Chapter 5
1410 Words
Cecilia
The next morning I made my way downstairs and as expected, Leon was no where to be seen. The cook informed me that he was taking his breakfast in his room and demanded he not be disrupted; according to the servants he woke up with a terrible headache, was nauseous and with strange bruises on his arm.
I smiled to myself as I ate the fresh fruit the cook had cut. A day without Leon to be seen? That was a perfect day for me. As I continued to eat and read my new poetry book Gabriel entered the dining room. His pale blonde hair was a bit wet, probably from his bath, his brown eyes were tired and I could smell his clean scent of soap and sandalwood. He wore his pants and shirt from the night before and he smiled at me as he grabbed a plate.
“Good morning Cecilia,” he said.
“Good morning Gabriel. How did you sleep?”
He smiled and shrugged. “Not that great. I was awake most of the night.”
I looked at him confused. “Why?”
He shrugged again. “I just wasn’t able to fall asleep that’s all.”
He continued to serve himself food and when he sat next to me I inched away from him in shock. He froze and looked around him.
“Is everything ok?” He asked.
“Yes, uh, I’m just not used to this.”
“To what?”
I gestured to him sitting next to me. “I always have the entire end of the table to myself. Leon never sits next to me.”
Gabriel frowned but nodded. He began to get up but I reached out and held onto his arm. “No it’s ok Gabriel! I don’t mind it at all.”
“It’s alright Cecilia, I can sit further down. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
I snorted and he raised an eyebrow. “You could never make me feel uncomfortable Gabriel.” I smiled and tugged him down. “Please, sit with me. No one ever does.”
For a moment he seemed like he wouldn’t but then he sat back down and smiled at me. I continued to eat and he served himself more food as he ate. We both ate in silence as I read and he drank his morning tea. I was used to silent meals. Leon and I never spoke to one another at the dining table, and if we did it was because we were arguing. The silence with Leon in the room was suffocating and I usually ate as fast as I could so that I would be able to leave. But with Gabriel the silence was comfortable. I felt no need to speak, to eat quickly or behave a certain way. It was different.. nice.
I looked over at him and hadn’t realized he had brought a book with him too. It was some sort of play from what I could see. His pale hair was untidy and damp causing it to curl at the ends, his thick brown eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, his sharp jawline moved as he ate and those deep brown eyes of his looked lost in whatever world he had immersed himself in. His white shirt clung to his firm chest and outlined the muscles of his arms and shoulders. And with the morning sun coming in from the giant windows, he looked absolutely.. perfect. How could he share so many similar physical qualities with Leon but be perfect and completely different than my husband?
Was Gabriel the person that in a different life I would have married? He was the nice and gentle version of Leon I didn’t meet? Probably. I smiled to myself, imagining what a nice life that could have been like. A life not just as a duchess, but as a wife who was respected and cared for.
But I shook my head slightly and turned back to my food. That wasn’t my reality and Gabriel was Leon’s friend, and my friend too. There was no point in imagining things that would never be.
***
“So you’re telling me, that everything we believe in is false? Just one big lie ?”
“Yes!” I shrieked at Gabriel as we sat at the dining table two hours later after finishing breakfast. “None of this things we believe in are natural or can be proved. They are all poor constructions humanity has built to give meaning to life.”
“Well, I think I can agree on some things. But not everything is false Cecilia.” Gabriel said smiling. “There are advancements in science and medicine as we speak. Those are man made yet they are very real.”
“I understand that. But I mean everything else. Day to day things.”
“Like what?”
“Well…for example…words! Words are a farce!”
Gabriel made a face but I cut him off when he was going to speak. “We invented words. Humans invented words but they are not natural. We invented letters, sentences, writing.. everything!”
Gabriel laughed. “It’s the only way to communicate.”
“Animals don’t need words to communicate Gabriel, and they’ve survived much longer than we. All they need is a certain sound, a movement and a glance at eachother to know whether they’re in danger, safe or cared for. They don’t need silly words and sentences to survive.”
“Life is about more than just surviving Cecilia,” Gabriel said, his voice getting deep and serious. “We’re not animals, we’re people. We aren’t in a constant state of danger.”
I rolled my eyes. “You aren’t. Yet I’ve learned to rely on movements, sound and looks to avoid Leon. That is my reality Gabriel.”
We both sat quietly after that. Gabriel was looking at me intensely and I looked back. At first it was a look of sadness and even pity, but before I could point it out, it changed. He no longer looked at me like a lost puppy or a hurt child, he looked at me in a way I had never noticed before.
His eyes scanned my face and noticed every movement. He looked into my eyes, then at my nose, my lips and slowly down my neck. No one had ever looked at me this way and I felt my skin go hot. Had Gabriel ever looked at me this way before? What did this mean? I followed his eyes and he looked like he couldn’t help but look at all of me. My breasts, my shoulders, my arms and hands, and then go over them again. It was as if he wanted to enjoy this moment and remember all of me. The attention sparked a small flame that spread slowly in me and I let out a shallow breath which caused him to look right into my eyes again.
This time his eyes were hungry. Ravenous. As if he hadn’t eaten in weeks and I was a large plate of food in front of him. He looked like he wanted to pounce, to grab me and eat me. And the thought of something insane and animalistic happening made me shudder. Those deep kind eyes of Gabriel’s had changed into a pool of intensity and I couldn’t look away.
“Gabriel,” I said his name barely above a whisper and I saw his body jerk. My body moved forward on its own and he instantly got up from his seat, knocking the chair back. He blinked several times, rubbed his eyes and then ran his fingers through his hair. He seemed to have lost himself and was trying to come back to his senses.
“I’m sorry I must go.” He said quickly.
“No Gabriel it’s ok.. what was that-?” I began to ask but he only picked up his book and smiled at me.
“It’s been a lovely morning Cecilia, but I should be heading out now.” Gabriel bowed and quickly walked away.
But he left me alone with so many questions, concerns and a whirlwind of feelings and warmth all over my body I had never felt before. What did that look mean?
And why did it feel so right and strong coming from Gabriel?
- Writer
