The Swiss Escape

Decision

The next day I plan to take Kayla to a friend's house. Her name is Rachel. I met her in one of the Mommy and Me classes; she has a son the same age. “Are you sure you’re good to watch Kayla? I shouldn’t be gone too long. I just need to get something for my allergies, there bad this time of year.”

“No problem, we needed to have a playdate anyway.” Rachel smiled and took Kayla from me. “Say have a fun, mommy,” Kayla said bye and ran to go play with Tom.

I sign in and quickly take a seat in the doctor’s office. It didn’t take long before I get called back. I ask for an STD test and the Implanon birth control. I feel relieved they can do both today.

After I finished at the clinic, I went by the bank. “Hi, I need to start a separate checking account.” The teller was kind enough to help me set up another account. I set up twenty dollars every two weeks to transfer to my new account. The amount is low enough Johnny wouldn’t notice.

Once I finish at the bank, I pick up Kayla. I take her out to lunch, and then we spend an hour at the park. On the way home, she falls asleep. I carry Kayla inside and put her down.

While Kayla is napping, I call Jen. I tell her everything that happened since our last conversation. “Girl, you need to get out, like now.”

“It would be dumb to get out now. I need a plan, a place to go, and a better job. Besides, Johnny still has some scary friends.”

I could hear Jen thinking. “Maybe you should run away to Mexico or Canada. He wouldn’t follow you.”

“He would find me. I don’t think it’s fleeing the country bad yet.”

“If you say so, oh, I got to go, girl, someone just walked into the shop.” Jen owns a boutique.

“Okay, bye.” I hang up the phone and do a little work for the organization. Then I start searching for a new job. We live in Portland, so I thought it would be easy for someone with a Master’s in Education to find a job, I was wrong.

That night after getting Kayla to bed. I continued my job hunt. I fell asleep sometime around midnight. When I woke up, a furious Johnny is looking at my computer. “Why are you looking for a job?”

“I’m not happy, Johnny. I can’t just sit by while you sleep with other women. You made it clear you’re not going to stop, so I decided I needed a better job.”

Johnny was not okay with this answer. Getting upset, he smashes my laptop on the floor. “You’re not leaving, understand. You chose this life, now clean this up, you know how I get anxious when the house isn’t clean at night.”

“You just smashed my laptop. How am I supposed to do any work now? Why would you do that? And what do you mean I chose this life? I think we had vows saying to forsake all others?”

Johnny smiled. He put his arm around me and forced me to lean against him. “I want to keep my family together, and you threatened that. Next time it may not be the laptop I take my anger out on, got it?”

When I don’t respond, he grabbed the back of my hair and pulls, “Yes, I got it.”

“Good girl. Is my dinner in the fridge?”

“Yes, top-shelf.”

“Good, clean this up, and go to bed.” Johnny then kisses me on the cheek and goes to the kitchen.

After blinking a few times, I realized it now is leaving the country bad. Johnny always got what he wants; he won't stop if I leave.

I clean up the broken glass and plastic from my laptop. Then I go to bed. I need to put as much space between Johnny and myself as possible.

The next morning I take Kayla to the library for storytime. While she plays with the other children, I used the computer to work. When I finish, I google a few places. I found a few European countries that would allow me to divorce Johnny even if he is in another country. Then I can move around so he can’t find me. I printed off a few countries' names, and for safe measure, I print travel information and tourist sites. If Johnny finds them, he would assume they’re vacation ideas.

I took Kayla home and called Jen. I told her about Johnny smashing my computer and that it was time to plan out an escape. Jen agreed. “Tomorrow I am coming over, and I’ll bring my computer. We will figure out a plan. It might take time, though.”

“Then, in the meantime, I will pretend to have accepted things.”

“Good idea. We will get through this, don’t worry.” Jen tries to sound reassuring.

The rest of the day is taking Kayla to dance and gymnastics. I was surprised when Johnny came home in time for dinner. Kayla seemed nonchalant about seeing him. I quickly got dinner on the table, and we all began eating. “It’s like she doesn’t know who I am. Are you purposefully not telling her about me?”

“Of course not. You have just spent a lot of time at work. She typically asks where you are and why you’re not home.”

“What do you tell her?”

“That you’re working and miss her as much as she misses you.” Trying to keep Johnny from getting angry. “If you’re not working this weekend, maybe we could take a family trip to the zoo so you can spend more time with Kayla. She would love to do something with you.”

Johnny gives me a look, then he smiles. He looks at Kayla, who is very into her spaghetti, “Would you like to go to the zoo, Kaykay?”

Of course, the word zoo made Kayla’s eyes light up, “Yeah! With the animals.” She giggles and Johnny smiles at her then me.

“I should be home a little more to spend time with her, especially if we want another. I’ll start coming home at night.” Johnny sounds regretful.

“Does this mean you will be home at six again? Will everything go back to how it used to be?” I sound a little too eager.

Johnny gives me a disappointed look. “Don’t be desperate, Kam, it’s not attractive. I will go out after we put Kayla to bed. I need to spend more time with her. It’s clear you don’t do a good job making sure she remembers me.”

“Kayla will enjoy having you home more.” I dO my best not to cry. It Is at this moment I realize how abusive Johnny has become. I didn’t notice when it started, but now I know it’s gotten worse. For someone who is supposed to know the signs of abuse, I failed to find them in my own life.

“Mommy, I all done. I get a bath now, please.” I pick Kayla up and take her to get a bath. Once we finished her bath, it was bedtime. After that, I came out of her room to find Johnny sitting on the couch, texting someone on his phone.

“Is she asleep?” Johnny asks, not looking away from his phone.

“No, but she will be soon.” I head to the kitchen to clean up dinner. Johnny comes in behind me and begins kissing my neck. I never liked it when he kisses my neck, it was open-mouthed, and I just felt covered in spit after. Most people tell me they like it, so it must just be something with me.

Johnny grabs my breast and squeezes. It makes my skin crawl when he touches me, but I need him to think everything is normal. “Why don’t you leave everything and come back to the bedroom with me? You can finish up after we try to make another baby.”

“Or you could take me in the kitchen? Maybe that would be less boring for you?” I suggest. A small part of me still wants to salvage my marriage, even though the logical side of me knows it’s too late.

“That’s gross, Kam. You prepare food in here. No one screws in the kitchen. You know, I thought you were more proper than this.” He pulls away from me, and instead of feeling bad, I feel relief.

I finish the dishes and clean up the toys. Then, I do some light dusting. By the time I finish, it’s ten. Taking a quick shower, I head to bed. Johnny sits on the bed with his phone. I walk over and grab some clothes, no longer caring about being attractive, so I wore a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. “Couldn’t you try a little, Kam? What happened to that thing you wore the other night?”

“I feel bloated. Probably going to start my period soon. You wouldn’t want to have s*x with me anyway.” I hope this will satisfy Johnny enough.

“Wow, Kam, way to be dramatic. I will just see Bernice. I’m spending the night. See you tomorrow for dinner.”

“Okay, have a goodnight.” I am relieved he is leaving.

After Johnny left, I fell fast asleep. It still hurt that the only man I have ever loved treated me so, but I finally realized what he has done to me. Soon Johnny would be out of my life.

The next morning, I took Kayla and met with an attorney. I played music on my phone so that she wouldn’t listen. The female attorney brought me in, sat me down, and then asked why I came to see her.

“My husband is having an affair. It’s not the first one. I work for a nonprofit, and he is threatening me if I try to leave. I want to know what my options are.”

“Okay, we will get you an order of protection when you file. It will also state your husband needs to leave the house and cannot touch any utilities or change the name on any bills. Since you work for a nonprofit most judges will see that as ‘good Samaritan’ work and likely give you more alimony. Where does your husband work, and what does he do?” The attorney grabs her calculator.

“Johnny is the lab manager at KhemTech. He makes about $500k a year.”

The attorney freezes and looks at me. “That is a hazardous company. They are known for their questionable business ethics and products. If he is in a management position, he is high on the list. They often protect those people at all costs. I know another attorney who tried to help a woman get a divorce, but the attorney ended up dead in her garage. I can’t take your case. I’m sorry.”

“Please, you have to help me, he’s becoming violent. What if he hurts my daughter or me?”

Looking at me with sad eyes, she replies, “I can't tell you as an attorney to run, but as a woman trying to help another woman. Stash money, get you and your daughter a passport, then go to a country that won't expedite you back to the U.S. for taking your child. You can file for divorce in the U.K., Spain, or Italy. Then after you file, leave that country and go somewhere else. Filing in another country will take longer to be finalized. It often takes around sixty days. Purse a fault divorce and give him the house and other assets. State you want nothing from him and file for full custody. Living in a different country will likely grant you full custody. Take time with this and make sure everything is covered, do not try to do it on the fly. You will forget something major, and he will find you. Be smart and take your time.” 

With our meeting done, I go back to the library. It is time to make a few decisions.