In Dreams: Bleed Out

Jealousy

"I assume you two had fun yesterday."  Cornelius commented dryly as he entered the library and observed us critically.  We were seated in our usual chairs by the fireplace, each with a book.  Alexandre held my hand on the table, playing with my fingers while we read.  I blushed but stared Cornelius down.  "Even without vampire hearing, you two could have been heard for three miles."  Cornelius sniffed.

"Jealous?"  I asked and Cornelius' gaze sharpened on me.  I could see his mouth twitch as if contemplating his reply.  Instead, he abruptly turned on a heel and left.  I blinked.

"Well, that was...odd..."  I remarked.  Alexandre sighed and closed his book.

"Not really.  You don't understand this from his perspective.  He really is jealous.  Insanely so.  He has only been able to ever dream about the relationship you and I have.  Imagine living for over a thousand years, and never being able to keep anyone close for more than a few decades.  Imagine watching everyone you ever love grow old, die, or leave over and over again.  Imagine watching generations born, age, birth new ones and die before your eyes, knowing that will never be possible for you.  He sees us as an irresistible puzzle to solve, yes, but being in our very presence like this is pure torment to him.  Watching us flaunt what he fears he will never possess."  Alexandre said softly.  I blanched.  I suddenly felt very embarrassed about my behavior and attitude towards Cornelius.

"Well shit."  I whispered and Alexandre nodded grimly.

"Yet, he stays to help us."  He murmured and kissed my knuckles.  I felt even lower.  He sighed again.  "Anyway, I think it's time for another blood draw.  I just want to check on you two since last night's activities..."  Alexandre looked at me out of the corner of his eye.  I groaned.

"Oh come on!  A normal human doesn't get stuck, tested, poked and prodded this much!"  I whined.  Alexandre chuckled and stood, walking around the small table to kiss me.

"You are neither 'normal' nor 'human'."  He reminded me gently.  I groaned again.

"Oh gods, you all are intent on killing me!"  I moaned and stood up with Alexandre's assistance.  "Do you really have to?"  I pouted.

"Just, please, it'll make me feel better."  Alexandre rubbed my back.  I groaned again in complaint and started towards the library door accompanied by Alexandre.

"I'll do it."  Came Cornelius' soft voice from the doorway.  Alexandre looked at him questioningly.  "You know I'm more practiced with a needle, and she's right, she has endured a lot of testing at our insistence."  Cornelius stated.  I sighed.  Cornelius was actually better with the blood draws.  I nodded at Alexandre and he shrugged in defeat, turning me over to Cornelius.  I patted his arm gently.

"Don't worry, you're better at other things."  I snickered teasingly.

"And how would you know?"  Asked Cornelius haughtily.  "You've refused to let me prove my superiority in that regard."  I rolled my eyes and Alexandre growled lightly.

"Down boy."  I called over my shoulder and heard him chuckle slightly.

"Never where you're concerned."  I heard him murmur and I blushed as Cornelius smirked at me out of the corner of his eyes.  I sat on one of the gurneys and Cornelius bustled around prepping the needles and test tubes.  I winced slightly and closed my eyes, breathing deeply, the feeling of warm blood staining the back of my clothing stealing across my body.  I jerked as Cornelius' slightly cool hand gently rubbed my own between his.

"Your heart rate and breathing spiked and your skin temperature dropped, are you feeling ok?"  Cornelius asked with worry.  Cornelius had been briefly informed of my past and run-in with the serial killer, but he didn't know the details, and he didn't know me like Alexandre did.  He didn't know that my mind was cruel and would randomly play tricks on me like this, bringing my past to the present to relive, unable to escape.  I felt the panic begin to rise as the memory of my heart slowing made me yank my hands away and grab at my chest.  Cornelius examined me intently.  I could tell he was using all his senses.

"Carys, are you having a panic attack?"  He asked me sharply.  I felt the baby begin to kick, which only made my fear worse-what damage was I doing to her?  Cornelius took my face in his hands gently and made me look at him.  "Nod or shake your head Carys, I need to be sure."  I shakily nodded and he disappeared and reappeared in an instant with a syringe in his hand.  I balked.  "I'm sorry Carys, this will help, it's a mild sedative.  It won't harm you or the baby, but you might burn it off quickly, so this is sort of a trial run.  Is it ok if I try this?"  He asked me swiftly and urgently.  I squeezed my eyes shut, nodded and felt the light prick of the needle in my thigh.  Cornelius swiftly scooped me up in his arms and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, sitting on the gurney with me on his lap.  He talked soothingly to me, stroking my hair, cheek, hand trying to get me to focus on the present instead of the past.  Alexandre had appeared at some point and before I knew it he had a hold of me too, and their scents mingled around me, a comforting haze of a snug library with a fresh vase of flowers and a pot of raspberry tea.  I inhaled deeply and felt the sedative kick in at the same time.  Suddenly I could take a deep breath again, and I found myself wrapping my arms around both Cornelius and Alexandre, burying my face between them as I cried.  Cornelius stiffened for a moment, but then I felt his arm loop around my shoulders and begin to rub small circles on my back.  Alexandre clutched me around the waist tightly, leaning his face into the crook of my neck.  I hugged him tighter and felt him kiss me softly.  Alexandre gripped Cornelius and drew him in closer as well.

"Thank you."  He murmured softly, and neither of us needed to ask what he meant.  Cornelius' body relaxed even more against us and I felt his head drop to my other shoulder.  If I wasn't wrong I felt wetness against my shirt.  I found myself suddenly comforting Cornelius too, leaning my head against his softly and holding him tighter against me as well.  My breathing had finally slowed and my heart rate had returned to a more reasonable speed.  Cornelius suddenly gripped me tighter and then straightened.

"Should we put this off for the day?"  Cornelius asked softly and began to store the supplies.  I reached out a hand to stop him.

"I'm sorry Cornelius."  I said quietly.  "I'm afraid I've misjudged you."  Alexandre squeezed my waist.

"I'll just get out of the way, shall I?"  He turned my face to him and searched my eyes intently.  "Will you be ok, Carys?"  Alexandre asked.  I bit my lip and nodded.

"Thank you."  I whispered and leaned my forehead against his gently.  He smiled softly and gave me a tender kiss before leaving the room quietly.

"Cornelius..I.."  I began but he shushed me.

"I heard your conversation with Alexandre.  I don't need your pity."  He remarked.  My expression hardened.

"It's not pity.  It's sympathy, or empathy.  It's understanding, of a sort."  I snapped, then took several deep breaths.  "Alexandre told you I was abused."  It was a statement not a question, if I knew Alexandre he had rushed to defend me the first time Cornelius had upset me with that explanation.  Cornelius held my gaze, but refused to answer.  I looked away and took a steadying breath.

"It was not physical abuse as much emotional and mental trauma.  It...I allowed it to damage me...seriously.  Before I met Alexandre, I never had a lasting relationship either.  I couldn't...no wouldn't allow myself to trust anyone.  I was afraid and I spent over thirty years alone, and I thought I was doomed to that, and maybe fine with it, but sometimes at night I would dream... I would dream of someone who..."  My breathing hitched  "...would hold me or look at me or love me the way Alexandre does.  And I would wake up with my heart aching in my chest because I knew I could never have that in real life.  And when Alexandre saved me, and I started to see that look in his eyes and feel that in my heart, I though over and over...this was a dream.  It couldn't be real."  A tear slid down my face and I felt Cornelius' cool fingers on my skin as he gently rubbed it away, turning my face much like Alexandre to gaze into my eyes.  I looked down, refusing to meet his gaze.  "I know, it's not the same, but.."  He tilted my head up, forcing my eyes back to his, searching my face again.  His expression was soft and he seemed to find a kindred spirit in my gaze.  He leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss between my brows.

"No, it's not the same, but I recognize the pain in your eyes.  Mine has just been amplified by over fifteen hundred years more.  And your suffering has come to an end."  He responded quietly.  I felt my heart ache for him and looked away again.  He leaned his forehead against mine and sighed.

"What do you want to do about the blood test?"  He asked after a minute or two.

"Just do it."  I winced and straightened my back.  "I probably won't freak back out on you again right now."  I laughed weakly.  He nodded quietly and extended my arm, feeling deftly for a vein before tying it off, extracting the blood and removing the needle swiftly.  Blood spilled from the end of the line as he removed it and Cornelius examined it for a moment before running a finger along it and sticking it in his mouth.  I shuddered.  He moaned and his eyes closed, then he looked at me with his eyes sparkling.

"Your blood even tastes different to normal vampires.  I wonder if you and Alexandre would be willing.."  He paused at my expression and said  "...maybe at a later time."  and waved offhandedly.  I stood from the table shakily and Cornelius observed it with detachment before pushing me back down.  He tore open his wrist and looked at me sternly.

"Drink."  He instructed.