Full Moon Fiancé

Pain and Heartbreak

She had just slipped into her room only a few moments before she heard steps on the landing to her bedroom shaped prison. She tried to lounge believably on the window seat, attempting to look sulky and put out. Still, a million thoughts raced through her mind. She didn’t want that to show, however. She wanted to appear placidly, angrily cold. It was easier said than done, because her anger was punctuated by speculation, confusion, sadness, even happiness, in a weird way, to know that Joshua was, at least, alive. The emotions she felt ran the gamut and overwhelmed her.

“Can I come in?” she heard Joshua ask. In the faint reflection in the window she could see that he had poked his head into the doorframe, but was still standing outside.

“It’s your house,” she replied. She heard a gentle sound from him, almost a snicker, but one that he was covering. That was good, since she wasn’t trying to make him laugh. The very idea of him being amused in their situation made her feel angry.

“Yeah, about that…” he trailed off. “About everything– I– well, I know you deserve an explanation.”

“Obviously,” she replied. It seemed so intuitive that it hardly was worth stating.

“And I want to give you one.”

“But you won’t?” she guessed. She finally turned to face him. He had one foot over the threshold into the room, his eyes on the carpet. She recognized the distress in the way he wrinkled his nose slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. She glanced at him, over him, trying to look as angry as she felt. He didn’t look her in the eyes. She didn’t try to make him do so. She could hardly stand to see him there, looking so unruffled. Looking so alive, unbothered by the fact that every day without him had nearly killed her.

“I can’t.”

“Yeah, okay,” said Diana. She turned back to the window. “You can’t tell me what’s going on, you can’t let me leave, you can’t tell me how I got here, you can’t tell me how YOU got here, I get it. I’ll just sit here quietly.”

“I can’t tell you now,” Joshua said, putting emphasis on the word now. “But I will be able to soon, I think. Please just hang in there.” She heard footsteps on the dark wood planks of the floor as he approached her, and watched in the window’s reflection as he timidly put his hand on her shoulder. “Please.”

She shrugged his hand off. “I don’t have a choice, apparently. I notice my cell phone has mysteriously disappeared. It was definitely in my pocket in the woods.”

“Was it?” he asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “Well, I didn’t take it.”

“No, I’m sure your mother took care of that one.”

“Look, you might not believe me,” he said, “and I understand why, but please just know that my family and I really are trying to protect you. There are things that if you know them, you wouldn’t be safe.”

“Oh, please,” Diana scoffed. “What, like your family is in the mob or something? Secretly supervillains? Yeah, okay. Just admit that you wanted out of our relationship. You could have just said something,” she felt her voice rising with anger even though she tried to control herself, and to her shock, she realized her hands were trembling. “You didn’t have to fake your own death to escape me, or whatever.”

“That isn’t why– Diana, please, it isn’t like that!” His voice raised a half an octave in his frustration. She thought it was almost desperation, and she couldn’t help but wonder who he was so desperate to convince.

She scoffed again, turning toward him just enough that he could see her roll her eyes. “Sure,” she nodded.

“I promise, in a few days, I will explain everything. I won’t leave out a single detail.”

“I think you’ll find that your word means less to me than it used to,” she said coldly. She wanted to cry, but was determined not to do so. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of it. She raised her chin a little higher, trying to look haughty.

“I know.” Joshua said it so softly that her heart nearly broke. There was a lot of pain inside those two words. A part of her wanted to run to him in comfort.

But there is just as much pain in you, if not more, she reminded herself.

“Why don’t you come back when you actually have something useful to say to me,” Diana finally said. Her voice was almost as soft and broken as Joshua’s had been, and she watched him carefully in the window as he scrunched his nose again and stared at her for a moment.

“Okay,” he finally said. “If that’s what you want. Is there anything you need?”

“Freedom of movement?”

“Is there anything I can have sent up to you?” he asked. He had the audacity to sound almost annoyed as he rephrased his question.

“Oh,” she said, even though she knew that was what he had meant, “then no.”

“Okay.” He turned to leave. She had a wild impulse to stop him.

“Joshua,” she called out, before she could think better of it. He paused with one hand on the door handle and looked over his shoulder at her.

This time, she twisted around so that she was facing him. Looking him directly in the eyes, she bit her lip, suddenly shy. After a moment, she convinced herself to speak. “Do you have a dog?”

“What?” He sounded very surprised. “A dog?”

“Yes. Did you get one? Like, in the last year, I mean. Since the last time… the last time I saw you.”

His brow furrowed. “No. No, I don’t have a dog,” he said. Despite everything, she trusted this. She saw the sincerity in his eyes.

“Okay.”

Joshua swung open the door and stepped through the doorframe, then snapped the door shut behind him in one fluid motion. He moved so quickly, he was gone before she had really processed it.