How Deep is Your Love?

1 - Natalie

10 years later...

"Welcome back, iha!" Tita Lorie excitedly exclaimed as she gave me her biggest and warmest hug. "I missed you sooo much, honey!"

"I missed you too, Tita." I said as I hugged her back tightly. And she began to cry and I did too. We’ve always stayed in touch over the past years but this is the only time we get to see each other again.

We stayed like that for a while until we heard Tito Philip's voice.

"Can I get a hug too?" He said while chuckling, his voice obviously teasing us both for being so emotional.

"Oh, Tito. Of course." I replied and hugged him too.

"I missed you, iha." He said while patting my back

"Me, too." I said as I pulled away and wiped my tears and we all ended up chuckling.

After all the emotional encounter we just had, they hurriedly pulled me over to their wide living room.

"It's been so long since I last saw you." Tita Lorie said with a sad smile. Her voice broke a little while she complained at me. "You said you'll come and visit me often. But you never came. Until now."

"Sorry, Tita." I said sincerely. "I was just caught up with a lot of projects and all that. But we still video chat, right?"

"It's not really enough. 4 years, iha. You never even visited once." She blurted out and pouted at me. I felt guilty. I know I really promised her but things just happened and I wasn’t even sure if I was already ready to even come back here.

"I'll make it up to you. Sorry, Tita. I just started my boutique that time and there were a lot of things going on." I explained as I went to her and hug her again. I know how much they loved me and treated me like their own daughter. So not being able to see me for many years must have really hurt them but I know they understood.

"Let it go, darling. I'm sure that starting a business can really be tough." Tito Philip said as he looked at his wife. "The good thing is, she's here now. And she’s back."

"Okay, fine. Oh, I just missed you so much." She said again and hugged me tighter.

"Me, too." I replied and giggled in her arms. Oh, I really missed this motherly embrace.

"Wow, look at you now. You look so different, iha. No more specs, fashionable clothes, and light make up. You look gorgeous before but now even more, iha. I always knew you were stunning but you just don't show it much when you were still here." Tita Lorie commented when she pulled away.  “You’ve changed a lot. And I’m so proud of you.”

"I wasn't that comfortable going with the trend before, Tita. But after pursuing my career in the fashion industry and opening my boutique, I got used to it and realized that it is actually needed to inspire more ladies to be more confident about themselves. So I decided to change my fashion statement." I explained.

"And that change made your prettier, iha." Tito Philip seconded.

“Thanks, Tito.” I replied.

“I’ve collected the magazines that featured you and oh my, you look so pretty, iha.” Tita Lorie continued. “All your pictures were definitely stunning.”

“It was just because of the photographers, Tita.” I said shyly.

"Anyway, do you know how many times I wanted to go and visit you in LA?" Tita Lorie asked, teary-eyed. "If only my doctor allowed me."

"Oh, Tita." I exclaimed and wiped her tears. "I will visit you often now, okay? So you won’t be missing me so much."

"Why don't you just stay here for good, iha?" She offered.

"You know I can't do that for now, Tita. I have my boutiques back there and I am still learning to stand on my own too. Maybe after setting everything right and maybe making things more online so I can manage the business here then I can stay." I said and smiled. "Besides, Dad is expecting me to be back there next month since I needed to learn more about his business as he is planning to retire soon."

"That fast?" She complained. “So you’ll just be staying here for a month?”

“Tita, I hope you understand." I said and smiled. "But I'll come here from time to time. And, you have to be healthier so you can come visit me there often as well. I'll be your personal tourist guide."

"Yes, she’s right. Darling, she's no longer a child. She needs to make decisions for her life now." Tito Philip said and winked at me.

"If only Brian chose to marry you instead-" She suddenly stopped as soon as she realized what she was saying. "Sorry, iha."

"That was four years ago, Tita. It's okay." I said and tried to smile brightly. I was a bit flabbergasted when she mentioned Brian but I can’t let it be known that I am still affected. I chuckled in defense. “I’m over it.” 

"That boy is really stubborn." She mumbled. “Look what he’d lost. My gosh.”

"Look who's talking." Tito Philip teased and we just laughed.

***

I took a nap for about an hour after all the catching up. Everyone in this estate welcomed me whole-heartedly. They were so happy I'm finally back.

Tita Lorie volunteered to take good care of me ever since my mom died. I came here when I was 16 and they welcomed me with open arms. They never failed to show me their love. Tita Lorie’s like a second mother to me. And so is Uncle Philip, he filled in the void that I had while growing up without a father. Both of them spoilt me with everything they can offer while I was growing up. And I am forever thankful of having them in my life. I smiled.

I'm back.

Finally.

I'm happy to be back.

And everyone is happy that I’m back.

Everyone? Erase that.

No.

Not everyone.

Because there's this one person who for sure hates me here.

Brian.

Ever since I came here and met him, he never failed to show me that he hates me, like he’s always disgusted at me. He hates all the things that I do. For years, I've tried to think of what I had done for him to hate me like that. But until now, it's never clear to me why. Maybe I was just really born to make his blood boil whenever he sees me.

But even if he hates me so much, I loved him.

Loved?

I don't know.

I am not really sure if that feeling is really past tense.

But hopefully, it is. Hopefully I’ve really moved on from my love for him.

I sighed as I went to the balcony of my room. Brian, the love of my life. I was star-struck when I first saw him when I was 16. He's super gorgeous, dashing and perfect. And as days turned to months and months to years, the attraction I felt for him grew deeper and deeper. From a simple crush to infatuation and then to love. Funny how he’d always piss me off and make me cry but my heart would still be happy whenever he does that. And I know he also learned to care about me even if he hates me. I just know. So I had a hope for my one-sided love. I know he hates me, but back then I believed that one day he'll learn to love me back. And so every day, I tried showing him how much I like him and how much I love him. One day, Aunt Lorie "accidentally" saw my old diary. But I knew better, she intentionally read it. And that's how she found out that I am in love with her son. She was so happy and was even so supportive of my feelings. She would tell everyone that I would eventually be her daughter-in-law. So everyone in the estate assumed that one day, I'll marry the only heir of this estate. Everyone knew and expected that one day, I will be the future Mrs. Brian O’Donnell. My feelings were never a secret to anyone. And his parents liked me for him. They even said they’d arrange me to be married to him. Everyone in the estate thought were a perfect match and we’ll end up being together in the end. But that never happened. Because it was everyone who thought about it, everyone but him.

I smiled bitterly. I remembered when I even asked Tita Lorie to let me stay with him in his condo unit during my college years. He was already having his Master's degree at that time. I studied where he studied, but he never saw me the way I see him. Maybe because I'm not pretty enough for him. He would always tell me how ugly I look. He’d even bring girls in the condo and intentionally let me witness how they’d flirt just to show me how much he hates the idea of being with me. He’d do things like that just to hurt me. He’s well aware of my feelings as I’ve told him about it many times already but he’d just laugh at me, treating my confessions as a joke. And so I left his condo and this place four years ago with my Dad.

Yeah, my dad finally found me here after many years of searching. He also found me four years ago. For 6 years after my mom had died, I really thought I was already an orphan. But then he came looking for me. He said that he’s been in search for me and my mother ever since they separated. I was so happy and accepted him with my whole heart when he continuously apologized for not being there as I grew up. Then he asked me to go and live with him in LA. I didn't wanna go. My life is here. The people I call and treated as my family is here. Plus, Brian is here. But then during the estate's annual party, he suddenly announced his engagement and upcoming wedding with Joanna, and my world fell apart. It's like a big slap on my face. I felt embarrassed and heartbroken. Brian knew that I have deep feelings for him. He always knew. I never hid that fact. And he knew that the people in the estate and in our town knew that I and him will soon get married. But he still chose to hurt me and announce his engagement to a different woman in my face. And maybe I deserved it for expecting and hoping. I deserved it for assuming even if I already knew he hates me. That was the time when my bubble for my dreams with him pop out and I realized that I am not really the one for him. And that no matter how much I try to make him love me, I cannot really force him to love me back.

That's when I finally decided to leave this place with my Dad. Tita Lorie and Tito Philip didn't object when I told them. They felt sorry for me. I know that they knew why I'm leaving. They knew that I needed it. So I can finally move on. So I can heal. And finally, so I can let go of my love for their son. And now that I’m back. I’ve been anticipating our meeting again. Not because I still wanted him nor love him but maybe because I wanted to show him that he doesn't affect me anymore. That I’ve already moved on. That even if he always wanted me to be miserable, I wanted to show him that I’ve succeeded instead. I've gained more confidence. I've changed. I'm no longer that timid girl who would just keep quiet even if he bullies me nonstop. I wanted him to see that I’ve survived even without him.

***

After the delicious dinner that Laila has prepared, I decided to go for a walk. I walked around, breathing in the fresh air outside. I ended up at the stable. I smiled as I went inside.

"Hercules!" I said excitedly as I touched my stallion. "Oh, how I missed you."

I was giggling. I knew Hercules missed me too. Whoa. It's been 4 long years. I've had Hercules since I was 18 years old. Tito Philip gave him to me as my 18th birthday present. He knew I've always wanted a horse and so he got one for me. Growing up with them here made me feel like a real princess. They always gave me everything I ever wanted. And even if I didn’t request for anything, they would everyday shower me with everything a girl would have ever wanted. And they would always say that I am the daughter they never had. Sometimes I even thought that maybe that's the reason why Brian hates me so much. But when I’d evaluate his parent's love for him, it's even much more than me. So he doesn't really have a reason to be jealous or anything.

"I'm sorry I was gone for four years and I wasn't here to take care of you." I said as I went and hug him. "I missed you so much. Do you want to give me a ride tomorrow? Yeah? Let's go for a ride tomorrow. But be good to me, okay? I haven't done it for years now and-"

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" A booming voice from behind made me jump from where I'm standing.

Brian.

I immediately cooed Hercules as he began making noises, also startled with his loud baritone voice. He was definitely as shocked as I am. The other horses in the stable also proved how shocking Brian's voice was.

"I AM TALKING TO YOU, LADY!" He yelled again.

"Will you stop shouting?!" I yelled back as I finally turned around and faced him. I crossed my arms and glared at him. "What were you thinking? You shocked all the horses!"

"YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION!" He hissed once more and walked in front of me grabbing both of my upper arms tightly. His breath smells like whisky. Then he looked at me from head to toe. His faced creased and his lips pouted.

Great.

He's drunk.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" HE asked loudly, making me smell all the alcohol he had just drunk.

"Will you let me go, you're hurting me!" I exclaimed and tried to remove his calloused hands off me. But he’s way too strong as he gripped me tighter, wrinkles forming in his head as he dangerously stared at me. I looked at him straight in the eye. "So, you don't know me now? Seriously, Brian?"

And I tilted my head, trying to ignore the pain that his grip was creating. He stared at me again for a moment and scanned my face once more. His eyes widened in surprise and he let go of me almost immediately.

"You're back?" He almost whispered. He looked like someone who’d seen a ghost.

"Yes. I'm back. And don't worry. It's not like back for good. I already have a business in LA and I would need be back there soon. So I won't be here for long. I am just here to visit and not to stay. So if you're-"

He suddenly kissed me, stopping me from saying anything more than what I wanted to say. He kissed me aggressively, hungrily, sweetly, like he missed me. His hands went to grip my waist and embraced me, pulling me closer towards him as he continued savoring my lips. Then after that passionate kiss, he suddenly stopped and breathlessly halted as he looked at me again. I was also panting and I just stared at him. And all of a sudden he kinda sobered up, his face tells it all. He pushed me almost roughly. Then he looked at me like I did something wrong to him. I was confused.

What the hell?

"That kiss was a huge mistake." He panted before he sighed and walked out of the stable.

I can't even think straight. I was flabbergasted. I touched my still trembling lips and then my pounding heart. I breathed in and out. I needed to calm myself.

What was that?

OMG!

He kissed me.

Brian kissed me.

***