CHRISTIANO

Eleven

Carina

It's weird that I'm comparing Marco's kiss to the one I had back in the hospital with that stranger. It wasn't even a kiss to begin with, just a peck. But when Marco kissed me yesterday, I noticed it was different. I mean the way I felt. He was sweet, gentle and told me to get some rest after. He didn't even try to grab my ass or t**s. I should be daydreaming about him instead of comparing him to another guy but I can't help it. I've checked everyone's phones since I'm suspecting they're lying to me, to try and see if I can maybe find a picture of him. So far I haven't found anything. What's stranger is that my phone doesn't have any photos I could have taken for the past seven months. Someone deleted everything and I know that because I post on i********: a lot. There is no way I didn't take any photos.

Paulo said he didn't know anything. Apparently when I was shot, everyone was busy trying to save my life to care about my phone. That is also another aspect of my life I'm confused about. What should I do to Aurelia? I met her before coming here. Giovanni is keeping her in the basement back at the house. Surprisingly, when I saw her, all I felt was pity. It turns out she's Aurora's sister and she thinks I'm responsible for her sister's death. That's why she shot me. I feel like she's too young to have that kind of anger, the one that blinds you and makes you do stupid s**t. Luckily we are a family of criminals. If she'd done that to a normal family, she would be in jail awaiting a sentence.

So I didn't like Aurora. It doesn't mean her sister should suffer too. I'm thinking of letting her go so she can start over somewhere else. A new place where Giovanni won't be able to touch her. In a way, I have Marianna to thank for keeping Aurelia alive. Apparently, Giovanni wanted to show that he cared for me by killing that poor girl. Forgetting that it's his fault Aurora ended up dying in the first place. His stupid plans ruined a lot of lives. If he'd let us be, maybe we would have become strippers like Ornella or I would be a normal girl with a family and husband. Who knows? The point is he'd started it. Sometimes I forget that he's my biological father and think of ways to kill him so I never have to see his face ever again. Is that normal? If it isn't then blame it on my amnesia.

Getting out of bed I head to the shower. I've decided to spend today alone so I can clear my mind. Isn't that funny? What's there to clear when I have no memories? Ugh, I want to punch the wall but only I will feel the pain. Life is strange like that. After a quick shower, I'm out the door. It's a bit early and I'm hoping to avoid Marco at all costs. He looks like an early riser but look can be deceiving. Simona and Gianna are probably screwing the brains out of their new boyfriends. As for Paulo and Silvano, it depends on what they were up to last night. Rumor has it Damiano was going to propose to Marianna. I wonder how that went. Honestly, I'm curious about Marianna. How she lived and why she suddenly changed.

The Mari I knew was evil to the core. She couldn't take it if anyone else was prettier than her or had something she didn't. Do people like that change? I was so convinced she was Lombardi's daughter because their personalities weren't that different. Something else I haven't been able to understand. Why did she send Damiano to spy on me? He might have been with Aurora but I was the real target. Why? Surely she wasn't worried about me. The lift I'm in arrives at the ground floor in no time and I push those thoughts out of my mind. If Mari has other plans, I'll uncover them sooner or later. One step out and I spot Marco. Of course his looks aren't deceiving.

"You're up early" he says turning to face me. I wonder what he's always doing at reception. Does he know the guy working there or is he waiting for me? It's insane and totally stupid to think that he wakes up early just to wait for me to come down. No way he's that idle.

"Hi, I was going to take a walk"

"Want some company?"

"No" that comes out too fast making me slap a hand over my mouth. Crap, now he knows I want to avoid him "I don't..."

"It's okay. I guess yesterday was too soon for you" he replies. The receptionist is pretending to look at something on the computer but I can tell his attention is on us.

"I'm sorry" what else can I say? We kissed but I'm not ready to take this a step further. He's really everything I've ever wanted in a man. Why can't I be with him? What is wrong with me?

"Don't worry. I don't hold grudges. See you later"

"Bye" speed walking to the entrance, I'm out the door in seconds and heading towards the beach. That was awkward. What do you do with people you like but can't date? Marco is a nice guy, considerate and really handsome. I hope my memories come back soon so I can figure out why I'm pushing him away.

The early morning breeze is thin making me zip the coat I'm wearing all the way up to my neck. I can't see anyone else around which suits me just fine. Shoving my hands in the pockets, I take a stroll along the beach, enjoying the fresh air. When was the last time I felt this way? Free and unbridled? Sometimes I expect Padre to call and tell me I have to leave for another mission because up until now, I still can't believe he's dead. The last thing I remember is him asking me to come back home for this party he was throwing. Apparently, he wanted to celebrate his success with his close friends. In reality, he just wanted to show off to De Luca. They've been at each other's throats for as long as I can remember. Although, now that Padre is dead I'm guessing his enemies are celebrating.

Looking down at my feet, I notice that I stopped. Why? I haven't gotten that far. If I turn around, I can see the resort's entrance. Shaking my head, I continue walking. Trying to imagine what it is that I'd forgotten. Aside from doing Padre's bidding, there really isn't much to my life. I didn't have friends or enemies. No boyfriends either. Maybe there isn't much to remember. Marco was right about my memories not being important. I didn't forget everything. I still remember who I am and how I've lived. That is enough, isn't it?

No it's not.

For some reason my heart tells me it's not okay. I don't know what it is but I have to remember. Sighing, I look around. The sun is peeking from the horizon, getting ready to rise up. This place really is beautiful. I could live here forever. Since I'm the only one here, I find a spot and sit down wondering what I'm supposed to do now. What will I do with my life? Is it too late to be a normal person? Padre isn't here to dictate my life. I could move out of the Lombardi mansion and live elsewhere. Better yet, I could move to another country. Start all over again. The thought of that makes me happy, excited. Paulo will come if he wants to. No doubt Simona and Gianna will go anywhere with me. I've always wanted to own a small cozy coffee shop where people can come and relax. It's possible, isn't it?

"Ladies and gentlemen, I take it now you all know who I am so I'll make this quick. As of today, this restaurant is going to be a cute little coffee shop where lovers and couples can come on dates. Forget about the girls you've been buying from my the Lombardis because this is the last of them. Here and all my other establishments. If you want to buy them, go somewhere else. Now get the f**k out of my restaurant. I've got some renovations to do

Whoa! What the hell was that? A piece of memory? There was no warning or anything. It just flashed across my mind as if it was something I'd forgotten. Does this mean I already have a coffee shop? Paulo hasn't told me anything. Could it have something to do with the things they don't want me to know? Damn, I wonder if I could get everything back if I banged my head against a rock. Don't people in movies remember things after doing that. After having a fall and having their heads hit the floor or wall. I could try that too. Or drowning. At this point, anything is worth a try. Without another thought, I strip out of my jacket and shoes then walk into the water. It's freezing but I'm determined. All I have to do is stay underwater for say a minute? Maybe not having enough oxygen can jumpstart my brain. It's not scientifically proven though. Just one of my dumb ideas.

The deeper I go in, the number my body becomes. A part of me knows this won't work but I have to try. The water is up to my neck when I stop to look around. I'm alone. What if I drown? Am I insane? Too late. Taking a deep breath, I go under with my eyes closed. My body has adjusted to the chilliness. Honestly, I have no idea what to do so I start counting in my head wondering if I can make it to fifty or a hundred. At twenty my lungs start start resisting. It's time to probably go back up for some air but I don't want to because I still don't have my memories back. What else do I have to do? The doctor said I should be patient and not try to force myself to remember. Thirty. Unless you've had amnesia before, you can't imagine what a pain it is to forget just a part of your life. I would have preferred to forget everything. Thirty-fi....

Suddenly hands are pulling me up "Carina, Carina" It's Marco. He drags me to the shore all the while I'm really mad at him and grateful at the same time. I don't think I would have given up "Are you okay?" He asks pushing the my hair out of my face "Take it easy. You're okay now, you're okay"

"Where did you come from?"

"I was coming out when I noticed you weren't sitting...." He stops and turns his head to where my coat and shoes are then back to me "Carina"

"It's not what you think"

"Come on, let's go back before you catch a cold"

Great. Now he thinks I was trying to kill myself "Marco, I was..."

"It's okay. Can you walk?" He's not listening. Draping the coat I'd discarded earlier around me, he takes my shoes then lifts into his arms, bridal style. I open my mouth to tell him to put me down when another sentence rings in my ears "Okay, whatever you want" this time I know this isn't a dream. I wasn't asleep. Someone has carried me like this before and we were arguing? Yes. I think were. That's why he says whatever I want. If I'm not wrong, this means I wasn't dreaming on our way here.

Till death do us apart.

Does this mean I'm actually married? I look up at Marco. There is no way he could have known we would come here unless someone told him. Meeting him wasn't a coincidence and Paulo wouldn't tell anyone about my whereabouts unless.... If he is then everything he's done makes so much sense. The way he's treating me, with love and care. Only one person can have that much patience.

My husband. I am married to Marco Schiavone.

*****************************************

Yeah, okay. Who else is ready for Carina to get her memories back? Because I am.