Trapped

Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

Love? What does it feel to be in love?

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everything

will fall back in line

softly, freely, tenderly,

at peace,

in the exact places

they were meant to land in.

you will get there.

― my pillow poetry

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Infatuation versus Real love.

At a young age, I wasn't aware how to distinguish both. Whenever I had admired someone, it was because of something they do and not because of their physical appearance. I had always adored someone who's intelligent and could converse a sensible topic with me. Most especially those who have the same hobbies and interests as mine.

Aside from that, I still don't know what's the difference between infatuation and real love.

There is a big difference between the two feelings. 

A person who doesn’t fully know what both feeling means would have a hard time differentiating the two. Infatuation was always mistaken as love. Infatuation is a fleeting feeling; admiring a person without fully knowing them deeper. Most couples believed they were in love with their partners but ends up breaking up. However, you can’t fully love someone not unless you’ve seen their flaws and bad side. And yet, you still love them.

Maxwell told me she was in love, and for a moment; I wanted to feel what being in love felt like.

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[Ten years earlier]

I heard another set of giggles coming from the my opposite side where Maxwell was sited while I was busy reading a book. Distracted, I peeked from my book then casted my eyes at her direction. I immediately noticed an aura radiating from her. It was a positive type of emotion and it showed just by looking at her face. 

My sister had a big bright smile plastered on her face as she tapped on her phone. Omitting laughter and snickers every now and then while she tapped on her phone. I must she that she even swooned every now and then as she was busy over something that seemed quite interesting for her liking.

Maybe she was busy watching adorable puppy videos in the internet. Those kind of videos would instantly cast a smile on my face and my whole emotion screams joy and happiness.

Instead of actually being annoyed at her because she knows that I can’t fully concentrate reading if the room wasn’t silent enough. The room was silent, but not Maxwell. Tonight, I was more curious of why she was giggling too much instead of actually being irritated by her noisiness. I had never seen her like this and it intrigued me to the point that I wanted to see what she was looking at that made her to act like this.

I began feeling eagerly curious.

Without much hesitation, I neatly placed my book down on the small table in front of me, making sure that I had bookmarked the current page I was supposed to be reading in continuation—afraid to lost track of the page and I'd end up rereading the whole book. Then, I reached for my mug of coffee and quickly sipped a mouthful, finishing the drink until the last drop. The very action had boosted a set of courage inside of me. After relinquishing my thirst, I quietly stood and tiptoed to Maxwell’s side, hoping that she wouldn’t catch me.

My scheme was successful.

I was about to peer over her phone but didn’t want to invade her privacy to that extent just because I was growing more curious as minutes passed by. Maxwell and I had always respected each other's privacy. We don't tend to pry off one another's personal belongings because that action deemed disrespectful in our perspective.

So instead, I just cleared my throat then asked, “What are you doing, Maxy?” My voice was soft and low and noticed that my sister was too focused on her phone that she didn’t hear me mutter words nor noticed that I was now in front of her.

Uhm, why do I fell like I'm invincible for a  few moment? Am I a ghost right now and Maxwell can't possible see me?

Shaking my head, I inwardly laugh at how silly the thought was.

Growing desperate at any minute, I softly nudged her knee making her finally cast her eyes on me. However, it was only for a millisecond and then she looked back at her phone again.

Still a smile lingering on her face, she gave me a quick response. “Do you need something, kiddo?” Maxwell questioned not a single curiosity laced in her voice as she was too preoccupied.

I frowned, I wasn’t liking how she was acting. Whenever I needed something, she always tended to me. Asked me ‘what’s wrong’ in the most worried voice ever. My sister was always there for me to answer my queries. Even when I needed nothing, she’ll initiate to ask if I needed something or ask how I was feeling.

She always had her eyes on me as she cared for me deeply.

However, tonight was different.

I could feel a tinge of pain inside my chest as I saw her smiling over to her phone and was too busy to even care for me. It made my insides churn. I didn’t like the feeling.

Not even one bit.

I felt out of place and the only person I always ran to, seemed to be slowly fading away.

For a moment, I wanted to snatch her phone in her hands and throw it to the ground and tell her that I didn’t like how she was acting right in front of me.

However, I managed to control my emotions. Doing that would only prove that I was being an insensitive spoiled brat. Maxwell told me that she doesn’t want me to be raised that way. I am three years younger than her so it was only natural for me to throw tantrums every now and then. Except, my sister doesn’t tolerate that attitude of mine. She’s always quick to tell me whenever my attitude is brewing to the bad side.

Yet, tonight I wanted to throw a fit even though she’ll probably scold me. I wouldn’t care as long as her attention was on mine alone.

Unfeigned, I nudged her once more. And this time I put effort and did it with force, causing her eyes to widen at my actions. When she saw me with a frown on my face, she quickly put down her phone and spoke, “What’s the matter?” She asked, stretching her arms out and motioned for me to sit beside her on the sofa.

I immediately sat beside her, the frown not leaving my face. 

Shyly, I turned to her. In which she quickly placed a hand on my forehead, checking my temperature if I’m sick or if I have a fever.

Between the two of us, I’m the one who was always sick and being confined in the hospital since I have a low immune system. So her reaction was pretty much expected. My sister's instinct began to flare up, growing more worried.

Her eyebrows were knit together as she stared at me intensely, sensing if something was wrong.

I could hear her phone dinging too much as notifications flooded her. Never did she look away to check her phone. Instead, she just focused on me. I bit the insides of my cheek, I know that what I’m acting is causing uneasiness inside her. However, I couldn’t stop being curious.

“Is there something wrong?” She asked, holding my hand and gently massaging the top.

“Uhh,” I stuttered, “Nothing is wrong.” I answered, looking away.

Maxwell reached for my chin then made me face her, “Then why are you acting like this?” She asked, still full of worry.

I pointed at her phone that had been dinging for more than five minutes now. “What were you doing?”

My question instantly flushed her, turning her face in the shade of red. She looked away in embarrassment. All the worries were not replaced with blushing. She even hid her face behind her hands but it didn’t even do anything as I could still see how flushed she was.

My brows raised in confusion and curiosity. I have never seen her like this. Maybe, I do whenever we watch some romantic movies.

And that was when it had hit me.

“Is that a boy?” I asked, now it was my turn to giggle.

She didn’t say a word but nodded her head as a response. I instantly squealed at her and she was quick to cover my mouth.

She stared at me, her hands still on my lips. “Hush it down. Don’t tell mom and dad.” I was waiting for her to let go of me but then I grew mindful that she was waiting for an answer. I nodded in return and she let go of me. Both of us had a huge grin on our faces. 

“Who is he?” I instantly asked, not waiting any second to know more.

“A boy in one of my classes. He’s smart and witty.” She answered.

I engulfed her in a hug, “I’m happy for you.” I said and when I let go, I softly nudged her shoulders, “How long have you known each other?”

“For about three months.” She replied, curtly. “And he’s my boyfriend.”

My eyes widened in shock. She barely knew him and she already had a boyfriend? My giggles immediately died down and I tried to force a smile on my face.

I was quite unsure if my sister noticed but when her phone rang, she immediately reached for her phone and answered the call right away.

“Oh, I was talking to my sister.” She answered the phone and smiled at me. That was my cue to go back to my seat and in an instant her voice faded in my ears.

I grabbed the book that I was reading then pretended to read when in reality, I was wondering how it felt like to be in love.

The very thought of my sister falling in love with someone she only knew for three months, made me wonder if I would fall for a guy as easy as that. I wasn’t judging her preferences but I thought that she knew better. Our parents always reminded us that if we like someone, we should bring them over to our house so that our mom and dad would know them better.

My sister is smart and I expected more of her.

Nevertheless, Maxwell having a boyfriend brewed thoughts inside my head. I could sense that the tinge of pain never left my heart. Of course I was happy for her. Seeing her happy makes me happy. However, that would only mean that she’ll have less time for me and more time for her boyfriend.

Ouch. That stings.

Should I get a boyfriend too?

How does it feel, though? Would I get butterflies in my tummy? Does having a boyfriend make my life happier? Is it necessary?

I laughed at that thought. I’m only thirteen for Pete’s sake! I’m too young for that.

I shrugged the thoughts away and reassured myself that nothing would go wrong then continued to read the book that I was reading.