Hazel
Song: I hate You, I love you by Olivia O'Brien
"Mrs. Cathy said you went over to the park again?" Hazel demanded, fastening the seatbelt around her. Summer bit her lip, eyes down and slowly nodded her head. Hazel refrained from glaring at her and sighed.
"Summer, what did we talk about roaming around alone?" She demanded. Summer still didn't look up.
It was her excuse to get away from a scolding. But Hazel was not stupid. She did love her but she also knew where to tone that down and be strict. "Look up at me, now," She urged, her voice edgy and Summer reluctantly stared up at her, face impassive but almost ready to cry any moment. Kids these days...they were born manipulator. And this one was pretty expert in that. Just like her father. Sometimes Hazel can't help but think she got all the wrong habits of Damien. But then he barely had any good habits to start with so the point was useless.
"What did we say about roaming around alone?" Hazel repeated and Summer made a face.
"The kids at Mrs. Cathy's class...they are very noisy," She complained, brows knitted together, lips pulled down. "I cannot draw with so much noise. They throw colors at each other and break them. I don't want my to be broken too," Hazel blinked at her, again at loss that this was an almost five year old talking. Like seriously.
"Okay, well...I get it but it's not safe, baby," She replied. "You cannot just walk out like that. Mrs. Cathy was dead worried, do you know that? It was a good thing I knew that you escape to the park like that but even if you go somewhere you are supposed to inform her first, do you understand?"
"Is Mrs. Cathy mad at me?" She asked and Hazel sighed.
"No sweetheart, she isn't mad at you," She replied, starting the ignition of her crappy second hand car that she paid peanuts for. "But do not leave without informing again. And don't go anywhere alone like that in the first place. What if some bad guy comes and take you away? You know you are all mommy has got, right? Do you want mommy to be all alone and sad for the rest of her life?"
"No, mommy," She whispered, staring down at her small dimpled hands. "I am sorry..."
"Good girl," Hazel smiled and reached out to pat her head. "Now, who is excited for a new birthday dress?"
"Mee!!" She giggled and Hazel laughed. It were these small moments that made her life easier. It was Summer that made her life easier. Had she not came along, Hazel had no idea what would have happened to her. And eventually as her little daughter started to grow up, she settled into the comfort of it being just two of them. Watching cartoons together or drawing together or baking cookies together, these little moments were more than enough to make her happy. As long as Summer was safe and happy, so was she. She will deal with life as it comes.
Hazel patted Summer's head softly, watching as she finally fell asleep after asking a hundred questions about how Pinnochio's nose could grow longer every time he lies. How the hell do you explain that? Guess, fiction was not meant for her. She leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead, covering her properly with the duvet.
She slowly moved away from her side and started cleaning all the books and crayons spread around the room. Summer was always drawing something or other, she had a habit of trying to draw every new thing or person she sees. Hazel shuffled through her drawing book and stopped as she stared at the picture she has been coloring. It was a family portrait and what hurt her the most was the faceless man she named daddy. He was holding her hand while she was holding her other one. It was a child's drawing but still just staring at it brought tears to her eyes. Beneath the drawing, written in her scrawny writing was the caption...
Mommy, Daddy and Summer....
She glanced at her daughter and felt guilt shot through her. This was a future she could never give her. She knew she was doing wrong with her but she was helpless. Damien was not the kind of person who could ever turn out to be a father figure.
"You would want to have kids someday, right?"
"No, of course not. Why would I want kids? Am I mad?"
"Yes, everyone who wants to have a family is mad, Damien,"
"Yes, I suppose so. And hell, it won't ever come to that in the first place because I won't ever get married to begin with. Unplanned pregnancy is not something I would like to deal with so I always...always makes sure it never comes to that,"
At some point when she was madly and irrevocably in love with him and at which point she deluded herself into thinking he felt the same, she did imagine a future with him. Kids and a happy life. Never once did she think while his arms were wrapped around her that her beautiful dream will be shattered so brutally. She stared at the picture and she literally wished it wasn't Damien that ended up being her child's father.
She really wished it would be someone normal, someone who knows how to love and how to be a father, someone normal like Ted. Then she wouldn't need to hide the truth from the five year old child who can never understand how hard it was for her. And how much it hurts her to lie to her over and over again. Mommies were not supposed to lie but sometimes mommies are helpless too. Just like she was. This wish of her will never come true because she doesn't think she could ever face him.
Just the mention of his name sears her heart. He was the first person she fell in love with and first love...they are never meant to be. People say there's nothing beautiful than the innocence of first love. People are assholes. The only thing it brings is mind numbing pain inside your heart. Yes, not every love fails the first time but those that does, they take ages to heal. It's first for everything after all. Love and both heartbreak. Just like nobody tells you how to stop from falling for some person. Nobody ever tells you how to hold yourself when that same love f***s you over.
Hazel keeps herself distracted with work, Summer and her studies. Yes, she decided to take up her studies back when Summer turned three and she could finally manage some time away from all the crying and baby stuff. Of course, she can't go to college full-time now but distance education was always an option. Hazel knew she can't give Summer the life Damien could with all his beloved money but she will try her best to give her the best of what she could as a mother and for that, she did need a proper job. Sighing, she was about to stow the drawing book in her bag when she noticed another drawing on the other page. It was half-colored, a man. Hazel frowned, now who was this guy? Whom did she meet again? People around here all knew Summer pretty well. She was hard to miss anyway, just like her father so it was comparatively safe but still she was worried every second for her. Because there literally was no one in her life apart from her. Without her little, street smart daughter, she would be all alone.
Deciding to ask Summer about it in the morning, Hazel placed her book back in her bag, placed another kiss on her forehead and headed to her room. In the dark emptiness of night, that's when it was the hardest. She can't even take medicines to just fall asleep because Summer might need her so she can't just afford to sleep like a log. And she hated taking medicines anymore than she absolutely needed to. The silence brings so many questions with itself. Questions that didn't even matter now but still nagged at her like a sore wound.
Why did he do that to her? Was every moment she spend with him a lie? Did he ever for once love her even a little bit? Was his confession just a ploy to ensure that he wins the game from Richard? But if that was the case why did he push her away before? What about what she felt inside of herself when he held her and touched her? Was all that nothing but her own longing and desires that she mistook for his?
"I might not be the perfect person. But I will always, always love you in all my imperfections,"
Tears fell down her eyes as she silently stared at the ceiling. How many years needs to pass by before Damien Hamilton will be nothing but just a bad, distasteful chapter in her eyes? Will she ever manage to forget him completely? Because even in her hate, she has still kept him in her heart. Forget and forgive, these were the two ultimate options to move past someone but no matter how hard she tries, she cannot forgive or forget. And with Summer in front of her, she knew Damien will never not be a part of her life.
Maybe she has to spend the rest of love like this because she was never going down the path that destroyed her beyond repair. She doesn't need a man in her life for anything apart from s*x. And not even that because she was still not comfortable with adopting herself to Damien's style of dating. Ted was the only constant partner and by constant she meant once or twice in a month. She wasn't bother by that though. If she could just erase every thought of Damien from her life, she will be happy. All she needed was Summer, no one else but her. But it was harder said than done. That's how bad he ruined her. And she hated him with ever cell in her body for that. And she always will.
"Summer, sweetie...who's the man you drew in your book?" Hazel asked, trying to make her eat as she watched her favorite cartoon, completely engrossed. "Summer?"
"It's a man," She answered and Hazel scowled.
"I know that's a man. What I am asking is that who is that man?" She clarified. "Do you know him?"
"He said he will talk to daddy and make him come home for my birthday tomorrow," She said and Hazel blinked. What?
"Summer, what did I tell you about not talking to strangers?" Hazel demanded and she shook her head, eyes still glued to the flat screen.
"He is not a stranger, he knows daddy," She answered. "And he promised, he will tell daddy to come home,"
"Oh for Christ sake! Summer! Stop babbling about Daddy all the time. Daddy is busy and he cannot come home tomorrow, do you get it? Stop talking and asking every person out there about him," Hazel snapped and Summer blinked, staring blankly at her. Her entire face went red within a matter of seconds as tears filled her eyes and Hazel froze. s**t, she has never talked to her like that ever before.
"Sweetheart," She begin but Summer has already started crying, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Daddy will come home! He will come home to Summer!" She cried, lips quivering before jumping down the chair and running into her room.
"Summer!" Hazel called and was about to go after her when the doorbell rang. What now? Hazel walked over and opened the door and was momentarily taken aback.
"What? I told you I will be visiting soon," Madison Meare smiled, carrying a hundred bags with her. "Hazel?" Hazel wrapped her arms around her as helplessness took over her. She was so glad that she came along just at the right time. Summer adored Madison, maybe she could make her understand.
"Okay, I get it something's wrong..." Madison said, walking inside. She stowed the bags on the couch and then pulled Hazel down too. Madison was someone, Hazel couldn't have left behind. She did leave without saying much but eventually she decided to go back to her after Summer was born.
At that time, she was just starting to make her ramp appearances so Hazel didn't want to bother her. Of course, Madison was pissed to death knowing that was her reason but she couldn't stay angry with her for long and with Summer added, Madison almost forgot everything. Since then, she has been the spoil-your-kid aunt to her. She was now one of the top models in the industry, finally her dream coming true so it wasn't possible for her to visit often but she never missed Summer's birthday although it was tomorrow.
"What happened?" She asked.
"I shouted at Summer and she started crying...God, I hate it," Hazel pinched the bridge of her noise and Madison frowned.
"Why would you shout at her?" She demanded. "What? She threw the peas under the table again?" Hazel stared at Madison and scowled. That was all she could think of.
"It's the same thing, she wants her father. She is adamant this year. Now how the f**k am I supposed to get her a father by tomorrow?" Hazel cried out, placing her head in her hands. "She is not willing to listen to anything I say and I am just so tired of repeating the same things over and over again,"
"Haze, she is just a baby," Madison prompted softly. "I know it's hard making her understand but you cannot lose your calm. You are the only one she got too...so isn't it obvious that she will come to you with her wishes?" Hazel felt so shitty inside that words fail her. Didn't she know that? And yet she keeps doing the same thing.
"Will you go talk to her and calm her down a little?" Hazel asked helplessly. Madison smiled and gave her shoulders a squeeze.
"Of course, I will. And I have gifts for my niece! How often does someone turns five?" She laughed at her own joke and Hazel was surprised at how after being so successful and literally famous, she was still the same best friend of hers who hustled together through life back then too.
"Thank you, Maddy," Hazel said gratefully. Madison winked and then gathering all the bags that she dragged with her, headed towards Summer's room. She will calm her down. Summer was really very fond of her aunt. She wasn't surprised and she was glad that she had at least some people around her that she could rely on. Now, she can understand what her mother went through and why she was always so scared and worried about her. It was almost a natural instinct inside her to worry incessantly about Summer.
"Oh look, who's here," Madison dragged Summer out with her and shot Hazel an it's-okay-now look. Hazel wiped her soapy hands on her apron and then flopped down on her knees as she stared at her daughter. They both stared at each other and then slowly Hazel opened her arms. Summer watched her cautiously and sensing that her mother was not mad at her anymore, she scampered into her arms, wrapping them around her.
"I am sorry, mommy," She murmured and Hazel bit her lip and looked up at Madison. She gave her a thumbs-up before casually walking out, leaving the two alone.
"No, sweetie...I am sorry. I promise, I will never shout at you again," Hazel rubbed her back and pulled away. She softly stroked her cheeks before placing a kiss on both of them, feeling extremely guilty inside for reacting like that.
"Listen, Summer..." She begin cautiously. "Will you believe mommy if she says Daddy will come home but he will be a little late? Daddy is very very busy, he has so much work to do and so many people to deal with...but he will come and find Summer. Can you manage with me until then?"
"Yes," She nodded vigorously and Hazel sighed.
"Thank you sweetheart," She smiled. "Alright, now want to show mommy what aunt Madison brought for you?"
"Yes! She brought me sooo many gifts!" Summer giggled and Hazel laughed, pulling her up in her arms as she headed to her room.
Madison had to leave early for work but she promised to join Hazel as soon as she can. Ted was also busy working so it was all left on her for Summer's birthday. She does a small celebration every year and invites all her friends along. This year will be same too but given it was all left on her this time, it was giving her headache already. Unlike what she expected, she wasn't very good with kids.
"Mommy, can I have a chocolate cake?" Summer asked, discreetly shuffling around the peas in her plate.
"Of course," Hazel muttered distractedly, eyes boring a hole into the recipe book in her hand. It was better that she cooks rather than buying everything but then what do children even like to eat? Summer was extremely picky about her food. The neighboring women were all quipping about their kids all day long and Hazel has picked up a few stuff. The conclusion was, all kids were picky eater. She sighed and was distracted by the doorbell ringing. Hazel frowned as she glanced at the clock. Did Ted got free? He wasn't supposed to be until twelve.
"Summer, finish your peas or you ain't getting anything for tomorrow," Hazel warned as she headed to open the door. Summer made a disgusted face, still shuffling them around and Hazel gave her a look before turning to open the door.
"Yes..." She froze instantly, her body going cold within seconds as dark eyes stared back at her. The usual pain in her chest jolted through her, making it hard for her to breathe. But still she couldn't move. She was frozen to her spot like a freaking statue as...
Six years worth of pain stood in front of her....
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A/N: Hello dear readers! Good morning to you all :) Here's the next update! Lol, I know you are gonna hate me for this cliffhanger but...you are going to loveee tomorrow's update. It's so great to see you guys enjoying TGOR and honestly, I am having so much fun writing it, like literally. Now get ready for some really intense stuff. Thank you so much for all your support and love! I cannot believe we are close to 200 reads for TGOR already...like seriously. Thank you so much! And stay tuned for tomorrow's update ;)
PS: Before you was supposed to be updated today guys but I have pushed the date to tomorrow. I did announce it on my sss but those who aren't connected with me won't know about it. It will most certainly be updated tomorrow, I just need a day to get one chapter for it done at least.
Thank you so much :)