The Secrets Behind the Mask

Chapter 2 - Relief

The sound of the water coming from the faucet in my bathroom sink filled the empty air and silence in my entire apartment for who knew how long. I had been standing there in front of the sink with cold feet against the white marbled floor, lost in my own thoughts and doing nothing but to stare at the innocent water as if doing so would turn the water into something more.

It was three o’clock in the morning, and everyone in our neighborhood was still in the middle of their sweet sleep and probably enjoying the cold morning weather brought by the ending winter season. Some may even have really sweet dreams. But…there I was in front of my bathroom sink, wearing pajamas and covered in sweat as if I had just had my morning run. My tired eyes were wide open like I had seen a hideous ghost in front of me.

And despite the sweat forming on my face down to my neck, my whole body felt cold like a dead body, and I was trembling so hard. The coldness I felt was not because of the cold weather brought by the changing season but rather because of the crippling fear that was paralyzing my whole body.

That night was one of those worst nights I had ever had in my life. I just woke up from a really terrifying dream – a nightmare where I saw the person I never wanted to meet again for the rest of my life – and it felt so real that I thought I would never be able to escape from it. So real that when I opened my eyes from that dream, I started hallucinating and thought that I could see that same person in my room.

In my fear, I started screaming on top of my lungs and hurriedly crawled out of my bed and on the floor, panicking and terrified of what that person might do to me again. It took me a while before I got back on my senses and realized that I was just imagining things – that it was not real, and there was no one inside my room aside from me…That it was all just a bad dream.

A shaky breath escaped from my lips as I tried to release the remaining tension and panic that were still on my system, then my gaze slowly moved from the water up to my reflection on the mirror in front of me. My eyes focused on the pale skin of my face and on the two dark circles under my eyes. It had been two weeks since I learned about the escape and disappearance of Nishimoto before his execution, and since then, I haven’t been able to sleep well.

Every night, I would have the same dream about Nishimoto – meeting him in a middle of a forest or somewhere that I was not familiar with, and there was always a kid who seemed to have a connection with him, though I haven’t seen that kid before – not even once. And what troubled me more was that even though I had the same dream every night, I still ended up coming with that kid as he led me to Nishimoto. I did not know why, but there was really something about that kid, and I cannot explain what it was.

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to breathe slowly as I leaned my weight on the sink. It was not easy calming myself after what just happened, especially when the images of Nishimoto’s face in dreams and in my memory were all too vivid as if I was seeing the real thing in front of me. And even if I knew that it was all just a dream, my heart still won’t stop beating loudly on my chest, and my hands and feet remained cold like ice.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I whispered to myself with rage as if the person to whom those words for was there with me. “Why…why won’t you just…disappear in my life?”

Only a long and deafening silence was all I got as an answer for my questions, and it made me more furious than before. At that time, I felt like I was going to lose my sanity. My mind tried its hardest to remain rational and keep me calm, but the emotions that were swirling in my body made it impossible. And without realizing it, I started shouting out of fear and annoyance in front of the mirror.

“Just leave me alone!” I screamed, then I absentmindedly raised my right arm and forcefully hit the mirror with my fist.

The mirror made a faint c***k sound then a very small dent formed on it. But I only got back on my senses and realized what I had done when I felt a stinging pain on my hand and wrist that was gradually becoming more painful as seconds went by. A loud gasp escaped from my lips and my eyes widened in surprise as I stared at my trembling hand. I immediately held my injured hand close to my chest while cursing repeatedly.

“s**t! s**t! Annika, you dumb!” I said to myself as I carefully put my hand close to my face to see how badly injured it was.

My hand was trembling and filled with wounds and blood on my knuckles. At first glance, it looked like my hand was fine on the outside, except for few wounds, but my bones and wrist hurt like hell, especially when I tried squeezing my hand lightly.

“Oh my god.” I nervously whispered and anxiously looked around the bathroom to look for my box of first aid kit. I honestly did not know what I should do since that was the first time it happened to me. But it was better to think of any solution rather than stand there and do nothing at all.

I headed towards the wall cabinet in the bathroom and got the first aid kit, then I hurriedly went back into my room upstairs while holding it to look for my phone. I found my phone on the bedside table, and as soon as I got my hand on it, I immediately searched for the things I must do to an injured hand on its browser. At times like this, the internet can be very useful.

A different kind of nervousness and fear ran in my system. At that time, the only thing that was running on my mind was what I would do if my hand was badly injured, and I won’t be able to do normal things that I used to do. It was my dominant hand, and obviously, it would affect my daily life for the rest of my life.

“What’s wrong with me? I should not have done that in the first place.” I talked to myself with a voice filled with regret as I scrolled down on the search results on my phone. There were lots of articles on the search result, but I decided to read the first one.

“Okay. Okay, so…ice and bandage?” I said as I looked at the first aid kit on the bedside table in front of me. I hurriedly opened the box with the same hand holding my phone and almost cried in relief when I saw three rolls of bandages inside. Oh my god. It’s a good thing that I decided to buy everything I might need for a first aid kit box, I thought to myself.

I got two rolls of bandages from the kit, then headed downstairs to look for cubes of ice on the fridge in the kitchen. It was a good thing that I had stocks of ice cubes in the refrigerator for my skincare routine at night, and I did not have to go to a convenience store just to buy some of it for my injury.

I put the cubes on the ice bag as fast as I could because my hand was starting to swell, and I felt like if I did not immediately apply cold compression on it, its condition would get worse, and that’s what I least wanted.

I nervously watched my injured hand as I applied an ice compression on it. The cold sensation caused by the ice made my hand felt numb, and it helped to reduce the pain. But…the anxiousness and fear rushing in my body continued to disturb me, and no matter how many times I tried to be optimistic about the situation, I could not help but think of the worst case scenarios. Like, what if I would not be able to use my right hand anymore.

A long and heavy sigh escaped from my lips. My body felt so tired, but my mind was too anxious and nervous to go back to sleep, and it was not like I could just ignore my injured hand. I started pacing back and forth in the kitchen while gently applying a cold compression on my hand when suddenly, I heard a notification ping from my phone, indicating that I received a message.

My feet halted as I turned to my phone that was on the kitchen island. On rare occasions, I would receive late messages from Kaya and Takuma. The latest messages I could receive from them were at 1:00 AM because they knew that I would be sleeping early at night. Ever since I migrated to Sapporo, I have forced myself to get used to sleeping at night as early as possible because it allows me to rest longer, and having an eight-hour sleep lightens up my mood for the next day.

 Who could it be? I thought to myself. It's only 4:00 in the morning, and not even Kaya nor Takuma would send me a message during this time. I stared at my phone for a moment, then decided to finally walk towards it and check who it was. My eyebrows immediately pulled together when I saw who the sender was.

“Takuma?” I mumbled to myself, before opening his message which says:

               When you wake up, call me.

I blinked a few times as I re-read his message for the third time. When I wake up? I repeated to myself then a confused expression flashed on my face. Does that mean I can call him right now since I’m already awake? But…why? I silently stood there for a moment, thinking for a reason behind his message, then suddenly, a terrifying thought occurred to me.

It was only at that time when I remembered Nishimoto again. I was so occupied with what happened to my hand that I forgot about the reason why I lost my sanity and did hit that mirror. But it was actually thanks to my injured hand that my mind was able to forget about my nightmares and Nishimoto even for just an hour. Ever since I learned about the disappearance of Nishimoto, I had been thinking about it 24/7, and every second of my life felt like I was always in danger.

I dialed Takuma’s number as fast as I can, then put it on a loudspeaker before placing it back on the kitchen island so I could continue applying ice compression on my injured hand. It only took two rings then Takuma picked up the call. I was kind of expecting to hear his surprised voice because I called him during that very late time, but all I heard from the other side of the line was silence.

The silence stretched for three seconds…five…then seven…and on the 10th second, I finally snapped and decided to speak up.

“What? You told me to call you when I woke up, so why are you not saying anything?” I demanded.

“Well yeah, but…why are you awake at this late time?” He answered, a little confused. His voice sounded hoarse as if he just came out from a very long shift in his work. “You usually sleep early and woke up at seven in the morning, so I was kind of thinking that maybe you called me by accident while you were sleeping.”

“What?” I exclaimed, then a faint laugh escaped from my lips. “Is that even possible?” I heard Takuma weakly giggled on the other end of the line like he also found what he said somehow stupid.

“It’s not. That’s why I was so confused and did not say anything.”

“So if I had not decided to speak, what would you do? Just stay there and listen to whatever noise you would hear?” I joked.

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll listen just to make sure you’re safe no matter how long it would take.” He responded sincerely, which made me speechless for a moment.

I understand the Takuma was a policeman, and it was his nature to be protective of people who need help, especially to people he knew personally. But sometimes, it still surprised me how sincere and gentle he can be whenever he was saying those things to me. Like, there was more into his words aside from him being concern about me.

We stayed silent for a few seconds when Takuma decided to break the ice and speak again. “…So, mind telling me why are you still up?”

“Oh, uhm…I woke up an hour ago.” I admitted.

“At three o’clock? Why? Did something happen?”

I pressed my lips together as I contemplated whether I should tell him about my condition right now and how I was troubled by the news about Nishimoto. It was not like I wanted to hide it from them, but I thought my feelings were my own responsibilities, so I had to deal with them on my own. Besides, my family and Takuma had their own lives and other things to worry about. I thought, as long as I could deal with it on my own, I did not need to tell about it to anyone.

“Annika, don’t lie. Tell me the truth.” Takuma demanded in an authoritative tone which brought me back to my senses. “I already told you that when it comes to me, you don’t need to hide anything. I’ll always listen and understand.”

I took a deep breath before parting my lips to respond. “It’s not like I intended to hide it or anything. It’s just…it’s too personal, so I thought I had to deal it on my own.”

Takuma faintly snickered. “Look, I really admire you for being so independent, but there are people who are so selfless and would always think about you. Think about if you’re okay, or…if have you already eaten…or what you’re doing….are you happy….something like that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Only dramatic people like Kaya would ever think about those things for me.”

“Nah. We are just concern about you and not being dramatic.” Takuma responded while chuckling. “So? What happened?”

“Well…these past few weeks, I’m having a nightmare and would wake up in the middle of the night. Tonight,” I paused then stared at my injured hand. “…is the worst, so far.”

“About Nishimoto?” Takuma asked without any hesitation, which kind of surprised me a little.

“…Yeah. I know you said that there’s nothing for me to worry about it but…I just can’t help it.”

“I understand. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s not easy to just believe that everything would be okay.” He answered gently. “But why is it the worst so far?”

“Oh. It’s just…I think I broke my hand.” I admitted. There was a short silence between us before I heard Takuma gasped in surprise and horror.

“What?! You broke your hand?”

A smile formed on my lips because of the way he reacted. “Hm. My dominant hand at that.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Well, I was so...so terrified a while ago when I woke up from that nightmare and I did not know what to do. I was in emotional turmoil, then the next thing I knew I already hit my mirror with my fist.”

“…You what?”

I shrugged. “You heard me. I hit my mirror with my fist.” There was another pause before Takuma let out a long and heavy sigh. He sounded surprised and at the same time, a little bit disappointed.

“That’s it. I’ve decided, and it's final.”

My eyebrows instantly pulled together in confusion and it took me a moment before I could process his word to respond. “…You’ve decided what?”

“See you in one month.” He responded plainly.

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Exactly what it means.” He said, then I heard a sound from a car in the background noise like someone just unlocked it. “I already finished a one-month load of my work within two weeks so there would be no problem with our department if I file a one week leave in the future.”

“And?”

“And that means I’m going there in one month.”

My eyes widened in surprise, not because I did not want it or I was against it. But more like…I felt relieved? I felt a sense of relief slowly spread in my body – it’s calming and comforting – and all the tension in my body due to what happened a while ago suddenly disappeared.

I did not realize that I had been quiet for a while and only got back on my senses when I heard a car’s door closed from the other side of the line, then a faint sound of the car’s engine filled the silence.

“You’re not saying anything,” Takuma said. “Is there something wrong? Are you not okay with me going there?”

“Ah, no…no. That’s not it. I was just a little bit surprised, but I’m totally fine with it. And I’m actually glad that you’re coming here.”

I heard Takuma smiled. “Okay, that’s good to he–”

Takuma’s last word was slurred with a long and tired yawn which made me furrowed and I was reminded that it was still past four o’clock in the morning – a time when most people are still soundly sleeping. But Takuma, on the other hand, was already in his car and on his way somewhere.

“It’s still too early for a drive.” I commended.

“Yeah, sure it is,” Takuma responded while faintly chuckling. “But I have no choice. I need to go home so I could take a rest.”

“Take a rest? You mean, you just got off your work at this hour?”

“Yeah. I told you. I’m trying to get my remaining works done for that one week leave.”

“No way. You don’t have to do that. You’re killing yourself.”

“C’mon. I always do this. This is one of the natures of my job.”

A small laugh escaped from my lips. “Are you for real?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to worry about me. By the way, you better go back to sleep now. It’s still too early for you to be awake.”

“Alright. I’ll just finish applying cold compression to my hand.” I responded, but Takuma suddenly stopped speaking on the phone, and all I could hear was the dead noise between us.

At first, I thought Takuma was just focusing on driving and could not say anything to me in return, so I decided to say goodbye and end the call. But when I was about to open my mouth to say something, I suddenly heard Takuma spoke again.

“I wish I could be there with you right now to take care of you.” He said in his most sincere and gentle tone.

Takuma’s face sometimes looks intimidating, and the tone of voice is like his father’s – authoritative, steady, and serious - and when it comes to his work, he was a little bit scary because of the dominant aura surrounding him. It was kind of hard to believe that a guy like him, who looked very strict and formal, could be that sincere and gentle.

A smile formed on my lips. “Don’t worry. I can take care of myself, and you can take your time to come here.” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You better not.” Takuma faintly giggled. “Wait for me, okay?”

I nodded repeatedly in agreement, even though I knew Takuma would not see it. “Okay, I’ll wait for you.”