Beyond Temptation

Chapter 7

The meeting with Verten is a success. I’m sure they are a hundred percent certain of their choice for AD architects if, for some bizarre reason, they had any doubts.

I go through it avoiding eye contact with Liam the whole time. I can sometimes feel him staring at me, his eyes almost burning a hole in the back of my skull.

I know he is dying to make some smart ass, sarcastic comment about what I did earlier. I’m sure he’ll have a full and totally embarrassing list of cocky remarks to choose from once he gets a chance to let it all out. I’m dreading the moment this meeting ends.

We’re finally walking towards our cars and part ways with Verten’s associates, scheduling regular monthly meetings for updates on the construction’s progress. Liam offers me a ride to the office, and I can’t find a valid reason to decline, although it’s what I would prefer to do.

Once we get to his car, he opens the passenger’s door for me and I raise a cocky eyebrow.

“I could have done that you know?” – he smiles and motions for me to get in. I can sense that my voice has a hint of aggression in it, I know I’m getting frustrated about the elephant in the room, and anything will do to pick a fight.

“I know! But I like being a gentleman.” – he smiles and disarms me immediately.

We drive in a strange silence for about 10 minutes, and I can’t take it anymore.

“Would you please just say whatever you have to say?” – I say, not once taking my eyes off the road.

“Who said I have something to say?” – he’s enjoying my agony. I can see it the way he’s smiling sideways.

“Oh come on!! I know you must have your head full of embarrassing comments to make. I can take it. Let them blow!”

“Miss Harden, I don’t have anything to say. There is only one thing on my mind right now, and it doesn’t involve that much talking” – he really likes to see me squirm.

I’ll call his bluff.

“Oh really. And what is that?” – I say, turning to him and holding my lip between my teeth.

“Lunch.” – he smiles a huge white smile. He knows what I thought he was talking about. He did it on purpose. – “Will you give me the pleasure of your company?”

“Ugh…OK.” – I shrug as if I don’t care.

We’re finally seated in a very cozy restaurant, at a corner table with no one else around us. We order our meals and Liam orders a bottle of red wine for both of us. I still remember what I got myself into the last time I drank with Liam around, so I’ll be extra careful this time around. The waitress is overly friendly and helpful when she’s talking to Liam, even flirting with him. I can’t help but feel disgusted and my stomach actually summersaults making me feel queasy.

When she finally leaves, I decide that I have to apologize for what I did and make it clear that I didn’t mean anything by it.

“Now that your new best friend is gone, unless you want to follow her out back and finish what you were starting here, I would like to talk about what I did this morning.” – my voice is full of disdain.

“Well then, talk!” – His face is blank. I can’t read what he’s thinking and it makes me uneasy not knowing what I’m dealing with.

“I just wanted to say that it was a meaningless impulse. I’m sorry for it. I didn’t realize what I was doing and I have no plausible explanation either. But I’ll be sure to avoid this kind of behavior in the future.” – I take a sip of the wine as if trying to swallow my pride and shame.

“Jamie, I didn’t mention it because it didn’t mean anything to me. The only thing I have to say about it is that you can be sure that I can keep my promise of not kissing or touching you. I don’t have any interest in repeating my own mistakes. That is a sealed deal in my mind. I will never do it again.” – he emphasizes the word never, making it clear that he has no interest in me.

His words somehow make me feel sad, even though getting involved with Liam is something I really can’t afford to do. Even if he wanted to.

I know his type. I know he would have his way with me and I would enjoy it terribly. He would then move on to his next new toy. I know I would never be able to not attach any strings to it because he already has some sort of grip on my heart. He doesn’t own it by any means, but he can surely touch it without even trying that hard.

I just need to lay eyes on him and I can immediately feel my heart flip and my stomach clench. And this is just the reaction of the upper part of my body. This one I can still try to control. The bottom part is a completely different story. He just needs to simply graze my skin and I’m up for anything he would want to do with me. I can’t think of anything I’ve wanted more right now than for him to pin me to a wall and do what he pleases. He could lay me down on this table and spill this whole bottle of wine down my body and slowly lick it clean, while it flows all the way down…

“JAMIE?” – He’s waving his hand in front of my eyes calling me louder to snap me out of my thoughts. – “Are you ok? Your cheeks are all flushed” – he puts his hand to my forehead checking if I’m running a fever.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a little bit hot in here.” – I lied, trying to recompose myself from that hot daydream.

I really need to stop this s**t and get him out of my head. I can’t let him get to me like that.

Besides, he was completely and utterly clear, that he has no interest in me.

We finish up our meals while talking about the next steps in the construction process. I had changed the subject, not wanting to talk about anything else but work. It’s easier and there’s a smaller window for unwanted distractions.

***

A month goes by, and Liam and I are getting very well along. At work at least, since I’ve been avoiding any other kind of interaction with him. We occasionally have lunch together, but just talk about trivial stuff or even work-related issues. I’m trying my best to keep the personal stuff kept away, but sometimes we talk about our past and I feel myself having a great time with him, forgetting he is JUST my boss.

Today we’re at the construction site again, having our monthly meeting with Verten. All goes perfectly well, just like the last time. This time I manage to find an excuse and don’t drive back to the office with him. I tell him vaguely that I have an appointment and he doesn’t insist. I’m really glad because being so close to him always makes me wonder and long for his touch. The past month was smooth, but today, thinking about driving alone in the car with him, makes me think about him more than I should. My mind sways off to the possibilities of what could happen in that spacious car if we wanted.

Jamie!! Get out of it. This isn’t healthy.   

Once we get to AD, I go to the 55th floor and look for Alison. I think some girl time can make me forget some of this drama that is going on in my head. Being in a constant state of conflict with myself isn’t easy. I know I want him. Badly. And I know he doesn’t want me. I thought I would be relieved by that fact, but I’m not.

“Alison!” – I call her out of her desk, to a more private spot. – “I know you’re not that busy, come over here!” – She laughs silently and follows. We got really close this past month but somehow I still haven’t mentioned anything about my love life or Liam for that matter.

“What are you up to?” – she gives me a knowing naughty glare

“It’s my birthday this Friday, and I kind of need to get this specific guy out of my head. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Tomorrow? Well, there’s this new club in town I was dying to check out. We can go if you like. But, you’ll have to tell me all about this guy you need to shake off.” – she digs her elbow into my left flank.

I hold my hands up in surrender - “OK, ok. I will!” – I can tell her about him, I just can’t tell her who he is. I don’t want anyone at work thinking that I’m sleeping with the boss.

“So it’s a date. Friday night?”

“Sounds perfect. Oh, wait. s**t. I don’t think I have anything appropriate to wear.”

“Don’t worry, we can meet after work today and go shopping for a birthday present and buy you something completely IN-appropriate. – We both laugh.

“Ok, looking forward to it. See you later then.”

Going out with Alison will for sure make me get my head out my ass for a few hours at least. She’s always so fun to be around, and every time we had spoken, I felt like I already knew her from somewhere. Perhaps a past life.

I need to focus on work and try to limit my interaction with Liam as much as I can. I am actually quite excited about the girl time I have planned with Alison, and I can’t wait to get off work today for our shopping spree. A small one, because I can’t afford to spend a lot of money on new clothes.

“Jamie, can you step into my office for a moment please?” – I swear I even jumped when he called me.

“Hum… ok… right. Sure.” – I went into his office leaving the door open. I really don’t know what I’m afraid of. The man has told me a million times he would never touch me again. He smiles dryly when he realizes that I didn’t close it.

“Don’t worry, I won’t bite. I’ll be staying in a little bit later than usual today. We are supposed to hand in the report from today’s meeting by tomorrow morning. I could use your help if you're up to it.” – I rub my hands getting uneasy. I know I shouldn’t say no, but I was looking forward to having some time away from him. Away from myself actually and my thoughts about Mr. Perfect Distraction. – “I can do it myself, there’s no problem if you can’t.” – he catches on to my nervousness.

“I really hate to say no, but I kind of have a date this Friday and I need to get something to wear.” – why can’t I just come up with a better excuse? I could have told him I have a doctor’s appointment or something. This just makes me look like a foolish superficial bimbo.

“OH. A date! Sure, do whatever you need to do. I’ll do the report myself. See you tomorrow.” – If I didn’t know any better, I would think he didn’t like the idea of me having a date.

“It’s not a real date…” – he interrupts me with that aggressive and cold tone of his.

“I don’t need to know the details. Keep your private life private.” – he gets up and holds the door handle motioning with his hand for me to leave. I do. He closes the door right behind me.

Why is my stomach so tight? I feel like I’ve done something wrong and that I’m about to suffer the consequences.

I don’t really understand him. He says his mind is set and that the mistake of kissing me won’t be happening again. NEVER. He made that crystal clear. Why would the fact of me having a date upset him so much? Now I wish it was a real one.

I go downstairs and wait for Alison in the lobby. We decide to grab something to eat and then go shopping.

While we eat, I tell her about my first steamy encounter with Liam, of course never telling her who he is. I then carry on explaining how I fell asleep at his house and kissed him goodbye in a completely instinctive and impulsive gesture. I still wonder what that means.

And finally, I come to the part where he says clearly that he doesn’t want me any more than he wants any other woman out there. Now she knows what I’m dealing with, and saying it out loud makes it seem less of an issue than what I’ve made up in my head.

I kick off the self-pity s**t and start to feel excited about our outing tomorrow.

She drags me around a bunch of stores and makes me try out a few outfits that I’m sure are borderline illegal. I end up buying a tight black dress that leaves my back exposed and that ends about a palm above my knees. It’s much shorter than what I’m used to, but I just think “why not?”. It actually looks quite good on me. I just need to buy a pair of black sheer tights and I’m done.

Alison insists on going into a very expensive underwear store. Some of the things inside here make me blush just imagining having them on and taking my clothes off for someone else to see it. I find the stockings I want and head to the cashier to pay them. Alison grabs my arm and pulls me towards a black sheer set of bra and g-string.

“You have to get this one for yourself.”

“Why would I get that?” – I don’t really see a point of getting something like that if I have nobody to enjoy it with.

“Because just wearing it will make you feel sexy. And part of getting over any guy is feeling empowered in every way.” – She does have a point – “And, you never know what might end up happening tomorrow night. Loosen up. Live a little.”

I respond to her pep talk by picking up the set in my size and changing the stockings for a garter belt and a pair of garter tights. I’m going all out.

I'll make sure I have the time of my life tomorrow. I'll be turning 25, so it's time I have some fun. 

I might even be able to find a simple distraction to take Liam out of my mind.

Tomorrow night will be the night.