Kinaumagahan, nagising ako na masakit ang ulo. I expected it already, but it wasn’t that bad. Nakapikit pa akong nakaupo sa kama, ayaw pang umalis. I don’t remember passing out, but I can say I’m responsible enough to take myself to bed after that.
“Ugh! I had a bad dream pa naman. Sakit ng ulo ko!” Reklamo ko pa sabay sabunot ng marahan sa buhok.
I couldn’t say I don’t want to drink ever again because that doesn’t always happen all the time. Nandito lang naman ako sa bahay kaya hindi ako mapapano kahit na ilang bote pa ang mainom ko. Well, I would die if I over intoxicated myself, but hello that is less likely to happen.
See? I’m in my bed.
Sana lang niligpit ko ang kalat ko para hindi ako ma-hassle sa paglilinis. I stayed on my bed for a moment before deciding to get out. Hinanap ko sa sahig ang slippers ko pero wala ito.
“This can happen…” I told myself. I was drunk so I might have left it outside. Nagtungo ako sa pinto para lumabas. I’m feeling thirsty. I need a gallon of water to hydrate. Masakit pa rin ang ulo ko pero kailangan kong gumalaw. Wala naman akong plano sa araw na ito pero mas magandang makaisip ako ng gagawin para hindi ako ma-bored.
If I say in my bed, for sure, I’ll be disgusted with my dream. How can I kiss someone else’s lips when I have a decent boyfriend? Explain it to me, Gab? I know it was a dream, but your loyalty was tested. You f*****g failed!
Forget it! It didn’t happen anyway. It was just a dream.
Napansin kong malinis ang hapagkainan. I was confused at the same time impressed how I handled myself last night. Lumapit pa ako sa mismong lamesa para makasigurado. The kitchen island is clean as f*ck too.
“Good job, Gab! Galing mo. Last night was a good dry run in knowing your alcohol limit. I’m impressed.” I complimented myself. I deserved a recognition. If kuya can see this. Hindi na niya ako se-sermonan if nakita niya ito.
I washed the dishes too. I pinched myself, am I dreaming? Gising na ako ‘di ba? Kailangan ko ng medal para dito.
Akala ko talaga totoo ‘yong panaginip ko. Sa lahat ba naman, si Aga pa talaga! It could be Clarence. Umiling ako, it felt so real though. Nagsisitaasan ang balahibo ko. What the hell!?
“Morning…”
“Ahh!” I jumped horribly. Hinanap ko agad ang boses na ‘yon. I found Aga behind me, fresh from the shower. Basa pa ang buhok at topless. No way!
No! No! No!
“Sorry, nagulat ba kita?” He chuckled.
Aba! Anong nakakatawa? Obviously, ako ay nagulat!
Kailan lang siya dumating? Hindi siya nagsabi na uuwi siya agad. I expected him to be away for days. Sa mukha niya, mukhang dito siya natulog kagabi. He has his own key to the house, so he didn’t need me to open. Baka naman madaling araw na siya nadating.
“Gutom ka na ba? I kept your food in the microwave.” He said concerned. My food? Niligpit ko naman lahat kagabi. Well, I don’t remember at all but seeing the place spotless, so…
“When did you arrive?” May kakaiba akong kutob pero gusto kong malinawan agad. Forget about my food. Kailangan ko siyang tanungin.
“Hmm… last night?” He smirked.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Last night? What do you mean, last night? I was here the whole night, he wasn’t here. Liar! Hindi ko siya nakita.
I didn’t respond. I don’t know, I’m probably waiting for him to continue. Hindi na maganda ang kutob ko pero ni-re-reject ng aking utak.
“I found you drinking and passed out. You don’t remember? Dinala kita sa kwarto mo. I cleaned up your mess. Don’t worry I won’t tell Daevan.” Sabi niya pa habang kinukuskos ang tuwalya sa buhok niya.
He stayed here, didn’t he? Lucky him, I reclean the room and changed bedsheets again. Wait, that’s not even important right now. He was here the whole night. Saw me drunk and passed out and… that freaking dream happened?
No way! Impossible.
I froze like a water in the freezer. Nahulog ang panga ko sa katotohanang nandito siya at nakita niya ang lahat kagabi. I was even proud of myself for being responsible and all. It was definitely too good to be true.
“Kumain na ako. Akala ko tanghali ka pa magigising…” aniya.
I didn’t flinch. I remained speechless and embarrassment is hitting the spot little by little. He smiled and didn’t wait for me to answer. Dumiretso na siya sa kwarto niya. The way that he didn’t mention what happened in between finding me drinking and before passing out makes me feel nervous. He just left me hanging! What the actual f*ck!?
Gusto kong sambunutan ang sarili ko. It wasn’t a dream! I did it! I kissed him and he responded to my kisses, and it went on and on.
Napatakip ako ng bibig.
Nagkulong ako sa kwarto ko buong umaga. Napatakbo nalang ako matapos malaman lahat ng pinaggagawa ko kagabi na nariyan si Aga. I was wasted and helpless! Aga saw me. Nakakahiya! Kanina pa ako sumisigaw sa una ko dahil ayaw kong marinig ako ni Aga sa kabilang kwarto. Sana naman lamunin nalang ako ng kama ko. It’s not just about the kiss but the mess I made him see.
Ugh! Hindi ko na kaya. I’m staying here for the day. Hindi ako magpapakita sa kaniya. I just hope he will just leave me alone.
Kaso nang sumapit ang tanghali, naiiyak na ako sa gutom. Kung bakit ba naman kasi hindi muna ako kumuha ng pagkain bago ako nag-inarte rito sa kwarto. Para bang hindi ako kumain kagabi dahil umiiyak na ang tiyan ko sa gutom. Hindi pwede ito, I have to go eat something to eat.
Huminga ako ng malalim, “Make it short. Act like nothing happened. I don’t remember what I did. Nasa drama club ka no’ng SHS ka, Gab. You will be fine! H’wag papaapekto. Get your food and get back.”
Make it short. Paulit-ulit kong sabi sa isip ko nang makalabas ng kwarto. Bumalik ako sa kusina at nandoon pa ang pinggan na nilabas ko kanina. Nakalimutan ko na pala.
Nang sumilip ako sa living room, napansin ko agad si Aga kaya kinabahan ako agad. Nakatutok ito sa kaniyang laptop habang may kinakausap sa cellphone. Imbis na mag-react pa, naalala kong dapat kong bilisan para makabalik ako sa kwarto ko.
Make it short.
And fast. I was determined to do that, so I intend to ignore, Aga. Napakagat ako sa labi at umiwas na ng tingin. Sa totoo lang, parang sasabog na ang puso ko. Kung sana’y bilisan ko nalang para makausad ako.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.” Sambit ni Aga.
Kausap niya ang kuya. Patuloy ako sa ginagawa ko pero nang marinig ko ang huli niyang sinabi napatigil ako. Kapag ni-reheat ko ang pagkain ko, magkakaroon ng ingay. Malalaman ni Aga na narito ako. Nang malingon siya sa banda ko para bang tinitignan kung may tao, naupo ako para hindi niya ako makita.
“No, she’s in her room. Mag-aalala ‘yon kapag nalaman niyang nawawala ang kaibigan niya.” Anito.
He meant who? Sinong nawawala? Napatakip ako ng bibig dahil sa takot na magre-react ako sa sinabi niya. Natatago ako ng kitchen counter kaya hindi niya ako nakita. I reckon, I must stay here to know what’s happening.
“We must hide it from her. Let’s keep this conversation short, she might be somewhere listening. I will try to subtly ask her about her best friend’s usuals. We can’t tell her yet, I don’t know. Kokontak ako ulit kapag may nalaman ako. Please find her no matter what, we will break Gab’s heart if something happens to her friend.”
Natanggal ko na ang kamay sa bibig ko. My best friend is missing? Tama ba ang pagkakarinig ko? Natulala ako sa kinauupuan ko. I heard Aga said goodbye to whoever he was talking to. I assumed it’s kuya Daevan! The audacity of them to try keeping this from me.
Are they serious?
I heard footsteps going somewhere. Hindi na ako nakagalaw sa kinalalagyan ko at naging bingi na rin. It’s impossible! Paano siya mawawala kong nasa facility lang siya? Paanong naiwala nila ang kaibigan ko?
“Gab?”
Aga found me. I didn’t react and he stood as if he knew I found out everything.
“Kailan ka pa nandiyan?” Aga enquired.
Nalilito ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari ito. My best friend Clarissa is gone missing. My poor friend. My brain shutdown instantly.
Aga tried to help me stand but I couldn’t. I don’t understand what’s happening. How could they lose my friend? My chest hurt so bad.
“You heard everything.” He stated.
Tumulo na ang luha ko at umangat ang tingin sa kaniya.
“Where’s my best friend?”
This time, Aga successfully lifted me up. Napatayo niya ako ng maayos pero hindi niya ako binitawan dahil baka matumba ako.
Huminga siya ng malalim, “We’re supposed to hide this from you. Hinahanap na siya ng lahat sa ngayon. Nawala siya kahapon ng umaga. Kaya natagalan ako sa pag-uwi dahil tumulong pa ako sa paghahanap sa kaniya. Hindi pa rin namin malaman kung bakit at paano siya nakatakas. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin namin siya mahanap.”
Sa totoo lang, wala akong narinig sa sinabi niya. Bigla nalang akong nabingi nang mabanggit niya na nawala nila ito kahapon. Nanginginig ako sa takot at pangamba. He didn’t deny when they’re supposed to hide it from me. He didn’t deny that it was my best friend.
“What do you mean she’s gone? Saan naman siya pupunta?” Tanong ko kay Aga.
“Pinaghahanap pa siya. Kailangan siyang mahanap sa lalong madaling panahon, lalong-lalo na’t hindi siya matino. She’s not responding well to the therapy and diagnosed with disorders.” Sagot naman ni Aga.
Mas lalo akong naging blangko sa narinig.
“Rissa…” I worriedly said.
This is all my fault. None of this should happened. Kawawa naman ang best friend ko, she’s enduring all the sh*ts. Ang alam kong Rissa ay matapang. Alam ko rin na may kahinaan din ang isang tao. She had gone through a lot. I will totally understand if she won’t ever forgive me. Saan naman kaya siya pupunta?
“Don’t worry, your family is doing everything.” Pampakalma sa akin ni Aga.
Sana lang talaga mahanap na siya. Hindi ko talaga mapapatawad ang sarili kapag may masamang mangyari sa kaniya. They must find her! I want to find her myself. But how? I bit my lower lip trying to think how.
“If she’s not mentally okay, she could be in danger. We need to help…” I said.
Aga immediately understood what I’m implying to him. Natigilan lang siya at hindi ako nabigyan ng sagot agad.
“Kapag nahanap natin siya, alam kong agad siyang lalapit sa akin. Makikilala niya agad ako. She likes to go to nice places, we can—”
Aga stopped me, “Hindi kita ilalabas dito. If you give me all the information, I can provide it to Daevan. They have all the resources. Hindi pa ‘yon nakakalayo.”
“What if I don’t?” Matapang kong usad. Hhindi ko alam kung bakit ko nasabi ‘yon sa kaniya pero sa utak ko, gusto ko sana na masama sa paghahanap sa kaniya. Kahit ito man lang ay magawa ko para sa kaibigan ko.
Kumunot ang noo ni Aga. Kung saan ko nakukuha ang tapang na ito, hindi ko rin alam. All I know is my friend Rissa can be in danger. She needs me. Alam kong sa akin lang siya lalapit. Kailangan kong mahanap siya. I know I can find her. If Aga can help me, it would be easy.
“Gusto kong hanapin si Rissa. Ako mismo ang maghahanap sa kaniya.” I declared.
“Don’t ever waste your family’s efforts saving you.” He said.
I grunt. Now, he’s using that card against me. Doesn’t he even have compassion? My friend is needing help. Clarissa is not in here right mind. What can we do about it? Ako lang ang makakatulong sa kaniya.
“Ha! Effort? If they’re doing everything to save me, why can’t they still find my kidnappers? If they have all the resources, where’s Rissa?” I said abruptly.
I left him dumbfounded. Nahulog ang panga niya at gulat sa nasabi ko.
“H-how can you say that?”
“Oh yeah, because you are not some helps at all! My family is not doing anything, do they?
Both of us was stunned with my words.
I know I’m angry as f*ck but I’m not like this. What is with you, Gab!?
Natahimik si Aga pagkatapos ng mga nasabi ko. I was never like this but because I was overflowed with a lot of emotions, I turned out to be the person I was hiding for a long time. Nakakunot ang noo ni Aga na siyang hindi pa rin maisip kong bakit ko nasabi ang mga bagay-bagay.
Napatikom ako ng bibig.
Dahil sa hiya ko, tumakbo ako papunta sa kwarto ko. When did I become so rude? Tumulo agad ang luha ko nang maisara ang pinto. Hindi ko intensyon ‘yon, dahil siguro naging intense ang pag-uusap namin kaya nagkagano’n. Nanginginig ako habang hinihilamos ang mukha.
Paano ko siya ngayon haharapin? What if he tells my brother about what I’ve said? Bakit ko nga ba nasabi ang mga iyon? I’m ungrateful! I’m sure, my family will be disappointed of me. I don’t know what he is thinking right now but one thing I know, it’s not good. Mas lalong hindi na niya ako tutulungan.
Lalo akong naiyak. I screwed it up! Way to go, Gabrielle Lariza! Hanggang sa huli, pabigat ka pa rin. My best friend, she needs me the most. She must’ve felt so alone. She has no one to help her survive. Kilala ko si Clarissa, matapang siya pero sa akin lang siya malambot. Sa akin niya lang napapakita ang kahinaan niya.
Nakatayo lang ako at nakasandal sa pinto, alam kong maririnig ako ni Aga kaya tahimik lang akong humahagulgol.
Kilala na namin ang isa’t isa. Matagal ko na siyang kaibigan. Naalala ko pa ang una naming pagkikita. Nasa public school siya nag-aaral at ako naman private. We were both in Grade 6 when our school joined a basketball league. Lahat ng schools sa Kamaynilaan ang sumali no’n. I was supporting kuya’s game at the school when I met her. Imbis kasi na ang school nila ang suportahan niya, nag-chi-cheer siya sa school namin. I approached her first, Rissa was so cute! She liked how my kuya played so I helped her. We clicked! After no’n, hindi na kami mapaghiwalay. Pagkatapos ng klase ko, nagpapahatid agad ako sa school nila o sa bahay nila. We would study together. During break, sa amin siya para may kasama ako. Kapag naman taniman sa bukid nila, tumutulong din ako. I’m still not good and my parents don’t allow me to do strenuous job, I will just watch them. Doon ko lubusan nakilala si Clarence, bago naging kami.
Clarissa and I are best of friends. Sabi ng iba, ginayuma ako ni Rissa para maka-close lang pero kahit kailanman, hindi nagpakita ng masama sa akin ang kaibigan ko. She never wanted to get involved with anything. She’s my everything! She has done so many things for me. Kaya hindi ito basta basta lang sa akin. She’s a sister to me. I won’t let anything bad happen to her.
I’ve decided to find her. Whether they like it or not, I will go out and find her. Kailangan kong mag-isip ng maayos na paraan para mahanap siya agad. I know her usual place to go. Hindi mahirap ‘yon. Even Rence doesn’t know about this. Only the two of us. Kung hindi siya nahahanap sa mga lugar na alam nilang pupuntahan nito, posibleng nandoon siya sa lugar na kami lang ang nakakaalam.
The thing though is that I don’t have any money with me. Anything that can help me pay for transportation. Masyadong malayo ang metro Manila. Hindi ako makakalayo sa lugar na ito na walang pera. Wala akong lisensya para nakawin ang sasakyan ni Aga.
Kailangan kong mag-isip ng mabilis na paraan. Tumatakbo ang oras, baka kung anong masamang mangyari sa kaibigan ko. I can’t just wait here. I need to do something.
“Bahala na…” I said to myself.
I waited for hours to be confidently say Aga is asleep. This time, I was hoping he went to his rest house so I can leave easily. I will disappoint him, my brother, and my parents for doing this, but I can’t risk my friend’s life anymore. I must save Clarissa myself.
Tahimik na ang labas nang sinubukan kong lumabas. Nakapatay na ang lahat ng ilaw kaya ito ang tamang pagkakataong makaalis ako rito. Aga must be asleep now.
“He can’t wake up. I need to walk like a mouse.” I said whilst sneaking.
I heaved a deep sigh. Aaminin kong kinakabahan ako at baka makunsyame ang lahat kapag nagkamali ako. I just need to trust myself and do it as fast as I can. I will bring her back. Dito gagaling kaming dalawa. Kapag kasama ko siya magiging maayos ang lahat.
“Please… be safe…” I said quietly.
I walk like a mouse. I’m almost at the door and I’m sweating so bad. I never sneaked out in my whole life. My parents let me do the things I love as long as they know where and who I am with. Of course, I never told them I faked my ID many times and entered bars. They’re against that. Only kuya Daevan knew.
Namamasa na ang kamay ko pero hawak ko na ang doorknob. Bahala na! I need to see my friend. I need her here.
“You’re unstoppable, hey?” Sabi ng boses lalaki.
Napatalon ako sa gulat. Bumukas ang ilaw kung nasaan nasa tabi lang ng pinto ang switch. He’s there! We’re that close! How long was he there? What the heck?!
My heart skipped a beat. Talaga bang hinintay niya ako? Alam niya talagang aalis ako.
“Nanggugulat ka naman!” Tumaas ang tono ko. Ilang sandali kong hinabol ang sariling hininga para makakontrol ang damdamin.
“You’re stubborn.” Aniya.
I was taken aback to what he said but I must stand to what I’ve panned out. Hindi niya ako pwedeng pigilan. Walang sinuman ang makakapigil sa akin ngayon.
“I’ve already told you, I can’t let my friend be in danger again. I must save her!” I said bravely.
Pumikit siya na parang nahihirapan. Alin ba doon ang mahirap intindihin? He knew my intention. You know what? I must go!
I twisted the knob and ready to storm out.
“You’re making things hard, lady. Your brother was right.” He clicked his tongue.
Bago ko pa man mabuksan ng tuluyan ang pinto ay marahan niya itong sinara na ikinagalit ko.
“Ano ba?! Ano ba sa tingin mo ang ginagawa mo?” Singhal ko.
Umaapoy na ako sa galit. Gusto ko maging bayolente! Tumaas ang dugo ko sa ginawa niya. Sino ba siya para pigilan ako?
“You can’t go…”
“Gago ka ba!? Alin doon ang hindi mo maintindihan? My friend is f*****g in danger! Ano ba—”
Pumukit siya ng marahan tila taliwas sa kaniya ang gustong gawin.
“It’s cold. You can’t go out wearing like that…” sabi niya na nagpatahimik sa akin.
What did he just say?