Dream mate

Chapter 4 - Bittersweet celebrations

Sam was not beside her as Hana woke up. Instead, he had left a note on his pillow to explain his absence. He had some Alpha duties to complete that morning and wanted them done early so that they could enjoy her birthday together. He also called her his Luna in the note. A shiver of excitement ran through her body knowing today was the day she would find out if they were mates. After feeling the strength of their connection, the night before, most of her doubts had gone away and now she couldn’t wait for the moment that she would see him and feel their mate bond. Hana pushed down the disappointment of his absence and jumped out of bed, feeling a rush of anticipation for the day adding an extra spring to her step as she got ready. It was her birthday after all, and she had a party to get ready for.

Marci appeared with breakfast and a gleam of mischief in her eyes whilst Hana was still in her pyjamas. Hana giggled at the pout her friend wore when she explained she hadn’t seen Sam yet and didn’t know the status of their mate bond. If she didn’t know better, Hana would bet the entire pack had sent Marci to try and get the gossip ahead of the party. It was only a few hours away and, like her, they would all have to wait to find out.

It took the two women a couple of hours to get ready for the party, but by the end of it, Hana felt beautiful. Her hair had been braided and twirled on her head to form two white flowers. Thankfully, Marci used less hairspray this time, opting to use bobby pins to keep her hair in place after all the complaining she did yesterday. Hana wore a simple navy-blue dress that flowed to her knees and of course had a sparkly sash draped across her with large number eighteens adorning it. You know, in case the whole pack wasn’t already aware it was her birthday. By the way Marci whooped and giggled as Hana twirled around, she felt more like a bride headed to a bachelor party than the birthday girl, but she flushed thinking about what Sam might say when he saw her. Or better yet, what he might do.

“You’re not playing dress up again, are you?”

Hana spun around, lightning fast, at the sound of the Alpha. His voice was unmistakable and sliced through her giddiness with an acute awareness that this was the moment. Their moment. Her eyes landed on him, already dressed in navy slacks and a white shirt, and she felt her heart begin to pound. He was looking at Marci as he spoke, but the instant he looked at Hana, his eyes dilated and trailed heavily over her form. She blushed under his attention, but she didn’t notice anything different lingering between them.

“Could you give us a minute?” Sam spoke again, softer this time, and Marci nodded. She threw Hana a smile and goodbye, but she didn’t miss the flash of disappointment in her friend’s eyes.

Her stomach clenched and twisted as the door clicked shut and she found herself alone with him. Her eyes widened as the moment of clarity she was promised, the moment of undeniable love and connection, did not come. Her lip wobbled as Sam took a tentative step towards her. By his second step, a tear prickled in her eye and by the third step she was crying in his arms. An empty ache sat heavy in her chest, taunting her with the absence of the mate bond, as she felt her knees become weak and had to grasp as Sam’s chest to keep herself steady.

He held her. His arms strong and firm, keeping her rooted in his embrace, but it only made her more aware that they weren’t really her arms to be comforted by. The soft coos of reassurance were meant for someone else. The warm love he offered her so freely would be torn away when the right wolf came into his life.

“Hana, its okay. We knew this might happen.” Sam gently rubbed his hands over her back and arms, knowing it would help her. “I've been thinking about it and...”

“Wait, what?” Hana pulled her head up to stare at him, hoping her tears hadn’t ruined his shirt. “You knew?”

A prickle of sadness entered the brown eyes she had come to love, and she felt her heart ache for him too. He had been certain they would be fated for each other and now she had let him down.

“I woke up before you. I would’ve known then if you were my fated mate.” Hana cast her face away from his gaze, furiously blinking back the tears that refused to stop falling. Sam cupped her cheek and coaxed her attention back to him, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks with his thumb. “I stayed away this morning because I didn’t want you to wake up to this disappointment on your birthday.”

“You’re disappointed?” Hana whispered.

“Of course, I am. I love you Hana, and I just...” As his voice began to rise with frustration, Sam stopped and trailed off with a sigh. “Never mind, let’s talk about it later, okay? Today, we should be celebrating your birthday, not worrying.”

She didn’t return his smile. Instead, her eyes wove over his face, feeling the burden of his disappointment weigh heavy on her. Almost as heavy as her own grief over their fading future. She didn’t try and hide the emotion welling on her expression and accepted his embrace wrapping around her. When soft lips brushed against her forehead, a choked sob pulled from her throat and she nuzzled further into him, selfishly taking what shouldn’t be hers. With each inhale of his scent, she silently prayed to the Moon Goddess that she would feel something change within her and feel the spark of their bond.

“Come on, baby. Everyone will be waiting for us, and the party will help.” Sam coaxed her to release him, and she reluctantly stepped away, knowing he was right. His eyes glossed over her again, a smile settling on his lips. "You really do look beautiful."

Hana forced a smile, but somehow, his words didn't help.

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The party started at noon and laid on a spread of picnic food and baked treats that were quickly gobbled up by the crowd filling the pack's town square. They had all cheered when Hana and Sam arrived, quick to thrust gifts into her hand and wish her a happy birthday. Even though she was feeling far from happy, she plastered on a false grin and thanked each and every one of them. Whatever happened between her and the Alpha, this pack was her family and treated her as one of their own. It was a small comfort in the face of their disappointing news but she grasped it with both hands.

Marci hovered by Hana’s side for the whole afternoon, pulling her this way and that into different games or onto a makeshift dance floor. The pair laughed together and had their fill of chocolate cake and enjoyed every moment of the party. Her friend was good at distracting her, but not good enough that Hana didn’t feel Sam’s distance. He often wandered off, though he stayed close by and watched her from afar. She tried to catch his eye to check he was okay, but something always blocked her view or stole her attention. After a while, Hana accepted he needed some space and tried to convince herself to get lost in the happy madness around her.

The party ended as dusk began to fall. It had been planned that way to make sure she had plenty of time to get ready for her first shift, but now it was time, she found herself craving a distraction. She was sitting at the edge of the Hidden Flower pack border watching the sun turn the sky into a pastel artwork as it set, feeling tremors of anticipation begin to build within her. Hana had long since come to terms with the pain that comes alongside this moment, but actually waiting for it to happen had her vibrating with nerves. Her legs were crossed, bouncing in time with her racing heartbeat, the quick thrum the only sound that reached her in her solitude.

As a chilled breeze danced along her arms, Hana quietly wondered if being outside would feel different in her wolf form. She knew her wolf body would be better built to ensure the natural world, and her senses would be more acute, but she thought about the sense of freedom it would gift her. She loved being outside, after spending too long locked away, but relished the thought of becoming more in tune with nature; being able to sleep under the stars each night without catching a cold, being able to travel anywhere without the restrictions of the human world and being able to survive in the wilderness trusting her body to guide her. A part of her longed to see where she could go, to see where her wilder self could take her, but another part reminded her that she had already seen the darkness in the world and urged her away from adventure. She found comfort in the small slice of peace she had found in the Hidden Flower pack. It was enough, at least for now.

When footsteps sounded behind her, Hana breathed a sigh of relief and stood to greet the Alpha. After his distance at the party, she wasn’t sure he would still join her for her first shift, but when Sam casually wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on her cheek, she realised it had been a silly worry. Of course, he was going to be there for her. He always was.

The sun had finally set, and a bright full moon cast a shimmery light over their embrace. It was time.