Apprentices: Third Quarter

A Helping Hand

I’m a wreck. We have two more exams today, one in mathematics and physics, and one in magical history. Neither of them are really important for my grades, because only certain classes count for enrollment into the warrior witches program. But it’s not a good sign that I let my cage be rattled.

Marcus tries to figure out what’s wrong with me for the whole day, but I don’t open up to him. I know that I can trust him, that’s not the problem. It’s just that I don’t want to talk about it. And I have no idea how I’d explain what I did to that supervisor. No, I didn’t hurt her, but still. It was wrong.

When I get a text from Cyrus during dinner, I practically throw the food inside my mouth and swallow it, as I read it. Hey, I’m heading to the office now. You can come, I have some time to spare now.

I kiss Marcus goodbye and invite him to my room later, then quickly leave the cafeteria before he even gets the chance to ask any more questions. I feel so bad for leaving him hanging like this, but Cyrus is my main source of information right now.

As I’m walking through the hallways, I realize I can only hope that he’ll be willing to share some of that information. It’s still dark outside, so who knows how they’re progressing. If we could even call, whatever they’re doing, progress.

I quickly bite my tongue. I shouldn’t be so hard on them. I saw what my mother did. I know what she’s capable of, I felt it on my own skin. Whatever they’re trying to come up with, I’m sure it’s the best they got. Well … I’m just worried it’s not enough to beat her spell.

I force myself to brush the thoughts away, but as I reach the abandoned hallway, I can’t help but glance through the windows. And I shiver as I see the blackness still covering the sky. Am I going to die without ever seeing the sun or even the sky again? Are we all going to die like this?

Just in that moment, I hear footsteps rushing behind me. I turn around, feeling uneasy at the thought of someone trying to catch up with me. The hallway is completely dark after all. The streetlamps from outside are the only thing, lighting it up.

But as I make out Cyrus’s familiar silhouette through the darkness, I let out a small breath of relief. I’m safe. He greets me the moment he gets close enough for me to hear him. “Good evening. How are you doing?” he asks. Always so polite. I could really learn something from him.

“Hey … I’m okay. As much as I can be,” I murmur in response. I can tell he’s already alerted by my words, but I don’t give him the chance to question me further. “How are you doing?” I want to know, catching him by surprise. Yeah, I know. I don’t ask him that often enough. I should be a little ashamed by that, actually.

“I’m hanging in there,” he answers, the keys already rustling in his hand. He motions with his head towards the door that leads to his office. “We’ll discuss the details inside. I don’t like to talk out here,” he tells me, offering me a small smile.

I return it, then lean on the wall as I wait for him to find the right key. Then, I watch in silence as he puts it in and turns it towards me, until we hear the familiar click. Finally, he opens the door and steps aside, gesturing for me to enter. What a gentleman. It’s a shame that I’m no lady.

I still enter first, after murmuring a ‘thanks’. I start looking for the light switch, realizing that I have no idea where to turn it on. And searching the wall for it in complete darkness is not exactly a pleasant task. I jump away in fear as I come in contact with something that feels like a hand.

In the next moment, the room gets lit up and I realize that what I touched, was my mentor’s hand. He smiles at my jumpiness. “You were almost there,” he informs me, then takes the key out of the door before closing it behind him.

I have to force myself to move towards the seat in front of the desk and stops staring at him like a lunatic. Once he joins me across the table, he puts his hands together on the wooden surface.

“How are your exams going?” he asks in an extremely polite way. Like he knows I’m completely failing them. I keep quiet for a moment, the moment that I need to take, to decide if I should tell him the truth or lie. Oh, who am I kidding? He’s going to see right through me!

I swallow nervously, then tell him everything that happened this morning. How I kept thinking about how they’re managing to progress with the infected wards, how Sheila provoked me in a stupid way. And lastly, how I used wordless blood magic. On a teacher.

Cyrus grows pale at that last revelation, leaning forward in an almost menacing way. “Did she figure out what you did to her?” he asks in a low tone, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. And honestly? It hurts more than if he yelled at me.

I lower my gaze in shame, shaking my head. “I don’t think she did … I didn’t even know I was capable of doing it like this …” I trail off, meeting silence. I don’t dare to look up. I’m suddenly scared to death of what I might see in his eyes.

The silence seems to last forever, and I realize I’m only wasting his time. Precious time that he could spend, trying to save us all from an early grave. I get up, ready to leave the office, but I get stopped.

“Sit down, Evelyn,” he sighs, finally making my eyes jump to his face. My knees threaten to give out as I get hit with the intense gaze that he’s watching me with. And it’s his black eyes that make me sit my ass back down and listen to him once for change.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to … I don’t know what’s going on with me. I can’t … I can’t even focus during the exams,” I try to explain, but I don’t even find the words to tell him how I feel. How is he supposed to understand what’s going on with me, if I can’t tell him?

But he completely ignores my messy explanation and asks me something else instead. “The day we announced what’s going on with the wards … In the cafeteria. I saw you dive too deep. I thought it was just a one time thing, like that one time you told me about. But I should’ve known that we need to talk it through. What happened in the cafeteria?” he wants to know.

His voice is stern, letting me know that he won’t let this go, until I tell him everything. So, I do. “It was all too much,” I begin, forcing myself to speak connectedly. Forming sentences slowly, word by word. “When the announcement was made, I could feel fear. It wasn’t just mine. I tried to push it away, but as I closed my eyes, I was gripped by it. Like there were hands, tugging at me in different directions. They needed my help, and I didn’t know how to give it to them. Or how to get rid of them,” I finally manage to explain.

“And how did you get out? You just said you didn’t know how to get rid of them,” he keeps digging deeper, making my head hurt. What is he trying to achieve with this? It’s not like he’s going to solve this by questioning me.

“I … Marcus grabbed my shoulder and brought me back to reality,” I finally explain, making him nod in understanding. But he’s still staring at me with an intense gaze, not letting me relax. What else does he want to hear from me, seriously?

“And today? What happened today, with the supervisor?” he asks, making me frown. I already told him that story, what the hell does he want to hear now?

“I told you, she kept bugging me about being sick and tried to make me leave the classroom. I didn’t want to do that, so I just pushed at her with blood magic. I don’t even know what I did, Cyrus, I just did it. What is this, an interrogation?!” I burst out, unable to keep calm anymore.

My mentor sighs, his clenched jaw finally relaxing. He rubs his temples, shaking his head. “I’m just trying to understand why this is happening to you. It’s too soon. You’re not ready yet,” he explains, seeming quite desperate.

I stare at him with my lips parted, unable to understand the sudden shift of his mood. He looks up at me, his face a mask of worry. He now looks at least a decade older than I think he is. I realize I’m not making this situation any easier for him.

Everything is hanging on his shoulders. The wards, now my stupid problems. He shouldn’t have to deal with all this. He’s … He’s too young. I can’t imagine barely getting out of college and already having to fill in a seat at the Elite. Can you even imagine the pressure he must feel?

“Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll deal with it,” I suddenly say, making him furrow his eyebrows in confusion. He probably wants to make sure that he heard me correctly. “I can keep this under control for now. It was a one-time thing. Okay? You go focus on the wards,” I assure him.

He keeps studying me closely, like he’s trying to understand why I’d say something like that. “You’re too important. I could never push you away from my thoughts. Especially not now,” he lets me know, the intensity in his voice leaving me staring at him in surprise.

“What … What do you-”

“You need me. I’m not going to leave you alone in this, do you hear me?” he interrupts me before I’m able to ask him what he means. I’m not sure if I should be yelling at him that he’s being senseless, or running over to hug him because he cares so much. I gulp nervously.

“I … I’m fine, really,” I say after I decide to pick neither of the options. He lets out a frustrated sigh, leaning his head slightly to the side.

“You’re not fine. Anyone who knows you well enough can tell that,” he remarks. We end up having a stare off, clearly fighting over who’s going to give up first. Well, that person seems to be me.

“Okay, maybe I’m not, but can you blame me? I just thought my life is turning for the better and poof, my mother traps us in here by making a monster, who’s sucking the life out of our wards, or whatever it’s doing!” I retort, crossing my arms against my chest.

Cyrus sighs, then reaches out to my side of the desk, with his palm facing me. I stare at his open hand, unsure whether I should take it or not. I mean … He’s not Kir. I could hold Kir’s hand without thinking it means something more. There was way too big of an age gap between us.

But me and Cyrus? We’re not that far apart. And the lines can quickly get blurred. “Come on, we’ll relieve some of that tension. Haven’t you ever done this with Kir?” he encourages me, making me freeze.

He’s talking about those times that Kir took my raging magic on him. I always wondered if that’s what made him grow so sick. I nod, then shake my head, making Cyrus sigh.

“Don’t you trust me? I’m trying to help you. It might get rid of the need to use blood magic wordlessly … At least until I figure out how to solve other things,” he murmurs, making me put on a mask. I always have to put on a mask before I start talking about Kir. Because I can still easily break down, remembering him.

“He helped me like this many times. This is not about trust. I don’t want you to grow sick and …” I trail off, unable to finish the sentence. I know that I’ll start crying if I do. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to you,” I finally conclude, gritting my teeth together to direct that heavy energy somewhere.

Cyrus’s gaze softens and he’s now sitting on the edge of the armchair, seeming like he’s ready to jump across the table to console me. “Oh, Eva … You can’t blame yourself. I’m sure helping you wasn’t the reason behind his death,” he murmurs in a tone so gentle, that it pains me even more.

I stare at my new mentor, knowing that he’s helped me a lot more than I care to admit. He even let me say goodbye to Kir, in a proper way. I blink away the tears, then rub my eyes, pretending that they’re stinging me.

“You don’t need to hide … I understand,” he says, making me shake my head and look at him again.

“I’m fine. Just tired,” I remark, trying to keep a safe emotional distance between us. Like I said before. The lines are blurred, and I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend he openly dislikes. I may be many things, but I’m not a cheater. When I’m exclusive with someone, I don’t betray them.

He furrows his eyebrows again, his hand still inviting me to take it. I blink a few times as I stare at it, then look back up at him. “You need a relief. You still remember how to do it?” he wants to know, and I nod, unwillingly. “Do you want to pass these exams?” he then says, his last desperate attempt to convince me that I need this.

And what’s weird is, I start to believe him. It’s not that I want to pass the exams that I still have to take. I need to pass them. So, I look at him, nodding with despair.

Then, I slide both my hands into his, closing my eyes as I call upon my magic and push it into him. I can feel the warmth of his palm, warm and steady under my hands. He’s not trembling like Kir was, the last few times we did this. And it’s what finally makes me relax and let my magic flow into him. I truly hope this helps me.