Chapter 2
2125 Words
Chapter Two
When Jane returned she suggested that we go for a long walk to clear the cobwebs, followed by lunch at a quaint little pub we’d discovered a few weeks ago. I readily accepted, glad that she was still up for making plans with me despite the strangeness between us, so Jane headed home to shower and change while I did the same.
Just as I got out of the shower my phone rang and I was delayed for a few minutes by an old friend, the upshot of this is that by the time Jane returned, I was still wrapped in a towel rummaging through my underwear drawer. She didn’t speak but I knew she was there, standing in the doorway behind me, watching, so I decided to take the bull by the horns to see what would happen.
I dropped the towel and stepped into my knickers, turning around to face her once I had. I let out a long sigh and stood in front of the mirror with my hands on my hips.
“I think I better stick to salad for lunch, I swear I’ve put on a few pounds; what do you think?”
I hoped my question sounded innocent, this wasn’t the first time she’d seen me scantily clad after all, and when she came and stood behind me and looked into the mirror over my shoulder, I could see the confusion in her eyes.
“You put on weight? You know damn well that you can eat what you want and not gain an ounce!”
Her hands were on my bare shoulders and I could feel her breath on my damp neck and suddenly I was covered in goose bumps, with n*****s hard enough to cut glass. Needless to say she didn’t fail to notice -- I just hoped she had no idea of the flood that was currently happening in my underwear.
I had deliberately forced this situation but now I had I didn’t know what to do about it, so I just looked at Jane in the reflection. Suddenly she took a big intake of breath and bolted from the room shouting “sorry, think I forgot to lock the door, back in a minute.” over her shoulder as she left.
I sat on the bed for a moment and composed myself. Jane had definitely been checking me out so maybe she was interested after all but if so, why run like a startled rabbit? Now I was more confused than ever!
After dressing I walked around to Jane’s house, calling out as I let myself in through the back door. I was wondering why she’d been so long and had a horrible feeling she was going to cancel our lunch date due to my little stunt.
On getting no response I headed for the stairs where I could hear her half of a phone conversation drifting down.
“I am not being a scaredy cat! .......................... No, of course I haven’t told her ...............................Yes it’s been ages but ..................... It’s not that simple Mum ......................shit, I have to go. Bye Mum, love you.”
I called out again and this time she called back saying she’d be right down, so I sat on a kitchen stool waiting nervously, until she walked into the kitchen and greeted me with a big smile, saying “come on, let’s go and walk up an appetite.”
When we reached the pub Jane went to the bar as I found a table. I was sitting there studying the way her arse filled her jeans so perfectly when I heard her cough, so I looked up and found myself staring straight into her eyes. s**t! I’d been caught blatantly checking her out and my face turned every shade of scarlet known to man.
She looked pensive as she brought two pints of ruby ale back to the table so I suspected something but I was still caught off guard by her frankness when she spoke.
“Were you teasing me deliberately earlier?”
I stuttered and stammered and nearly choked on my drink. I’d brought this on myself but now the subject was in the air I had absolutely no idea what to do or say.
“What makes you think that?” I finally got out, my face once again resembling a beetroot.
“Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that I also just caught you staring at my arse!”
She was laughing as she spoke; probably trying to keep the mood light but all of a sudden I was angry that my obvious discomfort was so amusing to her.
“Well maybe I was trying to gauge if you found me attractive,” I hissed through clenched teeth “and I have to say that having you run out of the room like a startled rabbit didn’t exactly do wonders for my confidence, AND to make matters worse -- now you’re laughing at me!”
“Oh Ellie I’m sorry but the look on your face when I caught you was so comical I couldn’t help it!” She was almost crying with laughter and it wasn’t helping my mood.
“You know what, maybe this was a bad idea.” and before I knew what I was doing I’d stormed out of the pub door and was striding across the car park. I knew I was being ridiculous but the combination of embarrassment and anger had triggered my fight or flight response and apparently flight won that battle hands down. I was almost out of sight of the pub when I heard her.
“Ellie! Ellie come back. Where the f**k are you going?”
“Home!” I shouted back over my shoulder.
“You’re going the wrong way!”
Crap.
I may have been behaving like a toddler having a tantrum but I wasn’t stupid enough to keep marching in the wrong direction. It was only seconds before I felt Jane’s hands on my shoulders, gently turning me around and the next thing I knew she had me wrapped in a tight embrace as I sobbed into her shoulder.
“Ellie what on earth is going on?”
I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know what to say.
“Come on.” and she guided me to a table in the garden, sat me down and ordered me to stay put until she returned, which she did with a handful of tissues and our drinks.
“Ok woman, so do you want to tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
I kept trying to say something but I couldn’t get the words right in my head, however Jane came to my rescue again.
“How about I ask you questions and you answer them -- would that help?”
I nodded as I sniffled into a tissue because it wasn’t like I could avoid the issue now I’d made a royal arse of myself, so I took a deep breath and waited for the first question, desperately hoping that this would’’t be the end of our friendship.
“So were you flaunting your body at me this morning?”
I gathered my courage and lifted my head to look her square in the eye as I answered. If I was going to do this she needed to know I was serious and I needed to see her reactions.
“Yes, I was wondering if you found me attractive.”
“That’s a silly question, of course I find you attractive! But why is my opinion important to you?”
(Deep breath) “Because I was wondering if maybe.... you know.....if possibly we could....erm....be more than friends?”
I found the courage to keep looking up into Jane’s face but I wasn’t exactly heartened by her expression; she looked almost cross. I sat patiently waiting for her to speak while dreading her words.
“Why, Ellie?”
“What do you mean why?”
“Why do you want to be more than friends?”
This really wasn’t going well and now I was getting angry again, having to work hard to maintain my composure. As it happens feeling indignant actually helped me to blurt out what I’d needed to say all along.
“For f**k sake Jane, I’ve been holding onto this for f*****g months and I finally get up the nerve to do something about it and you’re just making life even harder! First you storm out of my house, then you laugh at me and now you’re just being obtuse! Why do you think I want to be more than friends? If you’re not into me then just say so rather than drag this around the houses -- I’m a big girl, I can take the rejection but don’t make me feel more of a t**t than I already do!”
Jane’s face softened but her expression was still unreadable.
“Ok I’m sorry, I know this took some courage and I don’t mean to make it harder than it needs to be but I need to understand your motives; you’re straight Ellie!”
“Well maybe I’m not as straight as you think?”
A light suddenly went on behind Jane’s eyes and the hint of a smile touched her lips.
“Hang on a minute; you said you’d been carrying this for months? Since when and why didn’t you say something before?”
“Oh I don’t know,” I laughed sarcastically “maybe because I didn’t want to lose you as a friend, or maybe because I thought that if you found me vaguely attractive you’d have let me know before now, or maybe I just didn’t know how to tell you and I didn’t want to make myself look like a complete loser. Guess I flunked that last one but I’m desperately hoping I haven’t f****d up our friendship?”
I looked at her pleadingly; her friendship really was the most important thing in the world to me and much as her rejection would hurt like hell, losing her from my life would be a million times worse.
“How many months and tell me how you knew.”
Jesus, she wasn’t making this easy for me!
“November the 5th; we went to a firework display and the weather was absolutely awful, then we were harassed by some really annoying blokes and I realised just how much I wanted you all to myself. We went back to your place frozen to the bone, so we snuggled under a blanket; all cuddled up together drinking hot chocolate with rum to warm up. I just felt like I belonged in your arms and I wanted so desperately to kiss you. That want hasn’t left me since and I’m not even going to tell you what we’ve been getting up to in my dreams!”
That last part had just spewed out but it made us both laugh despite my furious blushes and managed to lighten the mood significantly. Jane wrapped her arms around me and held me so tightly I wasn’t sure I’d be able to breathe, her mouth close to my ear causing me to shiver when she spoke.
“I remember that night and it was one of the best and worst of my life.” I tried to pull away to ask why but she just hugged me tighter, keeping me still. “I didn’t even want to go to the damn fireworks but you were determined so I figured that if I wanted to spend the evening with you I had no choice. Then those guys started hitting on us and wouldn’t leave us alone but at least it encouraged us to leave. Being under the blanket with you was just wonderful but also painful because I knew that at some point I had to let you go; that I couldn’t hold you and take you to bed like I wanted to because you’re straight.”
This time I did manage to pull away, looking at her incredulously.
“Why the f**k didn’t you say something?” I almost shouted.
“Ellie you’d lost your husband, shown no interest in dating anyone else and YOU. ARE. STRAIGHT!!!! Do you think you’re the only one who was scared of damaging our friendship? If you weren’t receptive, then having your gay friend making inappropriate moves on you while you were still grieving wouldn’t have been a good idea!”
We both just stared at each other, not sure what to do or say next, until Jane summed the situation up perfectly.
“What a pair of idiots!”
- Writer
