War For Love

~Fifteen~

"You know, it's good to let your emotions out sometimes. Bottling it up would only make them harm you even more." Siya said as she sat down, against the banyan tree as Sahib took a bite of his dinner, Siya had brought. The kurta (long shirt) and blanket resting on the cot, beside him.

Sahib was stunned to find Siya sitting under his tree, instead of leaving him after giving the food, like she always did. What made him even more uncomfortable was Siya sitting down on the mudded floor while he was sitting on the cot. Sahib was a man who was hardly affected by people but everything about Siya affected him.

"What do you want me to do? Narrate you my life stories and miseries? Cry to you about how unfair this foreign rule is and how cruel they are to me, hm? And why are here till now?" Sahib asked, raising his brows and Siya shrugged her shoulders, not taking offence of Sahib's words.

"Because Ma and Baba would be working in the fields till late. And no, I don't want you to narrate your life stories and miseries to me. What I mean is, you don't have to behave so impassive all the time. What hurts you emotionally, hurts you; accepting it won't make you weak, Rudra." Sahib stopped chewing for a second, looking up from his food at her. His intense gaze froze Siya for a spilt second. Like his eyes held spells that made everything around her to freeze as well.

"What gave you the idea that something hurt me?" Sahib asked in his dangerously low voice. His muscles tensing when she looked into his eyes with same intensity and sometimes Sahib felt like he was looking into the mirror. They were so alike.

"I don't know how it feels to be alone, Rudra. I don't know about pain and I would be lying if I said I can understand your pain because honestly, I can't. But will you believe me if I said, your pain causes me pain? I can't understand your pain but that doesn't mean, I won't know when you're in pain." Sahib gripped the glass of water before gulping half of the water down, sweat beads forming on his forehead.

Sahib had never imagined having such intense conversations with Siya. She interests him, sure; she had managed to gain his attention but he never in his thousand sleeps thought they'd be sharing a conversation this deep. The woman who had always fought with him, for her right, to learn the skills, their village had denied to, was now talking about his pain. But why?

"What do you mean, Siya?" Sahib gritted out, not liking how he was getting unwrapped in front of her. His past, his pain, his loneliness made him miserable, vulnerable.

"I heard your conversation this morning with some men of our village. I never realized, how selfish we were, always expecting selfless devotion from you without even trying to protect you. You are Rudra— a man who believes in so many things. A man made for greater accomplishments but we made you 'Sahib'. A title with no emotions. You protect our village like your own and we don't even consider you one among us."

Siya's voice was turning softer with every word she spoke. Her voice even cracked at a point that it was getting hard for Sahib to eat his food. How can he see the woman upset, who selflessly brought him food, clothes, not even once asking anything in return, not even once singing her beneficence. Sahib had his motive, he wanted to keep the last words he had given to his mother. That he would live to serve his country and die while serving his people.

But Siya— she had no reason to help him. To a man who had only insulted her and her bravery at every point but he was helpless. The people of this world would always look down at the woman who holds her opinion, meet to a man who is not her family. And who was Sahib to Siya? Other than what she calls him— Guru, he was a stranger to her. Sure, his heart was developing some feelings for her but that wasn't enough for people not to judge her.

"You are serving me, Siya, and I don't see a reason for you to help me. I am just a man who have insulted you, everytime you wanted to learn something new. Why?"

Siya smiled at his question. Siya, surely argued on everything with him because he listened to her. When people often ignored her rambling, tried to suppress the fire in her, Sahib listened to her, even if it was to prove her wrong. With him, she never had to control her laughter, irritation or anger. She wasn't forced had to contain her thoughts but she could express them.

When Sahib thought, Siya thinks of him as an orthodox man, he wasn't aware, how much she respected him. He wasn't aware, what he meant for her.

"I don't think of you like that, Rudra."

"Then how do you see me?" Sahib asked, his voice a little thick than usual. Siya took a few minutes to reply.

"I see you as a man who has devoted his whole life for his country. I see you as a man sacrificing his happiness for a village that doesn't even belong to him. You are the candle who is losing its entity to light other's life." Sahib was taken back by her soft words that caressed the insides of his body.

There was something about her words that made his eyes to freeze on her face. In her eyes. No-one has ever told something so heart touching to him in his whole life as Siya had just told him. It was hard to embrace it all. It was hard for him to control his feelings when she was making it so hard not to adore her. She was unlike any other person, he has ever met. No one has ever calmed him down as much as she did. She infuriates him just the way, she calms him.

"That didn't answer my question yet, Siya." Sahib said, making Siya's cheeks to flood with color. Her dusky skin was burning as she curled her fingers around the mud on the ground.

"I don't know why I do what I do for you. I just know I can't take a bite down my throat without you having any food." Siya confessed. It was so much difficult to talk about her heart but everything was getting out of her, so easily. It was hard but Sahib's presence was making it easier.

"Just like you couldn't see me without a blanket?" Sahib asked and Siya bit her lips, nodding her head.

"I have broken many rules and laws in my life, Rudra. And I don't regret any of them. Be it taking the part in that protest or meeting you in secrecy. I told you then, I'm telling you now. You're no less than any saviour and an incarnation for me and if being with you would spoil my name and reputation, I'd never yearn for any respect again."

Hearing those words were far much better than someone telling him that they cared for him or that they considered him as their family. Those words were enough to warm him in a cold night. Like someone had wrapped a warm blanket around him. Her words were akin to that mother's embrace, a child needs on his/her bad day.

"You should leave now. We have training tomorrow and I am not very fond of tardiness." Sahib said, looking up at the darkness of the sky. Siya smiled to herself, as she got up from the ground, dusting her skirt off.

"Don't worry, Sahib, you have a very obedient and punctual student." Sahib rose his brows at her exaggerated words, making Siya to giggle with a blush.

"Is it?" Sahib said, his voice passing shivers down her. She could feel her stomach getting weird. She rushed out of his house and Sahib shook his head, his eyes on her empty ankles, lacking the payals (anklets). He shook his head, resuming his dinner.

Shankar hiding outside Sahib's house, heard their conversation. He was appalled that Siya— a woman of their village had crossed very boundary set for the women. She had not only taken part in the protest but also meets a stranger, a man, who wasn't even of her own village in secrecy. He got the information he needed but the question was, how could be betray his own villagers?

~~~~~

"You can't be serious!" Siya said, running out of her breath. Her palms clutching her knees as she she tried to take deep breaths.

"Do I look like I'm jesting here? Do I look like I can ever say something I don't mean?" Sahib asked threateningly, narrowing his eyes at her and Siya snorted, sitting down on the ground, closing her eyes.

"You did. Every time you have insulted me, you never meant that. Now?" Siya asked with a smug expression on her face and Sahib clenched his fingers, glaring at the stubborn woman in front of him.

"Get rid of that smirk first! And get up and start running. If you can't comply one simple order, don't come here from tomorrow!" Sahib growled and Siya's eyes twitched as she clenched her jaw, glaring at her Guru (teacher).

"I did! I ran more than four miles, Rudra. I can't run anymore. My leg hurts."

Sahib took a deep breath, a cruel look painting on his face as he clicked his tongue, looking at her, mockingly.

"Of course, you can't run anymore. I told you, women are fragile. You can't run a few miles and want to learn sword fighting. I think, people of this village were right. Women are......." Sahib didn't even had to complete his statement because Siya was back on her feet, glaring at the man in front of her as she started running again.

"I can see what you're trying to do, Rudra. You stuck the damn right chord and damn you! It worked. See, I am running. Again." Sahib rolled his eyes, snapping his fingers as he too ran along with her. But unlike Siya, who was out of breath, Sahib didn't look even a bit tired.

"Shh! No more words now, Siya. Run. Concentrate on your running. Or you'll be out of breath again, in no time." Sahib said in his no-nonsense voice, which aggravated Siya even more.

"I'll speak! You're making me run against my will!" Siya complained.

"And you took part in the protest, I organized against my will. Now if you speak any more words, Siya, I'll increase another mile." Sahib warned and Siya's eyes widened as she looked at him, still running.

"You must be kidding me!"

"Another mile added. Keep your tongue moving and find yourself running for a whole day, hm?" Sahib said, glaring at Siya, who opened her mouth to bestow him some colorful words but stopped, knowing Sahib, he would probably make her run for a whole day. And she would have to comply, now that she was his student. She had promised to obey him. Damn the stars that were aligned for him!

After another two miles, Sahib ceased the torture of running. Siya felt like someone had kept rocks on her chest, making her breathe heavily. Her face red and sweats rolled down her forehead and neck. Sahib could tell, Siya wasn't used to such military training but it was necessary, if she won't be fast on her feet, she would get killed, for sure. He felt himself sympathizing for Siya, who looked ready to pass out any second.

"Stay here, I'll be back in a few minutes. Do not go anywhere else, hm?" Siya turned her face to look at his dark, beautifully carved face, pursing her lips in annoyance.

"Like you've left me in any position to even limp from one place to another." Siya said, her voice hoarse but sarcastic and he titled his face, giving her one of his 'looks'.

"Fine! I won't go anywhere. Do not stare at me like you wish to kill me." She said, leaning against a tree, closing her eyes to get rid of her tiredness and the burning of her feet. She was bare feet all this time. She had blisters on her feet.

"You have no idea." He mumbled, turning away from her as he walked towards the nearby lake, collecting some water in a pot, he had already kept, before Siya could arrive. He knew she would require water after all the running session he had planned for her.

Siya had her eyes closed when he returned. His eyes softened for a slight second. His palms irked to touch her face, to tuck her hair behind her ear. To caress her face and make her drink the water. He wanted to take care of her. But he couldn't. Not when he was no-one to her.

"Siya," Sahib called her name, a little softly but loud enough to make her hear it. she opened her eyes only to widen when she saw him standing with a pot filled with water. Her heart warmed at his concern as she tried to stand up, only to stumble back. The blisters on her feet felt more painful now.

It wasn't until she winced in pain, falling back on the ground, Sahib noticed her feet. His eyes lost its light at the blisters that had covered the major part of her skin. He clenched his jaw, closing his eyes, how could he be so dumb, not to notice she was bare feet all the time.

It was the first time, he realised, her pain was his pain. He felt a weird, painful knot in his heart.