Chapter 6 A
Very Strange AgonyWhen we got into the drawing room, and had sat down to our
coffee and chocolate, although Carmilla did not take any, she
seemed quite herself again, and Madame, and Mademoiselle De
Lafontaine, joined us, and made a little card party, in the course
of which papa came in for what he called his "dish of tea."
When the game was over he sat down beside Carmilla on the sofa,
and asked her, a little anxiously, whether she had heard from her
mother since her arrival.
She answered "No."
He then asked whether she knew where a letter would reach her at
present.
"I cannot tell," she answered ambiguously, "but I have been
thinking of leaving you; you have been already too hospitable and
too kind to me. I have given you an infinity of trouble, and I
should wish to take a carriage tomorrow, and post in pursuit of
her; I know where I shall ultimately find her, although I dare not
yet tell you."
"But you must not dream of any such thing," exclaimed my father,
to my great relief. "We can't afford to lose you so, and I won't
consent to your leaving us, except under the care of your mother,
who was so good as to consent to your remaining with us till she
should herself return. I should be quite happy if I knew that you
heard from her: but this evening the accounts of the progress of
the mysterious disease that has invaded our neighborhood, grow even
more alarming; and my beautiful guest, I do feel the
responsibility, unaided by advice from your mother, very much. But
I shall do my best; and one thing is certain, that you must not
think of leaving us without her distinct direction to that effect.
We should suffer too much in parting from you to consent to it
easily."
"Thank you, sir, a thousand times for your hospitality," she
answered, smiling bashfully. "You have all been too kind to me; I
have seldom been so happy in all my life before, as in your
beautiful chateau, under your care, and in the society of your dear
daughter."
So he gallantly, in his old-fashioned way, kissed her hand,
smiling and pleased at her little speech.
I accompanied Carmilla as usual to her room, and sat and chatted
with her while she was preparing for bed.
"Do you think," I said at length, "that you will ever confide
fully in me?"
She turned round smiling, but made no answer, only continued to
smile on me.
"You won't answer that?" I said. "You can't answer pleasantly; I
ought not to have asked you."
"You were quite right to ask me that, or anything. You do not
know how dear you are to me, or you could not think any confidence
too great to look for. But I am under vows, no nun half so awfully,
and I dare not tell my story yet, even to you. The time is very
near when you shall know everything. You will think me cruel, very
selfish, but love is always selfish; the more ardent the more
selfish. How jealous I am you cannot know. You must come with me,
loving me, to death; or else hate me and still come with me, and
hating me through death and after. There is no such word
as indifference in my apathetic nature."
"Now, Carmilla, you are going to talk your wild nonsense again,"
I said hastily.
"Not I, silly little fool as I am, and full of whims and
fancies; for your sake I'll talk like a sage. Were you ever at a
ball?"
"No; how you do run on. What is it like? How charming it must
be."
"I almost forget, it is years ago."
I laughed.
"You are not so old. Your first ball can hardly be forgotten
yet."
"I remember everything about it—with an effort. I see it all, as
divers see what is going on above them, through a medium, dense,
rippling, but transparent. There occurred that night what has
confused the picture, and made its colours faint. I was all but
assassinated in my bed, wounded here," she touched her breast, "and
never was the same since."
"Were you near dying?"
"Yes, very—a cruel love—strange love, that would have taken my
life. Love will have its sacrifices. No sacrifice without blood.
Let us go to sleep now; I feel so lazy. How can I get up just now
and lock my door?"
She was lying with her tiny hands buried in her rich wavy hair,
under her cheek, her little head upon the pillow, and her
glittering eyes followed me wherever I moved, with a kind of shy
smile that I could not decipher.
I bid her good night, and crept from the room with an
uncomfortable sensation.
I often wondered whether our pretty guest ever said her prayers.
I certainly had never seen her upon her knees. In the morning she
never came down until long after our family prayers were over, and
at night she never left the drawing room to attend our brief
evening prayers in the hall.
If it had not been that it had casually come out in one of our
careless talks that she had been baptised, I should have doubted
her being a Christian. Religion was a subject on which I had never
heard her speak a word. If I had known the world better, this
particular neglect or antipathy would not have so much surprised
me.
The precautions of nervous people are infectious, and persons of
a like temperament are pretty sure, after a time, to imitate them.
I had adopted Carmilla's habit of locking her bedroom door, having
taken into my head all her whimsical alarms about midnight invaders
and prowling assassins. I had also adopted her precaution of making
a brief search through her room, to satisfy herself that no lurking
assassin or robber was "ensconced."
These wise measures taken, I got into my bed and fell asleep. A
light was burning in my room. This was an old habit, of very early
date, and which nothing could have tempted me to dispense with.
Thus fortified I might take my rest in peace. But dreams come
through stone walls, light up dark rooms, or darken light ones, and
their persons make their exits and their entrances as they please,
and laugh at locksmiths.
I had a dream that night that was the beginning of a very
strange agony.
I cannot call it a nightmare, for I was quite conscious of being
asleep.
But I was equally conscious of being in my room, and lying in
bed, precisely as I actually was. I saw, or fancied I saw, the room
and its furniture just as I had seen it last, except that it was
very dark, and I saw something moving round the foot of the bed,
which at first I could not accurately distinguish. But I soon saw
that it was a sooty-black animal that resembled a monstrous cat. It
appeared to me about four or five feet long for it measured fully
the length of the hearthrug as it passed over it; and it continued
to-ing and fro-ing with the lithe, sinister restlessness of a beast
in a cage. I could not cry out, although as you may suppose, I was
terrified. Its pace was growing faster, and the room rapidly darker
and darker, and at length so dark that I could no longer see
anything of it but its eyes. I felt it spring lightly on the bed.
The two broad eyes approached my face, and suddenly I felt a
stinging pain as if two large needles darted, an inch or two apart,
deep into my breast. I waked with a scream. The room was lighted by
the candle that burnt there all through the night, and I saw a
female figure standing at the foot of the bed, a little at the
right side. It was in a dark loose dress, and its hair was down and
covered its shoulders. A block of stone could not have been more
still. There was not the slightest stir of respiration. As I stared
at it, the figure appeared to have changed its place, and was now
nearer the door; then, close to it, the door opened, and it passed
out.
I was now relieved, and able to breathe and move. My first
thought was that Carmilla had been playing me a trick, and that I
had forgotten to secure my door. I hastened to it, and found it
locked as usual on the inside. I was afraid to open it—I was
horrified. I sprang into my bed and covered my head up in the
bedclothes, and lay there more dead than alive till morning.