Wimp!

Chapter Five

PAUL

"What is it? Aren't you going to eat?" I asked, making Travis shake his head as he smiled at me. I chuckled, rolling my eyes as I poked at a piece of chicken on the plate of greens I was eating.

"Nah, I'm not hungry. I'll just stare at you," he said as his smile widened. I found my face warming up at his words. I looked away, staring down at my food instead. The game had been over about an hour ago, and it was currently about five-thirty in the evening. Travis and I had gone out to grab some food, though he wasn't doing much eating, and he was just playing with his food as he stole glances at me.

We were at a small eatery that was currently filled to the brim with people possibly from the soccer game as well. Travis and I were sitting on a two-person table by the window, and I looked outside from time to time as I ate the salad on my plate.

"How are your classes?" I soon found myself asking as I looked up at him. He smiled at me, c*****g his head to the side as he bit his bottom lip in thought. 

"They're okay. How are your classes going?" Travis was doing a major physical science and education. At first, I'd been a little worried, seeing as Travis and school work didn't mesh too well together, but he seemed to be enjoying his course, and it made me happy. Seeing him content and cheerful made me happy.

"My classes are okay," I said with a smile as I took a fork full of salad. We talked for a while, my smile dimming when I remembered something from the game. They'd been a particular girl hanging on to Travis throughout on the sides of the field. It had bothered me, and I'd for the most part been watching her from my seat in the bleachers instead of watching the soccer game. 

"What's wrong?" Travis asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I let out a sigh, shaking my head as I told him it was nothing. He didn't believe me, and soon enough he was reaching out to hold my hand. I looked away from him, staring down at my food as I picked at it with my fork as Travis squeezed the hand he was holding on to.

"Come on, you can tell me. I'll listen," he promised, giving my hand another squeeze as he looked on at me. I shook my head again, taking my hand away. There was no need to bother Travis with my jealousy, and lack of self-confidence. It didn't matter. 

You let him do anything he wants. I blinked, frowning when Chris' words popped into my head again. Why was I overthinking things? Why were his words bothering me so much? Deep down I knew it was because he was sort of right — because he'd been able to point out the obvious.  

"Okay, now I'm confused, why are you frowning, did something happen?" Travis asked, making me look at him as I tried to relax the look on my face. I sighed, looking down at my food before shrugging. So much for not bothering Travis with my problems. 

"Can I talk to you about something?" I asked, looking up at him. "Actually, a bunch of things," I added, watching at Travis nodded. 

"Here?" he asked, making me bite my bottom lip in thought. I shook my head after a while, deciding that it wasn't the best to do the talk in a public eatery. The place was filled to the brim with people. The air was choked with the smell of food, and the sound of people talking over each other. 

No, definitely not here. 

"No, what about your car?" I asked, making him nod. When we were done eating, we left the eatery for the parking lot. We got into Travis' car soon after, and I let out a sigh when he turned on the engine and put the air conditioner on. We sat in the car saying nothing to each other for a while. We just let the silence fill the void. I started drumming my fingers against the window when the silence started to feel uncomfortable. Travis turned to look at me. He ran a hand through his blond hair, before looking away from me again.

"So," Travis started, turning to face me after a while. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked, making me sigh as I looked down at my faded jeans and began to pick at the loose threads at the part where they were ripped as a style.

Where do I start? I thought to myself, as I tried to arrange my words in my head. No matter how I re-arranged what I wanted to say, it seemed like my words would come off as being too jealous, whiny, worried, or overreacting. I didn't want that. I was already known for crying too much, being whiny would just solidify how annoying I  could be. 

"I get worried about our relationship a lot," I started, making Travis look at me with new interest. He sighed, letting a hand of his hold on to the steering wheel as he waited for me to continue talking. "Like, I'm boring old Paul, and I can't really think of why you'd like me, versus say, that girl that was following you around on the field this afternoon," I said, making Travis look at me with what seemed like a confused gaze.

"Thalia? She's a friend," Travis said, making me nod. 

"I know that, but I don't know. I can't help feeling jealous and worried,"  I said, looking straight at him when he reached out to take my hand. He gave it a small squeeze, filling me with a bit of much-needed confidence to continue talking.

"And because of that, maybe there are times I just do or agree to things because I'm a little scared of getting in an argument with you or giving you a reason not to like me. Like, I just go along with some things because it seems it would make you happy. I know I'm overreacting—"

"It's okay," Travis said, tightening his grip on my hand. "It's okay. I'm listening, go on," he said, squeezing my hand again. 

"So yeah," I muttered, my voice coming off a bit choked. "I worry a lot, and I don't like it, but I don't want to worry you — am I making any sense? Please tell me I'm making sense."

I heard Travis chuckle, and soon he was leaning into me. He kissed my forehead, pulling away before smiling at me. "You're making perfect sense, don't worry about it," he said, making to run a hand through my dark brown hair. 

"You know I'm kind of clueless..." he trailed, looking away. "And kind of stupid," he muttered under his breath — just loud enough for me to hear him. I frown, not understanding why he'd say that about himself. 

"You're not stupid," I muttered, watching as he let out a nervous laugh before looking back at me.

"Yeah, well, whatever," he said before sighing. "What I was trying to say was; I really like you, and I'm really a big mess of a person so if you don't tell me things I won't really understand — so, if anything is bothering you please just tell me. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or sad. We've made this work for over a year, but I'm stupid and I mess everything up and I can mess this up anytime soon—"

"Travis," I said, cutting him off. "You're not stupid," I repeated, making him sigh as he looked away from me. 

This was one of the things that bothered me, the way he seemed to downplay his intelligence. I mean, sure he was a bit clueless at times, but he was presently in a science-based course and was doing fine. He just needed to pay attention, and maybe put a little bit more effort into what he was doing.  

"You're just saying that because you're my boyfriend — I don't know, how did we start discussing this?" he said, trying to laugh it off but his voice came out a bit rough and choked. I reached out to take his hand, making him turn to look at me. I smiled at him, leaning over a bit, and sitting up in my chair so that I could kiss him. I broke the kiss soon after, and just held his face in my hands and looked at him.

"I think we're both a bit paranoid over things," I tried to laugh the situation off, but it came out in an awkward chuckle, but none the less Travis chuckled along with me as he placed a hand over one of mine that was holding on to his face. He beamed at me, letting look at his blue-green eyes under the car light.

"I don't know what I'd do if I lose you," he said, making me smile as I looked away. 

"You've got me. You won't lose me," I muttered, looking back up at him. He smiled at me, leaning down to give me a kiss. I was afraid of losing him, it wasn't the other way around. He had me, he didn't have to worry about losing me at all. 

We kissed for a bit in the car and eventually settled back on our seats with red faces. Travis made to drive out of the parking lot, and we talked throughout the ride home back to Alex's and Chris' apartment. Although the conversation had kind of halted midway, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.