Love Just Ain't Enough (BOOK TWO)

FIFTEEN: ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL

My stomach churned. My hands forming into fist as I controlled the rise of bile in my throat. That stupid ride or die. I hate those words so much. If only my piercing eyes could kill, he would be dead by now.

“Ride or die?” I scoffed. “Do you know how much faith I had with that promise of yours? Do you have any idea how I held on to those words as if they’re my only salvation? But you fooled me. As far as my memory serves me right, there was no ride or die between us, Alejandro. You never stayed with me till the end. You let me die alone. You ended it. Isaksak mo sa baga mo ang ride or die mo. Hindi ko yan kailangan.” Matigas ang tonong wika ko.

Lumatay ang sakit sa kanyang maamo at pagod na mukha. Pero kung nasasaktan siya sa mga sinasabi ko ngayon, then my words had served its purpose.

“I know your pain, Bea. I knew what it looked like. I knew what it felt like. But I want you to know that nothing has changed. For me, you are still the one.”

I chuckled with bitterness. “Huh. Well, sorry. The feeling is not mutual anymore.” Tinalikdan ko ito at akma na akong bababa sa hagdan pero hinablot nito ang aking braso. I was off-balance at kung hindi sa kanyang malakas na bisig, I would have fell down the stairs.

“Bitawan mo ako, Alejandro!”

“I don’t believe you. I know you’re still in love with me.”

“Ang taas din ng confidence level mo, Ser.” I pulled my arm from his hold, but he was too strong and adamant. Instead of letting me go, he pushed and corralled me against the wall. His hand gripped my jaw.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore, Bea.” Nag-igting ang bagang nito. His hurtful eyes locked with mine.

“I have a thousand reasons to hate and unlove you, Ale.”

“But your love is my only reason to live. Don’t kill me, Bea.” He pressed his forehead against mine. We both shuddered.

“You’re the one who killed me, Alejandro. Let me go.”

“You love me.” His labored breathing fanning through my face. Our lips were a breath away from touching. “You love me, Bea. You never stop loving me. Don’t be too stubborn. Listen to that whisper in your heart and come back to me. If I need to grovel right at your feet, I would. Just don’t push me away. Let me in.”

Napapapikit ako sa haplos ng kanyang hininga sa aking pisngi. The warmth of his body was melting my insides. If there’s one thing that’s certain between us, one thing that I cannot deny, it’s the fact that our sparks never faded. It’s still there. It will always be there.

“Let me go, Alejandro. I need to return to my work. I can’t afford to lose my job because unlike you, I was not born rich. I need to strive hard. Don’t waste your time with a commoner like me.” I pushed him but I knew it was useless. His body was now made of steel.

He dropped his head to my shoulder. His hug tightened around me. “Don’t scare me again like that. The day you will stop loving me will be the day my heart stops from beating, Bea.”

That day will never come. My heart replied. What a traitor organ of mine.

 “You’re the only reason why I still exist.” He added.

“Yeah? Well, I want to continue living too. But if you keep disrupting me like this, I will lose my job and later die of hunger. My breaktime is over and I’m super late, Alejandro. Bitawan mo ako.” His intoxicating smell, a mixture of his manly scent and expensive perfume put my mind in haze. He really needs to stay away from me because I hate how my body is responding to his nearness.

Unti-unti itong tumuwid sa pagkakatayo at dahan-dahang binitawan ako. I sighed. I never knew I was holding my breath that long. His presence alone makes me breathless.

Bahagya ko itong inirapan at saka pa lang ako malayang nakababa sa hagdan. Nasa landing na ako nang magsalita ito.

“Baby.”

Inis na tiningala ko ito. “Ano na naman!”

A playful smile tugged in his lips. “You love me.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, I don’t! Go away!”

Shit. I can’t lie in his face.

“You can’t escape me, Bea. I will always be around you.”

Hindi ko na ito pinansin at tuluyang umalis doon para bumalik sa trabaho.

Three days after that confrontation, I received an email from SGC. My first kickoff weekly meeting with Alejandro is going to happen tomorrow at noon.

Umirap ako sa hangin. Sa email talaga nagpasabi? Anong silbi ng palitan namin ng numero kung hindi ito tatawag o magtext man lang? What was his last sentence? I can’t escape him? He will always be around? Ni text nga, hindi magawa!

May sumaging kalokohan sa aking isipan. I hit the reply button of that particular email.

I sent a dot. Literal na tuldok. Send dot to confirm, remember, Ale? That is my confirmation to your email, jerk.

When the taxi stopped in front of SGC ANNEX, my stomach queasy, shoulders heaved from anticipation of seeing him again. Okay, our last conversation was quite intense, and I know I pulled some strings to make him angry but so it was to me.

It’s been three days and he didn’t show up again. Did I really hurt him with my words? But I was being anxious and terrified these past few days because of those damn flowers and letter!

I heaved a deep sigh before I decided to go in. The receptionist told me to go up and that Alejandro’s expecting my presence.

Another receptionist met me at the top floor and informed me that Alejandro is waiting in the conference room.

“Thank you.” Ani ko sa receptionist. Kupkop ang ilang folder sa aking dibdib, tinahak ko ang tahimik na hallway. Tumigil ako sa isang partikular na pinto na may nakalagay na Conference Room doon.

I knocked three times.

“Come in.” His cold, commanding voice sent shivers up my arms. Isa pang buntong-hininga ang aking pinakawalan bago ko pinihit pabukas ang doorknob.

I walked into the room with head held high. I don’t understand why I was feeling nervous all of a sudden. I could feel his intense eyes on me. I placed the folders on the table and pulled a chair opposite from where he’s seated.

I was surprised to find him scanning copies that I attached in the email. Well, I just didn’t expect him to be this prepared.

“Good afternoon, Miss Samaniego.” He glanced at me, with a deadpan expression.

“Good after…noon.” I stammered. His business-tone voice and his stoic expression were making me a hell lot nervous. It was becoming uncomfortable.

I sat on the chair and tried to find comfort. My fingers on my lap, playing with each other as if it could help the rising tension of my body to slow down. But it’s useless.

Alejandro was still busy scanning the documents and I took that opportunity to study him.  He looked so damn good with his well-tailored grey suit. I reckoned he just had a fresh haircut, but the stubble of his masculine jaw made a subtle contrast of his physical appearance. He looked clean and rough at the same time. It made him look hotter than he already was.

He’s been quiet and it made me feel uneasy in my seat. Does he have plan on not talking to me at all? What will be the purpose of me coming here?

Humalukipkip ako habang nakasandal sa upuan. I even cleared my throat to catch his attention. Nag-angat ito ng tingin sa akin.

“Are you bored?” He asked in a plain voice.

Super bored. “I’m not. Aliw na aliw nga ako ngayon, Mr. Salvatore.”

He slightly nodded. “Good. Make yourself comfortable.” Ibinalik ulit nito ang tingin sa mga papeles na nasa harap niya. Minsan ay tumitipa din ito sa kanyang laptop.

Naniningkit ang mga mata ko. Pinapunta lang ba niya ako dito para titigan lang siya???

Halos trenta minutos na ata ang lumipas bago nito niligpit ang mga papel. He gathered them and put at his side. He stood up after closing the laptop.

“Thank you for coming, Miss Samaniego. I’ve sent an email to your agency and I have mentioned there the details and suggestions I’ve gathered based on the copies you’ve sent me. I must say your reports were thorough and on point. Good job.” He was buttoning up his suit jacket while speaking. Hindi man lang ako nito tinapunan ng tingin.

It pissed the hell out of me!

I forcefully stood up, almost knocking the chair over. “If my reports were thorough and on point, why did you have to ask me to meet you? Apparently, my presence is not a must.” Nag-angat ako ng kilay sa kanya. So, what if he’s my boss? He has no right to make me feel like a fool, sitting here like I’m stupid! Did he do this on purpose to make me mad? Because trust me, the need to strangle his neck is too strong!

“Your presence was needed because just in case I have questions, you could answer me directly, Miss Samaniego.” He gave me a slight frown as if he just heard the most stupid question in the world. His cold, ruthless stance was making my heart twitch.

So, this is how the corporate mogul Alejandro Salvatore looks like. This was what his mother told me about him years ago. Now it made sense. I could see the power-hunger, lack of empathy, absence of conscience in his menacing demeanor now. He carried a breath of danger in the air that would shake your world violently.

When I was his carer, I was able to infiltrate the four huge walls he built around him but what he’s displaying now was far different from what I got accustomed to. This version of Alejandro Salvatore was not something you would want to mess around.

The control-freak Alejandro Salvatore.

I swallowed as I averted my gaze to the floor. His dominating attitude was something I did not expect to see from him. I mean, he was always controlling and bossy ever since, but I could easily tame him before. Now, I don’t know. I’m kind of scared of him.

“If that’s the case, I guess it’s time for me to leave now Mr. Salvatore.” My voice trembled. Kinuha ko ang mga folder sa table at kinupkop palapit sa aking dibdib na para bang panangga ko sila kung sakaling may gagawing di kaaya-aya ang lalake.

“See you soon.” I inclined my head to him. Tumalikod ako sa kanya at kabadong binuksan ang doorknob.

“I’ll walk you to the lobby.” He answered in a demanding tone. I could feel him trailing me from behind.

Tumigil ako para lingunin ito. “That’s so nice of you but I sure know where to find the exit.”

“I insist.”

“No, really. It’s fine.”

“Like I said, I insist. My words are absolute.” The way he looked at me made me want to squirm. The hairs on my nape stood up. What the hell is he trying to pull off? He’s so cold and unapproachable. Unfriendly and distant. Alejandro must have a twin because this person in front of me is not the Alejandro that I knew.

I sighed in resignation. there’s no use. Questioning his decision is like a mortal sin. Damn it.

He beat me on pressing the lift button. When the door opened, I stepped in. He followed.

I stood at the far right. The internal was covered with glass walls. I dropped my head to the ground because I could tell he was looking at me intently from the reflection.

When we reached the main lobby, I stepped out and didn’t bother to look back. I knew it was kind of rude that I didn’t bid goodbye, but I couldn’t find strength to look him in the eye.

 Dire-diretso lang ang lakad ko hanggang sa makalabas ako ng building. Saka pa lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag.

What the hell is wrong with him? He’s totally in his asshole mode!

“Miss Samaniego?” A guy in suit approached me.

Kunot-noong napatingin ako sa kanya. I don’t know him. Napaatras ako ng bahagya.

“Ako nga.”

He extended his hand. “I’m Matteo, but you can call me Matt. I am Alejandro’s personal assistant. I was instructed by him to give you a ride back to your home.” He pointed the sleek car that was park at the side of the street.

Magalang na umiling ako. “I appreciate the gesture but I’m fine. Dadaanan pa kasi ako sa agency.”

“That’s okay. Doon na lang kita ibababa.”

“Hindi na talaga kailangan.”

“He’ll go apeshit if he knew you turned down his offer.”

“Just tell him I accepted.”

He chuckled. “He’s actually watching us with those devious eyes of his and trust me, he would still know if you declined because I’m loyal to him. Besides, I am bad at lying. Have pity on me. He’s been in a foul mood these past few days and everyone is avoiding him, including me.”

I sighed. I looked back at the main entrance and found him standing there with both hands shoved in the front pockets of his slacks. Tumango na lamang ako kay Matteo.

Ipinagbukas niya ako ng pintuan at agad namang ako pumasok sa loob. Umikot ito patungo sa driver’s seat. Bago ito pumasok, he made a hand salute. Nalipat ang tingin ko sa main entrance at tanging likod na lamang nito ang naabutan ko.

Sa gitna ng biyahe ay nagsalita si Matt. “Pwede ko bang malaman kung bakit nakakunot ang noo natin, Miss Samaniego?”

Nagtama ang tingin namin sa rearview mirror. Nagkibit-balikat ako. “He seemed different.”

“Define different.” He grinned.

“He’s cold and kind of…mean.” I filled my lungs with air. “He didn’t even smile at me nor showed any emotion. It was so unlike the Alejandro I used to know.”

Nag-angat ito ng kilay. “Did he shout at you? Called you names? Throw things at you?”

Tumuwid ako ng pagkakaupo. “No. The hell I will let him do that to me. If he did, I would have smacked the life out of him.”

He laughed. “Consider yourself lucky, then. Mabait na siya sa lagay na yun, Miss Samaniego. Alejandro Salvatore is one shrewd, unforgiving, badass businessman. In business, things are never good enough for him. He is not looking for perfection, he’s finding imperfections. He’s the kind who doesn’t settle with anything less in the world. He will never be truly satisfied. So, you’re in good luck because he went easy on you.”

I internally rolled my eyes. “Thank Heavens.” I uttered sarcastically.

Tumawa lang din ito. “He’s a good man, Miss Samaniego. Alam kong alam mo yun.”

Hindi ako kumibo. Siguro. But then, he was the one who broke my heart.

“I hope you can forgive him about what he did to you in the past.”

I frowned. He knew?

“I’ve been with the Salvatores since the time I could remember. My father used to work with their dad. Sila din ang nagpaaral sa akin. Gusto ko lang sabihin na kung nagawa man ni Alejandro iyon sa’yo, he has his own reasons. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s okay.” My reply.

Nagpasalamat akong hindi na ito kumibo sa kasagsagan ng biyahe.

*********

I was not feeling well when I entered the bar. Uminom lang ako ng paracetamol para gumaan kahit paano ang aking namimigat na pakiramdam.

My hands shook when I lifted the tray. Damn it. Ngayon pa talaga kung kailan Sabado at punuan ang bar.

Suddenly, I felt like someone was staring at me. I looked around and there, I saw him. He’s sitting at the corner table with Matt. His stare didn’t linger on me. He disregarded me by tearing his eyes off me in a matter of seconds.

I tried my best to ignore him. I did my job and served drinks to other tables. Every time I glanced at him; he’s not looking back at me. May lumatay na kirot sa aking puso. I hated that he’s ignoring me or he’s not paying attention to what I was doing. Alejandro before couldn’t stand the idea of not being near me. He would cage me and wrap me in his arms. His face would hover over me. Pero ngayon, kontento itong nakaupo sa sulok at hindi na ako tinapunan ng tingin.

Two sexy women approached them. I was expecting he would ignore and shove them out, but he smiled at them and even called a waiter. He’s probably going to buy drinks for them.

I felt like there’s a big hand squeezing my heart and it would burst anytime soon. I looked away as my hands trembled.

“Bea.” I knew someone was calling my name, but I didn’t want to know who that was.

“Bea.” Niyugyog nito ang balikat ko. Napalingon ako.

“Agnes.” My voice came out like a whisper. I blinked my eyes erratically.

“What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “I saw him. He’s here. He hates me, Agnes. He hates me.”

“Tara muna sa kitchen para kumalma ka sandali. You are shaking, Bea. You scared me.” I could sense the concern in her voice.

I was probably burning with fever but I through the years, I have mastered the art of ignoring the feeling of being sick. Pero ngayon, mukhang bibigay ako.

Nagtungo kami sa kitchen at ininom ko ang tubig na bigay ni Agnes.

“Sinong tinutukoy mo, Bea? Sinong nandito?”

Sumandal ako sa kitchen sink. “Someone from the past.” I felt bad that I didn’t mentioned anything about my past to Agnes. Tripping down the memory lane would just make the wound in my soul reopen. “I don’t think I can still work, Agnes. Is it okay if I go home early?” If I would tell her that I was burning with fever, Agnes would give an earful.

“Of course. Get your things and I will give you a ride.”

I gave her a sad smile. “Thank you.”

Tumungo agad ako sa locker room. Agad na nagpalit ako ng damit. Naiiyak akong isipina na uuwi ako ng bahay na may sakit at wala akong madadatnang tao doon. Walang mag-aalaga sa akin. I bit my lower lip. This isn’t the right time to cry, Bea. You’re a strong, independent woman. You’re not weak. Remember that.

I heard voices from outside. I opened the door and stepped out.

Agnes gave me a weird look. “What’s with the weird look, Agnes?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“I thought I heard another voice when I was changing inside. Were you talking to someone?”

She nodded. “Yeah. A man with a pretty face. He was lost.” She almost chuckled.

“Oh, okay.”

**********

Nagpasalamat ako kay Agnes at sa driver nito bago ako umibis sa sasakyan.

Madilim na paligid at katahimikan ang sumalubong sa akin pagpasok ko sa bahay.

Mabigat ang dibdib na naglinis ako ng aking sarili. Alas onse na ng gabi at hindi pa rin ako kumakain ng hapunan. I don’t eat when I’m not feeling well dahil malaki ang tiyansang isusuka ko lang ang kinain ko.

I practically dragged myself to the bathroom. Naglinis ako ng sarili kahit na ginaw na ginaw ako. nang makalabas sa bathroom, I went to the main door and locked it. bago ako pumasok sa aking kwarto, I turned the lights off.

Pagkatapos kong uminom ng gamut, humilata ako sa kama kahit mamasa-masa pa ang aking buhok. I was so drained physically but more emotionally. My heart ached when I think of him. Maybe I deserved this. Siguro nga ay napasobra din ang ginawa ko sa kanya kaya lumalayo ito sa akin.

I checked my phone. Not a single message from anybody. No one cares.

I placed the phone on my side table and turned the lights off. Itutulog ko na lang ito. Sana bukas paggising ko, magaan na ang aking pakiramdam at hindi na nasa kumikirot ang aking puso.

The truth was, I wasn’t scared of being alone. Being alone was fine, but when loneliness took over, I felt empty. That’s when I started crying in the middle of the darkness.

I closed my eyes as I let my tears rolled down my cheeks. Everything will be okay, Bea.

A loud, deafening crash awakened me from sleep. I was a bit disoriented. What was that sound?

Another sound of glass breaking made my eyes wide open. Kahit naliliyo ako ay tinakbo ko ang pintuan ng aking kwarto at ni-lock iyon.

I dashed back to the side of my bed to grab my phone. I chose to sit on the floor at the far corner of my small room.

Sheer panic ran through me as I began dialing the only person I could think of right now.

“Please....pick up.” I prayed. I hugged myself when I felt shivers down my spine. My stomach churned.

“Bea?” He finally answered after five rings.

“Ale…” Nanginig ang boses ko. Rinig ko mula dito ang basagan ng jalousies mula sa bintana ng sala. “Please help me. Someone is in my house. They’re breaking my windows now.”

I was hoping against hope my neighbors would hear the loud crashes so they could call the police.

I heard a loud intake of breath from the other line. “Where exactly in the house are you now?” I heard noises from his background.

“Sa kwarto ko.”

I heard a lot of commotion through the phone and him swearing to someone.

“Stay calm, baby. I’ll be there soon.” His voice full of worries.

I dropped my head to my knees and sob uncontrollably. My whole body was shaking in fear and terror.

“Don’t cry, Bea. Don’t cry.” Basing on the noises of his background, he’s on the street now.

Kahit umiiyak ako ay hindi ko mapigilan ang ngumiti. If I’m going to die right now, at least I was able to hear his voice.

“Bea? Don’t hang up, baby.” I could sense him panicking.

“Ale…” I choked another sob.

He cursed. “Hang on there. Malapit na kami ni Matt. Don’t come out of your room no matter what, do you understand me?”

I nodded. I wiped my tears away. “Okay.”

“That’s my baby girl.”

“Ale...”

“Yes, baby. Please keep talking. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

“If I’m going to die tonight—”

“f**k. I won’t let you die.”

“Listen to me first.” I sniffed. “I want to say sorry for what I did to you. I know I made you upset and now you hate me.”

“No. You’re wrong. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna hate you, Bea. There’s no f*****g way.”

“You were an asshole the last time we met in the conference room, but I forgive you.”

“Yes. I was an asshole and I’m sorry for that. Please don’t apologize for anything. I deserve all that.”

I hugged my knees and trembled. “I want to tell you what I’ve been wanting to tell you all this time, Ale.”

“Okay, baby. I’m listening. Don’t hang up on me.”

I heard footsteps outside of my room. Mas lalo akong nanginig.

“Ale. I love you. I never stop loving you.” Humikbi ako. My chest was burning in pain.

“f**k, baby. Say those words in my face and not on the freaking phone!” He yelled but I knew he’s feeling miserable. “And I f*****g love you too. Always have. Always will.”

I smiled behind my tears. My heart is ripping into pieces. My phone made a noise, and the power was off. My battery was now empty. Napatingala ako nang gumalaw ang doorknob ng aking kwarto.

I covered my mouth with my hand at mas lalo akong nagsumiksik sa sulok. I couldn’t control the shaking of my body. My vision blurred and my breathing unsteady.

Suddenly, someone was pounding at the door. “Bea! Bea!”

I was probably hallucinating because I heard Alejandro’s voice. I wanted to stand up, but the fear consumed the last drop of my energy. I couldn’t move. I was too weak to even lift my arm.

Someone was trying to break the doorknob and it easily swung open.

My mind couldn’t register the image of the person who came near me. “Baby.” His voice shook. He gathered me in his arms, and I knew right at that moment, I was safe. Alejandro’s here now.

Alejandro breathed into my hair as his chest heave against mine. “I’ve got you, baby. I am here now.” His soothing voice filled my ears.

I leaned against him and buried my face on his neck. “Thank you.” That was all I managed to reply.

I passed out.