Talia's Torment

Chapter 13: Forgiveness and fireworks.

Talia had been hurt by Tanner’s words.  She thought he finally understood that she needed to do this, that she needed to make everything she had been through count for something.  Yet, he had gone behind her back and had been looking into Laurent on his own; he was probably planning on pulling a man stunt and taking care of him for her.  Like the little lady could only sit there and be a damsel in distress!  Are you kidding me?  She was no f*****g damsel, not anymore, she was a damn warrior and she would be damned if she let some pigheaded alpha male try to solve her problems like some holiday heartwarming special.

                She vaguely heard Tanner speaking to her as she made her way back to her cabin.  She was determined that she was going to pack and head out to finish this on her own.  She didn’t need him to help her any longer and she darn sure wasn’t about to let him keep her in the dark either.  She hadn’t really been paying attention to his side of the conversation, more speaking her thoughts out loud, until he grabbed her arm to stop her.  She froze in an instant, realization that other than when he had woken her last night this was the first time besides training that they had actually made physical contact.  It worked to get her to look at him that’s for sure.

                When Talia looked at him she was still trying to process that the warmth from his touch had left her.  Then he started rambling, and while she found it cute that he seemed to be babbling like a teenage girl she found what he was actually saying to be so much more precious.  He had actually been looking for Laurent to give her his location, not to stop him before she could complete her mission.  So he hadn’t been trying to save her but rather aide her, and things had panned out even if they had gone sideways.  Tanner had taken all sorts of precautions on his way back to give her the information he had and even knowing she might be mad at him had still gone through with telling her.

                He was starting to blurt out about how he felt for her when she realized that she couldn’t find a reason to hold back any longer.  Talia reached out and softly grabbed Tanner’s arm in her hand.  She could see the pain on his face when he had been spilling everything to her and she understood it was because he thought she was leaving.  While that had been her intention seeing him in so much distress over it made her want to comfort him somehow.  She felt she needed to reassure both Tanner and herself of the fact that there was something between them and she couldn’t honestly tell herself that there wasn’t anymore.

                Talia felt her hear beating like a caged bird inside her chest as she took a shallow breath in and stepped towards Tanner.  Yes, she was afraid in that moment, but she was more alive at this moment then she had been in weeks.  She wanted to be near him, to touch his face and those arms and have him hold her close, even if only for a little while.  Tanner seemed to freeze as she moved closer to him, he was like a deer in headlights and Talia made sure to move slowly.  Not just because she wanted to savor the moment but because she was afraid that if she moved to quickly the moment would be lost and this dream would shatter.

                Talia was inching closer to Tanner and trying to steal her resolve.  She wanted this, which was something she was sure of.  Her life had been turned upside down, practically stolen from her, and was nothing like she had known for most of her life.  She had been thrust into uncharted territory and hadn’t been given a compass or even a life vest but had somehow survived.  Now she was starting to put together what was left of her and in doing so had left so many holes.  Tanner, she realized was one of those missing pieces.  By keeping herself away from him, distancing her feelings and denying that they even existed she had thought she was doing what must be done.  She realized now that all she had done was make a part of her weaker.  He wasn’t someone who was going to stop her from doing what she knew she had to do, he was someone who could be an ally and help her to finish this.

                Her life before this had been washed out and vapid.  She had been shy and meek.  With her resolve and Tanner’s training she had found that she was made of stronger stock.  Laurent had tried to break her, destroy what fragile material she had been made of.  Tanner had been the rock to sharpen her resolve.  He had shown her that she was not weak by any means.  He knew she had been broken but had shown her that she could put herself together stronger than before, she was not eternally damaged.  She was not worthless, she saw that now.  He saw her and knew she had a painful past but had never pushed her to “move on” like so many had told her was necessary.  He understood that what was necessary for her was not closure so much as assurance that what she had survived would not be passed onto another who would not.  The realization made Talia want to have more than just the mission, while the mission was still important and necessary, Tanner was also important to her survival and she didn’t want to let him go.

                Talia was so close to him now that their breath mingled in the air between them.  She knew that she could see every detail in his green eyes as he looked at her.  She could hear his heart slamming against his ribs and she hoped it was for the same reason as her own.  She held her breath but didn’t close her eyes as she slowly inched closer to his lips.  She was afraid that if she blinked she would find that he was gone and this had all been a dream, but if it was at least it would be the best one she had been given in a while. Talia closed the distance between them and felt his lips whisper against her own.  She felt a surge of joy seem to ping in her heart at the contact and when she was about to pull away after the slight contact Tanner moved his hands into her raven hair and kissed her back.  This kiss was not some gently wisp of contact like the one she had given him.  Tanner’s kiss felt like he was trying to pour himself into her, like he could join that joy in her heart.  In a word Tanner’s kiss was simply fireworks, and she loved the show.