"I am home, Father", trying to make as little noise as I can, I push the withered wooden door open. The wind hit my bare legs and parts of my arms where the holes were now in place of the garment, making me realize that I needed new clothes. If we weren't scraping by every day, I would have thought of going to the fair with the princess, but the thought of being surrounded by silks and ornaments, even the magnificent sandals with a jewel, which always had my heart on them, made my soul jump out of my body.
Things like that only belonged in my dreams and I was happy they were somewhere, unlike my father, who only had nightmares.
Nightmares since the day my mother left us. I could still hear the sounds of his yell...
My thought suddenly interrupted as the door made its usual squeak sound. I shook my head and held it gently, hoping the noise wouldn't wake up my father. Not at this time, it was night and I was late again. The dancing had taken a long time, and a few of the princesses were not able to master the piece I was teaching today. I couldn't refuse them and tell them to come tomorrow for it. I didn't want to be beheaded. Not today. Even though my future looked dark, it was still there and I could still make it blurry, if not shine.
I took a deep breath and entered the room, the wind grazing my hair as I turned around to shut the door. I blinked a couple of times looking at my neighborhood. Quiet, deserted, and ominous, mostly at night. Somewhere only the monsters would live if they were real. A cold chill ran through my spine.
When you are buying a home, you visit it twice, one during the day, to check the home and one at night, to check the neighborhood and if someone would have thought about it, they wouldn't have stayed here.
I gazed back inside the room, looking at my Father, laying on the shredded and stinking mattress we were somehow able to find in the market, the place which usually sells stolen or thrown away things. He was resting, wearing a white blouse, which now looked brownish and brown pants, the torn at the knees covered by the extra material stitched over it. Drool at the side of his face, almost dry now, looking older than his age.
I still remembered his smiling face, the face which could easily resemble a prince and trick anyone with his charisma. A small smile almost formed on my face, as a picture of the day someone asked to have a portrait drawn with him. I and Mother giggled by his side, as his pale face turned all pink and he refused.
Why did he have to get promoted, get those comrades, why did he have to...
*Cough Cough*
"What took you so long?" He asked in a hoarse voice, barely looking at me, as he placed one of his hands on the cold surface and tried sitting up. His red eyes greeted me with the fear that was somewhere settled deep inside me.
My legs shook as I stared in his direction for a few seconds before looking down at my feet. Of Course, he noticed it, it was almost dark outside, but what woke him up, he usually passed out till midnight after which he would decide to go out.
"I- Father...I-", I had only begun to say when he got to his feet and started walking towards me. He was tall, too tall, the build that was once just like a soldier in the army, once, maybe it was all due to the army, he should have never joined it, but what else options we had. His heavy steps almost shook our whole house, house not home. It was no more a home for us.
I could feel him towering above my head as I kept looking down. I have never been late to the house, not like it mattered at all to him. My most life was in dancing and teaching the princess how to dance. When I am there, I feel like I am in a different world. Till I step in this place and everything looks doomed.
"I am waiting"
*Cough Cough*
He coughs again, this time just above my head, not even covering his mouth. I could feel the spit landing on my cheek, but I didn't dare wipe it off, not when I was the one in trouble. My lips were trembling, and words had failed me. I could tell him, but he won't understand. He wouldn't try to understand. I finally looked up, still shivering. His red eyes were moving but they had no life in them. His face was covered in scars, from before and after...after she left. His hands had white spots, the pale skin made them not easy to see, but I could see them, I knew they were there.
"I- I missed the last horse ride," I look down again at my feet on the ground, "I had to walk home"
I sucked in my breath as he placed his finger under my chin and lifted my face, staring directly into my eyes. I dare not blink...I shouldn't blink. I kept looking at him and he nodded, lowering down his hand and turning around, to go back to sleep.
"I ate the last piece of bread" he declared and fell back on the mattress, as the dust flew around him. I coughed and covered my mouth. He didn't ask what I will eat or if I have eaten, he didn't offer me a glass of water, I don't even know if there was water.
I bite on my lower lip trying hard not to cry. I should get used to this life and get used to the fact that I will die like this. Inside this house, I was already dying every day.
Slipping down the wall behind me, I landed on my behind and brought my knees together. My reflection looking back at me through the broken mirror, placed on the opposite side of the wall. I look like my mother, but there was a spark in her face, mine, my face looked like I was waiting, waiting for the day I give up and die.
*Hiccup*
I lifted a hand and wiped off the spit on my cheek.
No...no...I couldn't give up, not like this, this is my only life and I want to live it.
I glanced at my father and nodded to myself. I shall take him to the court and get him fixed by the saints, I couldn't let all that we have wither away.
I might not be a princess, but I would be his knight, a better knight.