Forbidden Baby

Chapter 1 – Tabitha Mary Mathews

*Trigger Warning – this book does contain and explore some topics that may be upsetting and difficult for some.

*Please also note – there are several scenes of a s****l nature, some more graphic than others, throughout the book.

This book can be read stand alone and it is not essential to read the first book to read this one, but this is the second book of the forbidden series. Zeke's Story, Forbidden Kiss being the first. 

Thia’s POV

My heart was pounding, my chest felt tight, my stomach churned so badly I thought I was going to be sick. If I wasn’t stuck in a cubicle I would have been pacing, as it was, I had no where to turn, except the door or the back of the toilet system.

I didn’t want to look at the toilet system, I couldn’t bear to look. So, I remained face forward and stared at the back of the door like it was the most interesting thing I had ever seen.

Panic was not something I was used to. I was usually calm and collected, but right now, there was nothing to be calm and collected about. I looked at my watch again. 10 seconds had passed since the last time I had looked. 15 seconds in total since the time before.

Why was the time going so damn slowly! I tapped my feet in annoyance and fear. I chewed on the inside of my cheek all while trying to stop the bile for rising in my throat. This was excruciating.

Here I was, 16 years old, and waiting in the cubicle of the school toilet block waiting for the 2-minute wait of hell to be over to determine my fate.

I swallowed hard as took another look at my watch. It was time. I slowly turned around, and with a shaking hand picked up the little white stick that could change everything forever.

I looked at it with wide eyes, and feeling the colour drain from my face, a single tear rolled down my face, I sat on the toilet seat and tried to process the new information I had been swamped with.

I was pregnant.

A small blimp was growing in my womb, a tiny helpless little bean was counting on me for its survival and would do for years to come. The magnitude of the situation wasn’t lost on me, yet it was difficult to focus on it when there was so much more to this than ‘it’.  

You see, I was Tabitha Mary Mathews, the studious, smart, prim and proper, perfectly well behaved, benevolent and agreeable daughter of the most religious and authoritarian parents in the entire area. Their uncompromising beliefs and values are austere and as such, for their children, unquestionable.

Everyone knew my parents venomously abhorred the frivolous and wild behaviours of the younger generations, believing such things as s*x before marriage, teenage pregnancy, homosexuality, and the likes, as abominations.

They believed these people unruly, weak, and lacking in both religious and parental guidance, which had caused evil to spread and believed the devil among them would seal their fate in hell.

I had no doubt they would be enraged at the thought that their own daughter could be such a heathen. A daughter who they believed to hold the upmost respect for them and their beliefs.

But they didn’t know me at all. What they saw and heard was all great acting and pretence. It was a survival mechanism in built in me from a young age, learnt behaviour from my older brothers mistakes and a rouse to allow me some space and freedoms.

I knew deep down they would do little to help me, they would categorically refuse to accept it and they would send me away to abort my baby. Even though they believed that to be a sin! To them, it would be better than the alternative.

I had two brothers, Ezekeil (Zeke) who was a year older than me and Gabreil (Gabe) who was a year younger. We all hated our names, and chose to use shortened versions, but Gabe and I, did not dare tell our parents, as it was deemed unacceptable.

Zeke had asked once if they would call him 'Zeke', they were so furious that Gabe and I didn’t even bother. Sometimes I felt sorry for Zeke, he was struggling to accept that he was different, and felt trapped being unable to express himself openly.

He pushed the boundaries with Mum and Dad, which was good for me and Gabe because we learnt from him what was and wasn’t acceptable, but it often led to him being lectured, grounded, or berated. Gabe and I had learnt long ago to lead double lives.

Zeke on the other hand, not so much. He was a genius. A certified and known Mensa accredited genius. For someone so incredibly smart, sometimes he could be a real i***t. He had little common sense and his ability to think outside the box was almost non-existent.

He and Gabe were similar in looks, both with dark chocolate brown eyes and with almost black hair. Zeke’s was Curly and he wore it a little longer, much to our parents’ disapproval. Gabe’s just had a bit of a wave and was shorter. They were both much taller than me, being 6” and 5”11 respectively.

I was an anomaly. I had long thick straight white-blonde hair and blue eyes and was tiny compared to them, at just 5”3 they towered over me. Apparently, I took after my mother, but I couldn’t see it. I prayed I didn’t turn out like her, that was for sure.

My life flashed before my eyes as I thought about my brothers, my parents, the life I had lived and what had led me to this point. The bell echoed around the toilet block and snapped me out of my reprieve. I had to go back to class.

I threw the test in the bin, rinsed my face, washed my hands, and walked to registration. Now was not the time to falter. I needed to think about what I was going to do, because everything was different now, and I had to have a plan.

‘Thia, girl, where were you?’ Loretta asked, a hint of annoyance on her pale face, at my disappearance.

‘Sorry! crippling stomach cramps, went to see the nurse to get some pain relief’ I lied.

‘Oh, sorry, are you ok now?’ She tucked her shoulder length, wavey, chestnut hair behind her ear and looked at me, concern filling her deep blue eyes.

I hated lying to her, she was my best friend, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it, I needed to get this straight in my head. I needed to digest this monumental piece of information and figure out my next move.

‘Yeah, much better now thanks’ I gulped a little hoping she couldn’t hear the dishonesty in my voice, it felt like I had swallowed pins ‘Let’s get to class.’ I turned so not to look her in the eyes again and started walking. I felt horrible.

I loved Loretta, but she wouldn’t understand. Her parents where so laid back they were almost horizontal. They didn’t go to church, and Loretta was free to do as she pleased.

The only reason my parents allowed me to be friends with her was because they had a lot of money, and her Dad was a local councillor.

Apparently, you can be a heathen if you are influential and have oodles of cash. That right there was the reason for my epiphany, regarding my parents’ morals and beliefs, and was the start of my double life. I had just turned 14.

That was the beginning of my new life, the new me, and I had never really looked back. I had realised my parents were hypocritical, lying, self-righteous, controlling manipulators and over the following year I had discovered this wasn’t a singular incident.

Having this insight and knowing it to be true beyond reasonable doubt, allowed me to relinquish the guilt of lying to them daily.

I found my new way of life liberating, and if I was honest, I enjoyed the excitement and adrenaline leading a double life gave me. That was until this morning, when it had dawned on me, I couldn’t remember the last time I had a period.

Which led me to stealing a test on the way not school, something I was not proud of, and the discovery that I was indeed pregnant, and life as I knew it was never going to be the same again. Whatever the outcome.

‘Thia, are you sure your okay, you seem completely lost in thought. It is so unlike you!’ Loretta’s concern was not misplaced, but I wasn’t ready to share. If was going to make it through this alive, I needed to up my game face.

‘Yeah, sorry, I just don’t feel so good. But I’ll be okay in a minute’

‘Are you still going to be okay to come over tomorrow night?’

‘Sure, I’ll be fine by then’ I smiled a little more honestly, I was looking forward to going.

‘Same plan as usual’ she grinned.

‘Can’t wait!’

‘POP QUIZZ’ the teacher shouted, everyone groaned, except for me and Loretta laughed.

‘You’re such a b***h’ she whispered.

She was referring to my intellect. You see, Zeke, he was a Mensa certified genius as I had said, but both Gabe and I were far from stupid. In fact, I was sure we were as clever as him, but I had no intention of ever letting on or finding out while in high school.

Watching the way our parents pushed and hounded Zeke, made dumbing ourselves down the obvious option. I made sure I was always top of my class, but I always made sure I made mistakes. Gabe did the same.

I wondered why God had made the three of us so incredibly smart. I wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse. I did think it may be so we can escape their clutches. However, looking at the predicament I now find myself in, I realise sometimes the smartest people can be incredibly stupid, myself included.

I should have paid more attention to Zeke, I often thought he made dumb moves and could never understand why he didn’t wise up and figure it out. Not that I ever spoke to him about it, we weren’t close. But here I was, in a worse situation than he had ever found himself in.

By the end of the day, with lessons over, I said goodbye to Loretta who, as usual got picked up by a driven car, and I made my way to the school bus. Elizabeth and Sarah where waiting for me, and I was in no mood for them today. But I slapped a fake smile on my face and greeted them as I normally would.

Elizabeth and Sarah were my ‘Church’ friends. I didn’t dislike them; they were nice enough. They were; however, the children of my parents’ friends and I had grown up in the church with them. They were devoted and devout Christians and believe everything they were told.

They hung out with me because I was good for their image, both at school and in church circles. I was clever, my father preached, and I was a goody two shoes. They were good for me because they allowed me to keep up appearances. It was a fair and believable exchange of being used.

We all knew it to be true, yet not one of us ever mentioned it. We chatted away on the way home about this week’s service and arranged a meeting to discuss the harvest festival fair. The girls and I had volunteered to help.

It looked good on a CV, and it made my parents happy, this went a long way in keeping them at arm’s length when it came to my other extracurricular activities. It was an even balance, and I worked it well.

As we got off the bus, I waved goodbye, promising to see them on Sunday. I always saw them on a Sunday. As both Zeke and Gabe rolled off the Bus, Zeke walked ahead, head down and music on and Gabe walked with me.

‘Hey sis’

‘Hey Bro’

‘Friday plans on?’ he asked.

‘Yep! I love Loretta, that girl is a godsend’ I laughed ‘You?’

‘Always, I make the rules’ he laughed.

You see, unlike Zeke and I, Gabe and I were super close. We knew everything about each other. He knew what I got up too, and I know what he did, and we both had a Friday night ritual. His was a little riskier than mine, but it happened almost every week regardless.