Fate

The Deal

“I knew you'd come around eventually!" Rose could almost picture the smile on Ben's face. “So when do we consummate this? I can pick you up in five."

“Ha, ha." She plopped down on her bed. “I just need you for one night—this Saturday."

He was quiet for a moment. “Okay. I never made you out to be the one-night type of girl, but I guess dreams really do come true. Saturday night it's on."

Rose rolled her eyes and picked up the teddy bear that still held so many painful memories. Even back in high school, Ben had been a total player, but now as an adult he was the biggest player she knew: lovable, sweet, and always there for her, but a player nonetheless.

“Stop. You know that's not what I mean. My family is throwing this ridiculous party to celebrate my getting an AA, and they're sort of under the impression that you're my boyfriend." She bit the corner of her lip crinkling her nose, embarrassed that she had to admit this.

“First of all, you deserve it. s**t, it took me two years to get mine; I'm almost embarrassed now."

“Embarrassed? Please! You're gonna be a doctor, Ben–a surgeon no less. I'm sure the classes needed for your AA were hardly comparable to ones needed for my liberal arts degree."

“Doesn't matter, you're the only person I know who's ever earned it this quickly. I don't know how you did it, but I'm sure it wasn't easy. So tell me, why is your family under the impression that I'm the lucky one tapping that hot little thing?"

Grace frowned, keeping to herself the reasons why she got her AA so fast. Ben knew she already had plenty of college credits when she graduated high school. She'd leave it at that.

As uncomfortable as it made her, she got to the part of her family thinking he was tapping her thing. Smoothing the teddy bear's fur, she crinkled her nose again. “Because I sort of told them that we're seeing each other."

Now he laughed. “Why?"

She stood up walking toward her walk-in closet, the furthest point from the bedroom door, and lowered her voice. “Okay look, long story short. My sister has been on me for months about me still being down about Vincent, which isn't true by the way." She knew even Ben wouldn't buy that, but she felt so pathetic she had to throw that in. “Anyway, since they know me and you go to the movies and stuff and you've actually come around a few times, I just thought she'd get off my back if I said that we started seeing each other. No big deal, right? But she started telling people about it. The last few parties this family's had, I've had to make up excuses why you couldn't be there."

“So why didn't you tell me? I would've gone."

“I know you would've, but I felt dumb. I thought it'd be better if I just made up an excuse for you, but now they're getting suspicious. Well Grace is anyway. You don't have to stay the whole night either. Just as long as I get to introduce you to the family, and then you can say you gotta go."

She heard him laugh. “Are you kidding me? And miss a chance to have my hands and lips all over you all night. I'm staying until they throw me out."

“No, no, no," she shook her head adamantly. “Not around this family you won't. Trust me, unless you really want to get thrown out and I mean on your ass, total respect is of the utmost importance. You can hold my hand or maybe place your arm around my waist. I do want it to look genuine but nothing more. And I can't stress that enough. Okay?"

“I at least get a kiss goodnight, right? I gotta get something out of this."

Rose touched her lips, Vincent's words coming to her as they always did anytime the very idea of her so much as kissing anyone else was brought up. His fingers had traced her lips so many times, I own these forever, and then her unequivocal response. You own me body and soul, Vincent. There'll never be anyone else for me ever.

The words might as well be tattooed on her brain…and her heart. She'd said them so many times and meant them profoundly. If Ben knew the only lips that had ever touched hers were Vincent's, she'd be mortified. This was exactly the reason why she wanted to avoid therapy at all cost. It would take any therapist all but a few minutes to evaluate her and announce what she'd been denying to herself and everyone else for so long: she was still hopelessly in love with Vincent. So in love she was beginning to think she'd never get over him—Vincent—the very guy who had ripped her heart to shreds.

“We'll see," she whispered.

“Rosie, I'm kidding. But ouch! I didn't think the thought of me kissing you would make you so sad."

Feeling horrible for an entirely different reason now, she shook her head again. “No I didn't mean it like that. I just . . ." she sighed. “It's the same reason I've never wanted to do anything with you, Ben. You're my friend, and I don't want to ruin things."

Besides that, after having her heart broken so badly once already, the last thing she needed was to get into a relationship where she knew that was inevitable. As much as Ben insisted he could be faithful, and bless his heart she'd seen him try, she knew he was basically incapable.

The conversation moved onto the technicalities of how, where, and what to say and not to say. With that taken care of she hung up and lay down on her bed feeling tired and drained like she had so often lately. She embraced the teddy bear, kissing the top of its head.

Staring up at her bedroom ceiling, she wondered how other girls did it. Obviously she couldn't be the only girl in the world that didn't end up with her first love. Many, for sure, had fond memories of their first profound relationships, but everyone else moved on. Why couldn't she?

Refusing to allow herself to get choked up for the millionth time, Rose thought back, once again, to a time in her life that now seemed too good to have ever actually happened. It was a time when the smallest of things made her so incredibly happy and everything was so ridiculously exciting—an age in her life she wanted nothing more than to relive, even if it always ended the way it had.

As stupid as some would think her, she'd be willing to endure reliving the heartache if it meant getting back the best time of her life: the almost two years she spent with the one person who'd completely stolen her heart and now seemed impossible to ever forget. What made it especially hard was the knowledge that, as long as Grace was married to Sal, the possibility of seeing him again someday was all too real. Her head knew she should be worried about that, and in many ways she was, but her heart still skipped a little faster just thinking about the possibility—no matter how painful she knew that would be.

It was only a few years earlier that she'd met him, and yet it felt like so long ago. How could she have known that he would be the one to show her happiness like she never knew existed and be the same person to cause a heartache that would equally match the intensity of her love for him?