Dear Diary, I Think I'm In Love

The One And Only Cassie Wagner

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I’m resorting to such lengths, but I’m writing this, sitting on the toilet. I’ve just had the worst encounter with someone, who used to be my friend. I mean, it wasn’t exactly catastrophic, but since I have to talk about how everything makes me feel, that conversation drained my energy.

My mom claims that vampires exist. But not the ones that feed on blood, the way we imagine them. True vampires feed on energy. And if you let them, they will suck all of it out of your system. She once wrote an article about it. It was quite the read, actually.

The first day of school is chaotic as ever. We have a reception at the gym, where our professors greet us warmly after a two-month break from watching our faces. Well, they’re going to miss that break after spending ten minutes in a classroom full of kids, who didn’t see each other for the whole summer.

“I hope we’re together in most of our classes,” my best friend whispers to me as we wait in line to get our schedules. I turn towards her, nodding in agreement. I really don’t want to spend much time apart from her. Especially because I don’t have any other friends in my class. Well, I talk to other classmates too, but most of them are immature jerks. I’m not expecting that anything has changed in that department over the summer.

As we finally get our hands on our schedules, we move away from the crowd, so we can compare them. Luckily, we’re only apart in a few classes. About once a day, which is good enough for us.

We have our first class together and I can’t help but notice that if every lesson looked like this, I’d be really happy. Because there aren’t many problematic schoolmates around us. Just the ones that don’t cause us any trouble.

But sadly, not all wishes can come true. I learn it the hard way. During lunchtime. Leslie and I manage to be quick enough to avoid the first wave of students, coming around the corner. So, we’re amongst the first few to get our food. I can’t help but get some spaghetti from the cafeteria. They’re usually really delicious and I almost missed them during the summer.

We both start to enjoy our lunch in peace, slowly feeling ourselves falling back into our old school routine. However, our day was clearly going too well, because my best friend soon notices something, or rather someone, that we really didn’t want to see.

"Oh, no. Here she comes," Leslie mutters, her gaze darkening as it lands on the one person we were both hoping to avoid today. I guess we don't have that kind of luck. She's parading around the cafeteria with her besties, making me feel the need to barf as she throws her blonde hair over her shoulder.

I notice the way my brother looks at her, and pretty much all his friends. My mood sours. I hope Leslie didn't notice those drooly faces. As I glance at her, I realize my hopes are in vain. She definitely saw the way they stared at her.

She soon notices us and they all walk right over to our table. I let out a silent, hopeless groan, while trying to maintain a neutral expression on my face. I can tell that Leslie isn't even trying to look friendly. I know she'd love to transfer her out of our school. Preferably through the window.

"Hey, guys! How was your summer? Did you go anywhere nice?" she asks as she gets close enough to our table. She sits down in front of us, without an invitation. And the other three do the same. Yeah. Meet Cassie Wagner and the minions.

"Hey," Leslie mutters darkly, while I try to fix the situation before blondie starts poking around the bee's nest. My best friend is so not in the mood to listen to her.

"Hey, it wasn't anything special. We went to Brookings a couple of times ... And my mom and I went to Seattle once," I spill before Cassie is able to say anything else. "And how was your summer?" I ask, hoping that this ends soon. But the moment I see her lips spread into a smile and her eyes glisten excitedly, I realize what a mistake I just made. Now we won't hear the end of it.

"Oh, I spent a week with my nana in Florida. Flew on a plane all by myself. We took a ferry to the Bahamas, it was so amazing. So pretty," she tells us. Her friends listen, but they look kind of bored. They probably heard the story at least a dozen times already. "It was either that or Disney World, so duh, I know my priorities. Then I went to the Napa Valley with my family. For a week. And to LA. For three days. I saw Timothee Chalamet in Starbucks, can you imagine that?"

I take a deep breath. Perrie, don't lose it. She'll have to shut up once. "Oh, Cassie, you've got to tell her about Europe!" one of her friends suddenly suggests so excitedly that it makes me want to barf. Grow a spine, Lea.

Cassie smiles, clearly enjoying the attention, but she waves her hand dismissively, like she's trying to make it seem that she's being modest. Such a shame that she's being exactly the opposite. "Well, I think I'm already talking too much. The girls probably want to eat their lunch before the bell rings," she says, sounding really kind.

If I didn't know her that well, I'd say aw, how considerate of her. But the problem is, I know her all too well. She enjoys playing saint, because it's the way she gets everything she wants. So, instead of shoving my spaghetti bowl into her face, I put a smile on my face. "You went to Europe?" I ask, trying to sound genuinely interested. It's not like seeing Europe has been my dying wish since I was ten. I was still hanging out with Cassie back then. I don't want to think that she put the idea into my head, but it's really close to that.

"Yes!" she squeals excitedly as I give her the permission to continue. More or less. "We stayed for three weeks and did this amazing road trip across France and Italy! I've seen Paris, the Provence, the Azur Coast, those cute Italian coastal cities, Venice, Tuscany, Rome ... Ah, I could stay there forever. We are way behind Europeans. Their food is heavenly," she then adds, glancing at my food with her eyebrows raised. "Italians would call that a disgrace."

My face darkens. I can't hide my frustration anymore. "It's a good thing that I don't know real Italian food then. Still have my appetite and all," I remark bitterly. She chuckles like I just told the funniest joke of the year. Her eyes glisten and she's about to say something, when one of her friends nudges her.

"Come on, Cassie, let's go. I'm getting hungry," Nicole says afterwards, sending us an apologetic glance. I offer her a small smile in return. She's literally the only one out of the group, with whom you can have a civilized conversation with. But not when Cassie's around.

The prima donna places her fingers over her lips for a second, like she’s just realized that she's intruding. "Of course, sorry. We'll catch you guys later, byeee!" Cassie tells us with her voice sliding up and down. I hate the way she talks. The other three greet us as well and we return the favor.

As soon as they're far enough that they can't hear us, Leslie stabs the meat on her plate with her fork. I glance at her, a little scared by the expression on her face. "I hate that self-absorbed, stupid, too-blonde-to-be-true witch!" she hisses, sending a murderous gaze at Cassie's back.

I take a deep breath, knowing that I can't tell my best friend to calm down, when I have the exact same opinion as she does. "Yeah. I agree, Les," I mutter under my breath, shaking my head in disbelief. "I'm not sure I have the appetite to finish this anymore," I then add.

My best friend looks at me, nodding with that frustrated expression. "Same here, Pez," she mumbles, starting to draw circles on the plate with her fork. I sigh and look at my spaghetti. It's probably cold by now.

The thing is, Cassie and I used to be best friends. Our moms knew each other since middle school and they've stayed best friends until today, in fact. They've organized play-dates for us since we were in diapers. And at first, it seemed like it was working out.

Cassie and I spent so much time together, that it basically felt like we're sisters. We shared toys, pencils, even clothes. And the love for Winx Club, because it was iconic, obviously. We went from play-pretending that we were Flora and Stella, to fantasizing about who we're going to marry.

I can't believe that I'm going to admit this, but we both had huge crushes when we were about eight. Cassie said that she wants to marry my brother, and I told her that I wanted to marry Hunter. Yeah, to say that I’m embarrassed about it now, would be an understatement.

The worst part is, we made a double wedding scrapbook, cutting up literally everything we could find to arrange the dresses, the rings, the flowers, the food ... We even cut out all our faces and glued them over a photo of newlyweds.

So, yeah. Cassie knows all my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets. That’s why I still tolerate her. Even after we drifted apart in middle school. It wasn't anything dramatic, we didn't get into an argument or anything. I just realized that her friendship wasn’t doing the same thing for me as it once was. Her presence started to suffocate me and keeping up with her felt ... exhausting.

That's when I started pushing her away. I didn't have the time to hang out with her anymore. I sat with other schoolmates in class. She got the point pretty soon, but the worst part is, she never openly argued with me. She just went with it and still talked to me like we were best friends. I didn't think much of it, until Nicole told me that she secretly envies me and talks trash about me when I’m not around.

The fact that she didn't have the spine to say things to my face hurt more than realizing that she hates me for backing out. Yeah, I didn't do the right thing either. But I was twelve. I had no idea how to act in a situation like that. I just knew that I didn't want to stay in it anymore.

My mom was devastated when she realized Cassie and I aren't best friends any longer. After some time, she stopped asking about her. Cassie's mom stops by our house often and at first, Cassie was still coming with her. But then, I overheard them talking once, hearing that my former best friend felt like it was pointless coming here. It was at that point that our mothers stopped trying to mend things between us.

I started hanging out with Leslie not long after that. And it felt so refreshing to have someone who also listens to you, not just talks about themselves. Or gives you advice you didn't ask for. Leslie is completely different. A little more on the boyish side, but I like that about her. She doesn't pick fights, but when she feels something, she shows it. She doesn't bottle things up and pretend that she's all pink and bubbly, like Cassie does. No, Leslie is genuine. And sometimes, I wish I could be as direct as she is.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Leslie suddenly says, bringing me out of my inner monologue. I look at her, slowly drifting back into reality. I push the tray away from me, knowing that I'll be starving until I get home. But I really can't eat anymore.

"To barf?" I ask her innocently. After a moment of silence, we both burst into laughter, finally managing to break free from the Cassie-hex.