The Feral Heart

Feral Mind

[Gwyn]

Lunette was the first person to ever ride on my back, so I was a little nervous that I wouldn’t be able to carry Richard. Luckily, I didn’t have a problem. He stayed close to me and held on tight, quietly giving me directions as I ran where he told me to.

I wondered why the charm I was carrying didn’t work on me. None of the Lune Rouge warriors could see the witch’s corpse, but I could. The charm also seemed to cancel out the anti-magic charm Richard put on me.

These weren’t questions for a wolf to answer, though. I couldn’t let myself get dragged into things that weren’t my business. Instead, I focused on the deep and gentle voice giving me instructions.

Richard had part of that scent I smelled yesterday. He smelled comforting. His scent was warm and rich. It relaxed me, but also made me protective. I couldn’t let anything happen to the person who had that scent.

Whatever had mingled with his scent yesterday was gone. There was none of the nervousness. Nothing that felt wrong in his scent. I wondered what it was. Maybe he came across something nasty while he was delivering that message.

“Alright, Gwyn. We can head to the packhouse. I have all the answers I need. You did great.” Richard murmured as he stroked my ears. “I’m going to stay on your back so I don’t lose you.”

I yipped a little. He made me feel safe and cared for, like Alpha Lucien and Queen Bellamy. Michael would never have treated an unaffiliated wolf like this. He would've probably pulled out a muzzle and a leash.

“Shh. What’s wrong, Gwyn? Am I hurting you? Am I too heavy? If you want, I can get off and run to the packhouse for a bag to put that charm in. You can rest.”

Damn it. I didn’t mean to growl. Just the idea of Michael and what a terrible Gamma he was made me angry. Maybe I didn’t know everything about Richard, but I never liked the ranked members of my old pack.

Richard’s hands gripped my fur tighter. I realized I had started running. I wasn’t near the packhouse. Where was I? How long had my mind been gone?

I laid down and whimpered. He stayed on my back and wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me from behind. Richard reached up and took the charm from my mouth. He slipped it in his pocket as he got off of my back and sat beside me.

The ground was damp from the melted morning frost and the chilly water seeped into my fur. Richard pulled out a handkerchief and wiped some of the fur around my face, then tugged my head into his lap.

“I think a break is a perfect idea.” Richard said as he stroked around my ears.

With a little whine, I snuggled into him. He didn’t understand how I lost time and wolfed out. I couldn’t explain it, either. If he hadn’t been on my back, I didn’t think he would’ve caught up with me.

“Don’t worry, Gwyn. No one is upset. I linked Alpha Lucien and let him know we were checking one other thing. He doesn’t need to know. It’s not your fault. How about if we just relax for a while?” He asked.

It was encouraging. He didn’t blame me for taking us wherever we were. I nodded my head a little.

Richard stroked my fur and scratched behind my ears. The soft sounds of the forest around us hummed. It was cloudy and felt like snow could fall at any moment. I’d become more in tune with the weather as I spent time living on my own.

“Your fur feels different than other wolves’ fur. It must be useful in keeping you warm in the winter.” Richard said.

I nodded.

“There were times I thought about doing what you did. Leaving my pack and letting Niall, my wolf, wander. Especially after I felt the bond with my mate sever. Everyone around me was going on with their lives and I was simply stuck watching them. My pack needs a Gamma, though. My family would miss me if I was gone.” He sighed.

He couldn’t understand what I was going through exactly, but he felt something like it. It was probably bad for me to say I wished Michael had died before I met him. Part of me did. The part that hated how he disregarded Heather, how he created something hateful and angry in me.

“I know I have a second chance. I bet you do. A beautiful wolf like you has to have a mate other than whatever idiоt decided to reject you. I don’t know what kind of man would reject someone as brave and caring as you. I think you're perfect, Gwyn.”

If my second chance was even half as kind as Richard, I’d be happy. No one was ever this quick to accept a rogue, no matter what they did. This whole pack/collective thing was weird and amazing at the same time. I definitely wanted to stay and be a part of it.

Heather stirred inside me. I prodded her a little, but I didn’t have it in me to push. Not right now.

‘That feels good.’ She whispered, then went quiet again.

It was the first time in years that I’d heard from her when it wasn’t within a day of our birthday. I wasn’t in a rush as much anymore. Queen Bellamy and Alpha Lucien promised to heal us and I believed them.

“Are you feeling a little better? We can stay longer if you want, or we can head back and have some lunch. I was going to suggest a run, but I’m worried about this happening again. I don’t understand it, but Alpha Lucien told me you sometimes slip into your wolf mind, the part of you that’s all wolf without any of the presence of mind that our wolf sides have.” Richard said.

A run sounded nice, but he had a point. I hadn’t done it in a few days and almost forgot about the times when I would do things without meaning to or zone out and end up hundreds of miles away. It wasn’t safe. If that side thought we were being attacked, it could have hurt someone.

It could have made me hurt the pups if it had happened when I was in the Alpha’s quarters. I could have hurt Richard instead of ignoring him. This was dangerous. I whined and tried to move away.

Richard grabbed me and wrapped his arms around my neck. I didn’t struggle. I kept my focus on what was going on around me so I wouldn’t let my feral side out.

“Don’t, Gwyn. Don’t run away. I won’t let you hurt anyone. I know that’s what you’re scared of because you wouldn’t want that, you’re too caring to be okay with losing control.”

How did he know me so well? First, Alpha Lucien can read me, now, his Gamma could. In a way, it was a relief. He didn’t need words to understand.

He didn’t let go of me even after I stopped pulling away. It seemed like he needed me, too. I didn’t realize how much I wanted someone to need me.

I rested my head on top of his and let him hold me until he was ready to let me go. Richard blushed a little when he let me go. Some woman was going to be lucky to have such a handsome mate who was sweet enough to blush after hugging someone.

Laying down, I barked to let him know he could climb on me again. He still had that charm in his pocket. No one would be able to see him and he could get hurt.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

I huffed at him. Richard chuckled and climbed on my back. Being as big as an Alpha had some benefits. They were large enough to carry anyone in their pack if they needed to. It was one of the ways their size indicated what they were. The Alpha was large enough to carry his pack.

Once Richard was ready to go, I followed my scent back to the packhouse. The doors to the kitchen were open, so I went through them and dodged staff while making my way out to the hall. He got off my back once we were safely in the hallway.

I walked with him toward the stairs. The offices were on the second floor. We got to the entryway when two of the warriors we’d left with the body came in through the front door.

The men were as tall as Richard but thicker. The one with light brown hair looked down at me and curled his lip. The darker-haired one laughed.

“What? Did the Gamma abandon you once you served your purpose, rogue?” The second man asked.

Richard growled beside me. The men didn’t look at him and I think he realized they couldn’t see or hear him. He looked at me, but I didn’t give him away. I wanted to know what he’d do. Would he reveal himself and scold them? Would he stay quiet and take care of it later?

“Enjoy your little vacation as the ranked members’ pet. Once your human comes out, you have to do real work. No playing with cats and single wolves.” The first one sneered.

Were they stupid? Werewolf cannon fodder. Dumb, but willing to fight.

“You’re lucky the Luna’s a rogue or you would’ve been dead before you set foot inside our borders.”

“What the hell?!” Richard growled.

This was what I expected from pack members when I came here. Not everyone would be happy to have me there, no matter what I did to buy my safety. I didn’t know what reaction they were expecting.

It was clear they didn’t like the fact that I didn’t react at all. It reminded me of Heather’s last conversation with the Alpha and Beta of our pack. They had the same look in their eyes. They wanted to make me feel bad or something.

Instead of giving them what they wanted, I huffed at them. They could say what they wanted. I didn’t care about their opinions.

“I don’t know what you did to get kicked out of your last pack, but you better f*****g recognize that you’re nothing but a novelty. We’ll be keeping an eye on you. Don’t try seducing the Gamma just so you can keep living the plush life. Neither one of us is above putting a b***h in her place.” The first man snarled.

Before I could react in any way, Richard attacked. They couldn’t see him, so they were pretty helpless as he punched them and slammed their heads into each other. I’d never seen anyone attacking their own pack members so viciously.

The men ended up on the floor, barely conscious, and bloody. I tilted my head at them. Some members of the staff came into the entry during the fight to watch.

“What is going on here?” Alpha Lucien demanded as he came down the stairs.

Richard pulled the charm from his pocket and dropped it on the ground. The gathered crowd gasped. Alpha Lucien’s eyes widened slightly. Otherwise, he didn’t seem surprised.

“Alpha, these men insulted our honored guest. They threatened her and disparaged her. I witnessed it myself and couldn’t help but defend her.” Richard replied, standing straight and proud over the men.

“Get these men out of here and contact Jean-Claude.” Alpha Lucien ordered. “I don’t blame you for attacking if they were stupid enough to insult her in the packhouse.”

“They are entitled to think what they will, but saying those things in the packhouse was foolish.” Richard agreed. “Gwyn didn’t rise to their bait, though. She remained calm and collected no matter what they said.”

“Good to know. Come to my office.”

“Gwyn, can you pick up the charm? I can’t see it now that I’m not touching it.”

I carefully picked up the charm from the floor and there was another gasp. Richard held out his hand. I walked over and rubbed against it.

We went up to Alpha Lucien’s office. He was waiting for us with a bag in his hands. Richard closed the door behind us.

“May I have the bag, Alpha?” Richard asked.

Alpha Lucien handed over the bag and Richard knelt on the ground, holding it open.

“Put the charm in the bag, Gwyn.” He told me.

I went over and dropped the charm from my mouth into the bag. He tied the bag off and handed it to Alpha Lucien, then ran a hand over my head and smiled. I had the strange urge to lick his face, but I managed to resist it, instead, resting my chin on his shoulder.

“Since you attacked someone in the packhouse, I’m going to have you take the rest of the day off, Richard. I’ll have the kitchens deliver food to you, though. You can spend more time trying to calm down.” Alpha Lucien said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Alpha. I’m perfectly calm.” Richard replied.

“You haven’t attacked someone for their behavior like that since you were a teen. I can’t have my Gamma walking around without reprimanding after attacking pack members instead of talking with them for a nonviolent offense. I’ll see you in the morning for training, Gamma.”

He turned away with the bag and went to his desk, effectively dismissing us. Richard stood and led me to the door. Once we were in the hall, he sighed.

“I guess I did lose my temper. Will you forgive me for not acting like a proper Gamma, Gwyn?” Richard asked.

I nodded and gave him a wolfy smile. He didn’t do anything wrong in my eyes. Him attacking hadn’t even crossed my mind as an option. It was amazing and made me feel really good.

“How about if we spend the rest of the day watching movies and eating everything in my kitchen? We’ll have the meals they sent, but I have a ton of junk food. Don’t tell my cousin.” He whispered.

Richard was different from what I thought a Gamma could be. He was funny and sweet. I yipped.

“Come on.” Richard grinned and we headed toward his quarters.

I hoped Heather would like him. He could become a really good friend in the future. I felt a lot better, not as lost, when I was with him. I only had to get my feral mind under control.