Matters of the Hart

Chapter 11 - I'm just wondering why you haven't barbequed his balls yet.

The essence of everything we, as humans, are and can do for each other is very powerful. Like the smell of fresh, dewy water lilies, the very smell of love will fill your senses with euphoria, a little bit of nostalgia and faith.

We must all have a little faith within our hearts. Some, in ourselves. Some, in the universe. Some, in the fact that someone up there loves you enough.

Some, in love.

I was four, when I began dancing. At the time, I never knew or understood why my Father had willfully chosen that for me, among all other things. I never questioned it about him either. I still haven't. I was just grateful. I mean, when a part-time Father bothers to walk their child down a street, even ten minutes of togetherness seems like enough bonding time for a day.

Ballet.

I still remember my first baby-pink coloured leotard. My hair was done in pig-tails, by Dad who learnt the art through a three-minute tutorial on You-tube. A lot of struggle was involved, but they came out perfectly.

Every day, I used to watch the older kids - mostly girls. I was a kid, they were some sixteen-seventeen year olds. Everything about them was appealing to me - their unshakable stance, the way they walked, their grace, their perfect pirouette; everything. Imagine this - a four year old girl who had never known what love felt like - except for what Amelia and I had.

I would hardly call that love. Love; it was more, much more. The bond of our sisterhood could not be justified within the vague boundaries of a four-lettered word. The most I had gotten from my Father was a hug that lasted for 0.3 seconds, but Lia was more than any amount of compensation for me. She was more than a complete family - because she was my family. And that was almost everything.

The sense of self-love was still nowhere to be found. You'd think - what would a four-year-old know about self-depreciation?

A lot.

A missing birth giver. A half-drunk sperm donor. Yeah, it doesn't really guarantee any assurance, much less love. I had Lia, I was content.

Then I met Nate.

And...he left.

Funny, how life is a circle. My ballet teacher, Cheryl and I were close. She was almost a decade and a half older, but you could say that she was my "bestie" back then. (Don't tell Lia, she'll kill me).

She taught me everything I know; about dance, about boys (don't ask) - about life in general. She was the best.

The way her body swayed with each posture she donned; her grace left me in complete awe of her style every time.

Of course, she left too. A year ago, she relocated to her home town with her husband and her three kids. It was hurtful and as much as I didn't want to lose her, all she told me was, "Life goes on, kiddo."

It was Layla who got me her job at the studio the week after her move. Since she was the only ballet instructor in the whole town and all she had left behind as an illustration of her dance was me. We still talked over the phone sometimes. Now that she had baby number four on the way, it was more work for her. But that lovely soul did manage to drop in a text or two sometimes.

Soon, my life came a full circle when I met six-year-old Willow at the studio. Years later, Willow was the Thea to my Layla.

Where I taught her dance two days in a week, she took away my bothers with her cuteness. Sometimes it was like I was looking at a younger version of Amelia and I - Willow had a little bit of both of us. Sometimes the few hours that she spent with me were all I anticipated the whole day.

She was a perfect blend.

Thea's fears. Amelia's boldness. Thea's love. Amelia's sass. Don't even get me started on her sass. The girl had too much of it.

I didn't know much about her; all I knew was she lived with her Father and had a best-friend whom she called Nachos. Yes, Nachos. Because according to Princess Willow, she loved her best friend and she loved Nachos. Therefore, best friend automatically equals Nachos.

Kids these days.

"Bye, Miss Hart," her little voice pushed all my indulgent thoughts away.

"Bye, Willow. Come back next week, okay?" I bend down to her stature, bopping her nose.

Willow grinned like a Cheshire cat. "I promise," she nodded her little head eagerly before running out the soundproof door.

**********

My job paid pretty well for just four hours per week, since I spent only two hours, every Tuesday and Saturday. It was almost six, when I entered school grounds. It was a twenty-minute walk from The Studio to school, but it was more than enough time to be thinking about what I was going to have for dinner.

I was hungry, sue me.

"Hey Cole," I said, making my way over to the East Court cafeteria. "...and Luke and...Lia?"

"Hi Theodore!"

"Cole, please." I winced at the stupid pet-name. Cole and Luke were sitting on either side of Lia at our usual spot. My sister stared at Cole with a bored expression on her face, before stopping her gaze at me, a slight pout adorning her lips.

"Yeah Cole, Theodore is too big a name, maybe we should call her Theo."

Lucas Roe, ladies and gentlemen.

"I hate you," I stuck my tongue out at Cole in annoyance. His fault- Lucas would never let me live this one down.

"Oh, me too!" Cole smiled back cheekily, Luke pitching in right after him.

"Oh me three- Nathaniel! Come here!"

Nathaniel - the trigger to my Ventricular Tachyarrhythmia. My new friend with a thirty-day trial period.

"Guys, Amelia," he nodded curtly, narrowing his eyes at Luke almost unnoticeably. His strong arm just about brushed mine, and a visible bout of something unknown.

"Thea," his smoldering eyes held me in place. They were never empty; his eyes, his look. It was always full of something - sometimes mirth, sometimes pain, sometimes hope. All I knew was that each time, it consumed all of me too. He was definitely more than just a few inches taller than me, which made his deep gazing even more tantalizing, intimidating too. The way he said my name was…

Wait.

He said my name.

And I was staring back like a moron. Quickly, I readjusted my posture, looking away after throwing a small smile to him and then to Noah behind him.

"Where's Caleb?" Noah asked. CODE RED, THEA! CODE RED!

CODE FUDGING RED!!

"Okay. Bye guys," I said, turning away from the table. But I didn't get very far. Alright, you caught me. I couldn't go far. Thirty-day Nathaniel had our fingers perfectly intertwined, my small ones with his large, calloused but comfortable ones.

"Studying," his eyes assured me with a whisper of their own kind. Caleb who?

"Well, we're going to get ice-cream!" Luke's voice could be heard in the background. I was pretty sure I heard my Lia too - "I don't say no to ice-cream. But since I'm being forced, Cole is paying for me."

"I don't want ice-cream!" - this was Cole. Definitely Cole.

"You don't?"

"Okay, I do! But..."

Everything else fizzled out for me - there wasn't a world beyond the greyness I was engulfed within.

Greyness like a wormhole - you could keep falling in it for an eternity yet couldn't have gotten very far. I had always told Nate, that he had a very powerful hold on people. All

he had to do was stare at them the way he was staring at me and the world would fall at his feet.

His eyes, his beautiful stormy grey orbs had held me captive, until my name resounded somewhere in the distance. We both looked away at the same time, him into his phone and me at a Noah. A Noah with wiggling eyebrows.

"I have my car and Nate has his truck, so Lia and Cole can come with me," Noah smiled innocently.

"I'm going with Nate!" Luke exclaimed, jumping up and down by his side in excitement. How Lucas was perpetually excited, I would never know. That would probably always remain a mystery to me.

Wait, if Cole and Amelia are going in Noah's car, and Luke and Nate were using Nate's truck, then…

"Noah?" I asked.

Noah c****d his head to one side (a move I absolutely hate).

"Nate's truck has space, Thea. I'm sure he can fit you in."

Noah was smirking - surprisingly, not at me but at the man in question, talking not with their mouths but with their eyes. Wait, now that was dramatic of me.

But the way they both stared at each other was in fact, weirdly dramatic.

Three long seconds later, Nate was smirking right back at him.

I kept my gaze on Noah, since Nate's would just hold me up again (got to give rest to the little flutters).

"Right, Nate?" Noah prodded and slowly, sombrely, I looked over to Nate, only to find him candidly staring back at me.

Nope. Not at all suspicious. Noppity nope.

"I don't bite, Shortcake," he smiled lightly. "Let's go."

**********

One word. Six letters.

Creepy.

One thing I had picked up about Lucas Roe in the short span of time that we had been in the same vehicle was that - he could make you super-duper-whooper uncomfortable. The guy kept staring between Nate and I; from me to Nathaniel and back to me, with a moronic smile that was difficult to decipher. Any other time, I wouldn't have minded because it was universally known that Luke tended to be a little...well, overwhelming for the lack of a better word. But with Nate in here, I had no option but to stomach it down.

Luke had dibs on shotgun (of course he did). Not that I cared since I didn't want to sit beside Nathaniel.

The stare game went on for some few minutes, but that was still alright. The only other problem was that chocolate-boy smile that was hard to ignore for more than a few minutes.

"What is it, Luke?" I finally sighed. Luke was weirdly positioned; arms folded across his chest as he sat sideways, facing the driver so that his staring game was more effectively uncomfortable for me.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," he smirked back, a pregnant pause making a careful appearance before his smirk actually widened. "I'm just wondering how you two are in each other's vicinity and why you haven't barbequed his balls yet."

"What?" That was an amalgam, made from two different voices at the same time. Shock was plastered all over my face and I didn't know which was worse - Nathaniel's glare or Luke's unfazed reaction. Or the fact that if Nate didn't watch the road, we all could die.

"I thought you would be mad at him after the stunt he pulled." Lucas shrugged, facing the front now, even though Nate's glare was permanently fixated on him. "....you know, the whole 'avoid-Thea-like-a-knee-in-his—"

"I think that's enough, Luke," Nate smiled sarcastically, looking ahead even though his knuckles were getting whiter by the second. Luke, on the other hand, had gotten braver.

"Oh shush, Nate," he tsk-ed. "Keep your eyes on the road, sweetie."

And hence commenced a power-packed stare-me-down: a heavily smirking Lucas Roe - wishing upon his ill-fate and a glare-dy cat Nathaniel Knight - who was out to kill. Kill, yes. I seemed to be getting the bad vibes here because if this didn't break, we'd make tomorrow's headlines - Three killed in demonous car crash- the driver was pre-occupied with planning another murder.

Me? I was stuck in between.

"Um, guys?"

Nate was the first to straighten himself, but not followed by Luke- what stayed back was his silly smirk.

"You know, Thea, I was so tired of seeing his eyes follow you around, like all the damn time," Luke started sighing playfully and Nate's knuckles had to learn to survive without oxygen for a while longer.

"Luke..." he warned in a low tone.

"I mean, it was getting f*****g annoying, watching him brood around like a petulant child. Thank God, he finally grew the balls and talked to you."

Guess Lucas' smirk was contagious after all. A similar one kicked at the corner of my mouth and the pair of stormy-grey eyes that I met with witnessed all about that.

"Uh-huh," I pressed my lips together to contain that silly smile that was knocking on my lips. "Tell me more, Luke."

Luke grinned. We both knew very well that he'd get beaten up for this later, but I once read somewhere that we should 'Live in the moment.' So that was what I was going to do.

"I swear, my buoy was most nervous I had seen him, considering his limited range of facial expressions. Did you know, the first time we talked, at the party, Nate was jumping around with nerves, literally."

"Lucas."

Luke conveniently ignored the third voice, so did I. I mean, a mortified Nathaniel was way too cute. I swear there were a few streaks of red over his high cheeks.

The only trouble for me was stifling a potent laugh this entire time.

"No, I mean seriously, Thea. All he kept chanting was 'Should I talk to her? Wait, what if she breaks my head?"

"But...but...she looks so f*****g beautiful, blah blah blah..."

"Lucas!"

"What, Nathaniel?" Luke jumped in his seat, pouting childishly. "Wait, was I not supposed to say that?"

That's it. I was done for.

The interior of the truck echoed as I bellowed out a full-on ugly as hell laugh, clutching my stomach tighter and tighter, gasping for air every five seconds because it hurt so much from all that laughing. Luke was laughing along with me - the sound of our laughter in complete sync as none of us chose to stop.

"Beautiful, huh?" I nudged Nathaniel's strong shoulder with my elbow, laughing some more when his ears reddened in embarrassment.

"Shut up, Shortcake."

"Oh yes!" Luke exclaimed amidst a mellowing laughing fit. "How can I forget? Did you know that Nate has a private album on his phone titled Sho-"

But he couldn't, because the truck, Nate's beloved truck took that very moment to give me a minor heart-attack as it swerved to the right.

Picture this - the road was clear. There was only one other car driving far, far ahead of us yet, Nate's inner Schumacher-the-racer woke up from his sleep. While I fell on Luke, Luke got lucky that the door was shut or else he would've fallen off the car itself. And Nathaniel - as sturdy as a banyan tree.

"What the f**k, Nate?" Luke exclaimed, clutching his nose between his thumb and index finger. "I could have died!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lolo," Nate pressed the brakes, smiling at him sweetly. "Was I not supposed to do that?"

Lolo?

Wow. Who knew Nate was capable of creativity. But then again, I was his Shortcake so it's not like the guy had much sense when it came to pet-names.

Soon enough amidst our laughter and Nate's passive aggression, we reached Cutie's World-famous Ice Cream. Luke was the first one to unbuckle and jump out even before the engine died down. Since I was the only other person in there, we were the only ones left within an arm distance of each other.

"Beautiful huh, Nathaniel?" I teased him, chuckling quietly. I even pressed my lips together to have control over it but all in vain. Nate turned, facing me as I leaned my head on the head-rest of his seat.

Shivers.

That was the effect his collected stormy grey eyes had on me. it sent shivers not only down the length of my spine, but also in my breath, which came out staggered as he inched closer, his gaze dropping to my lips every two seconds.

"Of course. Very beautiful."

Oh, my kittens!

It suddenly got very stuffy, and our close proximity wasn't helping much either with the way his eyes dipped down. I didn't know if my mind was playing tricks on me, but the little distance we had between us was closing in slowly, until I realised that we were only an inch apart. Our breaths mixed, his minty one hitting my face. Why the hell was his breath always minty? Did he prepare just in case he'd get kissed? Wait, how many times in a day did he get kissed? Wait again, why was I thinking about the frequency of kisses that came his way?

His lips looked, well, soft. Mine didn't even have gloss on. Just to make things clear, we weren't going to kiss. I just licked my lips because...moist look more presentable. Nothing else.

His stormy grey eyes shut down every thought in my mind, though what did pick up was my breathing. On cue, his lips twitched, a slow smile spreading along the curve of the lines.

"Come on. Let's get you your Vanilla ice-cream with rainbow sprinkles."

The sound of a door unlocking did it for me as I blinked once, twice, thrice to confirm my thoughts.

WHAT THE FUDGING FUDGE-CAKE JUST HAPPENED!?

"You…you remember?" I breathed out incredulously, in return for his charming, toothy grin. He shrugged.

"You're kind of hard to forget."