The Dysfunctional Test

Chapter 7

Forks scraped over plates. Lips sipped against cups. The chewing was so loud it was giving Camryn a headache. She almost preferred the interrogation to the silence.

Yjaka Mitch shoved a bite of sarma into his mouth and spoke around his food. "So, are you two sleeping together?"

And she'd been wrong. Silence was better. Much, much better.

"Of course they are," her mother said. "Right?"

"A gentleman never tells." Troy winked.

"Ha," Kuma Viola said. "You're no gentleman, Troy Lansky."

Camryn set her fork down very carefully, even though she hadn't eaten a thing. "Some things are private. Even in this family."

Kuma Viola shrugged and looked at her plate. "Bet Cam recites sales figures during sex."

Yjaka Harold coughed. "Good one."

Baba had yet to eat a bite. "I, for one, am not convinced they are dating."

Great. What now? Their s****l positions?

Baba's eyes narrowed, and it took all Camryn's skill not to run from the room. "Does she snore, Troy?"

The humor in Troy's eyes didn't quash her nerves. He had a fifty-fifty chance of getting the answer right.

"No."

"See, I told you it's a lie." Baba threw her hand in the air for dramatic flair. "She snores louder than a rhino in heat."

Heather placed her hand on Baba's arm. "I don't want to know how you know what a rhino in heat sounds like. And I hate to tell you this, but it's you who snores. I shared a room with Cam for sixteen years. She doesn't snore."

The cabbage rolls stood up from the baking pan and started dancing a waltz on the dining room table. Camryn watched them twirl around the butter dish until Baba opened her mouth again.

"What color underwear is she wearing today, Troy?"

The sarma flopped back down.

Yjaka Mitch laughed. "She wears white cotton panties. She's too conservative to buy the naughty kind. Am I right, Cam?" He looked at her as if she'd actually respond to this question.

"If you must know, they're blue." Troy looked at her, full wattage grin in place as if to say, see, told you they'd ask.

"Prove it," Baba challenged.

The table looked at Camryn.

"I am not showing you my underwear."

"Aw, c'mon, honey," Troy drawled.

She was very tempted to stick a fork in the center of his forehead. "No."

Fisher dropped his utensils onto his plate. The clanking sound lasted longer than his silence. "Can we stop talking about this?"

"My panties have Beauty and the Beast on them." Emily blinked, all innocence.

Anna stood. "Cam, could you help me in the kitchen for a minute?"

She'd had just become Cam's favorite person on the planet. She was going to dedicate a shrine to her on the front lawn. "Of course." She rose and followed her sister-in-law out of the room.

While Anna stood over the cake, cutting it into small slices, she shook her head. "I've been quiet about this until now, but I have to ask. Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Cam passed her the plates so she could dish the dessert. "I thought so. I'm not so sure now."

Anna smiled and looked at Camryn, her expression one of understanding. "They are a crazy bunch, but they'll come around." She walked over to her side of the counter to wrap an arm around Camryn's shoulders. "You know what will shut them up faster?"

Before she could dare to ask, Anna fluffed the hem of Camryn's dress, peered underneath, and dropped it back down in less time than it took Camryn to blink.

"Dear God, they are blue."

Camryn sighed. "I can't believe you just did that. You've been in this family too long. They've corrupted you."

"Relax." Anna handed her two plates. "I'm doing this for you."

"Is nothing sacred in this family?"

Anna picked up two plates. "Are you kidding? When I got pregnant with Emily, I prayed every day and night that I wouldn't go into labor with the family around. And what happened? Labor during Sunday dinner. Do you know how horrifying it was giving birth with ten people in the room?" She smiled despite the memory. "But when she was born, it was worth it, Cam. Troy doesn't have anyone. Can you imagine that? As mean and crazy as your family can be sometimes, I'd take that over no one."

Leave it to Anna to be the voice of reason. To put Camryn in place. "You're right. You're totally right. Thank you."

Anna's smile never faltered. "Let them get used to the idea. This too shall pass."

They walked back into the crowded dining room to hand out dessert. Once everyone had a mouthful, Anna said, "For the record, her panties are blue. I checked."