Possess

1 Rue Falling — truly falling without anything beneath to catch you — is terrifying. I look up at the rapidly diminishing dark clifftop, the air around me passing by with a whoosh. My arms and legs flailing uselessly. Below me is the sea, spreading out endlessly, restless and grey. I can hear my heart thumping loudly in my ears. Ka-thump. Ka-thump. There is a feeling of weightlessness, just for a moment. My mind races, scrambling to put together a thought. The water. I have to worry about the water below. I can’t see the water, but I know I have mere seconds before I hit the surface. The surface. Oh god. I don’t know much about diving off of things, but I remember hearing somewhere that you should hit the water with your hands or feet. Struggling in midair, I manage to look down. The dark water rushes up toward my face. Ka-thump. Ka-thump. In another heartbeat, I hit the water, breaking the surface with my hands and my face. I slide into the water easily, much more smoothly than I expected. I close my eyes against the water as I shoot down, down, down… Ka-thump. Ka-thump. Everything is different here. The sound of the whole world is muted, and I can’t open my eyes to look around. What do I do? Ka-thump. Ka-thump. What do I do? Move. Swim upward. I begin to swim, though I have no real idea of whether I’m going toward the surface or not. Pain lances through my body like a white-hot blade, radiating out from my hands. There is something wrong with my left hand. It’s definitely sprained or broken. Fluttering and reaching upward, I want to scream out of pain as my hand floats, mostly useless. Struggling upward, using my whole body to push myself forward, I need to breathe. Fear grips me, wrapping its icy hands around my heart. This is the first moment since I’ve been toppled off the cliff that I felt dread. Ka-thump. Ka-thump. Swim! Keep going! Trying to ignore the pain, I stroke, stroke, stroke. I refuse to think of how badly I need air. I refuse to think of how deeply I dove. Ka-thump. Ka-thump. God, I need to breathe. I break the surface of the water without warning, gasping. I suck both air and water into my lungs, my heart beating so hard that for a moment it’s all I can hear. Shucking the hair out of my eyes, I wince at the pain in my hand. If I weren’t stunned right now, I would, without a doubt, be weeping. I bob in the water, struggling to stay afloat. I can see little here, just the cliff’s base. Ka-thump. Ka-thump. What am I supposed to do now? I scan the cliff, looking for somewhere I can swim to. A rock, a beach… anything that will allow me to rest. I know that there is a beach on the other side of the castle, but I don’t see anything here except for a few sharp-looking rocks, slamming against the tide again and again. I’m tired from swimming already, struggling to tread water. Just keeping my head above water is hard. Suddenly I see a strong beam of light wink to life, attached to a little boat. I remember that Rafi pointed to a tug boat before he knocked me off the cliff. It seemed far away then, but it’s quite close now. How long have I been in the water? Going underwater for a second, I try to figure out if my mind is playing tricks on me. When I surface again, I flounder as best I can in the direction of the ship. How do I make myself more noticeable? My head is submerged again, and I come back up gasping and spluttering. It’s getting harder and harder to keep moving. I feel so heavy. My silk dress, so light when it’s dry, is an unbearable weight now. I try to make as much noise as I can, try to make sure that the little boat won’t miss me. But my cries are drowned out by the sounds of the sea, my splashes lost in the rolling tides. The waves seem larger now somehow, more often than not rising over my head. The more I struggle, the more pointless the whole thing seems. My arm throbs, my wrist feeling like a thousand fire ants are biting all at once. God, I’m not going to make it. What happens then? I roll my eyes heavenward, my numb lips beginning to move in silent prayer. Please. Lord, please. I’m sorry I’ve been distracted by the devil. I’ll do better, I swear. Don’t let this be the end. I suck in a breath at the wrong time, gulping in a lot of salty water. There’s nowhere to breathe it out, to trade it for a breath of air. There is just more swirling blackness. I close my eyes and let go.