Caspian

Amethyst

The sea was quiet and serene and only the sound of the soft waves can be heard. From the top of the rock, Amethyst nervously looked down at the sea again. She never learned how to swim as she is scared of deep waters. But tonight, she will be jumping to end it all. She just wanted everything to stop. Besides, she was unwanted, uncared for and unloved. Her family loathes her for being clumsy and stupid. She’s never done anything right in her whole life and her father hates her for that. She’s a weakling, a stupid weakling with no use. Most of all, she’s not as smart and worthy as her sister Diana.

Diana. Her stepsister. 

She’s the definition of perfection. She’s beautiful and wise and graceful. Everyone in the kingdom loves Diana, most especially their father, the king. She’s like his most prized possession. She was also treated like that before her real mother died and her father remarried. Now, she’s just trash in her father’s eyes. And it hurts so much to think that way. But it’s the reality she’s in. And it’s too painful to know and feel that her father just sees her as a disappointment.

“Stupid! How could you even call yourself a princess when you can’t even play your violin right?” Her stepmother exclaimed as she deliberately made her voice loud and clear for the king to hear. “You knew very well that as a princess, you should be able to live up to everyone’s expectations and be able to play all the musical instruments very well. But then you can’t even do anything right!”

“Sorry, mother. I tried.” Amethyst said as she tried to hold back her tears.

“How do you not learn a thing?” The queen exclaimed loudly and looked at her, utterly disgusted by her stupidity.

“I’m so sorry.” Amethyst apologized once again.

“Are you not ashamed of being called a princess with no brains?” The queen continued. “You’re so dumb for a princess. You can’t even memorize great poems. My gosh!”

Amethyst then slowly bowed her head as she let her tears fall silently.

“This is so uncalled for, Alastor.” The queen complained with great annoyance as she went to the king who was looking at his daughter in dismay. “I married you because I love you even if I knew you already had a piece of baggage from your previous wife. And I agreed to raise her like my own together with my daughter. But you see, she is just so stubborn and stupid and dumb. She’s already 25 years old yet still, she knows nothing about being a woman! No wonder no man in the kingdom or even in the entire continent has even tried to get her hand for marriage. She learns nothing from all the classes she takes! She’s just plain stupid and I am giving up! I did not sign up for this!”

Then the queen stormed out of the room looking so upset leaving the king angered. He loves his queen so much that he doesn’t want anything to upset her.

“How can you be so slow?” The king growled as he walked towards his daughter and towered over her while she cowered on her seat. “Now I’m beginning to think that maybe your mother cheated on me and had you. I don’t think I will ever have a daughter this stupid! When will you ever learn? Why can’t you be just like Diana? Gosh, did you know that she just won another award for horse racing today?”

Amethyst continued to silently cry as she heard those cruel words from her father. It’s always been that way since she was 5 anyway. She should be used to it by now. And so she wonders why it still hurts.

“What about you? There was never a recognition from you. All you bring to me and the royal family is a headache for being a failure! A big failure! Such a shame!” The king continued to growl.

A sob unexpectedly escaped from Amethyst which made the king angrier. “Shut up! All you do is cry! What a weakling!”

“I’m sorry, father. But I tried. I tried.” She answered as she slowly lifted her head to face her beloved father. “And I am trying so hard every day just to make you proud. But those things they are asking me to do are not really my thing and interests.”

“You even know how to reason now?!” The king snarled furiously. “Until you bring honour for me, this family and this kingdom, don’t ever think that you’re worthy of being called my daughter.”

Stupid.

Weakling.

Dumb.

Idiot.

Useless.

Failure.

Name it. Amethyst have heard it. All those words kept spinning on her mind for years as she grew older until today. She silently cried again as she tried to wipe away her unending tears. She ran away from home after her father finally hit her for something she had never done. It was so clear to her now that he didn’t trust her enough and didn’t even let her explain her side. That was the most hurtful part. He just went and hit her, in front of the whole crowd, in their kingdom’s grand ball. With all the kingdom people, guests and royalties, she was accused of stealing her sister’s tiara.

“You look so lovely, princess,” Fera said as she admiringly looked at her in the mirror. “You look so much like your mother. Very beautiful.”

Fera has been the longest maiden servant in the palace and she knows her birth mother very well. She’s always been loyal to her since then and would always pity her when her family would say hurtful things to her.

“Thank you.” Amethyst answered and smiled softly. She had a soft delicate feature. Her brown hair is wavy with beautiful curls in the tips. Her eyes were hazel brown and clear with long dark lashes. Her nose is tall and matched with small pinkish lips. She’s really beautiful.

"Your mother was a wonderful queen, my dear." Fera said, a little bit teary-eyed. "And she loved you dearly. It was just so sad that she died from an illness so early. She would be very proud to see you now. Because you've grown up to be a lovely lady. Beautiful, inside and out."

"Do you think so?" Amethyst asked Fera hesitantly. "Wouldn't she be dismayed like how my father is? Because I am good for nothing?"

"Oh, dear princess. Please don't say that. You are not good for nothing." Fera countered almost immediately. "You are pure, gentle, kind-hearted and overall a beautiful young woman. Don't ever think otherwise."

Amethyst was a bit teary-eyed hearing that from Fera. She was touched and so she hoped deep within her that someday her father would also think of her that way. That maybe one day, her father will also be proud of her just like how proud he is of her older stepsister, Princess Diana.

Recalling back to her younger days, her birth mother and father adored her very much as she was growing up. The king would always play with her and buy her stuff and gift her with beautiful items from different parts of the continent. He'd also read her bedtime stories and would always tell her that one day, her soulmate will come and make her the happiest woman in the whole world. He loved her as much as he loved her mother, maybe even more. Until one day, the queen got sick from an unknown illness. And for the next months, she gradually became bedridden. All the famous doctors across the whole continent couldn't treat her nor find the cure for her illness. They can’t even tell what's wrong with her. Then when she was five, her mother gave up fighting for her life and died. But before she died, her mother asked her to promise that she would always be there for her father. She prayed and wished for her to stay by her father's side no matter what happens. And she said ‘yes’ and kept her promise to her mother.

She stayed, even if there were a lot of times when she wanted to just leave the kingdom. She stayed because she promised. Even if her father became a completely different person as to how he was before and treated her coldly. Even if now he sees her as a failure and a weakling. She stayed even if the people around her and the kingdom people think she’s stupid.

‘Beautiful but stupid.’ That’s how Amethyst was often described by the socialites in their kingdom. They’re just slightly afraid to disrespect her because she is still a princess.

“Oh, by the way, the queen wanted you to wear this.” Fera said and showed her a very beautiful tiara adorned with the prettiest precious stones she’s ever seen.

“Why?” Amethyst asked right away, looking all surprised. It is very unusual for the queen to gift her things like this especially if it is such a beautiful item like this tiara. “It must be a mistake. Take it back.”

“She clearly mentioned it, Princess Amethyst.” Fera added. “She said you must wear it tonight.”

“Really?” Amethyst asked and Fera nodded. A bit convinced, she then smiled softly and admired the tiara once more. “I can’t believe that mother would gift me a tiara this pretty.”

“She may not like you. But you are still a princess.” Fera answered and she just nodded in understanding. “This is perfect for you. “

Then Fera helped Amethyst put the tiara on. “See. You look like a goddess.”

Amethyst chuckled slightly as to how Fera exaggeratedly praised her. After some finishing touches, she was then guided into the palace hall where the grand ball is being held. All the kingdom people were invited to the dance. This serves as a celebration for the start of the Lunar Year. Everything was organized and everyone is just lovely. It’s been a couple of minutes ever since Amethyst seated on her seat beside her father’s throne but to her surprise the queen, the king and Diana have not arrived yet. Later on, the three arrived in the hall with Diana looking like she’d just cried non-stop. The crowd curtsied and gave them grace as they passed by, going forward to their designated seats.

“My tiara!” Diana exclaimed as her eyes laid on the tiara that Amethyst was wearing.

“You! How dare you?!” The queen immediately yelled as she hurriedly went towards Amethyst and grabbed the tiara from her head. “You, thief! Thief! We’ve been searching everywhere for this! How dare you?!”

“But I didn’t – “Amethyst started but was suddenly stopped when a hand slapped her, followed by a loud thud as she fell off her chair.

PAK! The sound echoed around the hall and everyone fell silent. The king, Amethyst’ father, hit her in front of the crowd. The pain was burning on her cheek as her face was now all red. But then, Amethyst neither felt the pain from the slap nor the pain from when she fell off her chair. Instead, she felt immense pain deep within her, still not believing that her father slapped her. And as that reality sank in, her heart felt like wrenching which made it hard for her to breathe.

He didn’t even let her explain her side as to how come she was wearing the tiara. If only she knew it was Diana’s, she wouldn’t even dream of wearing it.

“I will not raise a thief as a daughter!” The king growled angrily. “You disgrace me!”

Then he suddenly stormed out of the hall followed by the queen who gave her an evil smirk before leaving. And Diana, who was surprised as to how their father reacted. She hesitated for a while before she also followed her mother out of the hall. At that moment, there was pin-silence. Awkward silence. Everyone was looking at her and she wished that the ground would just magically open and swallow her up. Some people looked at her with pity. Some thought she earned it for taking what’s not rightfully hers. And some others, the kingdom’s socialites, thought she deserved it for being dumb.

Dumb.

Stupid.

Idiot.

Useless.

Hurt.

And embarrassed.

She felt like dying. So she slowly got up and ran away. She ran as fast as she could. She wanted to get away as far as possible. She ran like there was no tomorrow.

And that’s how she reached this place. She didn’t know she was capable of running that far. Miles away from the palace, she reached the edge of the cliff where she now views the calm waters of the sea.

“I’m so sorry, mother.” She voiced out, her voice croaked. “I can no longer bear to fulfil my promise and stay beside father. I just can’t anymore. He no longer needs me. And he’ll definitely be happier without me as a piece of baggage. He’ll be happier with his new family. Without me.”

And so she looked at the sea again. In her heart, she wished to be at peace like the sea.

“I’m sorry to you too, self.” She continued. “You have been hurting for too long, enduring the pain for many years. And so now, I will set you free. Be happy, self.”

She then nervously walked closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Then Amethyst closed her eyes and breathe in.

‘This is right. What I’m doing is the right thing.’ She thought as she kept convincing herself until she reached the very edge of the cliff. Finally taking everything in, she spread both of her hands wide open. And in her final moment, a sweet smile was formed on her beautiful face.

I am free. She thought.

Then, she jumped.

***