My Crush or My Mate

A New Beginning

Mitch never wanted to come back here and here I was considering it. Well, if it weren't because of Mom, I probably wouldn't even be coming on this trip, but I've had enough of her matchmaking. It was a year this month of Mitch's death, and of me losing our baby, the feelings were still so raw, like everything happened yesterday. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind replayed that day over and over, and wished I had stopped him from leaving our house.

("If you had....")

I shook my head as the thought tried to creep up on me. He had been at work a job he loved so much, and it had been one of those, once in a life time things, so how could I've stopped him? What kind of wife would I be if I kept him locked up?

Mitch had been a ranch hand and he loved it. He had grown up on a farm and even if it didn't pay much he still loved it. Mitch was the kind man who didn't mind working or getting calluses on his hands. He loved wrestling young calves when branding season came around, loved riding horses like a real cowboy. That was his dream for our family, to live on a ranch and teach our children about ranching.

My parents were more why work so hard for nothing, when doing less paid more. Dad was the CEO of a small oil company, and he had wanted Mitch to work for him from the beginning, but Mitch didn't like having handouts, he wanted us to stand on our own two feet, and it pissed my parents off that Mitch was nothing like the leech of a boyfriend my sister Anna had.

We had just found out I was pregnant with our first baby, but my uterus was weak so I was mostly in bed rest with the hope she would make it. That day, Mr. Kenny came to our door and told me my husband was dead. The shock had been so strong I miscarried. I had to bury my husband and my child that day.

After the sixth or seventh date with the richest bachelors in North Dakota, I told my parents I was coming back here. To Utah to MY home town. I grew up here and this was where I met Mitch as a dairy worker. Everything was so simple here. My life had been simple and I missed it.

Looking at my GPS, I was still two hours away from town. The good thing was I was close to the closest city to town, so I pulled up to a hotel and parked. I got my purse and headed inside to see if they had any rooms. This city was a good place to hike, swim and, if you knew enough, to fish. The places to hike were so relaxing and beautiful. I hardly ever traveled out of town but this was one place I had always wanted to stop at.

I rang the bell, seeing there was no one at the desk. A young girl came over looking half asleep.

"Hi, are there any rooms available ?"

"We only have one left. It's a king-sized bed though."

"That's fine, it's just me anyway."

She took down my information, and I paid cash. I could see her boyfriend eyeing my truck, and I wasn't risking it. I had locked my truck and was just going to sleep that night, so I'd be gone in the morning.

"Enjoy your stay."

"Thank you , good night."

I walked to my room and just about turned around to cancel my transaction. The loudest woman I had ever heard was moaning and screaming in the room next to mine.

"I'm not sleeping tonight." I whispered to myself.

I unlocked my door and went into my room and locked the door behind me and placed the hook too. I took my shoes off and just as I felt my head touch my pillow, I was out. Not caring how loudly, the couple next door screamed.

The next morning, I just jumped into my truck and headed out, and ate as I drove. I just wanted to get to the house and begin to relax. As I drove into town, it was pretty much how I remembered it: small and quiet, a few changes in store names, but otherwise everything looked the same. I drove straight to our old house, but was caught off guard. The place didn't look abandoned like my parents had made me believe, or at least the outside didn't look like it. The lawn was trimmed, there were flowers in the beds, and the trees were shaped and trimmed artfully. I got my keys out and went inside. The house had some old furniture and was covered in dust. I opened the windows and started shaking the sheets that my uncle had placed over everything, being glad I had opened the windows. I was just getting to my old room, when a knock came at the door.

It was soft but I heard it echo through the house, but found myself surprised to see who was at the door.

"Thought you'd sneak in, did ya?"

"I was coming to see ya, if you would've waited."

My uncle gave me the biggest grin and outstretched his arms, inviting me in for a hug.

"Little girl, it's been too long."

"Not little anymore, Uncle, but honestly I wish you would've waited, this place is a mess."

"Oh, no you're not getting rid of me that easily, come on."

My uncle, my mother's big brother, Vincent, was a cheery man, and always believed to help his neighbors. A humble man, with a big heart to match, but he also had his dark side too. He had never liked the idea of Mitch and I getting married more because Mitch was six years older and because we got married right after I graduated high school and had just turned eighteen at the time. Mom had called him a pedophile, just waiting to pounce at the first chance, and my uncle shared that thought to a degree, more because I was getting into a big commitment at too young an age. He walked inside past me and looked around.

"This place is going to need some work. I could ask Nicolai to start with the cleaning of the bigger things..."

"Who's Nicolai?"

"He's the gardner/handy man I hired to keep the outside nice, but you could use the help."

"Where is he now?"

"He has other jobs, but this time he asked for some personal time. He'll be back in a few days."

"Good, I'll just get started and just leave the heavier stuff to him."

"You don't have to do that."

"I came to get this house up and running. I'm helping."

The biggest thing I learned with Mitch was to work, and not watch others do it for you. I learned to be very independent when he wasn't home.

"Okay fine, but come to the house and your aunt can feed ya."

"Fine."

We took his car and were there in two minutes, like I said, it wasn't that big of a town and everything was a block or two away. My aunt Lily was also an old friend of Mitch's. She helped him get me my eighteenth birthday present, making it look like it was from her and my uncle and Mom didn't know until I told her a few years ago, and I still had the bunny he had sent.

"Andrea!"

"Lily! It's so good to see you!"

"When your uncle told me you were coming, I told him to get you over here one of these days. I'm just sorry it wasn't sooner."

Lily and Mitch had been friends for a while, she had dated a brother of his who turned around and ditched her for an older, "richer" woman. Mitch thought his brother an i***t for leaving her, but such is life. She married my uncle a few years later, and they stayed friends even if my uncle didn't like Mitch. The news of his death had reached all the way here where all his family was. I needed to visit Emma at some point and wasn't looking forward to that.

"Come in." Lily walked us in and we sat down for lunch.

After lunch, I went back to the house and see if any of the rooms were good for my inflatable mattress. The matrimonial room was the only room clean enough to put my mattress down on for later. utilities were up and running but I was afraid to see how bad the damages were. I opened the water in the bathrooms. They work okay, but the sink in the kitchen had a leak. No washer or dryer, so I would have to get new ones or go wash my clothes in the city. They didn't have a laundromat in town. The carpet was going to need a deep cleaning or pull it out in the living room. The smaller rooms were going to need new carpet and a fresh coat of paint on the walls. One room had been mine and the other my sister's, but this was our childhood home, so you can only imagine what little surprises there were.

We had moved from here when a better chance for Dad's company came about. He talked with Mitch and convinced him to come work for him. He had for a little while, but the company was unsteady and he didn't want to go back to living with my parents, without a high-paying job. We lived in a trailer at first for five years, then Mr.Kenny offered us the house, on his land. Mitch had wanted to buy the land and the house from Kenny, but it had been all talk, it never came to anything.

Mitch had worked for the dairy farms for a long time. Dad wasn't happy I was living pay check to pay check, so he moved us to North Dakota for a better future for the company and us. After I finished looking around I was about to head out and get something for dinner when I heard my name.

"Andrea?" I turned and was looking at Yazmin. She came over and gave me a hug.

"Jeez, woman, how long has it been?"

"Too long, I think," I said in a normal tone.

Yazmin and I had been friends growing up, but once I moved away, we texted for a little, then she ghosted me, and never talked to me again. She had been like one more little sister to me, but I guess it had been fun while it lasted. My guess she noticed my tone and looked a little ashamed.

"Yeah, we moved to California for a while and had no contact with old friends, so sorry I didn't mean to ignore you."

"It's whatever, I'm over it."

"Yazmin?" We both turned and my heart slammed into my chest.

"Jesse."

"Andy?"

"Don't call me that!"

Jesse had been my seventh grade to junior year crush. We knew each other because I hung out with his sister, and only sometimes with him and his friends, but he never looked at me the way I wanted. He had dated one of my best friends in high school, and had asked for my advice to get to her, but never had he looked in my direction. He had grown up from a lanky boy to a tall, muscly, light-bearded man,and just seeing him again was making the old crush warm up again. Even if he was a year younger.

He had always called me Andy for fun, but for the most part, that had been my nickname with them growing up.

"Jesse." I looked over and saw a beautiful woman walking over with such grace and lightness, she looked unnatural, and once she wrapped her arms around Jesse's neck I knew this was the famous girlfriend of his.

"Andy, this is my fiance, Yuliana, Yuliana this is..."

"Nobody, it's been nice to see you guys again , but I have things to do, so if you excuse me." I cut him off.

Yuliana was trying to cut into me with her dagger eyes, and I wasn't going to be dealing with insecure bitches while I was here. I unlocked my truck and got in and drove away. I headed to the next city/town. I never really knew what to call it. It was big, like a city, but it had a town feel to it. Beaver was where I went to high school and it was here at a party that I was invited to that I first talked to Mitch and we started dating after that.

Tears ran down my face as I drove into town, just remembering all the places we had gone and the fun we had had. I drove to our favorite spot where they made the best fried chicken and wedges. I got a few pieces and a drink and just sat looking out the window. The times we came here after a party or just to hang out were scary. The memories made eating hard, with the tightness I was feeling and the guilt...

"Andrea?" I looked and froze. Mitch's little brothers Alexander, Pierce, and my cousin Mia were looking right at me.

"Alexander, Pierce, what are you guys..."

But I didn't finish the sentence, as Emma, their mother, pushed past them. The problem we had had with the family was that, in Mitch's will, he had wanted to be buried where the family and I were under the assumption we would have a family by then, but now it had been only me and his mother had wanted to bury him here next to his father. I hadn't allowed it, we had a good relationship, but Emma was very possessive when it came to her sons and Mitch had been her oldest. After I refused to let her take him away from me, we stopped talking to each other.

They came over to me and Emma sat down while the others stood behind her. I felt like I was meeting with the mafia boss. She glared at me, for being a woman of old age and worn down by diabetes, she was very intimidating when she wanted to be.

"What are you doing here?"She demanded. I straightened and met her eyes. Mitch always told me to hold my ground, even if it was his own mother. He had loved her, but he knew how damn scary she could be.

"I'm not staying. As soon as I know my parents' old house is up and running, I'm going right back to North Dakota.

"He needs to be here with his family!" she suddenly shouted, but I didn't move.

"And you have no right to take him from me."

"That's what you did, when you pulled him all the way to North Dakota!"

I sat there trying not to crack, they blamed me for why he died. If I hadn't taken him with me, he would still be alive. I got my things and was about to walk away when Pierce pushed me back.

"We're not done with you."

I took a fighting stance, and both men started toward me, when Emma herself told them to stop. She got to her feet and walked away. The boys followed, as did my cousin. I asked for a box to take my things, and went back to the house.

The sun was just going down but I felt exhausted and was ready to go to sleep. It was only eight and I was ready to just drop. But life wasn't done with me yet, when I found Jesse sitting outside of my house.

"Careful, you might get a beating for talking to me."

"Why?"

"Your psycho girlfriend."

"Everyone tells me that, but I find it sexy."

"Of course you do."

This was why I fell for Jesse. When we were alone,he was a funny, sweet, and caring guy, but he wanted everyone to see him as the guy who was unaffected by life and that he was cool. Nobody else, or as far as I knew, nobody else knew this side of him, just the player side.

I unlocked the door to the house and stood there outside. He gave me a shy smile and leaned on the house.

"My mom heard you were back and wanted me to invite you to dinner over to the house."

He pointed with his thumb behind him. I had heard his parents moved in next door. I just never thought I would see Jesse or Yazmin ever again. Their mother had wanted me and Jesse to get together but it never happened.

"Let me think about it, but I'll let you know."

I opened the door and walked inside.

"Night Jess."

"Good night."He walked away and I closed the door.

My heart was hammering in my chest. 11 years and that man still had that kind of affect on me. I shook my head, and headed into the shower. As I took my clothes off, I suddenly felt like someone was watching me. The doors were closed,locked,and there were no windows in this bathroom, but I had a feeling of being watched. I looked around for cameras. There was nothing out of the ordinary, so I shook it off and opened the door to the walk in shower, when something hissed at me.

I screamed and jumped back, there was a freakin' black cat inside the shower.

"How the hell did you get in here!?" I shouted at it, and it just walked out, not taking its eyes off me.

Then it was just gone. Where? Hell if I knew. I got in the shower and cleaned up, after I checked the whole house and found nothing but a window slightly opened. Maybe that's how it got in. I closed it tightly, and headed back to the room. I power inflated my mattress and grabbed my blankets and got comfortable. I had just gotten comfortable when I realized the feeling of being watched had gone, when the cat had gone. I sighed. Talk about paranoid.

The next morning, I got up and was about to head back to Beaver to see if they had any carpeting companies here and if they did, then why go further than that?

The drive was quiet, until a fox or coyote ran out of nowhere and I slammed the brakes. I was breathing heavily and once I made sure it wasn't waiting outside for me, I saw it totting away on the other side of the road, and when I climbed out I noticed I had a flat tire. I got things out and started to fix the tire. When I was done, I looked at the other side and found I had another flat on that side.

"Great." I was about to call a tow truck when I heard someone honk behind me. It was an Electric Company truck and Jesse jumped out.

"What happened?"

"Some stupid fox or something ran out and I swerved, and got a flat tire."

"Well, get the spare out, we can fix it."

"No, I used it already. I had two flat tires."

"Oh." He looked at it and seemed impressed I had changed the first one.

I looked back at my phone and was about to call the tow truck.

"Do you need a ride? I was just heading to Beaver to check in and then I have a job back in town. I can take you, then bring you back."

I took a deep breath, this had bad idea all over it, but I needed my truck.

"Fine, but I'm paying you for all this."

"Andy, were friends right, so what are friends for?"

I had to smile and I picked up the tire and put it the back, then grabbed my purse and locked my truck. Climbed into his work truck, we drove in silence for a while then, then he said.

" I'm sorry about Mitch."

"Yeah, it's been a year this month."

"Jeez, what happened?"

I looked at him and knew if I talked about it I was going to cry, but I tested it.

"He had an accident at work, and....was killed."

I felt the tears slide down my face and he went quiet again, then changed the subject. We laughed and talked a little more about Yuliana, how they met and how he had proposed.

"Wow, Jess, who would've thought you were such a romantic?"

"You women want that, don't you?"

"Sure, but not over done."

We kept talking, then he suddenly got very quiet, like uncomfortably so.

"Can I tell you something deep?"

"Ahh, sure what's up?"

"We lived together for a few years, but it always felt weird like I was lying to her all the time, and I tried to show her who I was and she said I was acting less than a man, so I had to hide who I was. I never have to pretend with you and it feels great, so thank you."

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, but I swatted them away. He chose to hide his whole life, he chose to hide, and now that he was with someone and she didn't like him, that was not my problem.

"Well, like you said, what are friends for?"

He gave me an unsure smile and we went to the mechanic's shop. We got my tire fixed, we drove to his office and headed back out to my truck.

Once there, I jumped out and was just going to get the tire when he asked.

"So you're coming to dinner, right?"

I looked at him and he seemed to plead with his eyes.

"Sure, what can I bring?"

"Something sweet, would be good."

"Fine, I'll see ya then."

"We'll see ya tomorrow night."

"Thanks for the ride and the help." I handed him a twenty.

"Na, we're good."

"Just take it, I'll feel better that at least you didn't lose money for helping me."

His fingers just barely touched mine, as he took the twenty, but it sent a flutter down to my stomach.

"See ya."

I nodded and he left me to fix the tire.

The next day, after I got everything figured out and worked out, I got ready for dinner with the Veals. I put something not super dressy, but pretty enough to be presentable. I also picked up a desert dessert. I remembered Mrs. Veal liked it. After doing my hair and light make-up, I walked over next door and spotted the same black cat from the other night. He just looked at me and it felt weird. It seemed to scan me with its eyes and they got a little wider.

"Great, I'm so desperate now. I think cats are checking me out." I said to myself.

As I got to the door, Yazmin answered and greeted me with a smile, she really was beautiful and she had filled out in all the right places, with a medium waste. I was thick and had to work hard to stay in shape, and it also didn't help with the stress of everything.

"Andy!"

"Hi, Mrs. Veals how are you?"

"I'm great and you look amazing, doesn't she kids?"

I laughed nervously and suddenly wished I hadn't come. Everyone went to sit down and Mrs. Veals headed for the kitchen to bring the plates. I went to help.

"Oh, thank you. I guess I have no daughters in this house."

She shot a dirty look at Yazmin and Yuliana, and Yuliana was staring daggers at me again. After everyone was served, I took my seat and found myself between Jesse and Yazmin. I was just going to trade spots with Yazmin, but Mr.Veals made a joke of women draping themselves on Jesse. I sat there trying not to squirm. We ate dinner and made small talk. Then Yuliana started to drop questions on me.

"So how long have you known Jesse for?"

"Six years, we went to school together."

"From what Yaz told me, you two were pretty, TIGHT."

I looked at Yazmin, who didn't look at me.

"We were friends helping each other out."

"Yaz, also told me you were crushing on my Jesse, until you got married."

"The right man came and ...I loved him with my whole heart."

My throat was getting tight, and even when I drank water nothing was helping, she was pushing it.

"What happened to him if you loved each other so much?"

"Yuliana!" said Jesse.

"What if they loved each other? Wouldn't he be here? There's nothing to be embarrassed about if you two got divorced."

"He died!" I shouted at her. She looked stupid. I got to my feet, slowly picked up my plate and put it in the sink, excused myself with Mr. and Mrs. Veals and headed out, back to the house.

"Andrea!"

"Just leave me alone, she's made it clear she doesn't want me anywhere near you or your family, so just leave me alone."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think she's go that far."

I looked up at him, scuffed and headed home. As I looked for my key I noticed the black cat walking toward me. It rubbed up next to me, I pet it for a bit and then headed inside.

As I got into bed my body felt hot. I kicked off the blankets. I was just feeling myself doze off, when I was suddenly pulled into very sensual dreams. There was a man in my dreams I had never seen before, just the sight of him had my body ablaze with desire, or was that the fever. I hadn't felt like this since Mitch died, and it was scaring me. His lips on mine were hungry and passionate and I couldn't help but let myself enjoy it. Our bodies were tangles of limps and blankets, both of us so lost in the moment of pleasure and gratification. I was close to the edge when he suddenly ran something sharp along my shoulder and that sent me over. I sat up on my mattress, my body still feeling everything, and I was still feeling like I had just had an orgasm, and a man had really been inside me. I was still breathing heavily and shaking. That dream felt so real. After a moment, I looked at my watch and just decided to get up.

As I washed my face, my shirt kept rubbing my shoulder, which stung a little, so I took a look and dropped my face sponge. There was a deep, wide cut in my shoulder.