Secrets and Silhouettes

Healthy friendships

"Nothing significant," I respond hesitantly, not wanting to admit the turmoil swirling within me.

"You might think it's not significant, but your body obviously thinks it is. So let's hear it," she urges, encouraging me to open up.

"I saw a guy. I'm very much attracted to him, but I have to work on my grades. I can't have distractions. I need focus. I thought I would just stay clear of his workplace, but that will not be sufficient," I confess, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders as I finally voice my concerns.

"How so?" the nurse probes, her expression kind yet probing.

"He just walked into my Science class, and the professor made him my lab partner," I admit, feeling a knot of anxiety tightening in my stomach at the memory.

"And that's when you started to feel unwell?" she questions, connecting the dots with a sympathetic understanding.

"Yup," I confirm, feeling a sense of relief wash over me as I finally acknowledge the source of my distress.

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Every morning, I need to eat before taking my vitamins.”

“Good, I think I know what is happening. Do you have chest pain, or do you feel pressure on your chest?” the nurse asks as she starts to take my blood pressure.

“Slight pressure now, it was worse earlier,” I rub my chest instinctively as if it soothes me.

“Blood pressure is slightly elevated. I think you have what they call ‘the love effect’. It's when you have a real connection with someone, your body releases hormones such as adrenaline and dopamine. Those hormones can cause increased heart rate and blood pressure. I don’t think you are in danger, but if it happens again please come back.”

Relief floods me, but I also feel betrayed by my body. I had years to feel this, and now when I want… no, need to focus, this happens. “Anything I can do to make it go away?”

“Yes, become his friend. Maintain a healthy relationship between the two of you, and you should be just fine. And when you can afford a distraction, go on a date,” she says with a wink.

I nod, absorbing her advice, feeling a glimmer of hope amidst the chaos of my emotions.

“I will try my best,” I reply, mustering a small smile as I sit up and swing my legs around to hop off the bed.

“Thank you for everything,” I express my gratitude to the nurse as I prepare to leave.

“You are most welcome, and please, if it happens again, please come back,” she offers kindly, concern evident in her voice.

I nod appreciatively and open the door to leave. My backpack is conveniently placed next to the door, a thoughtful gesture from Allen. Closing the door behind me, I pick up my bag and head to my next class, feeling a mixture of relief and lingering anxiety. The bell goes off again, signaling the start of another period. Two periods missed already because my body feels a connection with Mr. Waiter. I scrunch my face in frustration, realizing that maintaining a healthy relationship probably means I should learn his name.

Resolving to address that later, I continue on to my locker to change out the books in my backpack.

“Hi,” a voice interrupts my thoughts, causing me to freeze, almost breathless. Slowly, my eyes move to meet the gaze of the person addressing me, and my head follows suit.

“Hi,” I respond, my voice coming out almost like a bark, but at least it's something.

“Are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern evident in his tone.

“I am feeling better, thank you,” I reply, feeling my breathing slowly stabilizing.

“I am Pike,” he introduces himself, stretching out his hand, and I take it.

“Nice to meet you, Pike. I am Ali, Althea if you want,” I respond, feeling a slight sense of ease settling over me. Hmm, maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if we became friends.

“Ali, can we meet up at lunch? Then I can give you the notes. You missed a few things in Science,” he suggests, his offer both helpful and selfless.

“Sure, I will meet you. I will be at the big tree in the break square,” I agree, feeling a sense of gratitude towards him for his willingness to help. Wow, he's both sexy and selfless, I think to myself as I watch him walk away, a newfound sense of curiosity and intrigue lingering in my mind.

Maybe friendship is not a bad idea.

Next period is Math, and as Allen and I are in the same class, he's surprised to see me. “Are you okay?” he asks, concern etched on his face.

“Yes, all good. Nothing is wrong. She said I must stress less,” I reply, evading the details of my conversation with the nurse. I can't bring myself to tell him what she said. I feel like keeping this my secret.

“She obviously does not know you,” he remarks with a small chuckle.

“Yeah, but I will try,” I assure him, hoping to alleviate any worry he may have.

As we sit through math, I realize that I'm able to concentrate. This is good. Maybe I would be able to get through the year.

Happiness makes its way through my body, and I find myself excited for Science and school in general.

Before I know it, it's lunchtime. I rush out the door, heading to the tree where Pike said he'd meet me. Sitting there waiting, one by one, my friends arrive.

“I hate school,” Adeline declares as she joins us, her usual disdain for academia evident in her tone.

“Nothing new,” I say.

“You look better than you did this morning,” Adi remarks.

“Yes, and I am so glad. I was so scared I was going to be distracted. But I might be just fine,” I chirped, feeling a rush of relief.

I feel like a giddy 8-year-old with a crush on a 25-year-old.

“It is your last year, try to enjoy it. Maybe it will fly by, and then you will be gone. We will see you every now and then if we are lucky. So enjoy the time we get to spend together,” I say, all sparkly-eyed with a hint of nostalgia.

“Someone is in a good mood,” Lenore observes.

“It's not a crime. You guys act as if I am a depressed loner. I just had a rough start to this morning, and now I am feeling better,” I explain, trying to deflect attention away from my inner turmoil.

But despite my attempts to maintain composure, my eyes can't stay focused on them. They keep searching the square to find Pike. I start to feel agitated. Lunch is almost over, and he is not here yet.

I spot Allen, and he and Eli are coming over. I hope he keeps his mouth shut about this morning; Elodie is a pretty good snooper.

“Babes,” Eli wraps me in a hug. “Are you okay?”

Wishful thinking. Allen spilled my beans.

“I am, yes, thank you. Just very stressed. But I will try to relax,” I sigh, attempting to brush off any concern.

“I will live.”

I am more distracted during break than in class. The bell sounds, and break is over. He did not show. I am not going to let that spoil my mood. As I head to AP English, I spot him coming out of a classroom, fixing his belt. And then, before the door closes, I see Ms. Thompson adjusting her skirt.

That... That is what my body is betraying me for? I can't help myself. When I am next to him, I grab his forearm to steady myself. I hop onto my tiptoes and whisper in his ear, "Those extracurriculars don't count for extra credits."

I feel his muscles tighten under my touch.

His eyes meet mine, and they are wild, probably pleading for my silence. But to my surprise, he just says, "Are you sure about what you saw?"

"You shouldn't be concerned with what I saw. You should be concerned that if I saw it, others could have too," I retort firmly.

"The only person in the square that was focused on finding me was you, so I'm not too concerned with the fact others could have seen," he replies, his voice breathy and undeniably sexy. God, how can I still think he's sexy? He's gross.

"I wasn't focused on finding you. I was with my friends," I protest, trying to sound convincing.

"We both know that's not true," he says with a wink before walking away.

Once again, I find myself out of breath. He's such an asshole.