Teach me Right, and I’ll Do you Wrong

One night, stop

“I’m so sorry for how I acted earlier.” Mr. Joshua said to me. The class had ended and we are now talking at the emergency exit stairs to keep our conversation, private. Just like I thought earlier he was the one who texted me, wanting to meet me at the end of the class. “I apologize too for confronting you that way… I am not thinking clearly, obviously. I forgot our difference.” I said to him. “It is my fault in the first place,on how I acted towards you that night…. I should’ve thought that you can be my student when you told me that you are taking scholarship here in this university.” He said to me and it sounded like sincere. I smiled at him and awkwardly, touches his hands.

What the hell are you thinking Naomi?

“If you didn’t approach me that night, we wouldn't have met. And maybe, I would not see my sign to stay here in Manchester… I apologize too Mr. Wheeler… I should’ve thought too that you are a teacher, when you said you are teaching here. It’s just, I got hypnotize with your look, and the way you smell that night, I couldn’t just ignored you… I mean, for once in a lifetime, I just felt that connection with you, where I felt safe… I mena, you are the first guy, or a person I talked to once I got here in Manchester, and ended up being a hot good guy… So… I’ts on me.” I explained and he chuckled, that got me goosebumps.

I’ve never heard someone chuckled before that hot. There’s something about his crusty voice that just turns me on… Is it bad? Why am I even acting like this? I am not like this before… Not even one guy turns me on, except for him…

“You know what… Why don’t we just act normal? We should act like I am your teacher, and you are my student, from now on…”

I stopped for a moment and I felt like I was stabbed directly on to my heart… is this heartbreak felt like? I know that I shouldn’t felt this way, especially that we just met in a day… And that we have differences, big differences stating clearly that we really can’t have something and we can’t have that connection I have in my mind… but why am I expecting more from him? From us?

Why do I felt so attached to him? It’s just a s*x but something about that made me want him… made me want to be with him… And I don’t understand how and why…

“Look Naomi…” He held my hand this time… “What happened between us, it can’t happen again… We can’t… You’re 19 and I am 24… You are a student and I am your teacher… Clearly, it defines what we can be… We can be friends but we cannot end up more than that… It’s just one night… And one night only…” he said and kisses my hand before he let it go… “See you tomorrow.” he said before he opens the door of the fire exit, waiting for me to walk back in the hallway before he follows. We looked to each other again for one last time, before he walk away and disappear from the hallway, leaving me standing, like an i***t here, being walk pass by students.

I believe that everything that he just told me, made me realize that he is right, I can’t just expect something more form him, especially that it happened so fast, it happened only a night, and that he is a teacher and I am juts a student… Student of him. So I must stop being delusional because I can’t just stuck with that hope.

I need to move on. I need to put myself into reality, teachers and student, it cannot happen. I just moved here in Manchester, there are a lot of men out there that can take me out, I know that my goal once I moved here is to achieve a teenage life, a life away and different from my life back in South Carolina, but I need to fit in first, I don’t need to rush things quickly because I believe on what my father always telling me, if I rush things too quickly for it to happen, wonderful opportunities will be missed out.