned it, and now it’s about to happen at last. I’ll send a missive ’round to your flat when I have the day and time.”

“Splendid.” He smiles brightly… which is something Jay rarely does. “I look forward to helping you.” He makes a motion to tip his hat, must have realized he isn’t wearing one, and gives an awkward sort of slight bow. “See you soon, then.”

He exits with a quickness that astonishes me. I don’t know why he is sometimes awkward around me when he isn’t with the others. Perhaps because he is two years younger, and I have mothered him more than most.

I remember the day Luc and Jack brought Jay to Feagan’s. It was immediately following the hanging of Jay’s father. He was so quiet that I feared he would never speak again. The shock of it all, I suppose. That night, after we had all gone to bed, I heard his quiet whimpers, and I left the comfort of Luc’s embrace to hold Jay while he wept. Even then, I understood the pain of loss.

Among Feagan’s brood, we’ve all lost something valuable. Some, I suspect, are still searching for it. Not Luc. I give a slight smile. I’ve never known him to be quite so happy since he took a mate. And thinking of Evangeline leads me to think about her brother.

It’s been a little over a week since the wedding, and to my everlasting irritation, Greywind often occupies my thoughts. Through a back stairway, not accessible to customers, Jack and I have access to a few shadowy balconies that allow us, without being seen, to look out over various areas where our customers are entertained. Twice I’ve searched for Greywind and not seen him. Not that I’m certain what I’d do if I did see him, but I can’t deny the disappointment that I haven’t caught a glimpse of him. Is he as handsome as I remember? Is he as darkly dangerous?

Is he anxiously waiting for me to respond to his proposal? Would he know that the answer is no if he never hears from me? Should I tell him when he’s here one night? Should I send him a letter? Should I simply remain silent?

I debate the methods as often as I debate my answer. I know Jack is correct, I know the answer I should give is a resounding no, but Greywind intrigues me. I have no logical explanation for that. We couldn’t be more opposite. But why, with everyone else in Luc’s drawing room, is he the one who has drawn my attention? And more importantly… despite my best efforts not to be noticed… Why had I drawn his?

And why is it acceptable for men to seek the pleasures of numerous she-wolves while she-wolves are to know only one? Certainly, in the area of Blackrock city where we’ve grown up, girls attach themselves to one boy for a while and then move on to another. My friend Nancy has done just that, and no one ostracizes her for it. But I suppose the price for being accepted by polite society is to embrace their rules for proper behavior, and she-wolves are supposed to value their chastity. A bit difficult for me to accomplish when I no longer possess it.

It’s been nearly eighteen years. Over the years, the nightmares regarding that night have faded, although I know they will never leave me completely. But I don’t fear men. I know the passion and the tenderness that can pass between a man and a she-wolf.

Several years ago, Jay showed me. The club has a viewing room where the men who wish to demonstrate their prowess perform with a she-wolf of their choice while patrons observe from darkened corners and through discreet peepholes. Jay invited me to watch while he made love to one of the girls. Made love. The precise words he used. He wanted me to know what it could be like. That night, he gave me an amazing gift. The encounter was sensual and erotic.

I have always known that what I experienced at the age of twelve was not the way it should have been… and that night, watching Jay with Prudence, I lost some of my hesitancy at the thought of being with a man. But still, I have never known a man I wanted to be with in that way… not until I crossed paths with Greywind, an Alpha, the very last man I should want.

Perhaps it’s a touch of the forbidden that draws me to him. Or is it something more?

I might very well drive myself insane thinking about all of this. I have records to verify, memberships coming due…

My gaze falls on a notation scribbled in Jack’s almost indecipherable handwriting. Blast him!

Snatching up the ledger, I charge out of my office and into his. He, too, keeps late hours. He’s sitting behind his desk, studying a ledger.

“What’s the meaning of this?” I ask tartly, holding up my own ledger.

With his brow furrowed and dark eyes serious, Jack looks up. “Of what?”

I slap the book down on top of his. “It says here that Greywind’s membership has been terminated.”

Reaching back, Jack grabs one of several bottles he keeps within easy reach and refills the glass on his desk. “I decided I didn’t like him.”

“Jack…”

“Frannie.” He downs his whiskey and starts to pour again. I snatch the glass away.

“Dammit, Frannie!” He scoots back, grabs a piece of paper, and tries to blot up the spill. “That’s my best liquor. Why waste it?”

“All your spirits are your best. I’m going to reestablish his membership.”

He stops his frantic movements, looks up at me, and glares. “I’ll just undo it.”

“You can’t cancel the membership of every man who expresses an interest in me.” Not that anyone had ever expressed an interest in me before, but I’m trying to make a point.

“He did more than express an interest.”

“I know you’re trying to protect me… and I love you for it. But this isn’t right. I can handle myself.”

He studies me for a moment, and I know he wants to argue further. Instead, he snaps his fingers. “Give me back my glass.”

I hand it over. I know he will never admit to being wrong on this matter, but as he’s shifted the conversation, I’m going to mark it as a win in my favor. Besides, I know he now has more important matters on his mind. One of Jack’s customers, the Alpha of Silverpine, has left him all his non-entailed properties. And Jack, in typical Jack fashion, doesn’t trust his good fortune, so he’s scrutinizing every aspect of the arrangement.

“Will you send a message to Greywind or shall I?” I ask.

He gives me a pointed glare.

“I suppose I should do it,” I say. “He would never be able to read what you wrote. You didn’t do anything else to him, did you?”

“No, I did not.”

I narrow my eyes at him, “Swear to me.”

“Dear Goddess, Frannie, I said I didn’t, and I didn’t.” He studies me for a moment. “You still carry the dagger I gave you?”

I pat my hip. I keep it in a scabbard hidden inside my skirt. “Always.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve practiced. Maybe we should, tomorrow. Make sure you still know how to use it.”

“I know how to use it.”

“Remember, the object is not to wound, but to kill. And don’t worry about him being a blasted Alpha. Jay will handle any inquiries.”

So now he’s suggesting I should kill Greywind? Lovely. “I think if he was going to take advantage, he would have done it in the library when he…” I realize just in time that I’m traveling down a path I shouldn’t go with him.

“Luc’s library? What did he do?”

“Talked.”

He raises a brow, “What did he say?”

“That I was interesting.” I take back my ledger and cradle it against my chest. “Shall I interrogate you regarding your encounter with the young Luna of Silverpine?”

“It’s very different. The widow is not looking to take advantage of me.”

I nod. Strange thing is, I hadn’t been under the impression that Greywind wanted to take advantage either. Rather, he wanted to give and receive something that might have been very pleasant for us both.

“Good night, Jack.” I turn on my heel…

“My heart was in the right place, Frannie,” he calls after me.

It’s so difficult to stay angry at the lads. “I know.”

I return to my office and write eight letters to Greywind until I finally produce one that doesn’t say too much or too little, that gives nothing away regarding my own feelings on the situation. It reflects nothing except business. It will do.

I rise from my desk and stroll across the room. I snatch the cloak hanging near the door and drape it around my shoulders before walking out of my office and into the hallway that never is quiet enough. The exuberant activities that take place beyond the closed door at the end of the hall leading into the gaming area always echo through the building. I have grown accustomed to it and barely hear it any longer. On the other side of the hall is the door that leads outside.

I unlock it and step out onto the stoop, where a lantern casts a ghostly glow around the dark alley. Quickly, I lock the door. I don’t take the lantern because I know this area as well as I know the back of my hand and am comfortable in the shadows. My room is up the stairs to the left. At my door, I insert another key. Jack’s apartment is next to mine, but he seldom stays there anymore, not since he inherited a fancy residence in the best part of the city.

Closing and locking my door behind me, I walk over to a nearby table and light the lamp. With a sigh, I hang up my cloak and begin to undress as I make my way across the apartment to the area where I sleep. My small rooms are as sparsely furnished as my office. A sofa, a bed, a vanity, a few odd chairs, a couple of small tables. I don’t require much in the way of possessions for my happiness.

After I have washed up and slipped into my nightgown, I sit at my vanity and begin to brush my hair. I detest its shade and the abundant curls that make it so difficult to manage. I wonder if Greywind has found it unattractive. I lean toward the mirror. My green eyes are my best feature. I remember how often he had gazed directly into them. Could he become lost in them? Is there something I could do to ensure that he does?

But I want him to become lost in more than my eyes. I want him to become lost in me. What a dangerous, dangerous desire.

With a moan, I get up and carry the lamp to the table beside my bed. After crawling beneath the sheets, I extinguish the flame in the lamp and stare into the darkness above me. With very little effort, I imagine Greywind rising over me. He would come to me unclothed, and every bit of skin that I could reach would be sun bronzed.

Releasing a groan, I roll over to my side. When I finally drift off to sleep, I dream that I’ve sent him a very different sort of letter than the one I wrote earlier. One that contains a single word.

Yes.