Life After Death (Book #1)

Chapter Eighteen

Max stumbled into the kitchen, having just woken up from the deepest sleep he had had since this all began. It had been a while since he had been able to drift off without being met with dreams of death, John and Joey. Lizzie wasn't there when he had woken up and as he plodded past the front door he noticed her shoes were also missing. Henry sat in the kitchen, a solitary figure in the room which was filled with family the previous night.

"Morning," Max said simply.

"Morning? It's long past lunch time lad," Henry chuckled back, taking a sip from a blue mug labelled 'World's Greatest Grandad'.

"It's been a while since I've managed to grab a decent night's kip," Max laughed, slightly embarrassed.

"Where's Lizzie anyway?" he added.

"She went outside with Emily I think, wanted to have a tour of the gardens. It's good to see you're so protective of her," Henry replied with a genuine warm smile.

Max didn't respond.

"How was the room anyway? We haven't used the guest room in years, so you're more than welcome to stay," Henry said nonchalantly, although it was clear that he hoped they would.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," Max said, pulling up a chair next to Henry.

"Sounds ominous," Henry chortled.

"I was wondering. You seem to have a nice set up here, you and your family seem lovely; not to mention the girls aren't too much younger than Lizzie," Max began.

"You don't have to bring out the old sales pitch lad, you're more than welcome to stay with us as long as you want," Henry said immediately, again with that warm smile.

"That's just it. I'm not staying," Max admitted bluntly.

Henry took another sip of his drink, processing the information.

"So, you want us to look after Lizzie until you get back?" he replied eventually, clearly puzzled.

"I'm not coming back, Henry," Max said, staring strongly into his host's green eyes.

"I see," Henry replied, with clear disappointment flowing through his words.

Just as Henry finished speaking, Lizzie and Emily walked into the room, knees dirtied with mud.

"We just came in for some lemonade, this one's quite the gardener," Emily laughed, with one hand reassuringly on Lizzie's shoulder.

"Come and see Max! We're planting potatoes and carrots!" Lizzie blurted excitedly.

Max hadn't seen her like this before. She was acting like a child for once, which, thinking about it, Max supposed she was.

"I'm good here thanks kid," Max replied with a forced smile.

The excitement was wiped from Lizzie's face immediately as she skulked back out the room, slamming the front door as she exited. Emily looked at Max, clearly wanting to say something but just about holding her tongue before following the young girl out of the house.

"So you're just going to leave her behind?" Henry asked as soon as the women were out of earshot.

"I've only been with her five minutes, she's not my responsibility. There's no duty of care there, okay?!" Max argued. "I've got my own stuff to do," he continued, but even he didn't believe that, looking at the ground as he said it.

The truth was he had become fond of Lizzie, which was the main factor towards his need to leave. It scared him. In this world, anyone you care for is ripped from you, and that wasn't a game Max wanted to play any longer.

"Will you take her or not?" Max mumbled through clenched teeth, looking at his feet so that Henry couldn't see him blinking back the tears in his eyes.

"I will, but-" Henry began to argue.

"No buts," Max snapped, before looking up into Henry's eyes. "Thank you," he added simply before leaving the room.

He walked towards the front door, before opening it and breathing in the fresh air. The young girls ran around in the garden, laughing and playing. Lizzie knelt in the mud with Emily, a huge grin plastered on her face as she planted another potato.

This was the life for her. This was the life for a child; some sort of reality and normality still remained in the world and Max knew she didn't belong with him. This was a family.

Max took one heavy breath and chuckled to himself. It truly warmed him inside to see her like this. Beneath the sarcastic, strong act, Lizzie was a sensitive kid and he looked upon her with a strange sense of pride. Even in this f****d up world, she was still able to enjoy the little things. In some ways he envied that, but he wouldn't take it away from her for the world.

The next few days passed by in a flash. It was the same family routine morning after morning: waking up to a breakfast around the table with Henry and the girls, before helping out in the garden and general jobs around the house. It was safe and simple, but it all seemed pointless to Max. He had no motivation now that he had lost everyone he loved. He had decided that today was his last day.

First thing tomorrow morning he would say his goodbyes and leave, who knows where to.

That night, Max lay in bed, waiting for Lizzie to brush her teeth so he could turn out the light and get some sleep. She still preferred to share a room with him, rather than be stuck with the two young sisters all day and night. Max didn't blame her. She spat into the sink, washed off the brush and clambered into bed, yawning and stretching as she did so. Max leant over to switch off the bedside light but just as he was about to flip the switch, Lizzie spoke.

"You're going to leave me here, aren't you?" she asked bluntly, her eyes cutting right through him.

Her eyes were shiny, as if she was about to cry, but she would never show that.

Max leant back towards the bed and went to open his mouth.

"Don't bullshit me Max; if you're leaving then just say, I've had enough practice with people abandoning me. I'm getting pretty good at it, okay?" she said, raising her voice louder and louder.

One solitary tear dripped from her eye, as she snapped her neck around to brush it away before Max could notice.

"This is where you belong Lizzie. It's a proper family and it's safe here. I can't offer you that," Max explained to her.

"Did you ever think to ask me what I wanted?" she yelled at him. "I had a family! Okay? I don't want to replace them, and I don't need to replace them! I know I'm only a little kid to you, but I don't want to live like this forever, planting potatoes every single day and playing with stupid, immature girls. Yeah, they are all nice, and it's fun at times, but it's not living is it?" she blurted out in an emotional rant.

Max didn't know what to reply. She was right, of course. It was boring, and it wasn't her real family, and being stuck in this house for the rest of her days until some clicker eventually kills her was no way to live her life.

So Max didn't reply. He just looked at her, and she stared back at him, willing him to take her with him.

"My dad died when I was young, I can't even remember him. I don't think my mum ever really moved on from that; she never had any boyfriends or men round the house, she never seemed interested in all that. I was her only child, and I was her world. It was just me and her, since I can remember. That's all it ever was. She did everything for me. As much as I wish I'd met my dad, there was never a single day I thought I had missed out on anything. She was a mum, a dad and a best friend, and I loved her. I will not replace her with some new shitty family, I just won't do it!" Lizzie said, now unable to control the tears streaming down her face.

"How did she die?" Max asked, unsure of what to do.

Every fibre of him wanted to pull her in for a hug and tell her it would be okay, but if he did that he would never be able to leave.

Lizzie sniffed and rubbed the tears from under her eyes.

"It was just over two years ago. I was fourteen. She had to work late one night, like she did most nights, trying to scrape enough money to feed us and save up for me to go to uni. She told me dinner was in the fridge and she would be home by ten. I remember sitting up and waiting for her like I always did, so we could talk about our days and fall asleep on the sofa with some hot chocolates. I sat there watching the clock roll past ten, half ten, eleven. It remember it was 11:02 by the time there was a knock at the door. I jumped up, relieved and excited, running to let her in. It never occurred to me that if it was her she would just unlock the door herself, but I was so ecstatic to see her I just didn't think. I wrenched the door open, ready to hug her. I'll never forget having to shield my eyes from those bright, blue flashing lights, and that dark silhouetted figure who stood over me, his police helmet in his hands," Lizzie recalled, barely able to get to the end without bursting into a fit of tears.

She turned her head to look directly into Max's eyes, eyes shining with tears and her bottom lip trembling.

"She never made it home to me. She was hit by a car, a few streets from her house, walking back from the bus stop. The guy didn't even stop to help. Someone just found her in the gutter, clutching a teddy bear with a tag round its neck. 'Lizzie'."

"And I'll never f*****g see her again!" She bawled at the top of her voice, collapsing into a crying fit.

Max put his hand on her shoulder and gripped tightly until she looked up at him. He gently wiped away the tears under her eyes before saying simply, "I'm not going anywhere, kid."

He pulled her in close, one arm around her, with her head resting on his chest.

"I met my first and only girlfriend at university," Max began.

Lizzie sat up immediately, opening her mouth to ask something, but stopping herself before she did so. Max had never opened up to her before. She laid back down and let him speak.

"I remember her walking in on that first day and just thinking, wow, she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I would never have had the courage to talk to her, of course, but she was sat next to me and I never looked back. Everything with her was so effortless, we just clicked; got each other without even having to try. I can't even remember much about my uni days, but I remember everything about her. She had this beautiful golden hair, and such a cute smile. I loved making her laugh, that serious look she would give me when I was winding her up, before she couldn't help but c***k a smile. I loved everything about her; her eyes, this crazy mix of blue, grey and green, her face, so pretty without any makeup, her sense of humour, and her collection of more hairbands than anyone could ever need. I loved how we were like the same person. I loved that we could spend hours and hours talking without getting bored. I loved absolutely every single thing about her, but most of all I loved how she didn't realise just how special she was to me. I hate how I never got the chance to ever show her just how perfect she was, and I'll never get the chance to say it, or prove it to her," Max explained, his own eyes now welling up.

"I was with her for the next four years; we always talked about how we wanted to end up together, and every part of me thought we would. Even after all that time, I still got a buzz of excitement every time I saw her come down the stairs in the morning; she made me happy just by being around. She was perfect. Just over three years into the relationship, she sat me down on my bed, like we did most nights. Her on the left, me on the right, like always; a huge plate of chicken stirfry between us. We must have made that meal a thousand times," Max laughed through the tears.

"She told me that she had amazing news. She was pregnant. I was only twenty-two at the time, so you'd think I would have lost my mind; but I knew this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't even say anything to her, I just leant in slowly and kissed her, before looking deep into her eyes and sharing the widest smiles. She was, and still is, the love of my life, and I regret every single day that I'm not still with her," he said, as a tear dripped from his chin and landed on Lizzie's forehead.

"What happened to her?" Lizzie asked, almost too afraid to hear.

"Around three months into the pregnancy, we lost the baby. We were never the same after that. I could see it in her eyes, every time she looked at me, she was reminded of our dead child. It was tearing her apart. I think we both knew that I was never really ready to be a father; I was terrified, but I so wanted to try for her. She told me she couldn't carry on like this, and that we shouldn't see each other anymore. Her and her family moved away, she changed her phone number and I never heard from her again. I have never loved anyone since. I've never even looked at anyone since. She will always be my only love," Max finished.

Lizzie twisted her neck to look up at Max.

"I know kid, I know," Max said before pulling her into a hug.

He knew he couldn't leave her now, but he also now knew that he didn't want to.

The two lay there like that in bed, until they both drifted off into a deep sleep.