My Universe

4: “But why does it taste so sweet?”

The weather for the past few days was perfect with the light blue hues and bright big ball of fire staying spread out above the sky like it was expected to have everyone’s mood lifted up and be in a light one; like life was so great to not give up on. Winter could not help but think that life was being unfair for making her see how everyone and everything was doing fine while she was the only one in the crowd all crumbled inside with a gloomy aura.

Ever since that day when it had been clear about the conclusion to Claire’s short and dry replies to her, Winter seemed to have lost all of her motivation and will to continue living as it felt as if she had lost a huge part of herself. That was when she realized that the reason why she had been waking up every morning and making sure to attend classes in university was because she wanted to save up money with a stable job for her to be able to stop their relationship from being long distanced and to finally live with Claire for the rest of their lives together as a family.

There was nothing Tina and Hana could do but to comfort their heartbroken best friend with their presence as they decided to stick with her all the time to make sure that their best friend would not try to do anything dangerous. The both of them knew how much Winter loved her ex-girlfriend since they were witnesses of her intense breakdowns whenever she and Claire had a fight. Winter was always the confident and easygoing type who always had her charming smile on her face at all times; but all of those disappear whenever she gets in an argument with Claire as she would always be seen wrapped in a blanket on bed like a burrito for the whole day until Claire either messages or calls her.

Winter and Claire were totally over already, which means that there was a huge possibility for Winter to do worse things than cry on bed for more than 10 hours. Tina and Hana could not help but feel completely worried for their best friend, who was refusing to attend classes even though she literally got a warning from one of their professors about the possibility of her repeating the subjects if she continues to not make an effort in improving her grades. The thing that likely made them less worried for a bit was the fact that Winter was not the type to make herself wasted with alcohol to try to forget about the pain.

It had been three days since the breakup over phone call scenario and also the third day since Winter started to isolate herself in the dormitory room. Tina and Hana were just thankful that she would still eat the food that they would leave for her even though they could not pull her out of the bed or room.

Like a regular morning routine, Tina immediately went to the bathroom to wash up as soon as she woke up while Hana went to the cafeteria after washing up to get breakfast for Winter, who was still wrapped in her blanket as usual. Still, they would try to wake their best friend up to go to class with them.

“Winter, are you going to be like this forever? You know that our instructor of our first morning class today is strict when it comes to students skipping her class,” Tina spoke in a loud but calm voice while wiping her face with a clean towel after washing in the bathroom. “I understand that you’re in utter pain, but you shouldn’t give up on life already just because of—holy f**k!”

Tina placed her hand over her chest as she let out a heavy sigh in shock when the person that she assumed to be still sleeping on her bed was currently standing right in front of the bathroom while staring at her blankly with a bath towel over her arm. For some reason, it felt like it had been a long time since the blue-eyed woman actually saw the face of her best friend up close as she noticed a huge difference between her current physical appearance and her state before she got dumped.

“I’m joining you today, so move and let me go shower,” the red-haired woman spoke in a dull tone as she looked away from the latter and stepped inside the bathroom, walking past by her.

“O-Oh, okay. That’s nice,” Tina said as she quickly stepped out of the bathroom when she closed the door immediately.

It was even unusual to hear Winter speak emotionlessly since they were used to hear her speak with many emotions as her voice could be visually imagined as a bright rainbow with sparkly glitters. Her pretty eyes that used to always light up looked as if she was even lazy to open them as Tina realized that she looked pretty intimidating when Winter does not speak or express her emotions with her eyes. Tina knew that Winter was not just sleeping for the past days in the dorm just by seeing how thick the bags under her eyes were.

A few minutes had passed until Hana finally came back with a breakfast set for Winter as hope flashed on her face when she noticed Winter’s bed finally being vacant and heard the sound of the shower from their bathroom. When she turned to the short-haired woman who was tying her shoelaces, the both of them immediately shared smiles as they had the same thoughts.

“Winter, you can eat this at school if we go early!” Hana said as she felt excitement at the thought of going to school with both of her best friends again.

“I told her that she shouldn’t stay like that forever and I guess that made her realize,” Tina bragged and shrugged as she continued to tie her shoelaces.

“Way to go, babe!” Hana squealed as she jumped at her to hug her, making them fall on the bed.

“H-Hah, yeah,” Tina uttered as she smiled while patting the latter’s back, feeling her cheeks burn at the endearment; even though her body was starting to ache at the heavy weight of her best friend.

Giggles filled the dormitory room as the younger woman refused to let go and just continued to hug her best friend, whom she did not know had romantic feelings for her, tighter even though the latter felt like dying already from being crushed. While they were having a silly moment together on bed, the bathroom door suddenly swung open as they flinched in surprise at the load creak that the door made, making them look over to see the red-haired woman stepping out of the bathroom with a purely blank face.

“We’re glad that you’re finally going back to school.” Hana cleared her throat as she finally let go of her best friend and stared at the red-haired woman who stood in front of their mirror while beginning to dry her hair with a hair dryer.

Winter did not bother responding as she just stared blankly at her reflection while drying her scarlet red hair. She noticed how different she currently looked compared to how she usually looked like before she got her heart totally shattered as she decided to just not look at her own appearance since losing the love of her life was already enough to make her lose everything, including self-confidence.

The three best friends finally left the dormitory to go to their university when everyone was done preparing as Tina and Hana kept chattering about random topics to Winter with hope to have her distracted to whatever thoughts that she was currently having while they were on the way though it was not totally helpful since the red-haired woman could only hear their voices muffled even though they were speaking clearly next to her as her mind remained blank.

So, this is how it feels like to feel nothing.

The day went on quickly as the instructor of the last class for the day finally left the lecture hall while the students stood up from their seats with their things. Of course, some acquaintances in the same major went to ask Winter about where she had been for the past days and why she was looking dull not like usual, though Tina and Hana were there to shoo them away since the red-haired woman definitely had no intention to utter a word to anyone.

“Girls, I’m having dinner with my family so I might not sleep in the dorm tonight,” Tina said as she immediately looked at the red-haired woman who had never spoken a word since morning. “Is that fine?”

“Oh, I have a family reunion tonight so I won’t be able to sleep in the dorm tonight,” Hana said with worry evident in her tone as she exchanged glances with the latter.

Noticing how her best friends were obviously deciding hard whether to cancel their plans for her or not, Winter turned to them and flashed a small smile as she finally spoke, “It’s fine, girls. Really. I’ll be fine by my own. It’s not like I’m gonna kill myself or something.”

The both of them turned to look at each other as they thought whether to feel glad that their best friend finally spoke or to be more worried about her since they could not completely trust her to be fine on her own without doing anything dangerous.

Seeing how her best friends still would not believe her, Winter let out a chuckle as she walked toward them to give them a hug. Tina and Hana immediately had their lips stretched across their faces into a grin as they hugged back tighter, missing their best friend’s warm hugs.

Knowing her best friends well, a hug and a smile were what Winter only needed to give for them to believe her as she waved her hand while watching her best friends leave the dormitory building when they got the things that they needed. She was once again all by herself.

And since there was no one to watch over Winter to what she had to do, she was free to let her feet move away from the dormitory building once she made sure that her best friends had already got in the taxis as she later found herself sitting on a stool in front of a counter with a shot glass of rum in her hand. She was basically not dumb to not know that Tina and Hana would never imagine her drinking alone in a bar since they all knew how Winter was never a fan of liquor.

“But why does it taste so sweet?” Winter mumbled as she stared at the yellow-brown colored liquid in her shot glass while she swirled it around.

Even Winter found it funny that she used to tell everyone about how liquor tastes bitterly gross and that she thought it was ridiculous for people to down themselves with alcohol because of heartbreaks; yet here she was, eating her words with rum like the hypocrite she was.

“What a joke. A psychology major who has gone insane.” Winter let out a low laugh as she shook her head before consuming the alcohol in one shot, feeling satisfaction at how she felt her throat burning from the liquid.

The bar was packed though it felt like she was alone in her own world. Fortunately, no one had been approaching her to hit on her since that would be dangerous as she had no power to forcefully refuse anything at that moment because of how the alcohol was slowly dominating her system already. Her eyelids were starting to droop, which was one of the reasons why danger could possibly come anytime.

Despite being intoxicated by the alcohol, that did not stop Winter from not wanting to sleep in a public place as she forced herself to get up by herself after leaving cash that was more than enough on the counter and began to walk toward the exit. She was staggering and her vision started to get blurry though she forced herself to stay awake and strong as she passed by every person that she ran across to.

“Claire, what did I do wrong for you to suddenly leave me like that?!” the red-haired woman shouted and burst into tears as soon as she stepped out of the bar.

While crying, Winter continued to walk though she had no idea that the direction that she was going to was not the way to the dormitory building. Slurring words about how much pain the breakup caused her, Winter let out sobs along as the tears that she had been keeping in for the whole day finally burst out freely.

Since no one was around the area at that moment, no one was there to stop Winter as she stepped on the road and began walking with no fear of getting hit by a vehicle.

All Winter could only think of was about how she needed Claire by her side at that moment that she did not even notice a truck coming on her way. Squinting from the bright headlights from the vehicle, she stopped on her tracks right on the middle of the road as she turned to see the vehicle only a few meters away from her.

The last thing that Winter felt at that moment was someone wrapping their arms around her tightly before she felt intense pain as everything then turned black.