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3. Nora

Chapter Three

Nora

My hand was shaking, and I forced myself to lower it before I dropped the spoonful of macaroni and cheese all over my lap. My eyes stung, and I abruptly realized I might be about to cry. For the second time today.

I cried so much over Gabriel after he threw my feelings back in my face. I thought I had thoroughly and completely boarded up the windows, doors, and walls around my heart. I’d even built a moat, metaphorically speaking, but apparently, that wasn’t enough to protect me, and I needed a freaking fortress.

Here I was, almost crying after he kissed me earlier, and now almost crying because he apologized. Jesus. I was pathetic.

“What?”

My mouth formed the word, but my lips felt almost numb. The rest of me felt raw, as if his mere presence had sliced me to ribbons.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

I blinked at him, hoping I blinked the tears away. “For what?”

He set his bowl on the floor beside him. Leaning back against the bench, he stretched out his long legs with his feet crossed at his ankles. No matter what Gabriel did, he exuded a relaxed, easy masculinity. My eyes dropped down, drawn to the motion of his hand. He was tracing along one of the worn wooden floorboards in here. Lord knows when this place was built. The simple rectangular structure could’ve been here for decades. Somebody had replaced the roof at one point to a bright red steel, which made it easy to spot from the sky when you were flying over. The inside was completely unfinished—just plain wood benches and shelves, all of it covered in dust.

The sea-scoured wind blew inside, the air salty and dry as I waited for his reply.

“I’m sorry for screwing everything up,” he finally said. “Can we try again?”

I stared at him blankly. My heart set up a raucous cheer while my mind scrambled to backpedal on that excitement. No need to let my heart get stupid all over again. Well before Gabriel broke my heart, I’d learned not to trust men. My father taught me well. Never trust a man to hang around. Definitely never trust a man to take care of your heart.

“Try what again?” I heard myself asking.

I wanted to smack those words right back into my mouth. Too late, they were already out there. I wished the wind would blow them away. No such luck.

Gabriel angled his head to the side, his eyes watching me quietly while my heart beat like a jackrabbit in my chest and butterflies twirled madly in my belly.

“Us,” he said simply.

“Gabriel, we already did that. I can’t do the whole friends-with-benefits thing. I can’t be your dirty secret. I just can’t.”

It hurt to say that, but it was all true. You see, I loved Gabriel. I fell in love with him not long after I fell into bed with him.

“I’m not asking you to be my dirty secret. Let’s really do this.”

“Do what?” I felt as if I had to keep clarifying every detail so there was no misunderstanding. Because the last time I misunderstood, it had nearly broken me.

He didn’t even hesitate. “A relationship, commitment, everything.”

Hope was throwing confetti in the air, clapping its hands and stomping its feet inside my chest. My heart felt yanked like a kite in a gust of wind, lifting it skyward. I clamped down hard, remembering that Gabriel wasn’t even close to being ready for anything resembling a commitment. I had enough of my own issues with it. I couldn’t be stupid all over again.

“Gabriel, you told me you would never commit to anyone. What’s changed in a few months?” I knew, I freaking knew I shouldn’t be asking these questions, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.

“I figured something out.”

I forgot to breathe and was suddenly gulping in air. Gathering myself together after several breaths, with the brisk wind giving me an assist as it swirled into the space, I asked, “What’s that?”

“I love you,” he stated as though it was no big deal.

For the third time today, tears stung my eyes. This time I couldn’t hold back and leaned my head down, pressing the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. I would not fall apart in front of him.

After a moment, the muddle of emotion inside lasered in on anger. It gave me the impetus to lift my eyes again. I didn’t even care if he could tell I was trying not to cry. “What the f**k, Gabriel? This is bullshit. Do not f**k with my emotions like this.”