Baby, You and I

하나 [Hana]

About six years ago, when his sister, Chaehyun, got pregnant after a reckless one night stand, the poor excuse of a man who got her pregnant left her the morning after their fun night. Yeolchan wouldn’t deny it, his sister was really a stubborn kid herself and Yeolchan was half-relieved that he became influenced more by Jaesoo when they were growing up—it made him take his education seriously. They’ve always been review buddies and they always had small competitions of whoever got the higher grades, with Seojin studying a year behind them.

His sister was quite the opposite, though. Since they came from a family that fed them expensive food from silver plates with golden spoons, Chaehyun made sure she’d get the most out of it.

And being pregnant wasn’t a part of her plans.

It was during Yeolchan’s midterm exams when he finished earlier than usual. He went to visit his sister’s dorm in Hongdae. He remembered his father asking him to check if his sister’s in trouble again; remembered buying her favorite tart from that expensive coffee shop; remembered grunting as he fumbled for his phone to let her know he was at her door. But when he heard the phone ringing from the inside and a sharp cry of pain following afterwards, he dropped the box of tart and his phone, forcing his way into her dorm. It took him three attempts of crashing his body against the door, an almost broken arm, a quick run towards the security maintenance from the ground floor, and getting the spare key to finally open her door. He barged into her kitchen, checked her bedroom, before realizing the sound of her cries were coming from her bathroom.

When Yeolchan opened the door, it was the first time he saw a lot of blood in one room that wasn’t a hospital.

His sister was lying on the floor, unconscious, bathing in her own blood.

When Seojin’s father told Yeolchan that the child was safe, he finally pieced together what was going on. He was told that she took a drug to abort the pregnancy and when she thought it wasn’t working, she cut the pulse on her wrist. Fortunately, the drug she took wasn’t that effective, considering she had to buy something discreetly since she didn’t want anyone to suspect anything. And so when she woke up in that hospital the following day, Yeolchan only smiled at her dearly and told her it was going to be okay. That she didn’t need to explain anything to him, that he might not have understood what she did and why she did it, but he accepted the fact that his sister was pregnant. Maybe the father cowardly ran away, but Yeolchan would always be there for his sister. He promised her that he would take care of her, just as long as she didn’t hurt herself or the child again. And that convinced her to keep the pregnancy.

But it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park after that.

Their parents cut off their ties with her when Chaehyun confessed about being pregnant. She was forced to stop going to school to avoid humiliating them further and was told that she was a disgrace in their family name. This made Yeolchan bear a little hatred towards his father who flipped the s**t out of his brains after finding out about Chaehyun’s pregnancy. They might have told Yeolchan numerous times of how they were lucky to have him as a son since he was living his life the right way unlike his older sister, but he still hated the fact that they so easily disowned their daughter.

This situation pushed Yeolchan to work part-time in a coffee shop while going to medical school to support his sister secretly. Thankfully, his parents still paid for his university fees and dorm; and gave him generous financial support. Suffice to say, Yeolchan learned to save and become independent at a young age, even if he came from a family of money.

When Chanhyun was born, Yeolchan knew all his efforts to take care of his sister and her child paid off. Chanhyun was, is, and always will be the most beautiful angel in Yeolchan’s eyes. As a reward, his sister named the child with the wordplay of their names and made Yeolchan his legal guardian.

All the time, whenever Yeolchan went home exhausted from school and training, his mind would only be at ease after hearing Chanhyun’s laughter. Sometimes, even his cries made him feel alive, too.

His sister only took care of Chanhyun whenever Yeolchan couldn’t be there. It was as if Chanhyun was more like his child than hers, despite Yeolchan’s young age. He even proudly introduced the baby to Seojin and Jaesoo as his own son, but of course, the two knew whose child it was.

But Chaehyun never really looked at Chanhyun the way Yeolchan did, which almost convinced Seojin and Jaesoo that Chanhyun was actually Yeolchan’s.

When things were steady and going well, Yeolchan finished his undergraduate training and medical school, with Jaesoo and Seojin by his side to help him stay sane. Chaehyun pulled herself together and started dating Yeolchan’s basketball buddy in his university. Chanhyun’s first word was ‘dada’, and he said it with a fit of giggles while pinching Yeolchan’s cheeks. As the kid grew some more, he got used to calling Yeolchan ‘daddy’ because that’s how he’s been to the child—a father figure, a caring parent. And it wasn’t until the last day of his residency practice when he woke up and gods threw him another challenge in a form of a letter that said a single word, and signed a single name...

“Sorry. —Chaehyun”

Chanhyun was left under Yeolchan’s care without explanations.

It should’ve devastated him, but the sense of responsibility took over and he knew he just loved the kid more. When Yeolchan decided it’s time to pay his parents a visit, he planned to introduce the little kid. He explained everything until he came to the last part where his sister left the child.

But he went back to his small apartment with tears in his eyes and a sleeping Chanhyun in his arms, earning the same fate his sister had for helping the ‘disgrace’ bear an illegitimate child.

Since then, he worked his ass harder, hiring Seojin’s childhood nanny to take care of Chanhyun whenever Yeolchan went to work, and taking care of the child himself whenever he came home. He developed a difficult routine, but Chanhyun was worth all of it.

Sooner, he was able to pay his parents some of what he knew he owed them. He bought a decent house for Chanhyun and himself in a safe place close to the hospital where he worked in Gangnam, and continued being on top of his career with Chanhyun as his prized possession to keep him going.

As Chanhyun turned three, Yeolchan’s first month of being a regular ER Doctor came out successfully well. Much like Yeolchan, Chanhyun is a pretty smart kid. He learned talking in complete sentences by the age of two, albeit adorably, and learned counting, differentiating basic colors expertly, and identifying basic shapes.

A year after, when Yeolchan didn’t attempt to make amends with his parents, his mother personally approached him and begged him to get back home. Yeolchan, after all, would always be the favorite child but he never took indulgence in it anymore since he already learned so much more on his own. So Yeolchan refused to go back and said he didn’t want to compromise his career since Busan was too far from Gangnam. Unexpectedly, the following day, his mother came back with his dad, and it made him realize two things.

One, it would help him get a better grip on his career if someone helped him with taking care of Chanhyun.

And two, there was nothing wrong with letting the kid surround himself with as much family as he can get.

So he let go of Chanhyun, with a promise to take him back one day after his parents got to know their grandchild better. But it has been almost a year since that.

Now, Chanhyun can already write his own name in Hangul and English alphabet, and he’s only four. He speaks and reads fluently in two languages—Korean and English—and is now set on learning basic Mandarin. He’s good with naming fruits and vegetables, too, especially those that he eats and won’t eat. He can also identify animals he recognizes from those storybooks that Yeolchan sent him, and every time they tell him he did a great job, he always ends up saying, “I wish daddy can see this.”

Although Yeolchan meets with the kid and his mother every now and then, he knows it’s not enough for both Chanhyun and himself. They’ve been seeing each other every day through SNS video calls and meet at least twice every month, halfway in between Busan and Seoul. But they always crave for the old times when Yeolchan would read him a bedtime story to sleep and Chanhyun would wake him up with kisses.

He has to make a decision before the kid grows up hating him for leaving him alone like what his real parents did.

~

The following day, after five hours of sleep and a bowl of cereal, Yeolchan finds himself back in the hospital for his last duty this week.

“Good morning, Dr. Park. These are the scans you requested from last night.”

“Thanks, Yuri.”

It’s not even the start of his shift yet, but he’s already starting with his tasks.

As Yeolchan walks towards his personal office, he comes across Jaesoo along the hallway who seems to have just arrived himself. He still has his brown satchel over a shoulder, walking into his own office next to Yeolchan’s while reviewing a patient’s profile on his way. His hair is neat, as usual, and he’s yet to wear his white coat.

“Good morning,” Yeolchan greets him with his warm, dimpled smile.

Jaesoo looks up from the clipboard he’s been reading and nods. “Good morning. Are you busy?”

Yeolchan shrugs. “Aren’t we always?”

Jaesoo rolls his eyes. “Point taken. Give me a minute to settle my things. Keep your door open. We need to talk.”

The urgency in Jaesoo’s voice forces Yeolchan to take the words seriously. He walks into his office and places the documents that the nurse gave him on his way, leaving the door unlocked. As soon as he sits in his chair, Jaesoo comes in with his phone in one hand.

“Let’s take a coffee or something. We’re still at least half an hour early.”

Yeolchan nods, standing up after quickly grabbing his car keys and wallet. “What’s up?” he asks.

“Just wait until we get somewhere private.”

“Well, it’s a private hospital so...”

“Don’t play dumb,” Jaesoo cuts him off. “You know what I mean.”

Yeolchan lets out a soft chuckle to lighten up the atmosphere. “I know, principal. Are you alright? You seem grumpy. I mean, you’re always grumpy but you’re grumpier than usual. Is it that time of the month again?”

“You’re starting to sound dangerously like Seojin. How many times have I told you to stop hanging out with that i***t?”

Yeolchan takes it lightly with a laugh. “That’s more like it, Angry Bird Red.”

They stop on the sidewalk to wait for the crossing light, with the sound of Jaesoo’s exhausted sigh. “I’m sorry, Yeol. I’m not being grumpy. I just... lack a little peace of mind, is all.”

“Okay. I can understand. I have my days, too.” He glances at the pedestrian light and taps Jaesoo’s shoulder. “Come on, it’s green.”

When they arrive, Jaesoo heads straight to get them a table, and Yeolchan orders them coffee. It’s been a routine for them since residency practice, even with Seojin around. Usually, Seojin would stay with Yeolchan while he orders because that kid changes his taste all the time, unlike Yeolchan and Jaesoo.

After getting their coffees in to-go cups, he walks to their table and Jaesoo doesn’t even wait a minute to start his talk.

“I’ve heard from Zhao.”

Yeolchan stares at him expectantly and Jaesoo gulps. He looks nervous.

Jaesoo is never nervous unless there’s a piece of really, really bad news.

“He called me this morning because he doesn’t know how to talk to you,” the guy continues. “How long has it been since your sister disappeared?”

Yeolchan internally struggles by the mention of his sister’s disappearance. It’s been so long since he last talked to someone about this. “I... I’m not sure. A year and a half?”

“Almost two years, I bet.”

Yeolchan nods slowly. “I guess. Why?”

“You didn’t hear anything from her since then?”

When Yeolchan shakes his head, Jaesoo holds both of his hands in an attempt to sympathize with him.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about our conversation last night. I’m sorry about what I said.”

Yeolchan scowls. “Where exactly is this conversation headed? Because I’m not following.”

“You should get Chanhyun back,” Jaesoo blurts out. “I guess, you’re the only one he has left. Let’s not bullshit each other by pretending to think that your parents can take care of the kid. He’s going to start hating on you if you deprive him of the only thing he honestly wants. Which is, being with you.”

With another light chuckle, Yeolchan ruffles Jaesoo’s hair, barely earning the usual glare from his best friend. “Where is all of this coming from? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

Jaesoo merely fixes his hair which is odd. He would usually go off by now because he hates it when his hair gets ruined. Something is definitely not right. “I just know what it feels like to be taken away from something or someone that you care about the most. The pain is agonizing, in my opinion. And to think, I’m already an adult. Imagine how it’s like for Chanhyun who’s barely old enough to not see his parents every day.”

This time, Yeolchan is definitely stupefied. “Hang on, Soo. What’s going on? Like, seriously. You’re freaking me out.”

Jaesoo lets out a dry laugh. “You know how I’m always silver-lining things, right?”

“Yes, but you usually tell me about the bad news first, and with you, understanding my decision, doesn’t sound like bad news. So what’s wrong?”

Jaesoo stares at him before he finally breaks the start of his purpose for this talk. “Zhao was having his second honeymoon last week in China with his partner. He saw her.”

At this, Yeolchan leans forward onto the table, speechless.

When Yeolchan doesn’t say anything, Jaesoo goes on. “It turns out, Chaehyun was in China all this time. Someone seemed to be supporting her luxurious living in China while you’ve been restless here taking care of her child. She went by the name Changying since she got there.”

Despite what he assumes to be a slight misunderstanding, Yeolchan is actually glad to know about his sister after such a long time. He’s thrilled to find out whether his sister has been doing fine or if she has found peace after her isolation. He smiles. “Wha—R-really?!”

Jaesoo gives him back a sad smile. “You’ll know someone has a good heart when they can still smile after hearing news like this that summed up how their sister just left all responsibilities to them to live a life of a bachelorette.”

“Soo, she’s still Chanhyun’s mother. And not just that. She’s my sister. I would never forgive myself if something happens to her now that I know where she is. I’ve got to see her.”

Jaesoo looks away. “There’s something else, Yeol.”

When Yeolchan doesn’t speak, Jaesoo looks back at him with unreadable eyes.

“She died in a car crash yesterday.”