How all this will terminate, I know not, but I had rather die
than return shamefully, my purpose unfulfilled. Yet I fear such
will be my fate; the men, unsupported by ideas of glory and honour,
can never willingly continue to endure their present hardships.
September 7th
The die is cast; I have consented to return if we are not
destroyed. Thus are my hopes blasted by cowardice and indecision; I
come back ignorant and disappointed. It requires more philosophy
than I possess to bear this injustice with patience.
September 12th
It is past; I am returning to England. I have lost my hopes of
utility and glory; I have lost my friend. But I will endeavour to
detail these bitter circumstances to you, my dear sister; and while
I am wafted towards England and towards you, I will not
de
