Let Me Love You {forever} book 2

Chapter # 3 {convention}

BELLAS P.O.V-

We both showered together and then made some quick waffles before heading over to my moms to pick up Maddox.

Andy wanted to wake him up himself if he wasn't up yet, he always missed him so much when he was away.

My mom greeted us in the den with her cup of coffee. I sat with her while Andy went upstairs.

When he came back down with Mad, they were both smiling so brightly. It made my heart melt into moosh seeing those two together.

Maddox looked so much like Andy it was crazy. With his big ocean blue eyes and red tinted brown hair. We had been comparing pictures of the both of them ever since Maddox was born and at every age they looked exactly alike. I had made a photo album with a picture from each year of their lives side by side that I was going to continue to add to.

Andy had picked a little batman shirt out with little army pants and his little black vans. He was such a cool toddler. Andy had even bought him a little pleather jacket to match his. He was such a great and adorable daddy.

"All ready mommy." Andy said, smiling sweetly at me.

The three of us headed out on our way to LAX to pick up Andy's parents. I was so excited to go to this wedding convention. Amy, Andys mom was such a sweetheart to have thought about me. Her and his dad Chris, like my mom, had been waiting for the day when we would announce an actual wedding date.

Life was just always so hectic for Andy he barely ever got the opportunity to even think about starting to plan. The most I had done was look at some dressed and some venues.

By 9:30 we were already at the airport and Amy and Chris's flight landed at 10, so we got out to let Maddox walk around the lobby downstairs. I watched contently as Andy followed him around as he attempted to touch and grab anything that he could.

Watching them two together always had me laughing. I was thoroughly entertained and there was nothing that I enjoyed more in my life.

As soon as Andy's parents arrived we hit up a restaurant right near the airport because they were starving. The convention center where we were going was only about 5 minutes away. It didn't matter if we were there right at 11, there would be a billion vendors. I was most excited to sample some of the food that would be there. I absolutely loved samples.

Maddox clinged onto Amy as soon as they got here and she sat next to him in the back seat and they made funny noises at each other. He loved her too.

Andy and I made sure to keep them close as he was growing up so he would know them just as well as my mom.

"Dada ho." Maddox all of a sudden told his grandma. I gasped, quickly looking back at her, my eyes threatening to cry, a huge grin spread out on my face.

"Yes maddy, daddy is home now." She answered him.

Andy reached back with his long arm and rubbed the top of his head. "I love you Maddox. It's just gonna be you, mommy and daddy for a little while."

¥

Thank God for strollers and children's iPhone apps. It was crowded as f**k inside the convention center. There were so many vendors I had no idea where to start or where to go... I just kind of stood there for a second and stared out at all the commotion.

Andys hand on my shoulder shocked me. "You ok baby?" I nodded, flashing him a smile.

"Amy where do we even begin?" She had her chin in her hand and was looking around just like me and just as baffled.

"I-I uh..."

"Food vendors! Duh!" Chris interrupted and suddenly everything made sense. "Yesssssss fooodooooood." I agreed as well as Amy and Andy and then Maddox just kind of made an odd spitting noise. "Bubble!" He was playing some kind of bubble popping game on the phone now. "Yeah, bubble even he agrees." Andy laughed.

There were hundred of food vendors and we hit up almost everyone. A lot of ones specializing in deserts. I ate so many cupcakes and cakes I was surely going to be sick. Andy collected all the business cards of every one and had a few very serious conversations. He was such a businessman, he could talk the talk and he not only sounded extremely intelligent, he was.

I enjoyed listening intently to every word that he had to say. I didn't get to see this side of Andy very often. I had watched APs interview with him 'the making of Andy Biersack.' And many other interviews he did. I watched them when he was on the road. He did a more recent one with AP right after Maddox was born where he talked about him and me. That one was my favorite.

Just the way he talked about Mad and even said his name, you could tell how much he loved him. It warmed my heart.

Soon an hour passed and Maddox was starting to get fussy. The convention was a disappoint to say the least and I was starting to think that maybe a big wedding wasn't my thing. That I didn't want to be the one to plan it.

If anything good came out of this, it was getting to hang out with Andy's parents. Chris made the funniest comments about almost every single thing and he kept calling things ridiculous. Ridiculous. Everything here was just simply ridiculous and I was laughing pretty hard. They were also giving out samples of champagne and having wine tastings so I had gotten a tad tipsy.

"Well I'm sorry hun, I didn't know what this would be like I didn't really have a big snazzy wedding myself." Amy and I had trailed off in a different direction than the guys. We had grown pretty close over the years and she really was becoming like a second mom to me.

"Don't be sorry, I had a lot of fun today. Andys back, you and Chris are here and Maddox gets to spend time with all of you. I feel like I go a bit nutty when it's just Maddox my mom and me."

"I know what you mean. Have you thought about taking up some kind of hobby? Since your mom is so willing to take care of Maddy? Or put him in daycare while you... I don't know, take some sort of class?"

I took another sip of the champagne I had slowly been working on. Thinking about being away from Maddox more often made me nervous. I had become so incredibly attached but I knew it would benefit the both of us in the long run.

"You're right. That's a great idea. I always wanted to play the guitar... I've written lyrics before."

She smiled brightly at me. "There you go. Guitar lessons!"

Heh. Yeah guitar lessons... I wonder what Andy would think of that, seeing that his ex... Used to play guitar and sing and...

I suddenly got a weird feeling. A prickling sensation at the back of my neck. I could feel the hairs rising. I had no way to explain it, it made no sense. It was almost like I was scared for some reason but I had no reason to be scared right now. I was having symptoms of a panic attack but I didn't feel panicked at all...

"Will you excuse me for a minute, I need to use to bathroom."

"Of course sweetheart, I'm going to go find the boys. We should probably get some lunch I'm a few here." I nodded agreeing and then headed off to find the restrooms.

Ever since Maddox was born I had been having more panic attacks than usual. When I was younger I used to have them all the time and I was wondering if pregnancy had flipped my trigger switch. I had heard from many people that once that one thing triggered your panic there was no going back and you just had to find ways to cope with it.

When Andy was home, I pretty much never had a panic attack and I was really happy today so this was extra random. I hated feeling this way.

After finally getting through the hoards of people I found a restroom and went inside, immediately splashing my face with some cold water in the sink.

I looked up at myself in the mirror and frowned. "Get your s**t together Bella. What the f**k seriously."

I lifted a hand off of the countertop and held it in front of my face. It was f*****g shaking.

When I had really bad episodes like this I would sleep at my moms house so she could help me take care of Maddox and I could drink a few glasses of whiskey. That usually stopped my shaking and palpitations.

But now, here I was on a 'family outing' trying to have a good time and my body was randomly freaking out. I hated having panic attacks. Sometimes it felt like they ran my whole life.

Andy didn't know how bad they had become. I hid them from him so he wouldn't worry. About Maddox or me. I was fully capable of taking care of my son with a little help here and there.

I mean being home alone with a toddler by myself quite a bit was hard. I really saluted all the single mothers for doing it on their own.

My heart had started to race and I almost wanted to call Andy but instead I sat down with my back against the wall and practiced my breathing exercises.

A stall door opened and someone quickly walked past me and to the sink area. I couldn't get a good look at their face but right before they went to leave they looked down at me and I gasped, suddenly in complete shock. Oh God... It was Andy's ex. Speak of the devil. How ironic. Why was she at a wedding convention. Was she getting married?

She paused right before she went to open the door, a look of horror blanketing her face. My heart skipped. What the hell? I raised an eyebrow at her. She seemed completely frozen.

"Can I help you with something?"

She shook her head quickly and jetted out, the door slamming hard. Well... That wasn't the weirdest experience of my life. I definitely didn't intend on telling Andy about that.

Did she know who I was? Not that she would care? I mean she had probably heard of me... Through the media somewhere out there. Who knew if she still stalked Andys i********: or not...

Stalked.... No she didn't seem like the type.

I let it go and continued my breathing exercise for a few more minutes.

Soon after I had calmed myself down. I stood up again, splashing my face one more time and then I texted Andy to tell him that I went to smoke a cig outside. I had taken one from his pack last night and put it in my purse.

I didn't want to start up smoking like I used to but sometimes it did calm my nerves. Maybe quitting had triggered my panic attacks?

When what had happened to me, happened to me on the first Halloween I was dating Andy that hadn't even triggered my panic attacks. It was probably because Andy had helped me heal and was right by my side every moment after, bringing me on tour with him.

Maybe it was getting robbed in the bathroom at warped tour... Or almost getting robbed.. I still didn't remember the incident. I used to try and force myself to remember but it would give me headaches so I stopped trying and let it go.

About 5 minutes after I sent Andy that text, Maddox, him and his parents walked out the main doors where I was standing.

Andy pulled me into a tight hug and whispered into my ear. "Are you ok baby?" He usually knew when I was having a panic attack even if it didn't show.

"Y-yes I'm ok now."

He kissed my forehead. "You tell me if you want to go home and we will."

I nodded. "I will don't worry. Let's enjoy this time with your parents today. I'm ok now."

Even though we had all just gotten some food before the convention, we headed out to try another restaurant. When Andy's parents were in town we did this a lot, experimenting.

On the car ride there, Maddox fell asleep. We chose a Mexican restaurant and I decided to stay in the car with him and let him sleep. Andy didn't want to leave me so they decided on going in and ordering out and then when it was done we would go back home and eat it at our house.

I told Andy what I wanted and he went inside with his parents. Ever since last night with Ellie I was now craving burritos and nacho chips again. Ellie... I would have to text her then and apologize. I hadn't heard from her since and I hoped she wasn't mad at me. She understood how Andy got but I didn't want her to think I was mad at her.

As soon as I watched Andy and his parents go into the restaurant a beeping noise filled the car. s**t! I looked at Maddox who twitched a little bit. And then it went off again.

I frantically looked around the car to find where it was coming from. It was obviously an IPhone and I had mine on vibrate.

I opened the middle console, immediately seeing Andys phone. Just then it beeped again. FOR GOD SAKES!

I pulled it out, putting it on vibrate but before I could put it back in it vibrated again and the 4 texts on the screen caught my eye.

J- nothing happened

J- trust me please

J- could you please give me the full tape I don't want it to ever get out.

J- I need that tape Andy, call when you get a chance.

And then it vibrated again.

J- we need to set up a meet up ok? This week.

J.... Who was J? I thought long and hard for a second. JULIET!?!? She was at the convention... Maybe she was there to see Andy? But why? I suddenly felt nauseated. What tape? My mind began to wander in all different directions and I couldn't stop it. She wanted to meet up with him!? Why did he even have her number still and her his?

I angrily slammed his phone down into the console, immediately taking it back out to make sure I hadn't damaged it... It was fine and I put it back in.

I was fuming. Meetup!? And what!? f**k!?

What did she mean by nothing happened!? Had they already f****d and she was trying to coach him to act like nothing happened between the two of them. So he wouldn't worry about me finding out?

I could feel my panic starting to rise up again. This day was slowly turning into s**t. It seriously was one thing after the other in my life...

How the f**k was I going to keep my cool together when they all came back out to get in the car.

Andy had flipped on me last night for letting a man touch me and he was f*****g cheating... Well most likely cheating... Oh hell no... As soon as I had him alone... It was f*****g on...