Divided Hearts

Chapter 1-3

Robert stood in the middle of the livery. He held a letter in his hand. It had arrived that morning, brought to McGee’s shop by a soldier from the fort. Nathaniel had read the letter outside, sitting under a large chestnut tree. Robert watched him through the dust-covered window. When he received the letter his joy was obvious. When he came back inside, Robert could see he had been crying. Without a word he handed the letter to the young man, turned and walked out the door.

Robert watched him go. He could hear the bellows behind him as McGee pumped them to heat the forge. He looked at the folded paper in his hand. This was the first word that had come to them from Newburyport. He knew that Nathaniel had sent a letter to Jonathan some months before. When none came back in return, he had had mixed feelings. While he knew how much it would mean to Nathaniel to hear from his former lover, he selfishly hoped that no letter would ever arrive. Then, as memories of their former life faded, Nathaniel might open his heart to him and return the love he himself had felt from the very moment he had met Nathaniel Morgan.

“Whatcha got there?” The booming voice of McGee cut into his thoughts. “That a letter from home?”

“My home is here,” Robert snapped. Then, realizing he was reacting out of some indefinable emotion surrounding his feelings for Nathaniel, he apologized.

“I am sorry, McGee.”

“Why don’t ya jist tell ‘im ya love ‘im and be done with it?”

“What?” Robert turned to the blacksmith. “I do not love him. Well, I do, but not as you are suggesting.”

“Oh yes ya do, and exactly the way I’m suggestin’. I can see it by the way you look at him, talk to him. Don’t make no difference to me which way ya love ‘im. Hell, out here where the men outnumber the ladies by the barrelful, a man’s gotta do what he needs to do. So, why don’t you tell him you love him? Probably make ya feel a whole lot better.”

McGee turned to the bellows once more. Then said over his shoulder. “Read the damn letter. That’s what he wants ya to do. That’s why he gave it to ya.”

Robert stared down once more at the folded paper in his hand. He looked at the massive back of the Irishman whose muscles rippled as he worked the bellows, making the coals glow and the flames dance in the forge. You are quite the man, McGee, he thought, smiling slightly.

Robert made his way outside to sit by the same tree where Nathaniel had sat earlier. Taking a deep breath he began.

My Dear Nathaniel,

How pleased I was to receive your letter, letting Rebecca and me know that you and Robert had arrived safely at your destination. We had worried for your welfare as we often get reports of the wildness of the territory into which you have traveled.

The most important news I have to offer is that Rebecca has given me a son. I have named him Nathaniel.

Robert stopped and looked up through the leaves into the sky. He swallowed hard.

He is nearly a year old now and it is hard to keep up with him. I wish you could meet him and he you. I tell him he has an Uncle Nathaniel. One day maybe you will be able to meet.

Here Robert stopped reading. Looking carefully at the paper, he saw the ink was blotched, as if water had dripped upon it. He could not tell whether the mark was fresh or had been there when the letter had arrived.

The letter then went on to describe the events that had transpired since he and Nathaniel had left Massachusetts. Jonathan’s brother, Ezra, had married, his other brother Samuel and his wife were still childless. He, Jonathan, was still teaching. When Robert reached the end of the letter, he found it hard to believe what he was reading.

You said in your letter to me that you missed me. I am feeling the same toward you. My longing to be with you again has no bounds. If I were a free man I would be at your side in an instant. I am not free. But you are. I want you to find love again. Please do not waste your life in loneliness. You have so much to give someone. Please, I say it again, keep the memory of our love, but let your heart be free to love once more.

With that thought I will let you go. Be safe and well.

As ever, your Jonathan.

Robert reread the last part of the letter, and the closing, several times. With that thought I will let you go. Did that sentence have more than one meaning? Coupled with what was in the last paragraph, surely it must. What effect had it had on Nathaniel? Was that why he had given him the letter to read? Robert hardly dared let his mind, or heart, think on these things.

He sat for a long time under the tree. After a time McGee emerged from the building.

“Well?” asked the big man. “Good news, bad news?”

“A bit of both,” Robert replied, smiling at him.

“So, do you think you kin handle getting back to work, then? Don’t know if that man of yers is comin’ back, and we got us lots a barrels that need mendin’ and I was gonna show ya more ‘bout shoein’. You kin sort out your love life later.” The last words were accompanied by a wink.

Robert didn’t know how to react to these statements. He smiled and got up from where he had been sitting and followed McGee into the livery.