Having the Baby

CHAPTER 4: Harker

CHAPTER 4: Harker

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“Mr. Harker,” said the nurse. “Would you like to meet your daughter?”

“My...” He stared at the little, wrapped bundle, his hand tightening around Estelle’s. He had a daughter.

“She’s beautiful.” Estelle squeezed his hand, her eyes tearing up.

“She is.” His voice was gruff, filled with too many emotions to name as the nurse placed his baby in his arms. She was so small. The bundle itself was about the size of his two hands and there was a baby wrapped in there which meant she was smaller. She had dark hair and blue eyes and she stared up at him, a frown on her little face. At that moment, his world shifted. Nothing mattered but her and Alison—not work, not his desires, nothing but them. They were his family except...Alison was missing. His legs shook. He couldn’t lose her.

“Why don’t you sit.” The nurse took his arm and led him to a chair. “I’ll be right back with something for her to eat.”

His eyes followed the nurse as she left the room, terrified to look at the bed where Alison should be.

“Your momma can’t wait to meet you.” Estelle touched the soft cap that was on the baby’s head. “What did you two decide to name her?”

“Ah...I don’t...” All he could think about was Alison’s face right before her hand fell from his.

“What is her name, Harker?” Estelle’s voice cracked as she rested her hand on his shoulder. “Alison is counting on you to take care of her daughter”—she cleared her throat—“until she comes back.”

“Irene.” He stared at his baby. Estelle was right. He needed to be strong for their daughter. “She wanted her named after her grandmother. If she’d”—he lifted his daughter and kissed her little head, his heart filling with so much love he thought it might burst—“been a boy, we would’ve named her after Alison’s dad.”

“I wish he were here,” said Estelle. “He was a wonderful father, and he would’ve been a terrific grandfather. He loved kids. I just wish we could’ve had more.”

“I don’t know what to do?” Terror clawed at his chest.

“You’re doing great. Just hold her and love her.”

“No.” He cradled the baby in his arms. “I mean, I don’t know how to be a father. I never had one. I never had anyone to show me.” He hadn’t thought past having a child to raising one. He was going to screw this up.

“Love her and that’ll take care of most of it.”

“It’s not that simple. I don’t know what to feed her, or what do I do when she cries? How do I know if she wants food or to be changed or—”

“Relax.” Estelle pulled a chair over next to him and took his hand. “You’ll do fine. You’ll make mistakes, but as long as you love her, it’ll be okay. Plus”—her grip tightened on his—“Alison will be there to help you.”

“Yeah.” He stared at the doorway, willing the doctor to come back inside and tell him that she was okay. It should be him suffering, not her. He’d change places with her in a second if he could, but life didn’t work that way.