Chapter One
From the time I was old enough to know what an erection was, I worshipped jocks.
I knew at a very young age that I loved self-confident, arrogant men, and I always felt a certain excitement when in the presence of guys like this. Even though the type of guys I idolized didn’t give me the time of day, I still worshipped them. I got a boner sometimes just looking at a hot, cocky jock.
When I was a college freshman, I secretly idolized one jock in particular. We’d attended the same high school, and I’d known him since the ninth grade. His name was
Tim, but everyone called him TJ. He was like a total god to me, the absolute man of my dreams. Not only was TJ on the college wrestling team, he also was incredibly hot looking. He maintained a perfectly chiseled physique, was tall, broad-shouldered, and blond. He kept his hair cut really short and always wore the coolest clothes. And he didn’t hesitate to peel off his shirt on a summer day as he walked down the street. Few people had the balls to challenge him due to the obvious air of confidence he exuded.
TJ didn’t know I even existed. The few times I got lucky enough to actually be in his presence, he didn’t notice me. Nonetheless, I just observed him, watching from afar and fantasizing about being his friend. My fantasies would then expand, and I’d think about different scenarios where we’d be together. Sometimes I fantasied about more than just being with TJ. I imagined I was like him, a popular jock who loved to stare at my own reflection in the mirror, and who had countless friends and admirers.
I would never be like him, though. He and I were opposites, and I knew we’d never so much as become friends. Still, I yearned for him to befriend me and even allowed myself to visualize us as best buds. He’d drape his arm around my shoulder, playfully slug my bicep. We’d hang out together, go cruising in his sports car. Although my dream was far-fetched, I couldn’t help myself. TJ was my hero.
The thing I learned from my experience with TJ was that sometimes you should be very careful about what you wish for. What began as an innocent crush on my part ultimately became an obsession. The obsession, though, wasn’t my feelings for TJ, but rather his love of the power and control he held over me. He eventually gained the ability to manipulate me in ways I never could have imagined, and the more power he wielded, the more his appetite for it seemed to increase. Eventually I became his property, and every day of my existence was a complete living hell. This is how it all happened:
Doing TJ’s Homework
I’m not exactly sure why I signed up for chemistry. In high school, I was never great in science, and I quickly realized the college course was way over my head. My only salvation was this nice guy named Steve, who sat next to me and offered his assistance.
The one secret benefit to the class was that TJ was also in it. I actually shared two classes with him. In addition to chemistry lab, we also shared a political science class.
Many times during the hours I spent in chemistry lab, I found myself fixated on TJ.
I sat behind him, so I stared at his broad shoulders and backside. I watched him intently as he rose from his seat and strutted over to get another beaker. I could see his biceps flexing as he leaned back in his chair and raised his arms over his head to stretch. He was totally awesome.
One day while sitting at my workbench trying to figure out a chemical compound, I looked up to see TJ staring at me. He had turned in his seat and was facing my direction. As we made eye contact, I immediately became self-conscious and looked back down at my project. When I looked up a few seconds later, I saw him still staring at me. My cheeks became warm, and I squirmed a bit on my stool. Why was he staring at me like that? I thought I was the one who was obsessed with him, but now suddenly it was like he couldn’t keep his eyes off me.
TJ’s mere gaze made me nervous. In a strange sort of way, it seemed he possessed a sense of control over me that I didn’t understand. I started to feel a little bit giddy. I thought maybe he had some feelings for me, similar to those I had for him.
Later that evening while alone in my room, I realized my thoughts were irrational.
Why would a jock like TJ even give two shits about a pipsqueak like me? I was nothing to him. Everyone idolized heroic TJ, but I was a complete nobody. Scrawny and weak, I stood only five and a half feet tall and weighed just 125 pounds.
But why was TJ staring at me like that? Had he been preoccupied and his gaze accidentally fell upon me? I’d definitely been guilty of that sometimes myself. I’d be daydreaming about something, just staring off into space, but then suddenly realize I was looking directly at someone.
This didn’t seem to be the case, though. TJ’s stare had seemed deliberate. His eyes weren’t glazed over, and he wasn’t daydreaming. He looked right at me, as if trying to make me uncomfortable. Well, if that was his intention, he succeeded. Several hours later, I still ruminated over what he’d done to me. I became excited as I thought of the power he held over me, and I had to touch myself. I stroked till I came, all the while visualizing TJ’s steely glare.
The following day, TJ and I again made eye contact. This time, though, it didn’t end there. He casually motioned to me with a quick movement of his head, calling me over.
My nervous hands dropped the textbook I was holding as I immediately slid off my stool. When I approached his bench, he no longer looked at me, but had instead refocused his attention to the project he was working on. I stood there silently for a few seconds, afraid even to speak. Finally after a few moments, when I realized he wasn’t about to say anything, I mustered my courage and squeaked out a salutation. “Hi,” I said. “Did you want me?”
“Huh?” he said, seeming annoyed by my distraction.
“Sorry,” I said. “My mistake.” I quickly turned to head back to my seat.
“You’re gonna do something for me,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Um, sure,” I cheerfully replied, quickly turning to face him again. “Sure, what do you need?”
“It’s not about what I need,” he said, still not looking at me. “It’s about what I want.
I got a lot a s**t goin’ on right now, between homework and sports and s**t. You’re good in school, right? You get good grades and stuff?” Finally he looked up at me, staring me straight in the eye.
“Yeah, I guess. I get A’s, if that’s what you mean. Though chemistry kinda sucks.
Not my best subject.”
“I want you to start doing my poli-sci homework.”
Suddenly I felt queasy. This jock was asking me—no, telling me—he wanted me to cheat by doing his homework assignments for him. I’d never cheated for anyone, and certainly didn’t want to start now. “But, um, won’t that be cheating?” I asked meekly.
“Are you deaf?” He sounded even more irritated. “I told you what you were gonna do, and you’re gonna do it. I didn’t tell ya you could ask questions about it. If you don’t do it, then there’ll be consequences. You understand?”
For a few seconds I stood there in shock, not really knowing what to do, but then a thought flashed through my mind. All this time I’d been praying that TJ would notice me, and I’d been fantasizing about how it would be to have him as my friend. This could be the perfect opportunity to become his friend. If I agreed to help him, he would surely like me. Plus, if I refused him, he’d probably beat the crap outta me. “Um, I’m sorry. Sure, I understand. I’d be glad to do it for you. I’ll bring your assignments to chemistry every week so you have them before poli-sci.”
“Cool. Now get away from me. I gotta concentrate on this project.”
“Okay, sorry.” Smiling to myself, I turned and headed back to my seat.
Later that night, when I sat at my desk typing out my own homework assignments, I suddenly realized that doing TJ’s homework for him wasn’t going to be as easy as I first thought. It wouldn’t be acceptable for me to simply copy my own poli-sci assignments for TJ verbatim. I had to redo his, phrasing the answers differently than my own, so neither of us was suspected of cheating.
Oddly, as I sat at my desk preparing TJ’s assignment, I felt somewhat excited. My c**k grew rock hard. Knowing I’d be doing something special for this jock I’d secretly worshipped for so long turned me on. Maybe I should’ve been pissed about it, since he’d been so rude. Admittedly, a part of me was a tiny bit rebellious, and I felt some resentment toward him. TJ had no right bossing me around, but those thoughts didn’t last too long. The more I thought about being stuck doing his assignments, I realized I kind of liked it. I wanted to please him. Did this make me some sort of a wimp? What did this say about me? Did it make me a pushover or something? Maybe if I hadn’t secretly idolized TJ for so long, I would have just blown him off. Then again, maybe I’d have been too scared. After all, he certainly had the power to back up his threats. There wasn’t anyone on campus capable of protecting me from TJ if he got pissed and targeted me. With him being so popular, I’d be a fool to ever get on his bad side. My life would be totally worthless.
The Consequences
For the next month, I showed up to chemistry class with TJ’s assignments in hand, ready to turn them over to him. Every time my encounter with him went exactly the same. I approached him and held out the homework as he dismissively snatched the papers from me. He didn’t thank me or even acknowledge me in any way other than to take the papers. When I handed them over, I felt a mixture of positive and negative feelings. Being of use to him made me happy, simply because I thought it pleased him, but on the other hand, I was embarrassed. Only a pansy would allow someone to take advantage of him like I was. I tried to offset my doubts by rationalizing that my behavior was merely a survival tactic. If I didn’t do what TJ said, he’d pulverize me.
I clung to a faltering sense of control, constantly reminding myself I had chosen to obey TJ. I told myself I wasn’t really doing anything against my will. I was acting voluntarily, of my own accord, and thus he didn’t have control over me at all. In spite of my obsession with him, I tried to maintain a degree of pride. I wanted to think I’d made a decision to do this for TJ. I told myself it was a gesture of friendship. However, what I didn’t consider was that TJ really wasn’t my friend. He didn’t regard me as his friend, not in the least. I merely was a minion to him—someone he owned, in a way. I was someone who existed to do his bidding, and so far his bidding had merely been the completion of his government homework.
Not until after that first month did I realize I had no control in the situation. As we approached mid-terms, my workload increased, and I knew I couldn’t continue doing TJ’s work. I lived at home with my parents in order to save on student housing expenses, and my cousin Jared was coming for a weekend visit. Jared and I were the same age and had always been close friends, so I spent the entire weekend hanging with him. On Sunday night, after Jared left, I finally sat down to do my homework. I spent a good three hours studying for my chemistry exam, and then started in on my political science homework. By the time I got my assignment done, it was after eleven o’clock. There was virtually no way I could stay up another hour to re-type TJ’s assignment. I knew he would be disappointed, but he’d just have to deal with it. After all, I’d done all his work for him so far. He really couldn’t hold it against me, as one person could only be expected to do so much.
As I crawled into bed that night, my self-confidence surged. I felt good about taking a stand and doing what I needed to do for myself. I knew all along that I shouldn’t have been cheating for TJ, and I hoped this would bring the whole homework issue to a close. Maybe after I disobeyed him, he’d realize he couldn’t manipulate me like that, and it would be over with. After a month of doing his work, I didn’t idolize him quite as much. What kind of person would cheat like that? Was he the kind of person I wanted for a hero?
The next morning when I walked into chemistry, I headed straight for my bench.
My heart pounded when I saw TJ walk in, and I quickly looked away. If I just ignored him and said nothing, maybe the whole thing would blow over. TJ had never approached me thus far, as it was always my responsibility to deliver the homework to him. Throughout the entire hour of the class, all I could think about was what TJ would do to me. Maybe he’d punch me or beat me up. What should I do? If I tried reporting him, I’d be in trouble for cheating. How could I explain doing all his assignments for over a month? Plus, everyone in that school, including the professors, loved TJ. I doubted they’d take my word over that of a star athlete.
As soon as the period drew to a close and the professor dismissed us, I grabbed my book bag from under my bench and headed straight for the door. Just as I reached the exit, TJ stepped in front of me. “Forgetting something?”
“TJ!” I said, startled by his sudden presence. “Your homework, you mean… um…
I’m sorry. I didn’t have time. I don’t have it.”
“What?” he asked. “I don’t think I heard you.”
I looked up at him, feeling my knees tremble. “I’m sorry. My cousin was over for the weekend. I was so busy—”
TJ grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me closer to him. “Meet me at the back exit in ten minutes. If you don’t, I fuckin’ guarantee ya you’ll be sorry!”
Fear washed over me unlike anything I’d ever experienced. “Ok,” I said, and then he pushed me away and walked out the door. I looked around to see if anyone had witnessed the confrontation, but at that point everyone had already left.
My stomach was in knots, and as I headed down the hallway towards the back exit, I could hear the sound of my beating heart in my ears. I couldn’t remember ever being so frightened my entire life. This was a huge decision for me. Now was my one and only chance to rat on TJ. If I didn’t turn back and talk to my professor, it would be too late. I’d never be able to go back later. If I once again caved into TJ, how could I then turn him in later? I would look just as guilty as him, and no one would believe a word I said.
But I also knew if I tried to rat on him now, he’d still have the power to exact a horrible revenge. He might get into some trouble for threatening me and bullying me into doing his assignments, but there was no way the college administration could protect me when I wasn’t in class. I’d never be safe from TJ or from his jock friends.
They’d always have the ability to make my life hell.
I decided to do the only reasonable thing. I’d meet TJ as he had demanded and simply apologize then beg him not to hurt me. I’d offer to make it up to him somehow.
He’d insisted that I bring my own homework assignment with me to our meeting, so I suspected he was planning on taking it from me. I had, of course, saved the assignment on my laptop and could make some changes and turn it in late. I knew I’d be marked down for it, but at least by forfeiting my original to TJ, I might be able to save my own neck.
When I walked outside the back exit, I didn’t see anyone. I wasn’t surprised because almost everyone used the front entrance. Nervously I leaned against the wall, and placed my book bag on the ground near my feet. Then I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to gather my thoughts. All of a sudden, out of the blue, a powerful force connected with my abdomen, and as my eyes shot open and I doubled over, I realized I couldn’t breathe. Someone had approached me and slugged me right in the gut. TJ! He stood there, towering over me as I leaned forward and clutched my stomach.
As quickly as TJ had slugged me, he pushed me back into an upright position.
When he did so, my head slammed against the brick wall behind me. “C’mon faggot!”
he sneered. “We’re goin’ to lunch together.” Then he grabbed my arm and dragged me behind him. I scrambled to pick up my book bag and tripped as I did so, landing
face-down on the concrete. “Get the f**k up!” he ordered, and I scurried to obey him as quickly as possible.
TJ took me out into the parking lot to his sports car and shoved me in the passenger seat. Then he strutted around to the other side and got behind the wheel. Without saying anything, he started the car and peeled out, heading straight to McDonalds.
When he pulled up to the drive-through speaker, he ordered a couple combo meals without consulting me. Then before pulling forward to pick them up he turned to me and stated emphatically, “Give me ten bucks.” Luckily for me, I did have a twenty in my wallet, and so I quickly unzipped my book bag to retrieve it.
After paying for the burgers, he pocketed the change without giving me a thought.
He peeled out of the parking lot, placing the bag beside him without offering me anything. I was too sick to my stomach to eat, anyway, so it really didn’t matter. He drove a short distance, heading away from the school. Finally he pulled into a park and turned off the engine. We were the only ones there.
Very calmly TJ then opened the McDonalds bag and took out his burger. He took a couple bites from it and chased it down with a swig of Coke. He placed the burger on top of the dash and reached in for the second sandwich. “You want special sauce on your Big Mac?” he asked.
I looked at him, puzzled, and wondered what he was talking about. He removed the top bun from the burger and hocked up a huge loogie onto the meat patty. He smashed the bun back down and smeared it around. “Eat up!” he ordered, as he shoved the burger into my lap.
I couldn’t believe he’d just done that and was not about to eat it, not in a million years. I nervously looked up into his face, trying to see if maybe he was just joking or something. “What the f**k?!” he said. “Are you fuckin’ deaf? Eat your Big Mac!”
I knew if I even attempted to bite into that disgusting sandwich I’d puke my guts out, but how could I disobey him? He had just proven to me that he wasn’t afraid to use force against me. If I didn’t eat it voluntarily, he’d probably force it down my throat. As I stared wide-eyed at him, I felt myself starting to tremble again. Though on the verge of tears, I didn’t want him to see me cry. Quickly I picked up the sandwich and took a bite. He burst into laughter.
“Taste good?” he asked. “You like my jock snot?” I just quietly looked at him and nodded.
“Okay, well here’s the deal, fag. I didn’t really have anything against you till today.
I mean, it’s not like I like you or anything, but so long as you do what I tell you to do, I’m not about to give you any s**t. But you f****d up big time, and I told you a month ago that if you did, you’d pay the consequences. So far all it’s cost ya is a punch in the gut and twenty bucks… and you get to eat my snot,” he laughed again. “You’re also gonna give me your own homework assignment and act like you didn’t get yours done.” He was leaning back in his seat confidently, his legs spread apart as he stared out the windshield. “But you know,” he went on in a manner that indicated he was really thinking the matter over carefully, “I just don’t think you’ve suffered any really severe consequences, and I told you they’d be severe.”
“TJ,” I said, “I’m so sorry. Please, just take my homework and I promise I’ll do all the rest of your assignments.”
“First off, fag, don’t be callin’ me TJ. From now on I’m ‘Sir’ to you! Got it? And second, your promises don’t mean s**t to me. You’ll do whatever I tell you to do, no matter if you want to or not, so I don’t care what you promise me.”
“Yes, sir,” I answered him.
“Cool. Now that we got that settled, let me think about how I wanna punish you.”
I wanted to beg him for mercy, but I knew it would do no good. I had to just sit there and wait for his sadistic mind to finish dreaming up a punishment for me. “After poli-sci, you’re comin’ home with me tonight, so I’ll give you your punishment then.”
Then he started the car and backed up. “Finish your burger!” he ordered.
* * * * *
For the last two hours of the day, as I sat in my political science class, I fought back tears. I didn’t know what to do. If I met with TJ as he’d ordered me to do, I knew he’d continue to torment me. He’d already punched me in the gut, forced me to eat a snot-slimed Big Mac, stolen my homework, and taken my last twenty bucks. What if I just avoided him, made a mad dash out of class and then faked that I was sick the next few days? I could just make every effort to avoid him. I could surround myself with other people so he couldn’t get me alone and hurt me. After all, it wasn’t like he was God or something. He wasn’t omnipresent. Then if he did start something with me again, I could just get help from a professor or staff member. Wasn’t that the logical solution? In all honesty, my biggest mistake had been to meet him at lunchtime. Allowing him full access to me alone had been a huge error on my part. He only had control over me if I allowed him to have it!
Now he expected me to go willingly with him to his house after school so he could
“punish” me for not continuing to cheat for him. In my wildest dreams I couldn’t imagine what sadistic plans he had in store for me. I’d be a complete fool to obey him at this point. He was nothing but a bully, and bullies were all alike. They preyed upon people who were weaker than them. They inflated their own pathetic egos by degrading others. He was sick, that’s what he was, and I wanted to have nothing to do with him.