My four handsome knights

I just want the pain to stop.

Lydia.

I stared at the message on my phone, and my jaw hardened along with my eyes which began to water.

How did he get my number?

Why did he message me upon today of all days?

Why is he trying to get back into my life?

A sigh escaped my lips, before I gulped down the lump in my throat, while holding in the tears which I refused to shed. I stood up from

my bed, before I locked phone and came out of my room, which I had been in ever since yesterday, and it was 2pm already.

"What's up?" Jazmine spoke to me, as my gaze landed on her while I came out of my room. "Want some?" She asked me from the dinning, where she made coffee.

"No thanks, I'm good." I replied Jazmine, before I laid down on the couch and took the remote in my hand.

"Everything alright Lee?" Jazmine asked, as I now heard her footsteps closer to where I sat.

"Yeah," I lied while I changed the channel from the music channel it was to watch Disney. Yes, I was a big fan of cartoons and animations, as ‘Sofia the first’ was my favorite, and with the melancholy that filled my heart, it was the best remedy to cheer me up.

"Who do you think you're lying to?" Jazmine said, as I now felt her presence at my back.

"It's nothing Jaz, really." I turned to let my gaze meet with Jasmine for a second, before I turned back to the Tv.

"So what's up between you and Scott then?" Jazmine questioned me again, while she pushed my legs that were laid on the couch away and sat.

“I don’t know.” My words came as a reflex, as my full attention stayed on the Tv in front of me, watching ….

“Seriously Lydia, you’re gonna do that? Hide stuffs from me?” With Jasmines words which came next, my attention moved to her, while a sigh escaped my lips.

“I’m not hiding anything from you Jaz, what are you talking about?” I faced her.

“Oh I see, then what about the whole ‘want to be alone’ stuff you’ve been giving me for the past week?” Jasmine said, as it was evident something was going on with me. Ever been in a kind of situation whereby, you’re supposed to be happy, yet, you’re not? You have a lot going on in your head, yet, you can’t say this is one of them? You wish to speak to someone, but you feel they won’t understand? Well, that was exactly how I felt. I felt shitty. I acted shitty and I knew it.

“You know what happened between Scott and I Jaz, so what more is there?” I asked Jazmine. Ever since the day Scott and I had a fallout, I realized something changed in me. A part of me became sad and I didn’t know the reason why.

“He’s trying to make amends Lydia. He feels bad about what he said, why aren’t you letting him speak to you?” Jazmine asked me.

“Because I’m not ready to speak with him Jaz, that’s it.” I spoke nonchalantly, while my gaze returned back to the Tv.

“You know I didn’t want to say this, but you’re acting like a b***h Lydia and I don’t know why, but you are my best friend and we’re supposed to talk this out, not you giving me attitude when I ask you about it. You hardly talk to me anymore and the only person I see that you laugh around is Liam.” Jazmine spoke.

“So dating Liam now is a problem, isn’t it?” I asked Jasmine in disbelieve.

“No Lydia! No.” Jasmine’s gazed on me with stun. “I don’t know what you have going on Lydia, but you have to stop this attitude of yours, because it is not fair to me.” Jasmine added, while I could feel the anger radiating off her, one which was also beginning to build up in me.

“Really Jaz? Really?” I asked Jazmine, while I now sat up on the couch. “Incase you haven’t noticed or didn’t notice, Scott hurt me. It may have been nothing to you, but it was, because he was someone I called my best friend not knowing all along he judged me for what I did.” I said as pain was evident in my eyes. “I would have taken it from anyone else, but not him and you don’t want me to react towards it?” I questioned Jazmine in disbelieve.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t react Lydia. You have reacted and he is trying all his possible best to amends for his mistakes, yet, you make it seem as though it is more than that.” Jasmine spoke to me and I stared at her with a raised brow.

“Are you really saying that?” I asked her, while my gaze reminded vivid on her. “Unlike you Jazmine, I didn’t have everything handed over to me, I had to work for it. I had to struggle for it, and hearing someone say those words which Scott said, it went far than stabbing a knife to my heart. So yes, maybe it is more than that to me and maybe you can’t understand, but try to live in my own shoes and see how that pain keeps on stabbing you.” I said while my eyes began to water.

“That is not fair Lydia.” Jazmine spat. “You speak about other people’s words hurting you, yet, you’re just the same.” It was clear in Jazmines eyes, the hurt that laid in them, for both hers and my words went like a straight bullet. “Also, you’re not the only one who has struggles, so just because I try very hard to keep them under wraps, doesn’t give you the right to say such to me.” Jazmine said, and with one last look at me, she stood up from the couch and left to her room.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

I ran a hand through my hair, as I closed my eyes and a tear ran down my cheek. What was wrong with me? Why is all of these happening now? Why?

Tears fell from eyes even harder, as I buried my head in between my palms with an overwhelming sadness which filled my heart. I was hurting and the fact that I couldn’t speak of it, the fact that I couldn’t tell anyone what I had gone through made it much harder for me, such that when I reacted on little things, they called it overreacting.

And still yet, it was only I who could understand the darkness that filled my past.

—————————-

Third Person’s POV.

There was a saying which went by, ‘Not all that glittered were gold’, for in this case it could be rephrased with, ‘Not everything was as it seems,’. Everyone had secrets, secrets that they envisaged if another knew, they would either hate them, judge them, or love them for it, but with those three, came a risk of a chance of not knowing which it would be.

Lydia had secrets, one which she vowed not to ever speak with anyone, as it was a past so dark she hated herself whenever she recalled, which was why at the point which Lydia was, she was willing to do anything to take the pain away, even if it was just for a few minutes.

Her knuckles banged the glass door, as she waited nervously for the owner of the house to respond. Her stance impatient. and when she decided to knock again, the door opened.

“Lydia?” Liam whom is shocked to see his girlfriend at his doorstep spoke. “What…I…”

“Can I come in?” Lydia with a worried gaze said, whereas it didn’t take Liam more to figure out that something worried her.

“Sure. Come in,” Liam opened his door widely for her come in, as she stepped into the house. It was Lydia’s first time of coming into Liam’s house, for how she came to know of the his place, was when they passed by it and he showed it to her.

“I’m sorry to just barge in at this time of the night. I…I couldn’t sleep.” Lydia said, with her gaze up at Liam.

“It’s fine. Are you alright?” Liam came closer to Lydia, as he stared into her eyes vividly. “Lydia, talk to me if something is going on.” Liam added, as he watched Lydia’s silence continue. “You’re my girlfriend, which means I have got your back. Anytime.” Liam told her, whereas her gaze only became wet.

“I just want the pain to stop. I want my heart to stop aching. Can you just get rid of the pain for me? Please Liam.” Lydia pleaded, while desperation filled her eyes. Liam stared at his girlfriend, In utter perplexity, as he didn’t know how to end her pain for he knew nothing of it or what to say, so instead of speaking, Liam pulled Lydia to him, while he embraced her tightly.

“You’re fine now. It’s fine, don’t think about anything else, except where you are now.” Liam caressed her back lovingly, before they pulled apart. His fingers caressed Lydia’s cheeks lightly, as it pained him seeing her filled with melancholy, than the cheerful woman he knew of. Liam leaned in closer, taking Lydia’s lips in his, as he kissed her passionately, while his other hand pulled her closer by the waist. Lydia on the other hand, began to feel the s****l tension that built up between them, as her hands slid into Liam’s shirt and caressed his bare skin.

Liam whom felt the progression of their actions pulled apart from Lydia, as his gaze searched for confirmation in her eyes, one which she gave to him, by raising his shirt gradually, till she pulled it off him completely. “Are you sure Lydia…you’re not in a stable…”

“I know what I want Liam and that is you.”