Trapped

Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:

This must be how love feels like.

»»—♡—««

you are the first love

that feels like floating.

i’m still in a sea

that is endless and frightening,

but instead of hands pulling me under,

there is a body below me

holding me up.

― l.e. bowman

»»—♡—««

Love is defined to be a profoundly tender, passionate, and intense feeling of affection for another person. 

If I were to define love, no one could get an answer from me. Not because I lack the feeling of love to the opposite gender or love that isn't about familial love. I just couldn’t really define love no matter how hard I try. No flowery words, no sugar coated words. All I could think of when love is mentioned, is home.

Love for me felt like home.

That certain person is my home.

It's the comfortable feeling whenever you are with your person. It's the feeling of safety and the feeling of immense affection. Their warmth and their hold immediately radiates a feeling of comfort in your bones. Something that not everyone can quite offer.

However, love doesn’t come as easy as people wish it would be. Love doesn’t magically appear right at your door, knocking and wanting to be invited over. One shouldn't be finding love. Let love find you and it would absolutely feel different once you allow fate to bring you together without the need to force the relationship. It is actually a rough path. There are people who are destined to meet their other halves in the latter part of their life. Some are lucky to meet theirs in the earlier part of their life.

And I am lucky enough to meet mine in my early years of life.

»»—♡—««

[Three years earlier]

Carefully, I placed down my phone as I suppressed the forthcoming giggles that wanted to erupt from my mouth. I clutched on the leathered seat tightly as I couldn't fully suppressed the happiness radiating inside of me.

I bit the insides of my cheek, trying to hold the smile that wanted to be released.

All my effort had gone to waste when my lips curled into a smile as I could no longer hold the giggles that wanted to be omitted from my mouth. I didn’t even bother hiding my feelings since I feel all over the moon. 

My heart was beating erratically inside my chest, I could feel the fireworks and the butterflies in my tummy. I am certain that my eyes were glimmering in admiration right now. I couldn’t stop fidgeting in my seat as I wildly smiled like a crazy person.

I bet I looked like one right now.

In my peripheral vision, I could see my sister gawking at me with curiosity and concern. I turned to look at her and instantly flashed her a wide grin. Not even hiding the emotions inside me. It was useless anyway since I have been fidgeting so much in my seat that it would be hard not to notice me.

“Are you mental?” She asked as she slid her phone down and then tapped something on her watch.

“I’m just happy.” I exclaimed, beaming. The smile never leaving my face as I uttered those words and she instantly raised a brow at my direction as she placed down her phone on her side.

She scoffed, “Just happy?" Maxwell asked with a hint of mocking tone, that I immediately noticed. "Kiddo, you look like a worm splashed with salt on your entire body. You’re basically wriggling and squirming in your seat.” She said, slightly rolling her eyes and yet there was still concern laced in her expression. “What’s wrong?” Maxwell asked with much curiosity lingering in her voice.

Instead of prolonging the conversation like I always intended to do whenever she wanted to pry into my life, I just smiled at her. Then my smile only grew bigger, as I became eager to tell her the next words that will come out of my mouth. “Do you remember Warren? The one I told you about?” I exclaimed in joy.

She nodded at me, her expression immediately changed. Like all the worries in her mind had faded and was now replaced with a smile.  “Yes, the one you can’t shut up about. Of course I remember the great and mighty Warren Callahan.” Maxwell teased her eyes beaming.

I giggled in return. I do have a habit of telling her everything that happened in my life. She’s basically my human diary. How my day goes, what happened, what I did and how I feel. She had never complained about me being oversharing about those kinds of things. She was always there right beside me, willing to listen to my stories. She even admitted to me that she loved listening to them. She was the first one who initiated to lend her ears to me. She kept reminding me that if something is bothering or bugging me, I should just always let her know. It doesn’t matter if she can’t totally relate. As long as I was venting out my feelings, she was satisfied with it.

“Yes, him.” I declared, overjoyed. “So.. he kind of wants to take our relationship on the next level.” I happily announced as my excitement only grew profound. I squealed inside the car causing our driver, Albert, to glance at us in shock. I placed a hand on my mouth, trying to hide the squeals.

I peered over to Maxwell and her face flushed different emotions. I could feel that she was happy for me but now worry began to take over her. Her eyebrows were knitted together and her lips were pursed into a thin line, not even a small curt could be found.

I frowned at her expression, it was beginning to ruin the atmosphere and I didn't like it. For once, I felt like I regretted telling her about it. That I should have kept it to myself. For once, I regretted oversharing the exciting news to her. If this was the reaction that I was to get, I wished I could turn back time and didn't even bother telling her about it anymore.

Maxwell noticed my discomfort and she quickly reached for my hand, I slightly shoved my hand away and I could see the hurt in her eyes. She didn’t bother reaching out for my hand again, maybe she’s afraid that I’ll react the same.

“Chandy,” She said, her voice hushed down. “Don’t take this the wrong way.”

“I thought you’ll be happy for me.” I confessed, disbelief was coursing through my body.

She knew how I felt for Warren, I made sure to express to her how much he meant to me. And I knew that I was falling deeper for him. Ever since I met him, there hasn't been a day wherein I didn't talk about him to Maxwell. She was always the first one to know about the both of us. And she was happy for me since she knew how happy I was with the past months that I have been friends with Warren.

“Chandy, you have been hurt and broken before. I’m just afraid that you’ll experience that before.” Maxwell softly muttered, her eyes never leaving mine. She was observing my reaction and my emotions. I'm sure of it, she's being careful whether she'll say something that would offend me since I'm very sensitive about this topic. 

Especially if my happiness is on the line.

I'm happy with Warren, she of all people, was aware of that fact.

With her words, I grew mindful of where she was coming from. I had past lovers, two to be exact. And she knew both of them. I told her stories about them. Of how much I cherished them and our relationship. And in the end, we just broke up. Our relationships didn't even last that long so I didn't even considered them as true love. However, she witnessed how heartbroken I became when the relationship had ended.

The first one was just like a puppy love, we were both young at that time and we broke up because we found out that we didn’t really love each other to that extent. And we had so many differences in terms of hobbies. 

The second one was, well, the one that I didn’t even expect. I had loved him dearly to the point that I was crying every night remembering him and the moments that we had shared together. I was so broken when we had split up, Maxwell knew that. My ex-boyfriend admitted to me that he didn’t really love me and him and his friends just placed a bet on me. He told me that after 5 months we knew each other and 3 months after we started dating. 

I was devastated. There was this sadness and emptiness swirling inside of me everyday after we had broken up. It was hard for me to wake up nor to eat to fill energy inside me. It took me time to move on but now, I got over it.

Maybe that’s why she was acting like this. Maxwell is worried that my relationship with Warren would end up in bad terms. I couldn’t blame her for her actions. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend of three years.. Despite her having past lovers too, this recent break up had changed her in some sort.  She rarely smiles and I could easily tell that she was unhappy. Like a part of her was taken away.

I could understand her since I have experienced it before. But I can’t let her judgement stand in my way for Warren.

“We’ve known each other for half a year, Maxy. We were past that ‘getting to know each other phase.’ I don’t think six months is a short period of time for getting to know each other. In fact it is already quite long.” I rebutted, shedding some light into her. Enlightening her mind for her to see that I am serious with this. I am serious with Warren. "If you are afraid that my heart would be broken again, I can assure you that Warren is not that kind of guy. He had always put me first in everything. He had taken care of me well enough to tell you that he couldn't hurt me the way you think he will." I added.

 She nodded at me, "Well, I guess you are right. And I know how much you adored him, you can't shut up about him." Maxwell finally smiled at me.

I knew that my sister was all and nothing but concerned for my entire being. She was just worried that's why she reacted like that earlier.

Reaching for her hand, it was now my time to reassure her. "Yes, I also want you to get to know him more. As well as Mom and Dad." A soft smile plastered on my lips as I said those words.

I really wanted them to meet Warren and to formally introduce him as someone that I deeply cherish. I couldn't think of other ways and the plan I thought of might offer some big help.

"And how is that?" She asked, raising her brows but was still smiling at me.

With a serious expression, I spoke. "I'm going to invite him over for dinner tomorrow."