More than a memory

Chapter 3

Flashing lights

Jeremy

That evening I waited at the theater to catch a glimpse of Roxanne and take a photo of her. I kept hidden from her sight since I didn't want her to meet me again. It took me years to get over her death and my own sense of guilt. Being around Roxanne, is the worst thing I can do right now... Yet, I felt the pull. It was a lot weaker than before but something was definitely between us. She walked out followed by Damon Butler. I had an interview with him a few months ago and I didn't like him. He was polite, serious about his job and respected in the city. Somehow my sixth sense told me to be careful around him, and now Roxanne left the theater by his side. She covered herself as usual to avoid the unwanted attention. Thanks to Damon, that would be hardly impossible. I couldn't understand why Roxanne even spoke to a man like him. Damon loved attention, the spotlight and I knew Roxanne wasn't fond of it out of the theater. Ever since she became famous, the love of my life tried to live like the main character of a teen show. Star at night, ordinary person in the daylight. I felt sorry that she had to take so much precautions to be free... I noticed a paparazzi following them and taking pictures of Roxanne while Damon held her in his arms. I sneaked behind the paparazzi and looked at the picture he took. My tiny dancer's face was perfectly visible. For the sound of his camera Roxanne started to look around nervously. I felt anger building up in me. It hurt me seeing her with another man, but this was my decision and I had to live with the consequences. Although no one ever said that I can't protect her anymore...

I grabbed the paparazzi from behind covering his mouth and pulled him further. He fought against my hold, but I was still a lot stronger than him. When we were far away I took his camera and deleted the pictures of Roxanne and Damon. He grabbed my t-shirt and started to shout.

- WHO THE f**k DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! You ruined a masterpiece! You'll pay for this you piece of s**t! - he raised his hand and I dodged his punch and returned the lovely act sending a right hook to his jaw. He fall back on his back and I kneeled next to him.

- Now that you calmed down. Let me make things clear. If I ever catch you or any of your friends taking pictures of Roxanne Martin, you'll end up with more than a bruise. Got it? - he nodded and I helped him up. As I expected he hit my hand and ran away. I turned around after I heard a slow clapping sound.

My eyes met with Damon's icy-blue eyes. Roxanne was standing next to him and I immediately hung my head down to avoid her glance.

- Really nice job! - Damon said and extended his hand for a handshake. I accepted and he asked.

- What's your name? - I grinned since we spent at least an hour together not so long ago, yet he had no idea who I was. Before I could have answered Roxanne chuckled.

- Have you found your horse? - her laughter warmed up my heart and I smiled wider.

- Unfortunately, I haven't. - Damon got confused.

- Do you know this gentleman Roxanne? - I saw from the corner of my eyes how she nodded.

- Yeah, his name is Jerry and he is a knight looking for his horse. - Damon looked between Roxanne and I with a totally confused look and none of us could hold their laughter back.

- I've met the lady this morning while someone tried to steal her purse. That's the story for short.

- Oh, in this case I owe you another thanks. May we invite you for a drink? - Damon asked but from his tone I could tell he wasn't happy that I knew his next target. I was even less pleased by the fact who that target was... But, I promised I won't interfere again with her life. I shook my head.

- That is unnecessary, I still have to find that horse we mentioned before.

- Are you sure? It would be nice to have you there. - Roxanne said and my heart clenched. I smiled without lookong into her eyes.

- Definitely. Maybe another time. Have a lovely evening Mr. Butler and... My lady. - I said and I heard Roxanne chuckle. While I walked away I could hear her say.

"Who said knights don't exist anymore?" - while they walked away I took a picture of them. This won't go to Sid, this was for myself. I went home and after all the secondary procedures I put the new picture of the smiling Roxanne into my memory book. There were many pictures of her since we parted and pictures we took while we were together. This was my guilty pleasure. This helped me survive the first few months. I still remembered vividly those nights spent in pain and misery. My skin got almost grey, I refused to eat and barely drank anything apart from alcohol. There was a night, I won't ever forget. The clock ticked midnight and I was standing in my old, shitty apartment with a knife in my hand. I looked into my own reflection in the mirror in front of me. I was a ghost of my old self, an empty shell, a nobody without anything to live for. This was way worse than ever before. I was ready to end my misery, but my father and Rico arrived just in time. None of them heard about me for weeks then, and my mother had a nightmare about me in a pool of blood. If my dad and Rico arrived a minute later, her dream would've become reality. That was when they dragged me home. Where with Greg and Ahana's help, also with my family's support I finally put myself together again. That was when I moved as far as possible... Who knew that Roxanne's carrier will start when I come to New York? Ahana called me right away she heard the news.

- Jeremy you must go home!

- Why? I'm fine! I just unpacked in my new apartment believe me I'm okay.

- Roxanne just moved to New York. You need to get away from there! - I laughed i to the phone.

- Have you gone insane already? - my cousin asked and I stopped laughing.

- Not at all. Don't worry, I'll never meet her. I've got a new job and I'm heading to Africa in three days. Roxanne can live her life as she wants and that is what I have to do as well. - Ahana sighed and said.

-Fine, but take care and if you EVER feel the way you did last time... Go home. Please.

- I promise. - we hang the phone. I felt guilty for terrorizing my whole family and dearest friends. I was my parents only child, the weakest of the family... The fallen Alpha, the wolf-less warrior. None of them ever made me feel like I was a failure for what happened but I felt like one. I brought shame to my family and I wanted to restore the reputation I ruined. Being a human was my second chance. It didn't matter anymore whether Roxanne was near or far. I convinced myself that the feelings I still felt was nothing more than being her devoted fan. How wrong I was... At least now I had a goal. To protect her from afar and watch as her life gets better and better without me. Someone might call this masochistic, but for me this was the only way to survive and stay sane. Knowing that Roxanne is safe and happy is all I want. Or at least I thought this will be enough.