Designed for you

Nightmares Past

If looks could kill, Mick would combust any second from the depth of Amanda’s glare as they drove along the short drive back to Matt and Kadence’s house.

Mick decided to try and lighten the mood by asking; but mostly for his own curiosity, “Where did you learn how to turn on the siren?”

“None of your business,” Amanda snapped with a guarded edge to her voice and Mick’s investigative instincts pricked.

“It is my business if it was sourced through illegal matters,” He retorted, “Not to mention it bloody well hurt.” He tried for casual but there was still a gruffness to his voice.

That got Amanda’s back up, “Yeah that’s right, we models are a loose bunch and use our looks to trawl the streets prostituting ourselves to make an extra dime.” She turned her body away from him and towards the window, hurt by his accusation and assumption of her, but understood it didn’t come without reason. Young girls hoping to get picked up and become the next Miranda Kerr would often be caught soliciting themselves to any man they could catch. Sometimes dreams came at an awful price.

Mick’s voice cut into her thoughts, “That’s not at all what I meant and I think you know that,” he said surprising her with the gentle caress of his voice and her eyes caught his as he looked through the rearview mirror.

She sighed and kicked her one shoed foot into the floor of the car before she replied. “I had a lot of experience in police cars as I was growing up, but not for the reasons you may be thinking,” she shot him a quick look before continuing, “Most of the officers were really friendly and would try to reach out to me and help me feel safe by showing me the different gadgets in their cars after yet another failed foster home.” Her eyes looked without seeing and she looked out the car window. “I’ve flicked that switch more times than I dare to count.” She said the last bit so quietly he almost missed it but the raw emotion in her voice squeezed at his chest and his heart broke for her younger innocent self.

He’d had a big family where there was always noise and laughter and support. He knew John had been the same and they shared a silent look each. This confession just made him realise how much he’d taken for granted and made a mental note to call his mum after work to check in.

Mick wanted to kiss her pain away or say something to make everything better for her but after he swallowed through the lump in his throat, he merely responded with, “Well you’ve come out of it strong and made a life for yourself now.” Mick was relieved to see her expression lighten as they locked eyes once more and it almost felt as strong as an embrace.

Mick and John jabbered on about nothing in particular but her mind was too busy with the secret she let slip. She’d never told anyone about her past except Kadence for fear of seeing the pity in their eyes. The moment her last adoptive parents took her in, she stopped feeling sorry for the things she couldn’t change and they helped her see a better future. She worked hard at school, became fit instead of just another awkward skinny kid, and strong as she followed their every footstep through their police training and found inner strength was more important than physical strength; as it helped her achieve her dreams.

Amanda was 18years old when she lost her adoptive parents; Elizabeth and Rick, who were killed in the line of duty and the memory of that last day will forever be imprinted in her brain. The morning was spent in happy tears as her parents fussed over her, watching youtube video after video of tutorials for her hair and make up; it was graduation day. After all her hard work and their constant support, she was presented with her certificate to a standing ovation from her extended badged family, with a few wolf whistles for good measure. She didn’t even know they had all been invited but as she looked through the sea of blue, the two plain clothed officers at the front of the pack; with their proud tears and beaming smiles were brighter than the sun on a scorching summer day.

Amanda all but ran down the steps, across the grass to where her parents had run as well and laughed through her tears as her father lifted her off the ground and spun her around. As her dad planted her on the ground, never letting go; her mother came over to join in the embrace. The whisper of her words, ‘I’m proud of you’, making her chest swell and more tears threaten. She stepped back and grabbed hold of each of their work roughened hands and looked between them, ‘Thank you for giving me courage to try.’

A sob escaped from her mother’s mouth as she drew Amanda in close again, stroking the mane of her hair. Her mother’s arms felt like home and she knew they always would.

A series of loud cracks sounded in her ears and she heard a scream escape her mother’s lips before she felt her body jolt and sag. None of them had heard the unwelcome intruder. A boy she recognised from her year held a large gun in his hand as he held the trigger pulled in, unleashing a series of rounds among the crowd; and one had clearly hit a target. She felt her father’s hand push her away as he yelled at her to run but she felt frozen to the spot. At his second attempt, she saw him shoulder her mother’s weight in relief as she registered her mothers consciousness; both parents pleading her to run.

Amanda shouldered her mother’s other arm and helped her father run towards the safety of an open door. The crowd scattering into a sea of panicked cries making her stomach churn at the kaos. She watched as her father locked eyes with her mother; reluctance to leave written all over his face. But after a quick kiss to her head and a promise he’d return, he was gone.

She crouched back over her mother and inspected the wound, panic squeezing her chest as she saw the bullet was still in there. She looked at her mother and saw the pain etching her features and heard her mother whisper, “Don’t you look at me like that, young lady. One little bullet isn’t going to take me out of this world.” She rasped, “We have a cruise to attend in a couple of days!” she tried for humour but the grimace wiped the laugh from her face.

Amanda tried to remember back to her first aid training and realised she would have to try and remove the bullet to try and avoid lead poisoning. She looked around the room and recognised it immediately. With her mother settled with her eyes closed, and after ensuring twice that she was still breathing, Amanda crawled over to the window by the door. The first aid room was only 4 doors up, so she listened at the door and heard the distant shouting but no more gun shots. With a quick look back at her mother, her champion and her world; whose eyes remained gently closed, she took a moment to watch the slow rise and fall of her chest, and decided to risk it.

She ran all the way and prayed it was unlocked. When she arrived outside the door she found a chain across the doors and almost screamed in frustration but the sound of running echoed through the corridor and she looked around and spied another unlocked door, so she dashed inside.

A little girls wail at the end of the corridor had Amanda back on her feet as she cried out for her mummy and Amanda knew she had to get back out there and keep the girl safe and quiet. The loud footsteps echoed right outside her door and she heard a man snicker. “Run, run as fast as you can; you can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man.” He mocked to the little girl and Amanda started looking around the room for a weapon. There was no way he was going to touch that innocent child. She ran to the other side of the room and grabbed the coat rack and rushed back towards the door. She would have to sneak up behind him to catch him by surprise.

As she tentatively looked outside the room, she noticed he was half way down towards the now screaming and crying girl. She snuck outside and slid herself along the wall, trying to keep her breathing steady. As she inched closer to him, he inched closer to the girl. She was so focused on her target, she didn’t see the flash of white leap out of the other classroom door to cover the little girl’s body. The boy was shocked into drawing his gun and aimed three deadly shots at her mother’s body, before another round of gun shots were fired and the boy collapsed to the ground. She heard the echo of a woman screaming and didn’t realise it was herself until one of the officers tried to move her away from the scene. She looked on to the vision of blood soaking through her mother’s clothes then remembered the little girl beneath.

She shouldered out of the officer’s grip with a force she didn’t realise she possessed and rushed over to her mother’s body, ignoring the blood that now covered her hands she kneeled as the little girl cowered further beneath the cover of her mother’s arms. “It’s ok,” she soothed, feeling anything but, “You’re safe now.”

The little girl crawled out and as Amanda held her arms open, she ran in with deep heart wrenching sobs racking her body. She held on for a long moment, not sure if it was for her comfort or the girls and felt the dampness of her own tears in the girls hair. As she lifted her head, she saw the gathering of blue officers once more, but it no longer brought the same comfort. The woman she had grown up with as her surrogate ‘Aunt’ Vivian slowly came over to lay her hand on Amanda’s shoulder as a small crowd had started to gather.

“Come on, honey. We need to get the two of you away from here.” She whispered gently, placing light pressure on Amanda’s arm to encourage her to stand.

“Dad? Where’s dad?” was all Amanda said, looking pleadingly into Vivian’s eyes.

Vivian looked to the ground and Amanda noted the slight tremble to her shoulders. As she looked up, Amanda could see the tears brimming her eyes as she shook her head and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Before she broke into tears and cuddled the two girl’s closer.

They remained that way until they heard the desperate cries of a woman, searching for her child. The little girl’s mother was ushered through the crowd and cried upon seeing her daughter safe and alive, not even taking note of the prone body that had held her safe only moments ago.

“Mummy?” the little girl’s eyes widened in relief and raced towards her mother.

“Oh, thank god.” Her mother cried as she held onto her daughter like she would never let go. It was this sight, this homecoming that broke Amanda. No longer would she get to feel like home in her mother’s arms or hear her father’s laugh. She was suddenly that lost little orphan again with no one’s arms to come home too.

“Amanda?” called Mick and when there was no response he repeated loudly, “Amanda!”

Amanda jolted up in her seat and looked around to find they had pulled up at Kadie’s house and Mick was standing inside the door of the car, gently shaking her shoulder and calling her name. She blinked her eyes a couple times to drown out the rest of the nightmare she dreamt every night since it happened, praying she wasn’t crying silent tears down her face as she quickly brushed her hands across just incase, then remembered the current nightmare of not only her sprained ankle but of her current predicament surrounding a certain officer who humiliated her in front of the towns known gossip.

Kadie came running down the front steps as Mick gave a slight frown and his mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, then closed it quickly and reached a hand out to give Amanda a hand up. “I’d rather hop.” She snapped at him and proceeded to use the police vehicle for balance as she hopped along the side of it until Kadie reached her. Her questioning eyes running from Amanda to Mick to John.

“Sprained ankle,” Amanda answered for her, “and a slice of public humiliation to get the town gossip mill excited.” She threw at Mick with an annoyed look.

Mick put his palms up in surrender in front of him, “Now now, it was just a little joke. And you hurt me first.” He pointed out.

“After you almost got me eaten by a vicious dog!” she turned towards Mick and snapped incredulously.

Amanda and Mick continued to bicker as John head over to Kadence and with a smile and a nod toward their friends, John uttered, “Smells like a storms brewing.”

Kadence smiled back at him, “But will we all survive the eye?” It was said in jest but Kadence also knew Amanda’s trust issues and adversity towards getting close to people; it hurt too much when they were gone.

After what felt like an hour long negotiation, Amanda finally conceded she probably couldn’t hop up porch stairs and into the house on her own and allowed Mick to assist her to get inside to the couch. As he supported her weight to lower her onto the couch, she gripped hold of his arm and twisted creating a chinese burn and he hissed in pain.

“What?” she batted her eyes innocently and he resisted the temptation to bump her sprained ankle, instead choosing to bite his tongue.

Amanda 3 – Mick 2.