My Italian Doctor

Chapter Sixteen

My heart was racing. I didn't even know what I was meant to say to him. He had left in the early hours and had not even bothered to contact me since. What was there to even say to him? I knew the second I heard him say hello that it was a mistake to ring him. I had wanted to hear his voice, but when I did, it made my legs feel weak, made my resolve weak. I wanted to beg him to come to me, to explain why he had left, but I wouldn't. I couldn't make myself sound so desperate and pathetic.

"Hey, just wanted to check in and see if you are ok?"

"I'm fine. Sorry about this morning."

"You mean leaving me after f*****g my brains out?" I could hear the anger in my own voice and cursed myself for not hiding my pain better. I didn't want him to know that he had hurt me, that I cared enough for him to have that ability.

"I'm sorry. I had planned to message you and tell you I had been called into work."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I couldn't lie to you."

"So, why did you leave? It was hardly a gentlemanly thing to do." I felt guilty using that against him, but I was just so damn angry with him. Angry with myself. I wondered why he had even considered lying and why he couldn't do it. For him to go to the effort of lying to me, suggested that he cared what I thought even if his actions suggested otherwise. I was so sick of not knowing where I stood with him.

"It's complicated. I really don't want to get into it on the phone."

"So, when?"

"I'll let you know. Works crazy. I'm not sure when I will be able to get away."

"Alright, let me know." I really didn't want to come across as needy and ridiculous.

"I will, I promise. I've got to go. I'm being paged." Without anything else passing between us, he was gone. I sunk down onto the grass and tried to process everything. I wasn't even sure how long we would be in Italy. Our return flight was quickly approaching and all I could do was wait for Rylie to make her decision. It wasn't even like she was deciding when we were going home, but I could hardly stay at the vineyard once she went home.

For all, I knew I would already be back in England before he found the time to have the conversation. Just over a week and I would probably be back in England and George would be nothing but a faint memory. I wasn't convinced George would ever be a faint memory, but I did know I would have to put him and everything else I loved about Italy behind me.

I looked up to see Rylie staring at me intently. I had no idea how long she had been there, but she was definitely trying to work out what was going on in my mind. "Walk with me?" I had no idea why she suddenly wanted to wonder with me, but I got up regardless and dusted off my trousers.

We seemed to walk in silence for ages. We had drifted so far apart since arriving in Italy and I had no idea how to even talk to her anymore. It all just felt awkward and strained. We had both spent so much time keeping secrets that we had stopped talking altogether. I had no idea how she even felt about everything. At some point along the line, she stopped confiding in me, and I started keeping so much from her. It was a wedge between us and it wouldn't be easily overcome.

"You don't look good Em, I'm here if you need to talk. I hope you know that." I did know that. I just couldn't really remember how to do that, how to put my trust in anyone.

"I'm doing alright Rylie. I just want you to concentrate on you and Jellybean." It was the truth. As much as I would have loved to be able to tell my best friend everything, all I had wanted the whole time was to give her the time and space to concentrate on herself. I knew she would drop all of her own worries and concentrate on mine if I asked her to, but I didn't want her to have to do that. She deserved to worry about herself and not everyone else for once.

She already had so much to contend with. So many outsiders to worry about. I knew she was worried about her mother and how she had reacted to the Jellybean news. She worried about Luca and his family and she worried about Jellybean. She didn't need to be adding me to that list, too. It was just too much for one person. I was supposed to be there to help her, not for her to be supporting me.

"I don't believe you, but I trust you will come to me if you need me. No matter what, Em, I will always be here. There's something I need to tell you and I'm scared you will be angry with me. That somehow I am betraying you, abandoning you. OK, so the best thing is to just spit it out, I suppose. I've decided to stay here in Italy."

"With Luca?" I wanted to jump up and down. The idea that she thought I would be upset with her for finally being free to love her man was ridiculous. I could never be angry with her for doing such a thing.

"No, not with Luca. Things are complicated with him, and I need to make my decisions for me and Jellybean, not for him. I'm going to live here at the vineyard and work with Aurora. I've proposed fixing up the old cottages and renting them out to tourists. I will manage the operation because we both know Aurora doesn't have the time. I will be living here and earning my own keep. Truly independent."

"I'm happy for you. As long as you know I will be over here all the time driving you and Jellybean mad. You guys are my family. No amount of distance will change that."

"You are welcome anytime. The cottage will be small, but I'm sure I can squeeze a sofa bed in there for you." I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her. I could tell she had honestly been worried that I would be angry with her, but she had no idea just how much she meant to me.

"So, you're not coming back with me next week?" I desperately hoped she would say no, so selfishly I would have an excuse to stay in Italy a little longer. The truth was, I wanted to stay. Not forever, but long enough to figure George out once and for all. He felt like a puzzle that I just couldn't quite figure out. I knew everything was screaming at me, telling me he was an ass and to leave him behind. Despite that nagging voice in my mind, I was certain he was a decent man. I was convinced there was something causing him to be so unreliable that I didn't know, and I needed to know what it was.

"I'm still going back to England. I need to head back and pack up. I want to put all that behind me and start fresh without it all hanging over me. After everything with my mother, I want to be able to draw a line under it all and move on."

"Well, I will be there by your side for anything you need. I always will be. You should head back to the house. You're meant to be resting. I'm going to keep walking for a little while."

That was exactly what I did. I seemed to walk for hours. Thinking, but more importantly, taking in the calming influence of the Italian countryside. Once I knew there was a clock on my time there, I wanted to take as much of it in as possible. Really record it in my memory.

I felt so conflicted about leaving. I felt like I had made something for myself in Italy, but at the same time, I still had so much in England waiting for me. For Rylie, leaving was simple. She had nothing to lose and everything to gain. For me, things were more complicated. Despite everything with my parents, I still couldn't leave them behind.

I might have enjoyed my time in Italy, but there was nothing pulling me to stay there. Working in the warehouse was great, but it wasn't anything more than something to occupy my time. George was amazing at times, but it was no great love affair. It wouldn't be so hard if it was. The truth was that Italy was made for Rylie, but not for me.