Waves Of Emotion

Chapter 2 Broken

Bella

Dad, where are you going? Huwag mo naman kaming iiwan uli, please. Kararating mo lang, we missed you so much. I hug my dad and cried that time, so tight that I don’t want to let go.

Have to go somewhere Bella, ikaw muna bahala dito, I feel suffocated. I need to clear my mind. I cannot take seeing your mom like that. I saw pain in his eyes.

Di ba kami sapat for you to stay with us? Pakiusap kong saad kay dad.

Anak, there were things that you cannot understand as of the moment, masakit ang ginawa ng mom mo sa akin, she broke my trust and my heart. I have to go somewhere para maka-recover. I will be back soon para makasama ko kayo. I just need time.

At that time I was so hurt kasi iniwan na naman kami ni dad, for how many years di namin siya nakasama at nakita, now that he is here, para na ring wala, he did not even stay longer with us.

I hated my mom more kasi siya ang reason why dad left, di namin nakasama. She broke my trust, my admiration for her and now she broke our family.

Bella, your dad nakulong kasi may binugbog na lalaki, kabit daw ng mom mo, puntahan mo na sa police station. Sigaw ng kapitbahay namin kaya dali dali akong nagbihis para puntahan si dad. I saw how lose my dad is, he looks defeated. After an hour na settle din ang problema, nakalabas si dad sa kulungan, walang kaso na sinampa ng nabugbog niya.

After that I never heard about him anymore. No more calls, no more text as in para na kaming nakalimutan niya ng tuluyan.

Few months after I saw a post from my cousin in Davao that dad was bringing a woman in one of the gathering there. I felt my heart was turn into pieces kasi it seems naka-move on na siya pero ako di pa naka-recover sa pagkawala niya. He forgot about us.

He found somebody new, paano naman kami? Paano pa kami mabubuo as family? I also need a dad, his care and his attention and guidance as a father. I grow na si mom lang ang kasama namin, its unfair.

Dad, when will you be home? I message him when I got his new number.

I'm sorry Bella but I will stay here in Davao for a moment.

Is it true na may iba ka na? How about us dad, tuluyan mo na ba talaga kaming iabanduna? Nasaktan ako kasi ang dali lang nila mag-decide na iiwan ang pamilya namin.

I'm sorry Bella, it’s hard to explain. His words as response to my text, so simple but it brings so much pain in my heart.

No dad, you choose to leave us. It’s okay wala ka naman talaga all our life, di mo maramdaman ang pangulila namin ni Kent to be with you. Go on I'm already used to this broken family anyway. Last response ko sa kanya.

Bella, you need to go home your mom is having a cat fight with the legal wife ng kabit ng mom mo.Wika ng kapitbahay namin.

Di ko pinansina ang sinabi niya, bahala silang mag-away. Nawalan na ako ng gana sa pamilyang ito. Wala na din akong mukha maiharap sa mga kapitbahay namin. Tampulan na kami ng chismis.

When I got home, I saw kung paano nagtampukan ang mga usisera, kabilaan ang intrega. May barangay police nagsettle ng problema at dinala sa barangay hall sila mom. I don’t care bahala siya, problema niya yan kaya harapin nya mag-isa.

I just stayed at home, parang blanko ang utak ko, ayaw kong mag-isip.

Tuluyan ko ng nalaman from my aunt in Davao na dad is living together with the woman he brought to his family. He found his new family now. My anger to both of them grows. Since then I become a different person, a broken person. I don’t believe in a family. I don’t believe in a long last relationship. No more forever thing, pinatunayan yun ng sarili kong pamilya.

Bella, flowers for you; saad ng JP boyfriend ko. He intends to kiss me but pinigilan ko siya.

Bring that flowers with you, i don’t need it, let’s break up. I saw how hurt he is upon my words.

Why Bella, i thought you love me, kasasagot mo lang sa akin. Love my ass, that word never exist in my vocabulary.

I don’t do love JP, i get bored with you, sorry. Just move on. Iniwan ko siyang tulala, sorry product lang naman siya ng dare namin ni Cassy, one of the bitches na kaklase ko, pinatulan ko ang dare kasi nainis ako sa babaing yun.

Like mother like daughter talaga ang batang ito, sayang maganda pa naman. Kung sino sino lang lalaki ang naghahatid pauwi. Chismis na naman ng kapitbahay, sanay na ako. Boring araw nila kapag walang chismis kaya binibigyan ko sila ng show, oh di ba mabait ako?

Bella kailan ka ba titigil sa kakainum, masisira ang katawan mo iyan. Saway ni mom sa akin when i came home na lasing.

Titigil lang ako kung titigil ka rin sa panglalandi mo o baka di na siguro kasi sira naman ang pamilyang ito, sira na rin ako.

Ano pang rason kung magpakabait ako, sira na ang reputasyon ko, ang dangal mo at ang pamilyang ito. We all broken and its not fixable, kaya wag ka ng umasa mom. See me slowly breaking myself, ikaw ang may kagagawan nito.

I saw pain register in her eyes, pero binaniwala ko, dapat lang maramdaman niya ang sakit na naidulot niya sa pagkatao ko. Kung gabi gabi akong umiinum, wala siyang magagawa, kung dati di ako sumasagot sa kanya, ngayon nawala na ang lahat ng respito ko sa kanya.

I hate her and i hate myself also kasi nagpadala ako sa emotion ko. I am a broken angel with a broken soul. I am waiting for my redemption and salvation kung totoo man yun.