War For Love

~Seventeen~

Sahib wasn't really stunned when he saw Siya at his door step, that morning. His eyes looked down at her feet, wrapped with a clothe after applying the ointment. Siya still couldn't walk properly and yet she was here, with Sahib's food even after he had denied her not to. But Sahib had anticipated her arrival. It was just too suspicious when she agreed to Sahib, for not coming to his house and for the practice. Especially when she had smiled at his instructions. He was so used to Siya defying his orders that it didn't really made him shock when she she walked in. But he was angry.

The way, his eyes narrowed and his fingers curled in a fist. His chiseled jaw locking in visible annoyance, it wasn't hard for Siya to know that Sahib didn't like her disregarding his words. Sahib wasn't very fond of ordering Siya, but she was injured, because of him, and the least he wanted her was to rest. Not walk, stressing her blisters even more.

Siya smiled sweetly at the man in front of her. As she placed the parcel of food on his cot, before she leaned against the banyan tree. His eyes following her every movement, as if preparing himself to save her, in case, she stumbles because of the pain.

"When will you ever listen to me, Siya?" Sahib asked in his rough voice, making Siya to smile as color filled her cheeks as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Am I not already a very obedient student, Sahib?" She teased him. The title they had left far behind was now once again on Siya's tongue, this time more playfully, as she was teasing Sahib, who in return glared at her.

"For the last time, Siya, call me Rudra. And I can see your obedience, right from here. Do you really like to invite the pain and trouble, all the time?" Sahib asked, his voice quiet but the intensity his words had made Siya to swallow her saliva down.

"What can I say, Rudra, trouble and pain follows me everywhere I go."

Siya was about to sit down on the muddy ground again, like the previous night but Sahib stopped her. His eyes hardened as he clasped her wrists, stopping her from sitting down on the ground. Siya looked at her, raising her brows and he gently, very gently, like she was some fragile flower, held her in his arms. Her feet off the ground and Siya let out a startled squeak.

Sahib was a strong man. His five feet, eleven inches tall frame held Siya's body with ease. His bare chest brushed against her arms, the warmth his body gave her, made her gulp. It felt undeniably good. This was the first time, he had lifted her. But, wasn't everything with him the first time? She participated in the protest, with the help of him. She was learning sword fighting with him. The only man Siya had ever touched was him. And the only man, Siya had ever allowed near her, was him. Only him.

And with the same gentleness Sahib placed her down on his hard cot. His face only an inch away from her. She could breathe in his scent. The raw, masculine scent, filled with that of wet sand made Siya's throat to feel dry. None of them were oblivious to the proximity amid them. Sahib could feel himself losing in her dark, obsidian orbs and Siya was getting sucked dry by his intense gaze. Only if, she would have been the sky, she would've inched closer to her moon— Sahib. Siya could feel his beauty, his divinity on her skin.

For a split second, Sahib's gaze flickered down her lips. They were parted, as if tempting him. He visibly gulped. His eyes darkened even more, his pupils dilating. Siya felt her body burning under his gaze that made her insides to curl and twist, in a good way. But how do she control the storm that had riled up by his gaze? It was barely a touch. He had just lifted her up to make her sit on the cot but it was enough to ignite the flames of desires within her. Like a moth, she was leaning towards his flame, only to get burned.

Siya could acknowledge her emotions now. She could name them. She now acknowledged her desires and as much as scary it felt, it did promise an infinite pleasure. It was a sin for a woman, to even think of a man before her marriage but now, she didn't care about the sins and virtues. If it was a sin to yearn for Sahib's embrace, for his warming touch, she wanted to embrace the hell as her own place. If falling in love for someone, the world didn't give their acceptance to, was a sin, she had been a sinner for a long time, now.

"I am saying this once and only once Siya, never ever sit down on the ground or anywhere, below me or anyone, ever. Did you get me?" Siya was taken back by the daunting aura his voice held. She shivered by his fierce gaze that promised a thousand universes to her.

"What if that's what I wish for?"

"You should never wish for inferiority, Siya."

"It's merely a devotion, Rudra. A devotee is never inferior to his God and yet he always places himself below his feet." Siya said softly. She, indeed was not weaker than him but if it was her devotion, it wasn't wrong. How can devotion be wrong? She wasn't forced to and it was her wish. How could it be wrong?

"I am no God, Siya."

"You're my Guru (teacher), Rudra. And a Guru stands even higher than the mighty God himself."

"And you teach me what selfless devotion is Siya. You give me food, medicines, clothes without any motive. Are you any less than the Supreme Lord, himself?" Siya licked her lips, gripping his palm, making Sahib to look down at their intertwined hands, his heart thudding inside his chest.

"Is this even a devotion, Rudra? Because I feel it is so much more than a devotion. It feels so much more than a Guru—shishya (teacher—student) relationship." Siya said, her voice thick and Sahib gulped, his own hand, cupping their intertwined hands.

"Anything more than a devotion, Siya, and people would question your virtue. Anything more than this would be immoral."

"What is even the definition of immoral, Rudra?"

"What you feel for me is immoral. What I'm feeling for you is immoral. You coming here is immoral, Siya. Me letting you in, is immoral. Us— meeting in secret is immoral. There's nothing moral amid us, Siya. The only thing we share is sin."

"If it's a sin, I'd forever live in the hell. I don't know, neither have I ever seen any heaven. But with the fear of the hell, if I suppress my feelings, that would be a sin, Rudra."

"This world doesn't understand the emotion, they feel is a sin, Siya! They don't accept that class of people, they don't feel benefited from. You and I aren't meant to be share the same house, same life, Siya."

"But sky doesn't differentiates, Rudra. We share the same sky, same stars, same moon. Same emotions. You're a warrior, Rudra. This world, this land, this sky, it's your house. And this land is not rejecting me, either. We share the universe together, Rudra."

"Shree Krishna says, Rudra, the journey of love is the purest of all the journeys. We don't get an option when it comes to the family. We don't choose our mother, father, siblings but there's only two things, our heart has the liberty and right to choose. Friends and love. You do know that Shree Krishna had sixteen thousand, one hundred and eight wives but his eternal love was Shree Radha. The woman, he couldn't marry. And yet we worship them together. Because the love they shared was the purest of pure, eternal and had blessed the world. Tell me now, you still think what we feel for each other is immoral? A sin?"

Sahib closed his eyes, taking his hand away from her. His chest heaving up and down. Siya had the power of convincing people. What he felt would be wrong, immoral, Siya made it feel so pure and beautiful. Siya saw this world with her different gaze, a gaze where all the norms, all the rules were not legit. She saw the world as an open sky, she wished to fly in. And who was he to stop her? Especially when he wanted to explore the height of the sky and the depth of ocean with her.

"I— I need time, Siya. I know what I feel for you but I need time to accept it."

"So do I, Rudra. But just know, one thing. You may accept me or reject me. I'll always stand by your decision."

Siya stood up with that, ready to leave for her own house, that's when Sahib stopped her.

"Here." With that he revealed a pair of sandals for her. Siya's eyes widened as he placed them on the ground, beside her feet. Slippers, mirror, anklets, gajra (flower garland) had always been a luxury for her but Sahib had given her the first gift of her life.

Sahib though told Siya not to come in his house for a few days due to her blisters but he knew she would come, no matter what happens. And how can he see her injuring herself more than she already was? Tears shun in Siya's eyes which she quickly wiped away, looking at him with a wide smile, as she stepped on them, buckling the straps before she looked at him. Sahib. And he looked at the woman in front of him. The only woman, the only person, who had the right to call him by his real name.

"Thank you. You didn't had to do this."

"If you can't see me in hunger, Siya, I can't see you in pain. You gave your very last rupee so that I don't shiver in cold. This is the least I can do for you."

"Careful, Sahib, someone might think, the warrior is falling in love with a rebel." Siya jested, her eyes shining with light and Sahib narrowed his eyes at her as he took a step forward, staring intensely in her eyes.

"The day, I will accept my feelings for you, Siya, I won't hide it. I believe in privacy, not secrecy. So someone might think would turn to everyone would know." Siya smiled at his words, nodding her head, as she leaned closer to Sahib.

"I'll wait for that day then."

Reference:

Shree Krishna is the supreme God, known as Vishnu. Goddess Laxmi was God Vishnu's wife. However due to a curse Goddess Laxmi had to take a birth on earth and live away from Vishnu, forgetting her identity and relation with Shree Krishna.

Goddess Laxmi took a birth as Shree Radha. She fell in love with Shree Krishna but they couldn't marry due to the curse.

Shree Krishna later married 16108 women. Out of which eight were his principal wives and the rest sixteen thousand were the women he had saved from a demon but since no one was ready to accept those women, Shree Krishna married all sixteen thousand women to save them.

Shree Radha and Shree Krishna loved each other despite all the restrictions and their eternal, pure love made people to worship them together.